AUTHOR NOTE: I'm out of ideas for settings and guest stars!! Please help me and make suggestions. You can even make other kinds of suggestions—anything that you think that this show could use. This chapter'll be kinda bare bones because of my writer's block. But please! I need suggestions!

Oh, and I'd like to tell you about an Azula dream that I had last night! This is how it went down:

Azula was pregnant (don't know who the father was) and we were having tea together. Ty Lee and Mai were there too. Then suddenly Azula went into labor. (No lies.) Ty and Mai freaked out and begged me for help, and so I helped Azula up and put her to bed, and she (screamed a lot) and gave birth to a little slimy baby. Slimy, but cute. Don't know baby's name.

FREAKY dream.

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Dear Azula,
Thank you for suggesting world domination for dummies. It was fascinating and very helpful. You mentioned this in one of the previous chapters and I was wondering... how do you scalp someone?
From,
Jasmine Dragon

Dear Jasmine,

This is how you scalp someone. (WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.) You force the victim to their knees and grab them by the hair near their forehead. Pulling them up off their knees by their hair, slit the forehead with your knife and push it across the scalp, taking the scalp as well as most of the victim's hair off. If the victim is not already dead when you do this, this injury usually causes profuse bleeding followed by death.

Have a nice day… and night, if you can still sleep.

Dear Azula,
Why do you pick on Zuko so much? If you hate him then ignore him unless he's right there. Plus, Zuko's HOT! And no I'm not fat. I'm in great shape. Zuko's just too darn hot to ignore. He's not a lame emo! Emo's rock!(minus the ones who cut and whine) Zuko never whines. He suck it up and tries to improve it! Are you just upset that he was born first?
And the only reason Ozai likes you is because your the second born. He always hated Iroh because he was heir to the throne. And you suck up to him.
But thanx for the songs, I'll try that! Yes, music is universal.
To Ty lee: Yes! You guys(you and Sokka) are adorable! I was torn between you and Suki, but...your just perfect for him!
Thanx for the advice!
To Mai: Were do you get your weapons? Cuz, they rock!
Sorry so long!
TeenAnimeOtaku
P.S. No Itachi, okay. Have fun with the other guy.

Dear Otaku,

I pick on Zuko firstly because it's fun, and secondly because I'm Azula. That's what I do. Why ignore him when I can play around? He's like a Tickle-Me-Elmo that screams and cries… no wait! He's a Tickle-Me-EMO. HA!

Actually, I'm pleased with being born second. Must suck to be first, having to be on your guard, watching out for creeps like me. Plus, sucking up is fun and it works. How do you think people get promotions in real life? From hard work? Don't make me laugh. Don't.

Okay, here's Ty and Mai's answers to your questions for them.

TY LEE: Yes! Thank you! Sokka and I ARE perfect! Hee hee!

MAI: Yeah, my weapons kinda do rock. I got 'em from Bloodbath and Beyond—an awesome store. I got most of 'em from the one in East Port. (East Port is a coastal town on the FN's east coast, about a hundred miles from the capital.)

Dear Azula,
I know how your hair is one of the most awesome thing in the world, so how did you feel when your bangs were partially cut off in the season finale of season two? I was like "OH NO THEY DIDN'T!" but apparently they did. I give you my condolences.
Oh, and what advice to you have on siblings who cannot firebend for their life? It's embarressing to be related to mine, the way she firebends!
Sorry about your period. Stupid thing. Makes you act all emotional. Bleh.
A fan,
SylverEyes

Dear Sylver,

(Blushing in embarrassment, thinking back to the last chapter) Wretched period. Anyway, moving on to the subject of my hair! I was indeed PRETTY PISSED OFF when my perfect bangs were given a trim. That Katara chick will never need to buy a Weed Whacker—her waterbending should do the trick. However, considering that her whip could have sliced off my nose or cheeks, I'd rather lose an inch off of my bangs.

Oh, and siblings who can't firebend are fun to firebend AT. ;-)

Dear (peasant) Lula,

I have decided to come back, since all my last letter was blocked thanks to a brand new swearing limit. And now I am back to annoy you to death! Now Azula, I have a question. How long did it take you to master lightning and fire? I can safly say, though that whatever it was, I was faster. And has anyone else noticed that Ozai is a total jerk and OOC dude in your last chapter? And I happened to have an indestructible video camera taping your crying trip to the bathroom. I recovered the tape, and it should be on the internet any second now. Imagine, a source of shame you couldn't get rid of...and the internet I am speaking of is in millions of universes...you'll never be able to stop all of them...and they also like to spread...face it...your be even more scarred than ol' Zuzu... and it is technically impossible for Zuko to get periods, you retard...now I have another letter, and because of a specail (indestructable, and unhackable) device, you have to read a bunch of useless chatter before reading another letter that a friend of mine told me to send with mine.
But first...I will say my empire is real, and the next time you ask about my name, I will warp into the room you are in, and I'll personally stab you at such speeds, that I could do it 10 times in the time it takes light to travel through an open-ended tube, at the speed of light.
My empire's tech is also VERY advanced, and I will say it is human nature to assume things when an explanation is absent. And my empire's tech is so advanced, that the drill is obsolete, and we use hundreds of space ships, and we can bend easily ewith staffs, that allow us to bend with much less effort. And I will now start the useless chatter. (Oh no you won't. EDITED!)

Dear Nitro,

(Chuckling.) Annoy me to death? No… although you may AMUSE me to death.

--It's none of your beeswax how long it took me to do anything. How long did it take you to type this childish garble? I can safely say that however long it was, I honestly don't give a flying frog-donkey.

--(sigh) There are no cameras in the Fire Palace lavatory. And if there was, and you have it, you'd better only listen to the audio, because the visuals may be kinda gross. However, if you think you or others would enjoy watching me insert a tampon, go ahead, perv. It's the closest you'll EVER get to that particular area of my body.

--Blah, blah, the same regurgitated blathering about your "kingdom"… do you copy and paste the same letter over and over?

Dear Queen Azula

Thanks for the tips. I be sure to know what you like in a man. Tell you father that I said this is one fan boy what is stronger then you and if you want to prove me wrong I CHALLENGE HIM TO AN AGNI. Then when I'm done with him you and me will rock the Cashba all not long.
Love You Future Husband Kaishin Briefs
P.S. Just call me Kai.

P.S.S I hope you get my gift i sent with this letter. (Diamond Tiara, Silk Dress, and lingere and a huge Diamond ring the size of your fist.)

Dear Kai,

I'll tell father… and THANK YOU for these gifts. (Changes into them) Don't I look like a million bucks? Well, I've always looked like that. NOW I look like the credit card of God!

Dear Azula the Beautiful Fire Queen,
Zuko is actually my last favorite character (my list was out of order). All he does is whine about how he has to capture the Avatar and please his father. Come to think of it, you're actually the only awesome character on the show. You know what you're doing, and you don't let others get in your way.
I have a gift for you!
(Creates a rose out of pure fire and makes it real...and burnt) I read that you liked those!
I love you, Azula!
Sapphire Wolf Master

Dear Master,

Oh, more presents! Oh, thank you! (Puts the rose in her mouth and looks very sexy.)

I'm starting to enjoy these letters/care packages.

Princess Azula,
First off, let me please state what a huge fan of yours I am. And no, heh heh, I'm not just saying that because I'm pretty much the biggest thing there is in existence being The Universe and all. Anyway, an acquaintance and I were having a discussion, and this question came up. Which of these two is a more evil/fun way to abuse the complete obedience of Ty Lee and Mai, and why? To make them hand feed you various fruits, or to make them massage your feet after a long hard battle?
P.S. I've always had a soft spot for the dominant girls who could kick my ass and not think twice about it. Should that Destroyer fellow foolishly not return, remember that The Universe is all around you. And being me, I could gladly make Sozin's comet fly by any your heart desired, which I'm sure is more than enough to please your esteemed father.
Sincerely,
The Universe

Dear Universe (??)

Uh.. wow. A letter from the Universe. And here I was thinking that the Universe couldn't talk—some education I've got.

--Foot massage ALL THE WAY!

Oh, and Destroyer has returned. Thanks your support, Universe, apparently you had all the right planets aligned when I was born!

Princess Azula,
I realize many people asked you how you feel about the pairings that involve you, but I was wondering how you feel about the pairings involving Ty Lee and Mai. Two of the more popular ships for them are Ty Lee/Sokka and Mai/Zuko. I wanted to know how you felt about their rather obvious compliance with these ships. Would you support Mai and Zuko as a way to control them, or not support them in worry that Zuko would give Mai an incentive to turn on you??
Sincerly,
Softballgirl9411

Dear Softball,

I am well aware of these ships, and I'm also aware that Ty Lee and Mai are quite into it. Frankly, I don't care. They'll never be threats to me, even if Sokka and Zuko are against me. So I might as well let 'em date whomever they want. However, if they start forming rebel armies, then I'll step in with a stun gun and that'll be that.

Dear Azula,
Hey, that's a great idea, thx! Oh, and my friend Jasmine wants to say something to you. Jasmine said "Kill Aang already! He's getting in the freakin' way of Zutarians! Kill him! And kill Jin too... you know? The girl who dated Zuko. That bitch."
Yeah, she typed that, but I agree. Lol. Anyways, you rock. And your dad... has major muscles man! How'd he get that? Lol, sorry Fire Lord Ozai, please don't kill me. I'm just asking.
-go Zutara:)
zutaraxlove

Dear Zutara:

YES! ZUTARA! REPRESENTIN'!! (Ahem) Yes, Aang is indeed getting in the way of the greatest ship known to man. Or was. Isn't he dead? Didn't my lightening kill him while he was in the Avatar state? I saw Katara escape with his body… did he seriously live? Erm… um… well, I'm freaked out now. That's the second person I've hit with lightening who has lived. Damn. I've got to train harder. DAMN! First I've got a hair out of place, now people are surviving my attacks! CURSE YOU AZULA! YOU'VE BEEN SLACKING! I hate myself SO MUCH right now! When Dad finds out that Aang lived, I'm going to be GROUNDED!

Dear Princess Azula,
I know you can't stand any of the other female characters (besides your friends and Toph) but which character do you hate the most? (As in, which character would you end up killing within five minutes of seeing them?)
Have a fun time answering this and other annoying letters...
Chocobo Rider Vaan

Dear Rider,

I would definitely kill that freakin' hippie from The Cave of 2 Lovers. Holy crap. In fact, I'd kill all of the hippies, so that they can't make anymore freakin' hippies! (I'd kill the gay-looking one in pink first.)

And your letter is not annoying. Not at all.

Dear Princess Azula
I fell REALLY stupid for asking this, but my brother insisted, so here goes. Do you like pie?
It's something HE had to know, I could care less.
Feeling AMAZINGLY stupid right now
Dark Rose
P.S. A REAL question: How long would you torture your brother before you kill him? Just wondering for... curiosity's sake evil grin

Dear Rose,

Wow. I'd feel stupid too. But I do like pie. Especially mincemeat. I'll let you imagine where I get the mincemeat.

Oh, and wouldn't torture Zuko at all. I'd have to do it quickly… so that I can make more mincemeat pie… (shifty eyes)

Dear Miss Hot Head,

I'm on Ozai's 'To Kill' list? I'm flattered! You haven't heard about "Sokka's Master?" You seriously need to talk to someone else besides the Dia Lee and those two sidekicks. To bad, that's the only episode the stupid producers have revealed to us, but does that put the fans off? No. There has been about a million speculations about what the episode is going to be about. A lot of people believe that Sokka is going to discover that he's a waterbender...or worst, a firebender. I shudder at the thought this for more reasons than one. They think Zuko and Sokka are lost brothers or some other idiotic thing. How do you feel about this these theories? Do you have a theory of your own about this new episode?
Sincerely,
Strix Moonwing

Dear Stick,

HA HA. Zuko and Sokka—brothers. Wow. These people need get their eyes (and maybe heads) examined. They look NOTHING alike. That's like saying that Katara and I are lost sisters. Freaky thought, eh?

My personal theory: Suki may return in that episode. I just have this feeling. Sokka's master, to me, will be another Water Tribe person.

Dear Azula,
You wear Depends, but your dad says you've been potty trained since you were one. I don't get it.
Anyways, is it hard to keep looking so pretty everyday when you're tracking the avatar, and your brother, and your uncle? How do you do it? Is there some special routine you go through everyday?
Yours,
Ganthour

Dear Ganthour:

I am potty-trained. It's just that when I laugh really hard, I sorta pee on myself. Now Iroh… that's a different story.

Oh, and it's not too hard to look pretty every day. It's just that you only see me in action. They never show me during my downtime or first thing in the morning. Heck, the Season Finale was the first time people even see me in a nightdress. First of all, before I go to bed, I take my hair down. Then in the morning, maids (or I) iron it out, treat it with hair oil, and arrange it. Then I freeze it in place with spray. I do not wear makeup—unless you count lip- gloss. My favorite lip- gloss is cinnamon, by the way.

Dear Azula, Your Highness
I never thought about Song being a pushover, but now that you've mentioned it--yep, having her as a sister-in-law would be fun! Mwhahaha! Anyway I had forgotten to put Mai in my last letter, but if she had been in the last letter in the list, would you have picked her? Why and why not? Also, for the school therapist thing, Strix Moonwing suggested. I think it'd be a great idea--a first step to world domination that you so adore. How so? Well they say children are the future, so if you get the children who come to you for help--you could sway them to your way of thinking. For example: "Mad the world are you? Well help me get back at them!" you can tell them. Don't you think? Thus the elderly will be powerless--because what kind hearted grown up, would want to fight against children, let alone if it was their children!
Forlorn Maiden
PS: I don't think you're ugly. IMO you're the prettiest girl on Avatar. (No offense girls)

Dear Maiden,

Wouldn't have picked Mai. Apathetic as she may be, she's no pushover. Song is THE pushover. Oh, and I see your point about the school therapist-thing. I'll have to make a law mandating that all school therapists must be corruptive and evil.

Dear Aluza,

Thanks for the advice Ozai, maybe I WILL change my username to ForeverComical109. Seriously, Zuko IS cooler then you two. I'm shocked that you actually laughed! Agni's the fire god or something god, right? Why am I asking you for advice anyways?
With hatred,
ForeverCharmed109

Dear Forever Comical,

Agni is indeed the god I worship. Even I, the great Azula, defer to the man upstairs.

And I do not know why you ask me for advice. I know that I am the best thing since sliced bread, but I cannot read minds.

Dear Princess Azula of the Fire Nation,
How does it feel to be the princess of the most powerful nation in the world and to be pretty with p-awesome hair. (p-awesome is like awesome, only better!) Good luck dealing with your period. It's the worst torture device ever invented. And chocolate milk rules! Do you wake up every morning with your hair perfect, or do you get people to do it for you?
P.S. Tell Mai that Zuko belongs to Katara, and that he would never look in her direction, no matter how shiny her hair is. HAA.
P.P.S p-awesome is pronounced puh-awesome, fyi...
from, teh queen of randomness.

Dear Queen,

It feels fantastic being a pretty princess that can pwn everything, even if you have a not-so-perfect period. (Lot of p in that sentence) See Ganthour's letter above about my hair.

MAI: Zuko does NOT belong to Katara. Fk off.

Dear Azula,
Sorry. You think I didn't feel anything saying that?
Uh... your father didn't see how I started the last letter, did he? Heh... heh... -nervously rubs back of neck--sweatdrop-
Have you heard that song 'Sweet Home Fire Nation'? I like it... partially because I wrote it...
Did you know Iroh's wife? Did she have any family (cousins, siblings, etc.)? Or was Lu Ten an accident? I always wondered...
My brother asks why you shot Iroh with lightning.
And if you weren't a firebender, would you rather be an earthbender or a waterbender and why?
P.S. Momo's in debt now.

From, Flow Rat Ava; Avatarwolf
(What other songs do you like?)

Dear Flow Rat,

"Sweet Home Fire Nation" isn't a half bad song. Nice job!

Iroh's wife died when she was forty (year Zuko was born) of a stroke—I never knew much about her or her family—and Lu Ten was a planned child.

If your brother is asking why I struck Iroh with lightening, then I guess the irony was lost on him.

And I am now and will always be a FIREBENDER. Got it?

Dear Princess Azula,
Your dad told me to get a life! Oh, I got a wii! YAY! Also, I think that you should make a rock band with Ty Lee and Mai. Do you like Kataang?
From,
StarDragon411

Dear Star,

Sure. We'll be a rock band: Azula and the Slave-ettes.

Kataang… I don't care. I'm gonna kill 'em anyway.

Dear Azula
I have hobbies! The chess club just isnt on right now because someone got into a fight about the queen (Encase you're too stupid to realise- I'M KIDDING! I do weight lifting and stuff in my room)
My real hobbies, swimming, working out, drawing, writing, etc.
Moving on...
I was wondering, if you hate Zuko much, it ISN'T because your a twisted freak, it's because your a little sister! My sis tortures me (I hv the scar across my head to prove). Speaking of my sis, she does annual polls every January for different things. She did the greatest evil on the planet today, you were no. 2!
1. (for protection, this name has been covered so YOU don't kill them)
2. You
3. Hitler.
YOU BET HITLER! WELL DONE! (fireworks go off) doesn't that just fill your hollow black heart to the brim with twisted evil pride?
From, the hyper scots lass
p.s Sleep with one eye open, the ZFGA (Zuko Fan Girl Association) have already took down the outer wall of the Fire Nation. They have bomber jets now! RUN!

Dear Lass,

I beat Hitler, eh? Wait 'til I tell Dad. I'll get a raise on my allowance. A big one.

AZULA: That's enough stupidity for one sitting. Good and bye!