III
Luke awoke groggily the next morning , He splashed the cool, stale city water over himself, then dressed in short boots, dark pants, and a tunic and jacket set not unlike his formal, borrowed clothes from the battle at Yavin victory ceremony.
Remember the ecstatic congratulations? Remember the rainstorm, and I stood out there until Han and Leia found me and didn't know what to think. Was it a storm on Yavin IV I dreamt about last night?
Early sunlight came in with the way he had set the windows, natural-gentle, pink and yellow pastel off the constant traffic that the windows also served to muffle. It slowed down at night, but never stopped.
Thoughts of checking on Tionne and her beginnings of an academy brought sour almost-fear rising up in Luke seemingly and unpleasantly without source. But what else to do? He could not explain the trapped feeling except in metaphor; like a dog without a master, like a krayt dragon without a hoard to guard, like a soldier without a war who could only jump at the footfalls of invisible clones...
Han would be away today, playing tourist with that Force-powerful teen Kyp whom he had rescued. Wedge would be protecting the Imperial scientists Qwi Xux...no. His mission with her had not started; he would be supervising his last job as demolitions-droid crew in the formerly war-zone parts of the city.
Luke set his X-Wing down during Wedge's lunch break. After terse, friendly greetings they sat on the fighter craft's wide wing together. Asked for an update as conversation started, Luke saw that as permission to rant. "...now I feel so useless, Wedge! But they're right. I don't want to study the Jedi arts on my own; it hurts too much. And I can't even be sure I'm doing it right."
"I think you're putting too much thought into one setback, Luke. Just find something to do. You've never had a career."
"You know I can't. The Force is...addictive as a spice. Something I can't trust myself to see is keeping me from confidence."
Wedge looked askance. "I don't think it's so much about psychology. You just need to develop some political skills. There's nothing wrong with you just because the senate says you're not fit for one job."
Luke would not believe that, not with the layers and layers of confusions wreathing his thoughts. He was kind enough to not tell Wedge how much he could not understand.