Believe it or not, the mountain of doom, gloom and death has toppled over and into Hell. I have no homework for the entire weekend! Yay! So, I decided to write chapter 4.

For the usual jazz-

Pairings: As I said before, Ed/Win. As well as Anakin/Padmé. I don't know yet, but mayhap Al will find a special someone...

Warnings: Spoilers for the series up until episode twenty four. Things may change, as I'm rewatching the series at the moment. In fact, to be on the safe side, spoilers for throughout the series!

Disclaimer: I don't own neither FMA nor Star Wars. I'd be very, very rich if I did.

And a word to my reviewers:

OMFG!! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!! I nearly had a heart attack when I saw how many reviews I got. :D

Huggles and muffins to-

geuto6, shinigami109, Mustard Gal, ShadeWolf7, Lunatic Pandora1 and Air Elemental101!!

I love you all!

Anyway; on with the show!!

The Jedi Alchemist

Chapter 4- Swamps and Gungans

The early morning mist was just beginning to thin as Jar Jar Binks waded through the Naboo swamp in search of breakfast. The cool damp air felt good against his reddish ear-flaps that hung halfway down his back and the murky water was pleasantly warm around his thick toes. All he needed now was a nice big fish and-

A gleam of silver caught his eye, half-hidden in the reeds. Jar Jar smiled happily and reached out to grab the open clam. It snapped shut as soon as his long wiry fingers touched it. He settled down to open his meal.

Dissen the life, he thought, content. Goody mornin munchen and no Captain Tarpals making fuss over little accidenties. The Gungan looked up and froze.

A giant thing moved through the swamp, a thing with an enormous and bulbous head, but with no eyes. It looked like one of those nightmarish creatures that arose from the Core at random intervals, but this one... this one looked like it was made of metal.

Swamp creatures fled before it, scrambling out of its way. And among the nuna and peko peko two Humans ran, one tall and bearded, the other short and blond. Not even they could stay ahead of the monster; it gained on them both steadily. And then it was headed towards him, Jar Jar Binks.

"Nooo!" Jar Jar cried and made to run only to realise it was helpless. Instead, he latched leech-like onto the tall Human running past. "Hep me, hep me!"

"Let go!" the Human shouted in response, but Jar Jar only clung tighter. The Human sighed and pulled both Jar Jar and his blond friend to the ground. The monster went straight over the top of the three of them, hot air trailing. Jar Jar pulled himself out of the mud and looked up just as the big monster faded into the swamp mist.

"Oyi!" he said and grabbed both the blond Human and the bearded Human who had saved him into an over joyous hug. "I luvs yous!"

Ed looked up (and this annoyed him greatly) at this tall, lanky and extremely stupid creature and snorted. "What the hell is this?" he asked Qui Gon.

"It's a Gungan and it almost got us killed," Qui Gon snapped as he glared at Jar Jar. "Are you brainless?!"

"I spake," Jar Jar replied as if it was obvious that the fact that he could speak made him intelligent. Qui Gon cut that thought down immediately;

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Get out of here."

Qui Gon started off, in the direction of the droid carrier. Ed followed him, grudgingly admitting to himself that if he didn't follow the old geezer, he'd either end up dead or lost. Plus, his friend still had Al, wherever they were.

"No!" Jar Jar yelled. "Mesa stay. Mesa your humble servant!"

Ed snorted a second time. "How do people understand you? You speak like a two year old. And I'll bet a two year old would be more-"

"Edward," Qui Gon interrupted. "It wouldn't be wise to insult him. It would be a waste of breath." Ed blinked at the Jedi then smirked. Maybe the old guy wasn't as stuffy as he first thought. "That won't be necessary," Qui Gon told Jar Jar sharply.

Jar Jar rolled his eyes. Humans never understand anything! "Oh boot tis! Tis demunded byda guds. Tis a live debett, tis. Mesa culled Jaja Binkss."

A blasting sound in the distance alerted Qui Gon of the arrival of his apprentice and Ed's... brother.

Jar Jar sputtered and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Oh no! Wesa ganna-" he was cut off by Qui Gon throwing him face-first to the ground (trying not to take to much pleasure in doing so, of course) and ignited his lightsaber.

Jar Jar raised his head, spitting out water and mud and finished what he had been saying before he was so rudely interrupted, "-die!" just as the two droids following Obi Wan and Al on flying STAPs opened fire. To both the Gungan and Ed's amazement, Qui Gon intercepts the bolts and directed them back towards the two droids, blowing them to smithereens. Sparks and half-melted metal fell hissing into the swamp.

Obi Wan slowed his run and walked towards his master, but Al continued full out pelting towards his brother and gathered the startled alchemist into a hug.

"Brother, you're safe!"

"Al, ouch- lemme go! Can't breathe-" Al dropped his brother quickly. Ed fell backwards into the murky water and landed with a splash.

"Heh... sorry brother?" Al enquired sheepishly as the pint-sized, mud soaked teenager glared up at him.

"Sorry, Master," Obi Wan was saying to Qui Gon. "The battle droids let us on the landing craft easily enough. Then Gunray must have realised we got away... we were discovered and had to run for it." The younger Jedi sighed. "To make matter worse, the water fried my lightsaber." He held out his silver cylinder... which wasn't silver anymore but a blackened tube.

Qui Gon examined the tube. "You forgot to turn your power off again, didn't you?"

Obi Wan nodded guiltily. Jar Jar, forgotten and still coated in mud cocked his head to one side. He felt sorry for the younger Jedi. He knew from experience how easy it was to forget things.

Qui Gon sighed. "It won't take long to recharge. But I hope you've finally learnt your lesson, my young Padawan."

"Wait." Ed had finally managed to stand. "You're saying that since that little silver thing ran out of power, Al was in danger?" He glared at Obi Wan.

Thankfully, Al saved the two Jedi from one of Ed's wrathful fits. "Brother, I'm not helpless! I could have used alchemy if I needed to." He waved a piece of chalk - Gate knows where it came from - in his brother's face.

"Yeah, I know, but this is a different galaxy, Al," Ed whined. "Who knows what these people can do." He clapped his hands together and touched them to his coat, then shirt, then pants. An electric blue glow, followed by gold sparks followed his actions. Ed grinned at Al.

"That's better." Edward Elric was dry and clean once more. Yay.

Qui Gon, Obi Wan and Jar Jar (A.N. What's with all these two part names?!) ogled at Ed, mouths gaping and eyes wide.

The alchemist noticed. "What?"

"May I enquire... what was that?" Qui Gon asked, snapping out of his stare.

"Alchemy," Al replied simply.

"Which is what?" Obi Wan questioned.

Ed stared back at the Jedi. "And I thought this guy was stupid," he said, jabbing a thumb at Jar Jar. When Obi Wan didn't answer, he explained slowly and carefully, as if trying to get a small child to understand, "Alchemy's a technique used to transform something into something else." He smirked at Al. "Al and I are alchemists."

Qui Gon looked thoughtful. "I've heard of alchemy. Master Yoda referred to it once or twice. But to actually see it performed..." he shook his head and laughed ruefully. "He always did know more about the universe than any I've known..."

"Yousa saved my again, hey?" Jar Jar interrupted, looking pointedly at Qui Gon. The awkward silence was beginning to bug the Gungan, so he thought a change of subject would help things along.

"What is this?" Obi Wan asked, not-too-enthusiastically.

"It's a local," Qui Gon replied. "Which reminds me... we'd better go, before more droids show up."

The dismissal annoyed Jar Jar even further, but then he registered...

"Mure? Mure, did you spake?" Machines bad. More machines mean very bad.

Qui Gon and Obi Wan started to run ignoring Jar Jar and following the direction the carrier had gone, Ed and Al following quickly.

Jar Jar had to think for a moment before following. Then a thought occurred to him.

"Ex-squeezee-me, but da moto grande safe place would be Otah Ganga," he called after the Jedi as he ran. "Tis where I grew up. Tis a safe city."

Qui Gon stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Jar Jar. "A city? Can you take us there?"

Jar Jar hesitated. The Gungan city would be safe for the Humans and the big metal guy... okay, maybe not the big metal guy... but as for him... "Ah, on seconds taut, no. Not willy, no." Seeing their surprise, he looked down, embarrassed.

"Tis embarrassing- my afraid my've bin banished. My forgotten, der bosses would do terrible tings to me, terrible tings, if my goen back dare," he explained in a rush. Edward blinked at him, wondering what the hell he said and Obi Wan smirked.

"You hear that?" Qui Gon asked the Gungan, referring to the crashing of droid carriers through the undergrowth. "That's the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way."

"If they find us, they will crush us, grind us into tiny pieces..." Obi Wan continued.

"And blast us into oblivion!" Ed butted in with unnecessary emphasis. He blinked. Where did that come from?

"Uh..." Now Jar Jar looked unsure. "Yousa point ist well seen. Ah... dis way, hurry!"

In Thede, the capital of the Naboo

The courtyard was teaming with skeletal battle droids. Sabé, dressed as her Queen, and the small group of handmaidens were standing by the window as Viceroy Nute Gunray's ship landed.

Heralded by super battle droids, the viceroy and his attendants came down the ramp.

The true queen, standing next to Winry half-whimpered, and to the mechanic it sounded as if the girl was trying very hard not to cry.

"It'll be okay," she whispered to Padmé, in what she hoped was a reassuring voice. But inside, she was wishing she was home, in Risembool, with Den asleep at her feet and her grandmother Pinako yelling at her to get up and complete a customer's automail. Not in this strange and foreign place, with no-one to turn to. But what she wished more than anything...

The blonde, hiding behind a hood and robe made of silk the colour of the setting sun, shut her blue eyes and tried to hold in tears.

I wish Ed and Al were here...

I HATE JAR JAR. HE SHOULD DIE AND BURN IN A HOLE.

Thank the Gate that's off my chest.

Please review! Reviews keep me alive and happyful! And they also let me know if I suck or not :P