IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE: Coming up next week on Ask Azula is…

------A visit (or rather forced appearance) by Prince Zuko!

------Mai experiments with a Ouija board!

------Zapper(White Destroyer) buys Azula a pregnancy test!

------The whole royal family has a sing-a-long!

Address your letters to either Azula or Zuko! (or both)

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The setting for this show is Ty Lee's bedroom! It's a sleepover!

Azula's in a red nightgown, Ty Lee is in pink fuzzy pajamas with feet and a bunny hood, and Mai is in a black vampire twin set.

AZULA: Greetings all! Here we are, having a sleepover with Ty.

TY LEE: YAY! WHOOOO!

MAI: Sleeping in the same room with Azula doesn't seem safe. Believe me, people, the best part of waking up is NOT Folger's in your cup, it's knowing that Azula didn't kill you in your sleep.

AZULA: Shut up Mai! At least you don't wake up feeling nauseous like me!

TY LEE: You wake up feeling pukey? OMG AZULA! COULD YOU BE…

AZULA: I won't know for sure until Zapper returns with a pregnancy test.

TY LEE: OMG THE SUSPENSE! Azula's gonna be a mommy! Azula's gonna be a mommy!

MAI: That poor kid.

AZULA: Man, am I anxious. To get my mind off it, I'll answer some letters. Ty, make me some popcorn!

Dear Azula
The Tentacle robots have taken Ty-lee! They are enjoying her! Please send help (or not)

From rylasasin

Dear Sin,

The tentacle robots have taken your brain! They are enjoying it with a side of creamed corn! Please send them the bill!

AZULA: Ew. Brain with corn… I don't feel good.

TY LEE: Popcorn?

AZULA: No. With the way I'm feeling, a bucket would be more useful.

Dear Princess Azula,
Two questions this time, one of them for Mai.
The one for you, Royal mistress of the Fire Nation: Is it possible to be too evil? I believe that to be impossible myself, but I'd like your opinion.
For Mai: Have you been dropped on your head as a child? I was just wondering since I injured my head and lost all human emotions besides anger, boredom, and depression, and that's almost like you.
From the Eternal Darkness
Dark Rose
P.S. My brother told me to drop dead, forget your advice, I'm dropping him into a vat of boiling water and will watch him suffer for half an hour before sending a bolt of lightning in with him.

Dear Rose,

Hmm. Too evil? I guess too much of anything isn't good… but evil? Then again, they say that MONEY is the root of all evil, and there's no such thing as too much money… so there's no such thing as too much evil! Whoo! Can't argue with THAT logic!

Mai's reply: Don't know. Don't care. Although Tom-Tom managed to be stolen by a lemur… geez, my parents sure can be neglectful. Makes me wonder what ever DID happen to me. Well, whatever. Not like it matters now… not that I care…

AZULA: Aw, geez… (pukes in bucket)

MAI: That was the popcorn.

AZULA: Whoops.

Very funny chapter! Here's my next letter.
Dear Azula the Fire Empress of the World,
Since your fire went from the usual red, orange and yellow to blue, will it eventually become white? You know, since it goes red-hot, blue-hot and white-hot? Think that'll happen?
If you had a dragon for a pet, what would you name it?
This is for Ty Lee: If you and Sokka got together, how many kids do you think you'll have?
For Mai: Have you ever considered archery? I think you'd kick butt, along with throwing daggers.
Azula, you are the best character there is. I have another gift for you! (Reveals a long-sleeved black dress with red and blue flames rising from the bottom and spiraling up the sleeves)
Until next time, Fire Empress.
Sapphire Wolf Master
P.S.: You can call me Sapphire for short, if you want.

Dear Sapphire,

---Technically, my lightening is white at the core. However, I'm training to see if I can make it turn some other color that's way hotter, like… invisible.

---I would name my dragon God-Freakin-Zilla.

Ty Lee's reply: Kids! (Squealing at the thought) Oh, a dozen at least!

---Oh! That's a gorgeous dress. I'll put it away so I don't puke on it.

Dear girly fire lady wannabe,
HA..my cousin was right you are a bitch..wait THE bitch.I have a question for ya.If you can control Ty Lee why can't ya control anng(AKA the avatar incase ya didnt know).I mean for an all powerful princess you are pretty weak...i mean you only got Ba Sing Se because your brother helped,AND the "water peasant" technically beat you so HA.oh and i heard from zapper you still watch barney like ZHAO and Ozie...tht must be a family thing thank god zuzu doesnt.
ZUTARA ROCKS AND SO DOES THE F.N even if they're evil.
ya bitch 4 life
sapphire dragon1416

Dear Dragon,

The avatar is not in front of me, thus I cannot verify if my control methods would even be working. Plus, Ty is more fun to control. TELL ME you didn't laugh when she fell into those hot Bagel Bites.

I do not watch those shows, nor does my family. Are you just bitter because your mom makes you watch the Wiggles?

Oh, and if you ever speak slanderously about my fiancé again, I shall have to hurt you.

MAI: She's not kidding. I called him a dunce, and she shaved my head.

Dear Princess Azula,
Remember that captain that accidentally told Zuko that you where taking him prisoner in The Avatar State. What ever happened to him?

Sincerely Cromwell

Dear Cromwell,

Let's just say that he had a tough time convincing the tides not to kill him. I won't elaborate on it any further, I'd rather let you brood about it.

Dear Queen Azula
I thought that I was the one for you. I gave you gifts and everything. I mean I could barely stand after our wild night together you sure got a lot of energy and know how to waste it.
I hope your dad can still move after the beating I gave him. I didn't mean to take it over board at the AGNI.
Love Your Future Husband Kai

Dear Kai,

Woah woah woah. Hold the phone there, pal. White Destroyer "Zappie" claimed me first and also had the enormous privilege of copulating with me first. I don't know what you're talking about when you make references to this "wild night" we supposedly had. Were you jerking off while looking at my picture? (Perfectly understandable)

Um… and as I write this right now, my dad is in the other room, making s'mores with Ty Lee's mom. And he looks perfectly fine, except for his "Kiss The Cook" apron.

Dear Azula,
If your father really did turn against your grandfather to get the throne, would you do the same to your father to get to the throne quicker?
From,
Jasmine Dragon

Dear Jasmine,

Gee, let's think. I backstabbed Zuko twice, I shot my uncle in the heart, and I laughed hysterically during my cousin's funeral.

Is this even a question? DUH!

AZULA: Pukes again.

Dear Azula,
Do you iSketch? It's really fun. You should try it. (My name is Avatarded there.)
P.S. Tell Iroh thanks for the advice.
Flow Rat Ava

Dear Flow Rat,

I don't iSketch. However, iKill and iMaim, and sometimes iDominate. But today in particular, iPuke.

Iroh's response: Glad to help the young people. (Smile)

My Love,
I'm asking outright. Will you marry me? I wish to be with you forever, loving you, holding you, and helping you. Do you like magma or volcano flavored tea? I love you.
Hoping for a yes,
Your fiance White Destroyer
P.S. I have invented a new form of the drug that lasts for 2 years instead of 24 hours.

Oh! Hi Sweetie!

Of course I'll marry you. Get your butt over here and I'll even throw in a complimentary trip to my bedroom, and then to the shower, if you're a good boy. I like VOLCANO tea—I like the steady, spicy flavor, then the sudden burning burst of intensity. (Remind you of anything, hint hint) Bring the drug… and bring a can of whipped cream. I'll be waiting… in a rather fabulous dress that Kai got me. If I can stop puking.

Azula,
If you and Zapper had kids, what would they look like?
Ganthour

Dear Ganthour,

So much for getting my mind off of pregnancy. I'm a princess, not a psychic. I'm guessing that Junior would have my hair and eyes, and have Zapper's facial structure. I'm also guessing that with good looks like that, the kid could stun someone.

Dear Azula
It has come to my attention that some people enjoy finding interesting ways to torture you. One of them involves a fireproof Britney Spears constantly singing while you're locked in an equally fireproof room. Could you survive?
And don't, please don't, ask me how everything's fireproof.
P.S. my all seeing eye sees everything you do Azula . . . and it's very afraid and disturbed.
-Emissary of Knowledge

Dear Knowledge,

Of course I could survive. Frankly, I don't see how it's torture to me. BRITNEY is the one locked in a room with ME. And who cares if she's fireproof? I'll just sink my nails into her neck and de-vein her. Problem solved.

And I'm sure that your all-seeing eye is disturbed—especially if it was tuned into my room last night… when all I had was my fiance's picture and a banana… mmm yeah. I bet that all-seeing eye's gonna need an eye-patch soon.

Dear Azula,
Did your father love your mother? Or were they forced to get married?
From MarryforLove

Dear Marry for Love,

Are you kidding? It was arranged, my friend. But my father always loved my mother.

To Princess Azula,

Why yes, I can indeed speak. It's just that I only use my extensive vocabulary to communicate with a selective few of the utmost importance, such as yourself. Anyway, thanks for your answer last time. For once at least, my friend and I were able to get a conclusive answer to one of our random disagreements. Proud to say that I, The Universe, was right. Of course a foot massage is a much better way to take advantage of Ty Lee and Mai. I mean, there are two of them even, each to a foot, right? It makes perfect sense. Keep up the great show though. Should I ever have another question, I'll be sure to ask.
P.S. Now, with the return of Destroyer, my efforts towards courting you are now in vain. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that you'll never "become one with The Universe" as it's sometimes referred to. For the best I suppose. The age difference may have eventually become a problem. With you being 14, and myself being just a spec over 10 billion, things may not have worked out.
Sincerely,
The Universe

Dear Universe,

As usual, you rock out loud. Don't feel bad about the relationship thing—I'll send you a free T-Shirt, how's that? In Size X(times 3 million) Large.

Dear Aluza,
About "The devil's sister" thing, my friends and I were talking about my sister being the devil. Did I tell you that I'm a girl? For all you know I could be a boy. Now the dead people are telling me to PAINFULLY kill you! How more sinis... WAIT A SECOND... Zuko is MORE sinister then some old weird lunch ladies... except for the ones that put food all over your plate which gets on your shirt/pants/etc... Anyways... Thanks for the advice about the cat toy issue! Now for some questions: How do you cook the pre-made pizza? How is Zuko an embarrassment to you and Ozai? Why will you lose against Chuck Norris? Who IS Chuck Norris? Are cats better then dogs? How would you feel if you died after reading all of these letters? How much have I annoyed you? How can you be less psychotic then my cat? Why won't you let Uncle Iroh free to make tea for people and himself? Do you want to kill Ozai? How can I torture someone? Why isn't it possible to fight Zuko in the Avatar game? Why weren't you in the Avatar game? Have I annoyed you yet? If so how much have I annoyed you? Lastly, what's the capital of Russia?
-Forever Comical
P.S. Are you annoyed yet?
P.S.S. Why are you cheating on Momo?

Dear Forever Comical,

The answer is Moscow.

NEXT LETTER!

Dear the wonderful and all-powerful and almighty Fire Lady (or soon to be) Azula,
My birthday's on July seventh too! WHE! BTW, i think you totally rock. how did you get your chakras all flowy? and how do you shoot lightening? because, i have a few . . (sits down, counting on fingers) . . okay maybe a lot of people that need to be taught a lesson. coughmybrothercough. Anyway you rule!
PS this year we get triple luck, 07/07/07
PPS my brother said i was eviler than you. i beat him up for it.
PS ty lee, mai, you guys rock
PS iroh, what's your favorite tea? mine's orange'n spice

Dear Tophrulz,

Same birthday? Well, don't YOU feel honored!

Oh, and to shoot lightening, you split the energy in your body into positive and negative, then aim as they come crashing back together. That's it.

It's great to have such dedicated fans!

Iroh's response: GINSENG! (foams and falls over) Oof! Was that over the top? I can never tell.

Dear Azula,
what do you plan on doing once you actually CAPTURE the Avatar? You can't really kill him because he'll just be reincarnated into the Water Peasants. Then again, if he's in the Avatar State when you kill him, the Avatar will 'cease to exist'. Just a tip.
-Invaderk

Dear Invaderk,

(Sigh) Your "tip" is exactly what I (tried) to do in the Season Finale. Thanks again for watching my big "I-Shanked-the Avatar" moment closely.

Dear Iroh
I'm glad that the best firebender and person in the fire nation is on the set. I've just got to know, what's the best sort of tea? Where i come from sweet tea, ice tea and green tea are all the rage but i can't stand those blends. Any recomendations?
Also, do you have any interesting, and by interesting i mean embarrassing, stories about azula or zuko's childhood?
You're awesome
hugs
kitty demon
ps Azula, go drown yourself, if you're intelligent to do taht much

Dear Kitty,

Iroh's response: Oh, how sweet of you… but I'm not best person ever… oh, I'm blushing now. As for tea, I don't know if I can possibly say that one is better than the other! I mean, there's green tea and black tea and rooibos red tea and oblong tea… but ginseng tea is the best! Drink that!

Ooh! Embarrassing stories? I've got one! It involves Zuko, Azula, and a very bad 14-year old Lu Ten. That wicked son of mine managed to convince the two (they were about 2-3 years old) that Ozai's long hair concealed a demon. Then a week later we held a state dinner, inviting much of the aristocracy. It was a very upscale affair, you know, with about eleven different forks and spoons and all the royalty having to be dressed up. Lu Ten and I were dressed quite smartly in state robes and our crowns. Well, we're eating, and Ozai goes to scratch an itch on the back of his neck. To reach it, he sweeps his long hair forward. Zuko and Azula start shrieking, "DEMON! DEMON! DON'T LET IT OUT!" and pointing at Ozai. Everybody is shocked that Zuko and Azula would call their father a demon, and so everybody sits and stares. Ozai demands an explanation, and the little ones say, "Lu Ten said that you have a demon under your hair, papa." And the guests laugh hysterically.

If humiliation could kill, I'd have been a goner. To say that I went INSANE after dinner would not do the word " insane" much justice. It was one of the few times that I actually took a strap and gave Lu Ten a good thrashing. You probably won't see that particular flashback on the show. Not one of my better moments.

Dear Azula,
Hm, smexy, you and Destroyer. Okay a couple of questions. Where did Zapper come from? Destroyer-Zapper? I don't really see the connection.
You said in a pervious answer to a letter that you could kill Zuko, your mom, and your grandfather easily, and then gave the reasons why. You said for Ursa that you could kill her because she hated you. So does that mean that you loved her when you were younger, but because she didn't like you, you were jealous of Zuko? -gasp- You're too cool to be jealous of Zuko!
My birthday is five days after yours! But I wasn't born in the same year. Go July people!
This one is for all three of you (you, Mai, Ty Lee)- what happened at the Royal Fire Academy? Good memories, bad ones? Just wondering.
Destroyer- nice job. Totally evil enough for Azula, although I think she's eviller (is that a word?) than you are. Sorry, but it's true.
Sincerely,
SylverEyes

Dear Eyes,

"Destroyer" is his REAL name. "Zapper" is his USER name. I use them interchangeably.

Oh, and I'm not jealous of Zuko in any way, shape, or form. I just resented being ignored.

Azula's school memories: I had the nicest suite in the whole place, and maids to wash and iron my uniform. Not bad at all. I was valedictorian each and every year, and I was in the School Government Association. (SGA) I was the president. Honestly, I had a blast at school—I was good at everything, the activities were fun, and once a week they'd take us a field trip to the city to go shopping and see the sights. We also got to visit governmental buildings, where the officials would teach us about how the country worked and other stuff like that. In our school, there were three routes of study you could take: government, military, or the humanities. I took government, along with Mai, and Ty Lee took humanities.

Mai's memories: School was okay. I was in the poetry club. I remember the day I met Azula. I was throwing rocks into the lake on the grounds, and she came up from the behind and said, "Not bad. You've got good aim. Next time we have gym, you should join my team. They all stink." And the rest is history. Whatever.

Ty's memories: School was great! I was a cheerleader! Azula was always pretty jealous of my flips. I remember she tried to copy me, but she fell and broke her ankle. Poor Azula starting crying; her foot was so swollen her shoe was tight, and I helped her hop inside. We were friends after that.

Dear Azula, Ok thank you. Look for presents on the 7th or time around that time. You will find things, although I'm not telling you. Also, if you were ever to dye your hair, which I'm sure you wouldn't, what color would you want your hair to be.
P.S. Tell Mai, SO I didn't asy you did I?
P.P.S. Tell Ty Lee I'm like totally awesome, and can she teach me to do flips ( I can't even do a cartwheel..)

Queen of randomness

Dear Queen,

I'd like my hair to be caramel blonde. I'd be the only person in the world with that hair color. It would freak people out.

Mai: Whatever.

Ty: I'll teach you to do flips! It's FUN FUN FUN!

Azula,
I was wondering out of curiosity if you like licorice? Oh, and what instrument would be your favorite to play... and which one is your favorite to kill people with?
Miss Mooshi

Dear Mooshi,

I do like licorice. It's all black and twisted, like myself. As for instruments, my favorite instrument is the cymbal(s), and my favorite for killing is the Iron Maiden.

AZULA: Man, do I feel like crap.

TY LEE: Have some s'mores! Then we can watch the all-night Care Bear marathon!

AZULA: Blleeeetch!!!!