!!!!!!Author Note: Heehee. You guys sure don't like Azula very much! But please remember that this is ASK Azula, not curse at her like you're a regular visitor of a gutter-mouth convention. Feel free to insult her, as this is terribly amusing, but be aware that from this point forward I'm not accepting any questions that have strong swear words or are really long. Hell and damn and suck and etc. are alright in moderation, but not long sentences filled with explicits that serve no real purpose.

One more thing, sometimes I edit the question—never for basic content—but grammar and structure. I like it all to be uniform.

Zapper9, thank you for your nice-ness. And I understand that the letters need more variation. I'll work on it.

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Dear Azula,

Can you help torture my brother? He's a wannabe 'Firebender'. Personally I think he disgraces the Fire Nation with his sloppy combat style. He has the temper though.
And did it ever occur to you that your father might, in fact, just be USING you?

P.S. Momo says hi. And he says Zutara rocks.

Sincerely, Flow-Rat-Ava

(Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? Why don't YOU sleep "just like mother"?)

Dear Flow-Rat, (Heh. That never gets old.)

---I'm sorry. As much as I'd enjoy torturing your brother, my schedule o' torment is booked solid right now. Running an empire can really wear you down. Again, I apologize. I especially enjoy taking down wannabe Firebenders, and it's a shame that I simply don't have time.

---Oh, and it HAS occurred to me that father may be using me. It's not verified, though. Oh hell, I'll just assassinate him later just to be on the safe side.

---Tell Momo I said hi back, and that I'm sending him the bill for the paint removal on my ship. And Zutara does rock.

---I can't sleep like mother. I don't sleep. I wait.

Dear Azula,
Have you ever heard of a man named Voldemort? I think you might be interested in him, since he's also got the whole 'enslave humanity' plan going on.
Also, where can I pick up an application to join your minions? I'd love to be a part of your awesome Bending Squad. And if you ever capture the Avatar, I'd be more than happy to look after him for you...
Sincerely,
Invaderk

Dear Invaderk,

I have heard of Voldemort, and he is rather interesting. However, my problem with him is that it's taken the world's most evil wizard, like, a whole saga to even come close to killing some whiny kid. Are you aware that I was supposed to be cast as Voldemort? The problem was that the series only lasted for about a paragraph—when the magic failed, I just stabbed the kid. End of story. Makes for a boring book.

So you'd like to join my squad? Hmm! I guess we'll be Ozai's Angels Plus Some Other Azula Fan as a Stunt Double. Haha, kidding. Well, not really. If you're interested, though, visit my website for an application.

Dear Azula, my sister would like to say that it would not have taken her or her hypothetical kingdom 100 years to conquer a city, even one like ba sing sei. She claims the infiltration of the city was obvious and she resents you even thinking that she wouldn't be able to completely beat you into the ground.
I on the other hand would like to mention that you never actually defeated the dai lee, you manipulated their leader and manipulated them into following you, but you enver actually fought and beat them.
also, in the past you have been beaten by at least sheer numbers and the zuko fan mob consists of a lot of people, including the mary sues and the ocs that the people have created. you might be able to take out the sues but you can't defeat all the ocs who all have at least one trick up their sleeves
sincerely
kitty demon
ps
I will take great pleasure in tearing out every strand of your hair, donating it to locks of love and then forcing you to watch barney, teletubbies and the corniest sappiest romance movies I can find as well as all movies featured on movie science theater without the commentary.

Sincerely, KittyDemon18

Dear Kitty,

---Keyword here is "hypothetical". Get a real kingdom and an army and out-do me, why don't you? Oh, and if it was MY kingdom it wouldn't have taken 100 years—is it really MY fault that I wasn't ALIVE for most of that 100?

---Aw… you resent me thinking that I wouldn't get beat by you? I resent the fact that you think I give a flying frog-donkey what you think.

---Why the heck would I want to fight when I can just waltz in and scare people? C'mon, people, let's use logic.

---Puh-leeze. All you need to do to defeat the Sues is hide their curling irons. As for the oc's…if they're anything like the winners of the Nick Mag's Character Design Contest, then I sure as heck ain't scared.

---Touch me and I will make YOU listen to the Spice Girls until you are reduced to a cup of quivering yellow custard. Hmm… the Spice Girls… never mind, I won't make you listen to them. Nobody deserves THAT.

Dear Princess Azula,

Do you like toast? I was just wondering. Also, what's your favorite animals? Oh, are you an Oprah fan? Do you have a wii, PS3, Xbox 360, or all? You're also one of my FAVORITE characters!!

Sincerely, StarDragon411

Dear Star,

You're the first to start your letter with "Dear PRINCESS Azula." How charming—are you from the Fire Nation? You must be; you have "dragon" in your username. And how old are you? I know for a fact that I have a large fanclub made up mostly of little ones…I love receiving their mail…

---I do like toast! It's so lovely with finely chopped captive!

---My favorite animal is roadkill. But dragons are my favorite LIVING animal.

---I don't have time to watch Oprah. I have to run this show.

---I own all of those gaming systems, as well as their obscenely expensive upgraded versions: the Wiiiiiiii, the PS9934322, and the Xbox360 1/4 .

---I'm one of your favorite characters? Oh, how sweet! 3

Tell your fanclub that I said hi! Ah, my little fankids make me so happy.

Dear powerless inbred freak of nature who hates the color black but loves pink,

I hate you. Also I think that people would throw a party if you died sorry make that when I rip off your arms and beat you to death with them. You drink Coke and not Dr.pepper then you are a freak I would stop hating you if you loved Dr.pepper cause it is the master of all and you are not. So ha bad bye loser.

Sincerely, The awesome ninja pirate who rules all and loves Dr.pepper, Sakura

Dear Sakura,

Thanks. Just when a little fankid makes my day, I get a letter like this.

---People probably would throw a party if I died. Then I'd kill them in their dreams.

---I actually do love Dr. Pepper, more than Coke, too.

---Good luck being a… what is it again…? Oh yes, "an awesome ninja pirate who rules all and loves Dr.pepper."

Dear Ugly Sucky Toddler…. Etc.,

Note: Letter is too long and/or pathetically hilarious to post.

Dear Nitro, have you considered being a comedian? You sure make me laugh. On your days off, when you're not running your fireworks store, you should seriously consider being my court jester. Just imagine the excitement—performing jokes for me at gunpoint.

Love from your bestest friend, Azula.

Dear Miss Hot Head,

First off, there is no spell check on the review box, so my perfect typing just comes nature. So they're your escorts, uh? I still feel pity for them to have to follow you around and listen to your whining. Why don't you just do them and the world a favor and jump off a ship? I'm sure you'll do a great job convincing the tides to not smash you into the cliffs. By the way, do you have any imagination at all? Really, naming a city after the Fire Lord? Nothing says 'suck up brat,' more than that.
Most sincerely,
Strix Moonwing

Dear Stick,

---Perfect typing comes second nature to you, world domination comes second nature to me. Everybody's different.

---Sure, Lo and Li get to hear my whining, but take a look at what they get paid per year for sticking with me. We're talking well over 100,000 dollars. If I jump off the ship, they suddenly don't get paid.

---It's not sucking up. It's a deal. I name the city after Daddy, then I get a raise on my allowance.

Dear Azula,
I was wondering if you would date me? I help plan assassinations, am an awesome swordsman and love evil. I even killed my entire family. If Aang decided he wanted to join the Fire Nation side what would you do? Finally, I have heard some rumors that he and you are secretly engaged, can you confirm or disaffirm these rumors?
Very Sincerely,
White Destroyer

Dear Destroyer,

Mmmm, I like the sound of you. If I had a heart, it would be going BOOM BOOM! But to date me, you must get father's permission. Ask him first.

Oh, and if the Avatar joined MY side (not likely) I'd get him to wipe out the rest of humanity, then shoot him. How's that for a plot twist?

WE ARE NOT ENGAGED.

I'd date you, as long as you don't put your hand on my booty on our first date. I really do hate having to scalp people when they do that.

Love, Azula

Dear All Powerful Azula,
Did you know there are some diehard Azula fans like me for example?
And agree your brother stinks
And I love your hair how hard is it to style?
Your Die Hard Fan,
Wheaton07

Dear Wheatie,

--I am well aware that I have diehard fans—remember the letter I got from that cute little fankid? So cute…

--Heh. I think Zuko stinks too. Like ostrich-horse. And stupid. Pass the air freshener.

--Thanks. I love my hair—but it's not hard to style, because I had my hair cut specially for the hairstyle. My hair looks neat down—if White Destroyer pleases me enough, he may see this in person.

So happy to please a fan!

Dear Azula,
Ty Lee is soo happy all the time! It is this hyper-active, get-high-off-of-breathing attitude that makes me sick to my stomach. How do you deal with such raw, unbridled emotion?
From the eternal darkness
DarkRose
P.S. How do you put up with her blatant stupidity? Why haven't you fired her out of a cannon yet?

Dear Rose,

Ty Lee truly is perky. With a capital P. And E. And R-K-Y. She makes the Care Bears look like Mai. It can get to you, it really can. That's why, to protect myself, I take daily doses of Dammitall. (Pronounced: Damn it all) It's a medication proven to reduce the risk of insanity due to a H.C.O. (Hyper-Cheer Overdose)

Oh, and I HAVE blasted her out of a cannon. Remember "Return to Omashu"? They didn't let you see the rest of Ty Lee's circus performance. She survived the fire and animals, but still said NO to me, so requested another stunt to the ringmaster. Ty Lee was blasted from a cannon and right through an Oldsmobile. The next step would've been a Hummer.

Dear Azula,

What do you do in your spare time? Do you have some kind of hobby, like stamp collecting or filming reality shows, or maybe even sing, or do you just sit and brood over the next evil thing you'll do?

Crapfully yours,
Xintendation 360

Dear 360,

In my spare time, I do a lot of things. I may be an evil princess, but in many ways I am a normal teenage girl.

---I love collecting these trading cards—you wouldn't know about them because you're not from the Fire Nation—that have pictures of the Navy's high-ranking officers. Some of them are extremely hot.

---I love shopping with Ty Lee and Mai. They carry my bags.

---I love singing and do it quite nicely. I even put out a CD. I go under the stage name, Grey DeLisle.

(Author note: It's true, the girl who does the voice of Azula is a singer—go to and type in Grey DeLisle. Listen to the sound clips. It's creepy—Azula can sing gothic country!)

---I love brooding most of all. It freaks people out, especially while I'm in a public place, grinding an axe at a whetstone.

Azula,

I am about to start on Naruto Avater crossover, and I was thinking of pairing you with Kankurou. Now I know what you may think, but I think you to were made for each other: there's the make-up you both have on, you both hate your brother, you both sadistic, Kankurou maybe a little more because of the larger body count he has, and the liquefing jutsus he does with Kurouri is somthing I know you love. So what do you think, a little Kanula action?
This part is for Ty Lee only

Ps: I would like to pair you with Sai, because well, YOU BOTH HAVE BELLY SHIRTS!

Dear Cat-eater,

Go ahead and pair me—but DO NOT do it distastefully and DO NOT, under any circumstances, post the story in the Fire Nation branch of (Fanfiction.fn). If you do, you'll most certainly be arrested under charges of indecent depiction of royalty.

Oh, and Ty Lee squealed when she read the letter. Go ahead and pair her.

Dear Azula,
Does it bother you to be heir presumptive? Does it bother you that Ursa seemed to favor your brother? Does it bother you that Uncle does the same thing? Does it bother you to wear such thick clothings (I mean you must be burning deep inside)? Does it bother you, that Ozai--your- father, is only using you as a tool to defeat the Avatar? And you really should go out with Sokka. Or even Jet! Or if you go for that sort of thing, Zhao. I love you by the way--but seriously, do you think your family loves you?
Forlorn Maiden

Dear Forlorn,

All those things don't bother me. I figure if something bothers you in your life, you need to do something about it. In my case, this involves beatings.

My clothes don't bother me—I was raised in the Fire Nation heat and get cold very easily.

I would consider dating Zhao, but he is unfortunately feeding the worms—er, fish.

My family doesn't care about me—which is appropriate because I don't care about them.

How sweet of you to say you love me. Don't we all?

AZULA: Hasta la pasta, until next time!