Chapter 18: Time Away
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Buffy felt the rush of a portkey before she landed heavily in Giles's apartment. There were a few other thumps as Xander, Oz and Angel landed on the floor around her. Willow had left moments before and the red haired wicca was already being fluttered over by Buffy's mother. Oz moved from Buffy's side to sit beside Willow, an anxious look on his face. Her arm seemed to be dislocated from earlier tug-o-war between the werewolf and wizard.
"You'll probably have to go to the hospital to have it set back into place," conceded Buffy's mother. Willow smiled softly.
"You okay Will?" asked Buffy as she neared the group.
"Oh I'm fine, just peachy, ummmm peaches are good," babbled Willow with a somewhat sappy look on her face. Joyce smiled somewhat.
"I don't know what was in that pain potion that Harry left here, but whatever it is the stuff sure does the trick," stated Joyce. Buffy nodded watching as Willow preceded to move her hand in front of her face and giggle.
"Since she doesn't seem to be in any pain it might be better to wait till Harry gets back before taking her to the hospital, there might be a spell thing or something."
"Can I get any of that loopy pain medicine stuff, looks like fun," observed Xander. Buffy turned to her other best friend and noticed the way he clutched at his arms as if they ached...which they probably did. Buffy paled as she remembered Xander being held under the Cactus-curse pain thingy. She smiled and wrapped an arm around the dark haired young man.
Buffy lead Xander to the couch."Nope, Harry's got something special for you. Really does the trick." She spied a familiar vial on the table of medical supplies and handed it to Xander who eyed it warily.
"There's no eye of newt in this is there," questioned Xander.
Buffy shrugged. "Don't be such a baby."
"Baby! Baby! I'll have you know..." Xander took the vial of potion and swallowed. "ECK...ehhh I think I'd rather just take an aspirin." Xander leaned back against the pillows of the sofa. His body grew relaxed and rested his head on a pillow behind him. Joyce grabbed a spare blanket and covered him up. He smiled up at her in a tired way.
Buffy rose and backed away, watching as Willow also cuddled on the couch. Willow's arm seemed not to trouble her as she leaned onto the armrest humming slightly. Buffy's mother was buzzing around, happily seeing to all the little scraps and bumps. Everyone had come back safe and sound, a little rough and tired but still alive. Buffy bit her lip thinking how close it might have been. She always ran straight into action, and sometimes people might think she didn't think about the consequences. Really she did. And although both Oz, Willow and Xander might say that they chose this life, she knew that if anything happened to them it would be because of her. That thought terrified her sometimes. Like now, oddly enough, after a battle was already won. She felt a familiar presence behind her back and relaxed. She smiled when a bowl of ice cream was shoved under her nose.
"Thanks," she jumped and happily took the bowl, feeling very satisfied when the icy sugariness met her tongue.
"What sort of a Watcher would I be without ice cream. Hmm, that potion seems to have really put Xander under." Buffy turned back to her friends. Indeed, Xander was sprawled on the couch fast asleep. Willow was still humming, although Buffy doubted that the wicca would waste much time before following Xander into dreamland.
"Shouldn't you be taking some of that stuff mister, you were under that cactus curse too." Buffy raised her eyebrows at her watcher who shrugged in response.
"I'll be fine, want to wait for Harry...where is he?"
"Had to take care of some business, dropping of Mr. Ugly at the magical police or something," Buffy explained. Giles nodded raising a hand to his forehead and massaging his temples. Buffy frowned into her ice-cream. "You sure you're okay?"
Giles lowered his hands. "I'm so proud of you Buffy." His hazel eyes seemed somewhat misty as he spoke.
"Uhhhh," stuttered Buffy. She felt her face growing overheated as color flooded her cheeks. "I didn't do much...I mean Harry was the one who stopped the guy and fried all those vamps."
"But you stopped him from going too far. Harry mustn't kill Macnair, he's still human with a soul."
"However twisted he is..." Buffy's voice grew quiet as she paused. She looked away from her Watcher as she continued. "Giles I really wanted Harry to stop Macnair, stop him so he'd never hurt me or any of my friends again. Stop him forever." Buffy closed her eyes. "I've never wanted such a thing for a human before."
"I don't think you've met many...humans, like Macnair. Hopefully you never will again."
"He really hurt us. He hurt you, Willow, Xander, me...he must have really hurt Harry...did you know he tortured Harry too. Pretty bad I think. He killed Harry's friend. I...I wonder if Harry should have killed him. Maybe I was wrong." Buffy's voice was filled with indecision.
Giles's eyes softened, he took a deep breath. "I know that feeling Buffy. But such sentiment is revenge not justice. And revenge, it leads people down a dark path. To choose revenge...it's a step in the wrong direction. Revenge can hurt those who don't deserve punishment, it is indiscriminate. You made the right choice, it's hard when the pain is glaring down at you...but deep down both you and Harry know it was the right thing." Giles voice was deep and patient, so wise. It held the strength that Buffy sometimes needed.
"You're not an idiot when you try, you know that..." Buffy smiled at the amused expression on her Watcher's face.
"Thanks Buffy, I'll take that as a compliment."
-
Ministry of Magic
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It was a little past two in the afternoon and the Atrium had grown quiet. The lunch crowd had come and gone, now only a few people passed through on their way to the different departments, most likely to make some complaint. Bernard Barry was a security guard at the entry point. He'd failed the tests for the Auror academy but had taken the rather low risk job of scanning people as they entered the ministry. He rather liked the job. Hours weren't bad and he always seemed to know what was going on in the government, even met a few famous people. The only problem was he didn't get a good lunch hour, often he was forced to eat take-away at his desk. He had just finished checking the wand of a visitor for the Gobstone Offices and was starting back in on his lunch when the commotion started.
The apparition point in the Ministry of Magic seemed to shake for a moment, as if a ripple had passed through it. Bernard felt the hair raise on the back of his neck. With some haste he jumped to his feet, dropped his boloney sandwich, and pressed a small button on the underside of his desk which sent a magical alarm to the Auror department. The few people in the Atrium yelled and quickly ran off, some hastily flooing away.
"Bloody hell, what now?" questioned the guard as he drew his wand. Voldemort had just been defeated a few months ago...couldn't they go a year without some dark bugger attacking? The room stilled, Bernie took a breath.
Standing at the Appiration point was young, slender man, his back turned. The guard's eyes opened as he took in what appeared to be a crumpled human form at the man's feet.
"Bugger this," the guard cursed slightly. Let the Aurors handle it. Bernie quickly huddled under his desk sighing in relief when he heard the pounding of official Auror issue boots. He didn't look up until much later.
"Hold right there, place your wand on the ground," shouted Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"If you insist Kingsley," replied a somewhat amused voice. The lead Auror paused a moment, his serious face became more relaxed.
"Harry?"
"Harry!" One Auror rushed from the ranks, nearly tripping on her feet as she ran towards the young man.
"Wotcher Tonks," Harry greeted accepting Tonk's exuberant slap on the back.
"Where have you been, they were getting ready to hand you over to Missing Wizards, send out the search parties." She shook her head than playfully smacked him again.
"Yeah I'm sure the Daily Prophets in a right tizzy." Harry rolled his eyes. He watched as Kingsley masked his surprise and like Tonks left the ranks and approached Harry, if at a more sedate pace. A few other Aurors followed their commander, some looking slightly awestruck.
"Sorry about the commotion, had to force through on the end there. Felt like the wards were fighting the double apparition," explained Harry. He kicked at the object at his feet. Kingsley dropped his gaze from the young wizard and narrowed his eyes as he recognized the man lying on the shiny Ministry floor.
"Walden Macnair? I thought he was caught up in the Chamber collapse."
"So did I." Harry watched as with a quick gesture Kingsley had the other Aurors grabbing Macnair and carrying him away. Kingsley himself turned to look at Harry with a raised eyebrow.
"Found him terrorizing a California town," explained Harry.
"California...the States? What were you doing there?" Tonks looked at him curiously.
"I was visiting my uncle," replied Harry simply. Tonks's brow furrowed.
"Well, that's nice I suppose. I didn't know you had any other relatives."
"Neither did I," admitted Harry. Tonks snickered at this comment.
"You aren't...you aren't thinking about moving out there, permanent like?" Harry paused at the young metamorphmagus's question. Did he intend to settle out there? He'd never given it much thought. It was, had always just been a holiday. Yet he had felt at home there. He had family there, and Buffy. Buffy and her friends had been amazing. They never treated him as if he were some sort of freak. That level of easy comradery was something he thought had died with Ron and Hermione.
Life really does go on.
The thought came to Harry with a shock. A little guilt floated to the surface and he forced in aside.
"Hey Harry, you still there," Tonk's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Yeah..." bypassing Tonk's question for now Harry turned to Kingsley. "What are you going to do with Macnair?"
"Scrimgeour and the Wizengamot has passed some rather harsh measures against former deatheaters. Anyone bearing the mark is scheduled to be Kissed. They don't want to take the chance of anymore escapes." The dark skinned auror nodded his head in obvious approval. Harry frowned, he really didn't like dementors, but he supposed if anyone deserved to have their soul eaten up by the foul creatures, Macnair was it.
"Any accusations of being a deatheater are being taken very seriously. Down in the department of Mysteries they've figured out a spell to tell if anyone ever took the Dark Mark. Something to with magical signature disruption. Anyone accused is scanned, and if they had the Mark they're held for trial."
"Everyone is getting trials with veritaserum," assured Tonks. Harry nodded to her, glad for the information. He'd been worried the new strict measures might have inspired mistakes like the one his godfather had endured.
"Last week Narcissa Malfoy was tried and kissed the next day," revealed Kingsley.
"Narcissa?...I didn't peg her for a deatheater," said a shocked Harry. He looked to the floor. Malfoy senior had died in the Chamber collapse, now Malfoy's mom was gone. Harry couldn't help but feel a little curious about what Draco Malfoy was doing with his life. For all his posing Harry doubted the young pureblood had taken Voldemort's mark, although that had probably been Draco's goal.
"Dumbledore's been hoping to see you again soon," added Kingsley. Harry nodded in a resigned way. He'd somehow expected to visit with his old headmaster now that he was here. He wasn't looking forward to the meeting, but he had known it would occur. It was an odd assuredness. He filed away this feeling to think over later.
"Well, do you need me for anything else?" asked Harry.
"Well technically we'd need you to answer some questions, and there is some paperwork...Merlin save you if the ministry gets a hold of you. The Public Relations department has been talking about another award ceremony..." The two aurors grinned as Harry grimaced. Kingsley shook his head. The lead Auror shot Tonks a sideways glance and smiled. The young witch smiled back conspiratorially.
"Unfortunately you have a terrible habit of disappearing Harry, and considering how close you are to the apparition point, I doubt we could stop you." Kingsley spoke seriously and managed to look official, however the effect was ruined by Tonks snickering into her hand. Harry grinned and tipped his head, taking a step back he disapparited without a sound.
"How do you reckon he does that?" asked Tonks.
"Does what?" questioned a confused Kingsley.
"Just stumble in and make it seem like dealing with Dark wizards is easy?" The young Auror shook her head. Kingsley Shacklebolt however became quiet and was still for a moment.
"I don't think it's ever easy...some people just make it look that way...but it's never easy." He whispered his words into the emptying Atrium. Tonks didn't know if she really understood but nodded, her respect growing for the bespeckled teenager. She was turning to follow Kingsley when she stopped dead in her tracks.
Harry had never answered her question. Her brow furrowed, her hear-shaped face clouding with worry. Harry had to come home...he just had to. What would they do without him?
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Meanwhile, back at the hellmouth...
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Buffy continued to spoon herself ice cream as she gazed out the window. The sun hadn't risen yet, but a few rays of light were starting to peep over the horizon. She felt a presence by her side and turned, spoon still in mouth, to meet a pair of soft brown eyes. He stood to her left, away from the window. Angel's gaze left her face for a moment as he looked with both longing and trepidation at the open window. Taking a step forward, Buffy reached out and closed the heavy curtain.
"Sorry, forgot about the whole sunlight issue," she apologized.
"That's okay. Kinda wish I could stand here and watch the sun rise with you..." Angel's voice trailed off sadly. Buffy felt a fluttering emptiness in her stomach at Angels words. She ruthlessly snapped a lid on the feeling, refusing to acknowledge the emotion.
"Buffy--" Angel paused as the slayer shook her head.
"I know... you're not staying," Buffy turned away. She lifted her chin and refused to allow any of the moisture in her eyes to grow.
"I guess I don't need to say it." The vampire turned away.
"Why did you come here Angel," Buffy blurted. She spun and faced him, her hands on her hips. "You made it pretty clear that you were leaving...why?"
"I...I heard about the vampires coming here...I wanted to help." He lowered his eyes. "I didn't know you'd have wonder boy here."
"Wonder-... Harry?"
"Ah- Come on, who else would I mean?" Angel paused. Buffy's eyes narrowed, Angel recognized the look and hurriedly tried to explain. "I didn't mean that like it sounded."
"Well it sounded like you were jealous and we both know that you have no reason to be. You made it perfectly clear that you were leaving, that you wouldn't, couldn't be here with me," contended Buffy.
"I know–" Angel's voice cut in strongly. He dropped his hands to his sides and looked at the ground. "I know. You're right. I have...Buffy he's no good for you." Angel's gaze lifted from the floor and met Buffy squarely. He wanted to explain to her the strange vibes that were coming off Harry. He wanted to explain how she deserved so much more and that it hurt him to see her settling for less. But with one look he knew she hadn't understood.
Buffy fumed. "The last time I checked, Harry hasn't tried to kill any of my friends," her accusation was spiteful and she knew it. She shifted uncomfortably as she watched Angel's shoulders tense in guilt and shame. She let out a breath.
"Look, I'm sorr–" Buffy began.
"No, you're right. I did...that is why I left. I wasn't good for you either. I wanted to be. I wanted be good for you now, for this too. But I'm not. Not really. I just want you to know...to be aware, Harry, there is a darkness in him." Angel reached a hand forward and gently held her arm. She slowly pulled from his grip and patted his hand.
"I know. I'd have to be brain dead not to see it after today. At the hell mouth, he let that magic flow out. It was like all that badness was coming out of him..."
"See Buffy, you can't–"
"But he stopped." Buffy's hazel eyes lifted to Angel's face. The vampire swallowed uncomfortably at the look of hope. His brow crinkled in sadness.
"Don't hold on like that Buffy, don't hold onto his good side. Don't let that blind–"
"Is that what you think I was, blinded? Did you think I didn't see your dark side? I saw it. I knew it." Her lips pursed in annoyance. "I wasn't blind. Harry isn't perfect but he tries. I'm not perfect either, but I try. That's what makes us good friends." She glanced up at Angel. "He is only a friend you know." Buffy gazed sideways, tilting her chin. The vampire shrugged.
-
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Hogwarts loomed ahead, still beautiful it's own way. It was hardly the sanctuary it had always been when Harry was young. Coming to Hogwarts had always been coming home for Harry Potter. He'd never been able to understand the subtle bouts of homesickness that Ron and Hermione had displayed in their younger years. He had always been glad to be back. Now really wasn't an exception. He just saw it with a little more jaded eyes. Yet, he felt a warmth wash over him as he stepped into the entrance hall, almost as if Hogwarts herself was welcoming him. He took a breath and let that soothing air float through him. It was freeing, and he hadn't realized he'd been restrained. He wondered what was different about the air here. Sunnydale's air felt heavy and oppressive, here it was fresher. He'd have to think on it later.
Harry slipped through the doors and past the entrance hall. He gazed at familiar places, but the memories weren't as burdensome as when he had left in June. They didn't spark as harsh a pain. He glanced into the Great hall and when his eyes landed on the Gryffindor table he felt only a quiet ache in his chest. But he past everything quickly. His path set on the headmaster's office. The halls were quiet and he saw no one else as he walked. To soon he found himself at the stony gargoyle that marked Dumbledore's office.
Harry paused for a moment. Not thinking of the password, but instead wondering what his good headmaster would want now. He didn't mean the thought unkindly. Dumbledore had seemed almost godlike in Harry's younger years. As Harry had grown Dumbledore's role in his life gradually evolved into something else. Dumbledore had been Harry's teacher, his researcher, his guide. But Dumbledore had never been his confidant. The kindly headmaster had tried to be that for Harry. But they'd never achieved that trusting relationship that Harry had always wanted. To much tore at them. Whether Dumbledore wanted to admit it or not, Harry had tobe a weapon for the wizarding world. That was his destiny. As the leader of the light side Dumbledore couldn't ignore that. He could love Harry, he could believe in Harry, he could even want what was best for the boy, but he also had to be willing to use Harry if that was what it came down to. And Harry had sensed that.
Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore weren't friends. They were more than that. They were more like family, but that wasn't it either. Yet however this relationship was defined, it worked for them.
"Lem--" Harry had been about to begin listing sweets when the stone gargoyle opened unexpected. Harry shrugged and entered, allowing the revolving staircase to bring him upward, stopping before a partially open door.
"Come in Harry," encouraged a voice from inside.
"Someday I'd like to know how you manage that," confessed Harry as he seated himself across from the old headmaster.
"I wouldn't be at all surprised if you do learn someday," agreed Dumbledore pleasantly. Harry shrugged, but his lips pursed as he examined professor Dumbledore. The aged wizard was looking suddenly older to Harry. The man seemed slimmer. His cheekbones stood out prominently above his beard. But, the familiar blue eyes still twinkled down at Harry.
"You've pulled quite the disappearing act, took many people by surprise." Dumbledore made his comment through amused eyes.
"But not you," stated Harry. The headmaster merely nodded and tipped his head in agreement.
"No, I understood. I know it seems like forever ago, but I battled my own dark lord once. I wasn't as young as you, nor had I suffered as much. But the thanks of a grateful nation can weigh heavy. Especially when it is not their thanks you want. But I'm glad to see that wherever you went seems to have suited you." Dumbledore gazed off into space for a moment, he seemed to be remembering other things. Yet, he turned back to Harry with a soft smile.
"I don't know if suited is quite right, hardly as peaceful as I'd have liked," admitted Harry.
"Ah yes, with Macnair stirring up trouble I doubt you enjoyed yourself." Dumbledore smiled as Harry's surprised eyes darted in his direction. "Ah yes, I have quite a few friends at the Ministry. Harry, you sent a shock wave by showing up with one of Voldemort's most dangerous deatheaters."
"That wasn't what I intended," grumbled Harry.
"At this point I doubt a little more fame will matter much," Dumbledore alleged. Harry shrugged. "How is your magic faring?" asked Dumbledore. It was the question Harry had been expecting ever since he had entered Hogwarts, but he still wasn't certain how to answer.
"I...it's okay," answered Harry. Dumbledore settled back into his chair and viewed the young wizard carefully. Harry sighed.
"Fine, it not okay, I've been having some problems...most I've had under control but this last one..." Harry looked up, but as always there was no accusation Dumbledore's gaze just the carefully hidden concern.
"Why don't you tell me about it," the older wizard advised.
"I've been feeling slightly off in the town I was in. I...well do you know anything about Sunnydale California?" Dumbledore's looked up, startled at Harry's question.
"The location of the largest American hellmouth? What were you doing there?"
"That's where my uncle lives. He's a Watcher for the Slayer." Harry couldn't help smiling at the mixture of confusion and surprise which dominated the face of the usually wise headmaster.
"I didn't know you had another uncle, but if you've been in Sunnydale I can understand the turmoil you've had with your magic. A hellmouth releases a large amount of dark magic. These tendrils of dark magic have a tendency to draw in people and creatures of, shall we say, more questionable natures." Dumbledore closed his eyes wearily. "It also can act as an influence on the innocent, causing them to do things they might not ordinarily do. With your magic unsteady it is particularly open to influence."
Harry shifted in his seat. Dumbledore's eyes sparkled as he looked down at the young wizard.
"Not to worry Harry. I'm sure that you'll find your balance. It will just take time. Your magic is very young in its way. You'll need to understand it all over again." Dumbledore gazed at Harry for a moment. He seemed hesitant to speak, his lips narrowed together in thought.
"Yes professor," encouraged. Harry
"I was wondering what your plans for next year might be...your NEWT scores were most acceptable, especially your Defense Against the Dark Art's score." Dumbledore paused for a moment and Harry opened his eyes incredulously.
"Professor, you can't want me for the DADA's job...I'm just..."
"Relax Harry," Dumbledore chuckled softly at the wide-eyed look on Harry's face. The young man had risen in his chair, his hands extended as if physically pushing the responsibility away. "I have no intention of making you a professor at this school. You are doubtlessly more qualified than some professors we have had in the past," Harry fought a grin, " but you are still young. The seventh years would be the same age as you. And despite your knowledge there is still more for you to learn.
"A former pupil of mine had retired from his post as an Auror. I've been trying to recruit him for years, but he's been with the Auror department through both wars, and he only felt confidant leaving now that Voldemort really is gone for good. He's accepted the post. Possibly for longer than a year."
Harry nodded. "That sound wonderful professor. Voldemort isn't a threat but it's important that students can still defend themselves and others."
"Couldn't have said it better myself. However, there is one problem Charles, Professor Smitherson, is married and doesn't intend to live in the castle. Such has been known to happen, but in these cases, teachers usually hire assistants. You'd be of great help to him I think and to the students as well. It might also give you the opportunity to learn more, as his apprentice."
"I..." Harry's voice trailed off. He didn't know what to make of Dumbledore's proposal.
"I make this merely as an opportunity for you Harry. I have no more say in your life, or the future you make. I think perhaps I should have lost that right long ago."
"Professor?" Harry looked up and watched and Dumbledore folded his hands. The old man seemed slightly hunched in his chair.
"I am sorry Harry. I wish Voldemort, this burden, had never been yours. The older I get the more wishes I seem to have. You have proven yourself more capable than I. It is a valuable lesson."
"Professor, I don't...it wasn't your fault..."
"I know Harry," Dumbledore smiled wryly. "Fate made it's choice, it couldn't have chosen better. But I too made choices. They have hurt you and used you I fear. I did it all with the best intentions...but intentions don't weigh much. Do they?"
"Sir, I'm not questioning this opportunity because of you," stated Harry. He had a desire to make that known to the headmaster. "But, there are other things. My uncle. Figuring out where I should be. What I should do." Harry shook his head, resting his forehead in his hand.
"Ah yes, you are at that time of your life aren't you Harry. The world is opening before you and you don't know what to choose. Sometimes I forget that for all you have done you are very much like your peers. Trying to find a way in the world." Dumbledore paused and glanced out the window. The sun was shining brightly today, sending sharp light through the window. Harry also paused and watched as the light seemed to define all the lines that marked Professor Dumbledore's face. Harry's breath caught in his throat and an anxious rumbling stirred in his stomach. Never had the powerful wizard looked so old. Time seemed to be beating down on his headmaster. It filled Harry's chest with dread.
"Go back to where you have been Harry. Continue taking stock of your life, perhaps discuss this with your Uncle. Family can be good for this. Just consider it."
Harry nodded again, rising from his chair. "I will professor." Harry turned to leave when Dumbledore's voice spoke.
"Just try to be happy Harry, whatever you choose."
-
As Harry Potter left Dumbledore's office, its remaining occupant sighed wearily. He turned his head to his friend of many years, Fawkes. The phoenix cooed a few soft notes that caused the headmaster's heart to feel renewed strength.
"I feel it Fawkes, as do you. My times is ending. We have spent many years together and I will be sad to see that go. But that is not what keeps me here. That boy. He's fought and must continue to fight. It is what defines him, and I fear all that he knows. And when I am gone they will look to him. They will ask things of him. And he will give it. Sacrificing himself, bit by bit." Dumbledore sighed, his breathe escaping him slowly.
"He will take the burden I now bear. But it is not what I wanted for him. It was never what I wanted."
Fawkes song echoed through the chamber.
"I will hold on, as long as I can. For him."
-
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A/N: Okay...had planned on extending it until Harry returns to Sunnydale, but had to give Dumbledore his moment. I rather like the guy. Know there are some Manipulative Dumbledore fans out there, but I see that every "manipulative" move made by the headmaster was what he felt was needed for either the happiness or safety of the wizarding word or Harry. He has the problems of the world on his shoulders. Eck, don't want his job.
Could use some good comments...been wondering about my writing lately. Perhaps it's because I've been reading some good fics and wondering if mine is up to par. Let me know what you're thinking. Could use some honest feedback. And just to be nasty, the more review the more I write. Evil personified.