Chapter 5 – The Giggle Twins.
Chase aimed the weapon where Rodney aimed his, only hers was slightly more steady than his shaking grip. Their eyes strained into the darkness as a form stumbled out of the forest. The form strode out looking to the ground before looking up and stopping in its tracks, it immediately raised its hands.
'Whoa! Hey, it's just me!'
They sighed with relief.
Rodney groaned. 'Lorne? What the hell are you doing?'
'Taking a whiz…if that's okay. If it's not I'm sure we can talk about it.' He said, clearly amused at the weapons they pointed at him. Chase lowered her weapon, and when Rodney did not, she put a hand on it and lowered it for him.
'It was you making all that noise?' Rodney asked incredulously.
'Keep your voice down Rodney.' Chase said angrily.
'Sorry. Didn't think we wanted the bathroom to be so close to the camp so I went out a little way.' He explained, walking forward.
'Alone, and unarmed?' Rodney criticized.
'Yes Mckay, I haven't needed supervision since I was four.' Lorne said tiredly. 'I am armed though.' He shook his side arm at them. 'So let me get this straight – you thought there was something out here, and the two of you…came to investigate?'
'Rodney was panicking and I didn't see fit to wake anyone else, oh and by the way – I told you so.' She said to Rodney.
'I was not panicking…we are on an alien planet, we have no idea what things could be here.' He said defensively.
'Sure, Doc, I just find it interesting that you woke Chase to come out here.' Lorne joined them.
'I didn't wake her…I tried to wake Sheppard, but I doubt even if he were in the middle of a demolition derby that he would wake up.' Rodney explained. 'I wanted her to wake Ronan – '
'And I'm glad I didn't.' She interrupted.
'Yes, yes, yes, it was just Lorne, can we move on now?' He said waspishly.
'Mh, you guys go ahead. I can't sleep.' She jumped on the spot to ward off the cold.
'What are you going to do?' Lorne asked, frowning.
'Coffee; get some feeling back into my legs.' She answered, her teeth chattering.
Lorne's eyes fell to her bare legs and he nodded. 'Absolutely, hot coffee, sounds good.' He said merrily.
Rodney shook his head as they walked to the food tent. He paused. 'Hey, wait for me.'
The three wandered through the cold night to the dark towering form of the food tent, the material billowing in the wind. Lorne went in first, holding the cloth up for Chase, and without realising it, dumping it on Mckay's head as he was walking through. Rodney thrust the material off of him and glared at Lorne who was completely oblivious.
Chase immediately went to the small electrical lamp in the corner of the tent.
'Watch your eyes.' She warned before hitting the switch and showering the tent in brightness. Lorne squinted and Rodney's hand flew to his face.
'Ow! A little more warning would've been nice! I need these for seeing! You could've seriously damaged my eyes! How would you like it if I press a wrong button tomorrow and blow everyone up?' He scolded her, arms still hiding his face from them. Lorne gave him a look that said everything about the scientist was pathetic.
Chase smiled to the floor. 'If you press any wrong buttons Mckay, we won't know the difference having been incinerated.'
'Nice thought.' Lorne commented, flipping the switch on the mobile kettle and reaching for three metal cups.
Metal cups for hot drinks…what idiot came up with that one? He thought.
Chase sat on the end of the table nearest to her. There were two large ones in the room with foldable chairs.
'Milk and sugar?' Lorne asked. Chase wrinkled her nose.
'Mh, no thanks. Just black for me.' She brought her legs up under her chin, laying her head on her knee.
'Ah…caffeine straight up.' Lorne commented.
'Yup, there's no better type of coffee. Forget all that mocha, latte, extra foam, non fat crap they got goin – just gimme it black.' She grinned. Lorne grinned in return.
'Milk.' Rodney said loudly, glaring at Lorne. 'Sugar.'
'Figures that the man up for satan-worshipper of the year likes his coffee sweet.' Lorne poured liquid into a cup and handed it to Chase and poured another for Rodney, finally pouring himself one. He sat next to Chase with Rodney opposite him, an unimpressed expression on his face. Chase tried to hide her smile at his amusing comment, but Rodney honed in on it.
'Funny…tell me, Doctor Chase-' He began.
'Chris.' She corrected him.
'…Chris…whatever – tell me why you think I was so wrong in criticising your dress sense when you wear hot pants to bed in a tent with over half a dozen men, mh?' He said lightly.
Lorne shook his head. 'You always got to push it, Mckay.'
'No, it's alright.' Chase laughed. 'This is what I wear to bed Rodney, just because I'm on an alien planet doesn't mean I'll change. And just because I'm in a tent with men doesn't mean that I and they cannot restrain themselves.' She sipped her coffee, and then turned to Lorne. 'This is good.'
He smiled. 'Years of field training – I lived off the stuff.'
Rodney hated how they had easily gotten back to their conversation, shoving his anger aside. 'Keep on the way you do with your blatant flirting I think Ronan may have difficulty keeping himself in line.'
Chase and Lorne paused in their pleasant moment to stare at Rodney. Chase narrowed her eyes and Lorne's face contorted with anger.
'Watch your mouth Mckay.' He commanded.
'Ronan and I are friends Rodney, just because you haven't been so hospitable, there's no need to get so jealous.' Chase snapped.
Rodney's eyes went wide with fury. 'I am not jealous! What in the hell do I have to be jealous of?' He yelled, standing. Chase and Lorne stood also. 'A woman whose mission in life is not devoted to science, but to the merciless flaunting of seriously curvy body parts for sex deprived soldiers?'
'Oh please, I don't flaunt anything.' Chase said harshly.
'And I am not sex deprived.' Lorne snapped.
'If I were flaunting something, you'd know about – you're not?' Chase turned to Lorne with a questioning eyebrow.
Lorne was momentarily stunned; he had not expected to discuss this. 'Well, no. I'm not.'
'Really?' Chase smiled, her hip sticking out at a provocative angle while she looked at him, hungry for the gossip.
Lorne wished the lamp would suddenly blow so that she could not see his burning cheeks. He smiled charmingly whilst looking slightly shy.
'Uh, hello? Insulting you here!' Rodney threw his hands in the air.
'Hey.' A voice behind them greeted. Sheppard ducked into the tent, shielding his eyes from the light. 'What are you talking about?'
'Colonel.' Lorne stated his greeting and straightened slightly.
'We were just talking about-' Rodney launched into his insulting speech but was cut short.
'I don't care.' John interrupted. 'I was only asking to be polite.'
'Well that would be a first.' Chase folded her arms, giving him a look of loathing.
John's eyes fell on her form, and then her legs. Damn, she is just…how is that fair? She just walks around…focus…
'What are you doing in here at almost two in the morning?' He asked firmly.
'Well, we were – ' Rodney began.
'Mckay heard a creepy noise and got frightened, made me go out with him to investigate and it turns out it was Lorne stepping out for a moment to relieve himself.' Chase explained.
'Thanks for putting it that way.' Lorne said quietly, being genuine.
'You're welcome.' She said simply.
'I was not frightened, and I did not in any way ask you to come with me.' Rodney folded his arms.
'Yeah, because you would go and check out a creepy noise in the dead of night all by yourself.' John said, eyes narrowed at the scientist.
'Well, it was just-' Rodney began defensively.
'Yeah, look, can you guys clear out? Doctor Chase and I need a moment to talk.' He said pointedly, hands in pockets, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
Lorne nodded and smiled at Chase, saying his goodnight. Rodney, the wind knocked out of his sails, nodded.
'Fine.' He touched his cup, burnt his hand and then looked at them in a dignified way. He clasped the handle and left, Lorne once again dropping the material on his head as they left. 'You know, that is seriously annoying…'
Chase scowled at John. 'You didn't have to make them leave.'
'Yeah I did.' He said awkwardly, crossing over to the kettle and pouring himself a coffee.
Chase watched him. He wore dark sweats and a black T-shirt. He did look good in a black T-shirt…Her eyes snapped to his face as he turned to her.
'Sit.' He nodded to the table as he sat where Lorne had been before.
'What? You're going to be civilised now?' She said waspishly.
John gripped the hot metal. Take your lumps, take your lumps…'I know I haven't exactly been the nicest or the most pleasant guy over the last two days, and it doesn't really make a lot of sense because usually I'm a really nice and pleasant guy, all I know is that the moment your heals hit the pavement…there was something…different.' He avoided her eyes.
'Oh!' She sat, a look of vindictive pleasure on her face. 'You're trying to apologise.' She leant back. 'Go on.'
John gritted his teeth. 'Okay…so, I wasn't a perfect gentleman.'
Chase waited. 'That's it? It's that hard for you to form the words required to make-'
'I'm sorry, alright?' He said firmly, fixing her with a look that told her not to push it. She understood.
Chase nodded slowly, her expression dark. She leant forward. 'What made you hate me?'
'I don't hate you.' He stated simply, giving her a look as though the suggestion were ridiculous.
'Okay, so what made you so…evil? Is it because I'm a confident woman - ?'
John laughed, leaning back, folding his arms with a handsome smile. 'No, no. I like women. And I especially like confident women.'
Chase smiled awkwardly. 'Okay…so what was it?'
'I'm not sure. Maybe because I knew you worked for the DOA-' He started.
'Ho! No! No, no!' She shook her head and her hands. 'I do not work for the DOA, I work for me. And Doctor Weir. And reluctantly, possibly Doctor Mckay if he can get his act together.'
'I think you'll find he's like that with anyone and everyone – changing him is about as impossible as flying to the moon on a Harley.' John nodded.
'I got that.' She agreed. 'But just so we're clear – the DOA are rotten snakes who care for nothing except money and the welfare of their own beloved country – which isn't bad, I'm just saying, there's a whole Universe out there that needs to be counted.' She stated.
John smiled slightly, nodding. 'So we're okay?'
Chase thought for a moment, her eyes wandering before settling on Sheppard's raised eyebrows. She smiled. 'Sure.'
John paused and leant back. 'So you really don't own a bunny rabbit tail or handcuffs?' He asked playfully.
Chase gave him look of absolute firm seductiveness. 'The tail I left at home, but the handcuffs sit in my drawer…easy access from my bed.'
John smiled widely and watched her long legs slide under her chin. He frowned.
'What are you wearing?' He asked.
'Shorts.' She stated simply.
'Huh.' John's eyes lingered on her legs for a moment before reaching her eyes. 'Very nice.'
'The shorts? Or the legs?' She asked, an eyebrow raised.
'I can't see the shorts.' He sated, leaning forward. Chase smiled.
'You're flirting with me Colonel Sheppard.' She said with a playful expression.
'If that's what you want to call it…' He said with a smile at his own obvious interest. 'And call me John, Colonel is for the soldiers.'
'I think you'll find that I have many qualities a soldier possess'…John.' She pouted. 'Stubbornness, stamina…endurance…' She watched his eyebrows hit the top of his head, blowing air out of his mouth at her forwardness. She smiled and then stood.
'I suppose I should get some rest. Rodney'll work me hard tomorrow – I've no doubt.' She smiled down at the Colonel who stood also.
'Well, I'll walk you back to your tent my lady.' Sheppard said in mock polite voice. She grinned at him as he shut off the light and held up the material for her to go through. As she did, his hand met the small of her back, guiding her through. She paused on the other side as he joined her in the cool night. His hand fell away from her back. She looked up at his face and suddenly realised that he was quite tall. Maybe it's just the hair…
'Thanks.' She grinned, and walked on. Sheppard lingered.
'You're welcome.' He muttered to the darkness.
Okay…so that went well…
The morning came with a swift vengeance for those who had been up late. The Sun shone through the tent entrance with a determination to reach every corner. Rodney grabbed his ridiculously small pillow and shoved it over his head.
God…someone turn the torch off…it's so inconsiderate…I should see…who that is…so I can scold them in the morning…God, turn it off, so bright…really bright, hold on… Rodney flew into a sitting position, yelping at the bright Sun invading his eyes. He shoved a hand over his face and groaned.
'Naturally…it would be the Sun…' He moaned. His hand fell to his side and he reluctantly opened his eyes. His eyes went wide and his head jerked to every corner of the room. All the beds were empty…
It's like some awful horror movie…I wake up and find everyone missing, only to walk out side and see their mutilated bodies hanging from the trees… He whimpered.
Rodney reached for his clothes and pulled them on quickly and with little grace, once he had stuffed the shoes on to his feet he grabbed his trusty side arm and headed for the exit with stiff shoulders.
Alien planet, anything could happen…maybe that thing I heard last night wasn't Lorne at all…and then maybe I'm over reacting and they've all gone to secure the perimeter, in which case I would very much like to stay in bed…only one way to find out…He stepped out of the tent with both eyes shut. He opened one – no danger. He opened the other – still nothing. No evil, hungry alien beasts and no mutilated corpses hanging from trees. He jumped at the sound of laughter in the distance. The food tent.
Okay, I over reacted a little – but no one was here to see…alien planet…anything could happen…
Rodney slumped, heading inside and depositing his side arm, and then walking outside and to the food he could smell cooking. There was nothing quite like fire – heated MRE's for breakfast.
Rodney wandered in to the food tent and found Sheppard and Chase sitting close together, laughing hard at something one of them had just said. John straightened up and tried to subtly regain his cool demeanour with a gentle hand sweeping through his spiky black hair. Chase, who apparently had no problem in looking like she was having a good time, merely wiped her eyes from the tears emerging from them.
'Of course after that, I told him that maybe listening to my advice on relationships was probably not the best idea…' John laughed, nodding slowly.
'Apparently so.' Chase agreed with a wide grin. 'He did forgive you though, right?' She asked, sipping her coffee, her eyes never leaving him.
'He did, yeah, I mean, it's a guy thing. We got over it and went back to work, which okay, a little awkward since she worked there for another month after it had happened, then she transferred to Utah.' John explained.
Rodney walked over to the coffee feeling exceptionally sour. What happened to the yelling and the not liking of her? Last night, it looked like he wanted to kick her in the head, and today, what? It's secrets and in-jokes? They'll braid each others hair next…or at least bond over some other ridiculously superfluous thing. Rodney paused, glancing at Sheppard. Such a traitor, and now he's got a girly best friend –
Rodney watched as Chase slipped one of her legs over the other and smiled at John. Sheppard returned the smile with a raised eyebrow. Rodney groaned. They're not friends – stupid! Of course, it's Sheppard – and a woman with a pulse. Naturally there would be the flirting and the sickening seductiveness…this experiment is going to be torture. I might shoot myself before that thing has a chance to explode.
Rodney sat on the table over from Sheppard where Teyla, Zalenka and Lorne sat, and what annoyed him even more is that these three seemed equally as happy, laughing hard with wide smiles. He nodded his greeting with a miserable expression, swallowing his coffee before sitting, placing the coffee in front of him and then draping his arms over the table. Rodney plopped his head onto his arms and did not surface. Teyla raised her eyebrows at Lorne and Zalenka, both had comical expressions.
'Good morning Rodney.' Teyla greeted brightly.
Rodney grunted.
'We were just discussing your late night activities.' She informed him.
'Oh really.' The muffled reply sounded disinterested.
'Yes, I just want you to know that I feel unbelievably safe knowing that you are out there shooting our personnel whilst we sleep.' Zalenka joked.
Teyla and Lorne chuckled while Rodney looked up.
'Funny, Zalenka, very funny, it's so funny in fact that I almost had the urge to crack a smile.' He said moodily, placing his head back on his arms.
'Figures you wouldn't be a morning person.' Lorne stated, sipping his own coffee.
Teyla's mouth twitched. 'Rodney has never agreed with the Sun disturbing his rest, I have often reminded him no matter how nicely he asks, she will not listen.'
Radik smiled about to continue the conversation when Rodney held up a hand and brought his drooping head up to what he obviously felt was an uncomfortable position. 'Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute…"she"? Why do you automatically assign the Sun a female gender?'
'Because it is my belief that women are far more agreeable in the morning.' Teyla said confidently. Lorne and Radik paused and then nodded. Rodney rolled his eyes.
'Fair point.' His head disappeared again.
'Mh, there's nothing like waking up to an agreeable woman in the morning.' Lorne stretched and then caught the amused looks of his friends. 'You know what I mean. It's better than waking up to a cranky witch with bad breath.'
'I can agree to that.' Zalenka nodded. Teyla laughed softly.
'Yes, yes, yes, happy people, with the laughing…' Rodney complained loudly. And right on queue, Sheppard and Chase fell about in fits of laughter, attracting knowing looks from all on Rodney's table.
Rodney gave them a bitter glare and inhaled his coffee, standing to get another cup. Teyla frowned. 'Rodney?'
Rodney looked back with frustration. Saying my name is not a question – ask the question, ask the question! 'What?'
'You seem troubled.' She stated, glancing at Lorne.
Rodney retrieved more coffee and sat. 'About what?' He said grumpily.
'Certain things – this experiment has not been a favourable subject for you, and there are certain people, who seem to upset you…' She prodded. Rodney caught on.
'That's because she's evil. She's a woman, it is part of her mission statement in life – "Annoy all men unto death" – you know the drill.' He snapped, biting into an apple.
Teyla frowned, Lorne glared and Zalenka shook his head.
'Have you actually spoken to her yet, had a proper conversation?' Zalenka asked.
'No.' Rodney said incredulously. 'And I don't want to either.' John and Chase laughed again and irritation flickered across Rodney's face. 'What is with the giggle twins over there?'
The group glanced at Sheppard and Chris. Lorne shook his head, looking slightly stiff.
'Don't know, but they mended their hurts pretty quick.' He turned back to his coffee.
'Yes, it seems so.' Radik sighed, turning back to his own cup.
Teyla frowned at them while Rodney gaped at each. 'You've got to be kidding me!' He said harshly, and loud enough for Chase to glance over her shoulder and frown at him. Rodney scowled at her and then turned to the group and whispered. 'You've got to be kidding me. Her? You can do way better than that!'
Lorne cocked his head with a raised eyebrow and allowed Zalenka to do the stuttering. Rodney waved a hand for him to shut up and Radik fell silent.
'That woman will be the death of us all, and you're pining over the fact that Sheppard hooked her first?' Rodney seethed.
'Rodney.' Teyla said firmly.
'What? You got some feelings in that curvy little body for her too? Because I wouldn't be surprised!' He leant back and folded his arms. Lorne shook his head at his rudeness while Teyla and Radik remained silent. 'Ever since she arrived on Atlantis, there have been problems. It's like a seductive sneaky little spell has been cast on the personnel – she works for the DOA right? Maybe she drugged the food…only I didn't eat what you guys have been eating which is why I am the only clear headed one-'
'Clear headed?' Lorne said doubtfully, attitude dripping in his voice.
'She's not evil Rodney; you just want to believe that because she rejected you.' Radik stated tiredly.
'She did not reject me!' Rodney snapped.
'No, she did not. You had a misunderstanding. One that should be corrected if you are to work together.' Teyla said firmly, fixing him with a steely eye.
'You mean, if she's supposed to work for me.' Rodney said pompously. 'Look, I don't know why you're being sore at me when really you're angry at Sheppard for getting to her first – and even then Casanova might fail. He's not as irresistible as most women think.'
Teyla hung her head. She was not getting through. Radik sensed this and immediately changed the topic. There was only so much of Rodney a person could handle.
'Where is Ronan this morning? I have not seen him at all.' Radik asked gently. Teyla lifted her head.
'He left the tent early to scout the area, I saw him enter here but he left shortly after John arrived. I am not sure where he is now.' Teyla frowned.
'Oh not far, I'm sure, I don't think the umbilical chord between him and Chase can stretch that far.' Rodney said chirpily.
Teyla glared. 'Should we not begin work? Some of us were up far earlier than others and the hour is late.'
'I had bad things happen to me last night and I was tired.' Rodney said defensively. 'It's not often I sleep in, in fact, it's never, this was a fluke!' He rose from the table as the other three headed for the exit. 'How would you like it if I made a mistake and blew us all to hell? Mh? Just because I was so tired?'
'Perhaps you should not follow your colleagues when they go to the bathroom, Rodney.' Zalenka paused at the exit and watched Rodney about to launch into another speech. He stopped mid-rant and drooped.
'Not fair.' He slumped through the exit of the tent and Radik followed, the thoughts dwelling on his mind that this would be a long day.