LSDG

Part the Fifth

"All Bark and No Bite"

Like a light bulb switching on, the alchemist launched out of his lethargic state of mind and into attack mode. "Who are you calling a puny midget who needs to be put in his place, you jerk!" The man ignored him and kept running. Beneath his arm was a large purse, far too feminine for a man of his type to be toting about. Just as he disappeared around the corner at the opposite end of the car, Edward brought his white-gloved hands together in a clapping motion.

Inside the compartment, both Fionnuala and Alphonse looked up in unison. They heard raised voices, but once they heard Edward barking about his height insecurity, they had a pretty good idea what had happened.

In a flash of brilliant light, the floor morphed into an obstacle course. Ridges popped out of the woodwork to trip the thief, bits of the walls extended to stop him in his tracks, but it was all to no avail. Edward had reacted too late, and the man had already vanished.

Alphonse pulled open the sliding door and looked into the hall, while Fionnuala peered out beneath him. Both of their eyes widened as they watched Edward spring forward to down the hall and around the corner, apparently in pursuit. Nervously, the two stepped out.

"Whoa! Is this all the result of a transmutation?" Fionnuala said as she ogled at the deformed floor and walls.

Alphonse sighed. "He must have lost his temper." He looked about the hallway. "Brother? You there?"

Fionnuala ran to the opposite end of the car, dodging the traps in the floor, to look beyond the corner that Edward had disappeared to.

"Alphonse!" She cried, sprinting back to the compartment. "Get your stuff! Edward's jumped off the train!"

"WHAT?"

"You're crazy fast for such a little guy!"

"You're gonna pay for that!"

Edward was still some meters behind his prey. Between his size and his heavy automail, keeping up with a beefy full-grown man wasn't an easy task. Again, he clapped his hands together and pressed them to the ground.

This time, he was successful. A yellow light flickered and the earth at the burglar's feet transformed into a rope that wrapped around his legs many times and was tied to the ground. Mortified, and nearly helpless, he fell to the ground, his face hitting the grass with a thud.

"Gotcha!" Edward breathed for a little while and then stood up proudly and grinned. "That wasn't so hard." He walked to the man's side and looked down upon him with his hands on his hips. Condescendingly, he said, "So I imagine that that purse doesn't belong to you. Hand it over."

"I don't have it."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Really? You sure it's not in there?" He pointed to his backpack.

The man pushed himself up with his free hands and sat up on his knees. "Yes, I'm sure. I don't have it."

"C'mon. Hand it over now and maybe I won't report you." Edward reached out with a golved hand to take the pack by the top handle. However, the only reply the teenager received was a full-throttle punch to the face. "Ow! Dammit, that hurt."

The alleged thief quickly undid his bonds. "Don't mess with me, kid. I don't have the stupid purse."

As Edward stood up and dusted himself off, the man came at him like a bulldozer, fist ready for a second impact. "So it's a fight you want, eh?" He ducked under the strike, stepped slightly to the right, and then hit hard into the man's side with his right arm. Swiftly, he followed the move by coming down hard on his back with his left elbow, sending the man right back down to the ground.

"Major Edward Elric, at your service," he said with a grin, and he placed his boot firmly upon the back of the man's neck.

"Brother!"

"What are you doing to him?"

Edward looked up to see Alphonse and a flushed Fionnuala, sweating and panting." I suppose you could call it justice." Neither of his traveling companions were amused. "He stole a purse, so I went after him."

Fionnuala clapped a hand to her forehead in exasperation.

"He left that purse on the train. I gave it to a lady when she came running into our car looking for it." Alphonse said.

"And now we've wasted our tickets."

For a while, Ed stared, and eventually his gaze fell down to the man. "Whatever," he said with a sigh, and stepped over what was beneath his foot. He put his hands in his pockets, and walked past Fionnuala and Alphonse, in the direction that the train had gone.

"Where are you going, brother?"

"Train's long gone. We gotta get to Durham some way, and the only way I can see is walking."

Both Nuala and Al hurried to catch up with him. Now, Alphonse was relatively used to this behavior, but Fionnuala, on the other hand, was not about to let it fly.

"You could at least, apologize, you know." No response. "Like, 'Sorry I'm making you guys walk all the way there,' or something." Edward was adamant, his face fixed to look straight ahead into the distance that stood between them and Durham. "Look, at least hold your stuff." She held out his trunk in front of him, which he quietly took from her. "Are you always this stubborn or are you trying extra hard this week? How far is it to Durham, anyway?"

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back for Edward. In frustration, he stopped in his tracks and turned to Fionnuala, who was at his right, and swiftly swung his left foot high into the air, seeming to aim at her head. "Shut up!"

"Brother!"

Alphonse didn't really need to worry. For one, it wasn't Edward's intention to hurt the girl, just scare her a little into leaving him alone, but secondly, and more importantly, this rash course of action had a result that neither brother dreamed would occur.

Before Edward's boot could come within three inches of her face, Fionnuala grabbed his leg by the shin with her left hand, stopping it in its path. Immediately, she hooked her left foot around his right ankle, which was still on the ground, and pulled it sharply out from beneath him, forcing him to land square on his buttocks, legs in the air, until they fell with a thud to the grass. All this she did in one fluid motion. And with a fiery look in her eye, she put her hands on her hips and leaned forward slightly to look at the grounded teenager straight in the face.

"You need to watch that explosive temper of yours. It's gonna get you in trouble one day. And if you are under the impression that I'm going to keep my mouth shut while you let it get us into some screwed up mess, you've got another thing coming." And with a "hmph," she turned and continued walking.

"What just happened?" Edward asked, bewildered.

"I have no idea," said Alphonse, with a similar reaction.

Some yards ahead, Fionnuala yelled, "You got your ass kicked by a girl is what happened."

She felt like a bull, storming off, nostrils flared, and snarling. Sneaking a glance behind her, she saw that the brothers were walking only a few feet behind her. In time, they came to be only a couple strides behind. Alphonse was looking back and forth between the girl and the land ahead. Edward stared with his head cocked at Fionnuala rather puzzled. His hands had returned to his pockets.

"Durham is about a day to a day and half's walk from here, in case you were wondering, Fionnuala." Said Al timidly.

"Thank you, Alphonse. And you can call me Nuala, if you want," she replied, still looking ahead.

"I have to admit, I thought you were all bark and no bite." Said Edward. "So where'd you learn to fight?"

"Why? You jealous?"

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Look, Noodles, don't flatter yourself. If you think you're all slick just because you dodged a half-hearted attack, you should know that I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing because you're a girl."

"That's every guy's excuse. And if you think you're so clever, then you should know that if I really wanted to hurt you, I would have used my right foot to pull out your leg from beneath you instead of my left. By doing so, you would have flopped on the ground with your legs flying apart, and I would proceed to kick you squarely between them."

"I'm afraid that's the second time she's gotten you, brother."

"Shut up!"

Fionnuala did her best to hide a smirk. When she regained her composure, she said, "My mother taught me, if that's what you were wondering."

"Your mother taught you to fist-fight like that?" Asked Alphonse, rather surprised.

"She didn't happen to be named Izumi Curtis did she?" Added Edward under his breath.

"Her name was Jacqueline Riddleson. Who's Izumi?"

"Our teacher," said Alphonse. "She instructed us in alchemy from when we were little."

"Oh? I would have liked to have met her."