Author Note: If you're wondering where Ty Lee and Mai went… eh… I got lazy last chapter. Don't worry, they're back.

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Today, the set is in front of a roaring fireplace. No, literally. It's roaring. That's because Azula is burning some lion-pigs alive—she's in the mood for a BBQ.

AZULA: Pass me the BBQ sauce, Ty Lee, I am STARVED!

TY LEE: nervously pokes at lion-pigs with a poker. Ew. Azula. This lion-pig's eyes are melting… all over my pants…

AZULA: It's all part of the experience, Ty.

TY LEE: Mai, don't you think this is gross??

MAI: Well, I'm sure the ASPCA wouldn't be down with it, but… who cares? I don't.

AZULA: Shocking. Well, while the food cools, let's read some letters.

Dear Princess Azula,
You rock, don't ever change:) Me and my best-friend love your evilness so much, that we even push old people down just to prove it. No serously, we do. Well, good luck on capturng Aang. Becuase really, we want you to capture him. So please do so. And guess what? I'm the same age as you :) Okay nevermind. Please tell Ty Lee I said 'Hi'. I'm actually a big fan of hers, and you too. And tell Mai to... nevermind, she'll probably not care anyways and go back to her boredom instead. Okay, bye! All hail Princess Azula of the Fire Nation.
Sincerely,
zutaraxlove
P.S. Do you have a picture of Zuko shirtless? If so... can I have it please? I'm gonna show it to Katara :)

Dear Zutaraxlove,

--I am aware that I rock and I have no intentions to change. Why should I?

--If you like pushing old people, give Iroh a try. No, better yet, bust a teapot—he'll fall right on his ass on his own and cry. For added cruelty (this sounds like a recipe XD, it's a recipe of EVIL) look at the broken pot and say sadly, "Well, it seems that now this pot and Lu Ten have something in common. They're both cold and broken down into little pieces… although the teapot didn't scream when it died." Say that and watch his face—PRICELESS!

Arsehole, Zuko-hater, Under Loved, Angry
(See what I did there? A.Z.U.L.A)
You are so evil! Have you met a woman named Wuya? She's so like you! Evil, Vain, Untrusworthy, A freak...I should stop now, shouldn't I? Anyway's, have you read my fanfic? Called I'm An Avatar, Get Me Out Of Here! BTW (and im bein aye serious an aw) WTF is up with ur god damn forehead! It's huge!
Why do u hate your brother? Tell Mai that I asked if she had the new Evanescence CD (She's the sort of person that would like that) and tell Ty Lee that my aura's crystal (urs is mud coloured)
From, Kitkat10, the hyper active Scots Lassie
p.s GROW A FRINGE!

Dear Kitkat10,

--Aw, you made an acronym with my name. Tell me, do you have ANY hobbies?

--Wuya?? No wonder she's evil—she must've been beaten on in school with a name like that.

--My forehead is normal. I blame the animators.

--I hate Zuko because he's PATHETIC. I mean, come on! Caring about the welfare of others? Freakin' baby.

--Mai does have the new CD, and has memorized the lyrics. She doesn't have any hobbies either. You two should hang out.

MAI: I love you too, Azula.

--So you're aura is crystal, huh? Well…

TY LEE: Really??? Who is your guru? I gotta have a session with him! Can I---

--And I'm not growing a fringe. No one else in the Fire Nation has one… except Mai… but then, she's Mai. She's about 100 years out of style.

Dear Azula,
I have asked your father and he said that he will let any man date you if he can beat 200 of his best firebenders at the same time. My match is soon, wish me luck. Recently I assasinated 3 major Earth Kingdom officials. I have developed a drug that lets you and only you control for 24 hours the actions of another person. How much you want? Hope to see you soon.
Love, White Destroyer
P.S. If one of Aang's friends secretly joined the Fire Nation, what would you do?

TY LEE: Azula's got a boyfriend! Azula's got a boyfriend!

MAI: And it's not even the Apocalypse!

Dear Destroyer,

Yeah, that's usually the standard test that father gives out. I wish you luck! Do you want a kerchief of mine to take into battle? Ooh, better yet, how about my panties? If and when you pass the test, I'd like to look into that drug. I will take a few grams of it.

---Oh, and if the Avatar's friends joined the FN, well… whoopee. Though I WOULD be skeptical.

---(Ohhh, you called me love…)

MAI: Did Azula get burned by the BBQ, or is she seriously BLUSHING?

AZULA: SHUT UP NONE O' YO BEESWAX!

Dear Azula,
I really hate you, but I admire you at the same time. Your powerful and cruel, but I at least have a heart. But let me guess, having a heart is over-rated.
Do you listen to music when you do physical training? If so what? I'm looking for something to get me pumped as I train.
I love zutara too! But does it bug you that if Zuko hadn't helped you Katara would have beat you?
Also, I think you'd like Itachi off of Naruto. He's really hot, has black hair, is super powerful, can breathe fire, and killed his whole clan. Does he sound apealing?
To Ty lee, you and Sokka would be so cute! And How are you so bendy? Teach me!
To Mai, did you hear some earth girl was hitting on Zuko, HARD. I Suggest kill her. (No complaining Jinuko's!) xROCKONx
TeenAnimeOtaku

Dear Otaku,

---Your guess is correct. Having a heart is indeed overrated.

---I do listen to music when training! Even sadistic wannabe dictators like me listen to music—it's UNIVERSAL. My two favorite songs are "H.A.T.E." by Ashy Pimpson and "Frying peasants is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off," by Panic! Now Die. (NOTE: Both are Fire Nation bands.) But since you live in the "real" world, listen to "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". That's the best. When I hear that song, I like to strap Zuko/Iroh's picture to a haybale and kick the crap out of it. If I can't get pictures of them I just print out pictures of some faggy emo kid and Fat Albert. Same basic concept.

---Sorry, sounds like me and the Destroyer are gonna be involved soon. No Itachi.

TY LEE: HEY! She says me and Sokka are cute together! I knew it!! Oh, and to be bendy like me, exercise is best, but I was born with the ability to be a contortionist. Most people can't do it.

MAI: So, some Earth Kingdom trash is hitting on Zuko? Thanks for informing me. Logs this into her palm pilot.

Dear Fire Queen Azula,

Let me start by saying that you are the best character on the show and first on my list of favorites, right above Zuko, Katara, Toph and Aang.
How long did it take you to plan that take-over of the Earth Kingdom? It must've taken a really long time to figure out every detail.
How come you are the only Firebender to shoot BLUE fire instead of red? It's really cool how you do that, but why is it that way?
The way you used your fire powers to propel yourself when fighting Aang and Katara in the crystal cavern was awesome!
Which guy in your life do you like or respect, even if either feeling is extremely little, or even acknowledge the existence of?
I can shoot blue flames too, in the forms of wolves, obviously by my name as you read this. If you could create any animal, besides a dragon, out of flames, what would it be?
You rule, Azula! I'd love to kiss you, but I wouldn't want my body burnt to a crisp in your anger. Nice hair, by the way. And your eyes pierce my very soul. Again, you rule!

Sapphire Wolf Master

Dear Wolf,

--How genteel of you to refer to me as "Fire Queen". But Zuko is your 2nd favorite character? WTF.

--It took me approximately 11. 987890 seconds to think up the original plan, and I just went along with whatever came. Plan B was to just kill everyone, which probably would've worked.

--My fire is blue because of its intensity—it's hotter than red flame. My passion and concentration feeds it and strengthens it. High-level Firebenders can do this. This explains why my blue fire confused you—it's not like Zuko ever did that. Ever.

--Thanks for the compliment. I love blasting myself into the air. Great for Halloween—the kids piss their pants.

--Before he scarred Zuko, I always respected my father. Now I DEEPLY respect my father.

--I would create a scorpion!

--Oh, I wouldn't burn you to a crisp… can't guarantee that father wouldn't, though. He's the Overprotective Papa type.

TY LEE: The food is ready!

AZULA: And so am I. DINNER!

TY LEE: Shall I bake you and Destroyer a wedding cake?

AZULA: Shoves her into fire, and she explodes.

Dear Princess Azula,
I was just wondering; how much do you like eggnog? I LOVE IT, do you? Do also like watching that episode where Zuko gets his scar over and over again?
From,
StarDragon411
P.S. I'm not from the Fire Nation; I'm a dragon, but I'm at home in the Water Tribes. (It's just too hot over in there the Fire Nation!)
P.S.S. I just say 'Princess Azula' because I like that:)
P.S.S.S. Have you checked out my 'Twenty Five Ways to Annoy Your Favorite Characters?' I have Zuko, Aang, Sokka, your uncle, and...YOU
P.S.S.S.S. Please don't kill me after you read yours.

Dear Star Dragon,

--Eggnog is okay. But my favorite beverage is… and I know it doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy, but… I really love chocolate milk. STOP LAUGHING!!!

MAI: Haha! Do you drink it in a plastic kiddy cup with a straw?

AZULA: stares at her until she explodes.

--Oh, and I love Episode 12. For real. Zuko in pain, Daddy asserting his authority, Zuko in pain… that's entertainment for ya.

--Yeah, I read your "story". Hehehe. Have you checked out my "Twenty-Five Ways To Torture Smart-asses"?

Dear Azula,
I am a dedicated fan of yours (im a fan of lots of things). Whats ur fav. ice cream? ur fav book? You should go out with Sokka. What type of torture are you gunna use on the Avatar? I suggest the guillotine! Do u like Zutara fanfics?Say hi to Mai for me!
-arisa
P.S.- i like Yue better.

Dear Arisa,

It's nice to have dedicated fans, but it's also nice being a dedicated fan. They live substantially longer.

--My favorite ice cream is a specialty type made exclusively in the F.N. It's called "Azula-Rocks-You-Road." Mmmm, the sweet creamy taste of evil.

--My favorite book is actually a history book from the palace library. It explains my great-grandfather's (Sozin) genocide on the Air Nomads in thrilling detail. What brilliance! It makes me smile.

--I think I'll kill the Avatar by causing a statue of Gyatso to fall on him. The irony would be so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

--I do not like Zutara fanfics. I LOVE THEM.

--Mai, Arisa says hi.

MAI: Is a bloody heap. Hi.

--Oh, so you like Yue better, huh? Figures. She's BLONDE! BUT BRUNETTES ARE BETTER!

Dear Princess Azula--
Do you really hate your brother that bad? If you do, why don't you just go ahead and kill him, since you are already stronger than him anyways? But if you are too busy to do it yourself, it's okay, 'cause I can do it for a small fee.
P.S--Why just settle for ruling over the Avatar world, when you can rule over this one, yours, and any other you find out about?
Sincerely, Chocobo Rider Vaan.

Dear Rider,

--Yes. I really do hate Zuko "that bad." Seriously, you get the chance to ask me anything, and you ask obvious stuff like this?

--Can't kill him. I can still use him. But thank you for your offer.

--SIGH. Isn't taking over one world enough? A princess needs time for hobbies!

Dear Azula,
It's hasta la vista not hasta la pasta, you retard! Anyways... this moron keeps asking me out. I've punched him like four times already and he still doesn't get the message that hate him! What should I do? Did you know that you have a large forehead? Do you prefer coffee or tea? Does Mai's monotone voice bother you? Are you happy that Zuko joined your side or are you just going to have him executed? Also, do you like watching fire?
-ForeverCharmed109
P.S: PLEASE don't execute Zuko or else his fangirls would kill you! I would be one of those fangirls, but I'm not one of those rabid fangirls.

Dear Charmed,

--I am AWARE that it is not hasta la pasta. I was being funny. Haha. Moron.

--Punch him a fifth time. If this doesn't work, write the word "NO" across his forehead with a scalpel.

--Did you know you're fat?

--I prefer tea. In fact, I really enjoy tea. With fried peasant, it is simply divine. Like me.

--Mai's monotone, to me, is quite soothing. If I can't sleep at night (it happens) I make her read a physics textbook aloud. Puts me out like a baby.

--I am happy that Zuko joined my side SO THAT I may execute him.

--Watching fire? Uh, that's like me asking if you like watching water. Do you?

--I WILL execute Zuko, but I do anticipate a mob like you are implying. I am currently having some nice big riot hoses installed. Hee hee.

Dear Azula,
Does it bother you that some people think that Mai or Ty Lee will betray you and join Aang? What would happen; would you make a london broil out of them if they did?
Sincerely,
Ganthour
p.s you're my favorite character and your brother sucks.

Dear Ganthour,

Nah, not a London Broil, although that's a fabulous idea. I'd just do what everyone else does with dead people: sell them to McDonald's. At least I'd make a couple bucks and get SOMETHING out of our friendship.

Hahaha! That's really funny! I can picture it now! "Hello, I'd like to order a Big Mai with a side of Tys!" Hahahaha! HAHAHAAHAH!

Princess,
(God, that title is so frilly!)
Aw man. My brother is getting worse, believe it or not. Oh well.
You don't sleep? So THAT'S why your emotions are so unstable...
My brother says your nails are ugly and your an idiot.
But I don't think you're an idiot. That was pretty genius, taking over the Dai Li and trying to kill Aang in the Avatar State so that the Avatar cycle was broken 'n' all. Too bad you failed. I mean... YAY!
He also says that every nail on your hands are ugly like his sweet white toes.
But that's idiotic to say because he doesn't have WHITE toes... but they are pretty ugly.
My bro also adds "that your nails must look just the same as your toes. I wonder that if your nails look just like your toes, it must pop out of your shoes and hurt always. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET AZULA. BECAUSE YOUR NAILS ARE SO UGLY THAT'S WHY I HATE YOU."Anyway, what would you do if you were surrounded by rabid Mary Sues, fangirls, Azula-haters, wolves, bison, and the new Justin Timberlake CD pounding in your ears?
P.S. Wolves pwn.
From, Flow-Rat-Ava
(Thanks for the new name! XP)

Dear Flow Rat,

….Alriiiiiiiighty then.

Love, Azula.

Dear Miss Hot Head,
Okay, I'll skip the insults for another day and get right to the point. I have a crush on a boy, but he likes my twin sister. I know that you're incapable at feeling any emotion, beside anger and rage, but I need advice, even if its coming from an overraged-witch. Oops, was that an insult? Sorry, about that. As they say, old habits die hard. How the heck do I get him to like me.
P.S.: Try and tell me advice that doesn't end with both my twin and my crush dead.

Dear Stick,

Kill yourself. Hahaha—it's advice that didn't end with the crush or the twin dead!

Dear Lady Azula,
Thanks for the medication suggestion, I'll get my psychiatrist on that right away.
A question for you about the "cold fire". Lightning is a harsh mistress, how long did it take you to master it? I've been at it for years and can only manage a few sparks, nothing remotely close to what you can do. Do you have any tips I could use to improve my technique?
From the enternal Darkness
DarkRose-

Dear Rose,

Lightening is indeed a harsh mistress. Father continued to have me tutored in fire until I was nine, (one year after "Zuko Alone") then took me an institute to be evaluated by some masters (among them Lo and Li). Then I began lightening training, and it took me a year and a half of pretty rigorous instruction to become proficient.

Don't give up (unless you're Zuko, in which case you should just go die). I think your problem lies within your body. Lightening requires mental stability and a balance of all seven charkas. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and.. uh… all the other ways and try to act more like me. Good luck.

dear azula
hypothetical as in she's not ruling yet and my sister is the one that resent you even implying that she couldn't beat you into the ground. i couldn't care less if you beat me since i would have multiple back up plans in place. Also, i am immune to spice girls, it's my sister's favorite band. Can they be called a band?
I suppose you weren't intelligent enought to understand that the inability to think of using subterfuge reflects poorly not only on your intelligence but also on the intelligence of your ancestors, though you apparently are intelligent enough to realize that dr. pepper is far better than coke.
have you ever considered dating uchiha itachi? i think the two of you would get along well.
sincerely
kitty demon
ps
thanks for the idea of what else to use to torture you. i'll have my sister get a tape of ALL her favorite songs.

Dear Kitty,

My first word was "domination", I was valedictorian of the Fire Academy, and I have taken charge of an entire government, and yet my inability to think of a subterfuge somehow reflects poorly on my intelligence? Bwahahahahaahha!!! Oh dear Agni, I'm gonna have to borrow some of Uncle's Depends, because if I read anymore of your letters I WILL pee myself.

Dear Azula,
You stole my name! But I am you. Well, kind of. We were separated a birth, and I was sent far away. Even you don't know were it is. Then I died. Haha! And now I am that little voice in your head. My name s ÄzûLLà. Even you can't say that! Oh, my question is, are you my grandmother?
Thank you, Azula's Alter Ego (ÄzûLLà)

Dear My Alleged Alter Ego,

I sincerely hope that whatever is wrong with you is fixed some day.

AZULA: Until next time, people.