AN: I meant to post this before I left town, which was the last chance I woul have had before Deathly Hallows came out, but apparently I forgot. So, please ignore that this isn't exactly Deathly Hallows compliant. However, I think it gives a really good chance for Harry and Remus to voice their feelings on everything life has dealt them...

Disclaimer: Unless J.K. Rowling is being a bad AP English student and procrastinating reading her books and completing her assignments, and unless she's hoping for some reason she won't have to go to Marching Band tomorrow...I'm not her. Nor am I am any of those other people that own the rights to Harry Potter.

Get it? Got it? Good.

I think about the 'what ifs' a lot.

What if Padfoot was Secret Keeper?

What if I was Secret Keeper?

What if Dumbledore was Secret Keeper?

What if Padfoot and I hadn't suspected each other?

What if we had found some other way to keep you, Lily, and Harry safe all together?

The 'what if's are endless, James. They break my heart with all the desperate wishing they instill. But I can't stop. They come, wave after wave, and I'm powerless to stop them. I'm far too filled with regrets at this point in my life. No man should ever regret this much. No man should ever feel so guilty.

When Sirius came back he told me it wasn't my fault. I told him it wasn't his fault. We didn't argue with Harry when he blamed Peter, but we still hold ourselves responsible as well. It's funny, the whole thing happened because of Voldemort, but we don't particularly go pointing fingers at him. Although, I don't know, I think Harry does. But who could blame him? He's lost a lot in his short life, and it's all due to Voldemort.

I ponder the 'what if's' regarding Harry's childhood as well.

What if Sirius had been able to raise him?

What if I had been able to raise him?

Hell, what if anyone but that wicked sister of Lily's and her husband had raised him?

And, naturally, the biggest 'what if' of all is, what if you, you and Lily, had been able to raise him.

I ponder it all, and my heart breaks a little more each time. I think about how different things would have turned out for us if the seemingly little things had been different. Harry might have known love he could remember before the age of eleven. Sirius might not have spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he could never in his wildest dreams commit. I might not have spent twelve years friendless. And that's only the beginning of it.

I wish things had turned out differently. Not just for us, Harry and I, the only two left. But for you, Lily, Sirius, even Peter. I have to ask James, even though I know you can't answer beyond the grave…does the irony kill you? Does it not anger you to no end that this huge neon sign was right in front of our faces and we never saw it? I suppose I shouldn't be talking, I am a bloody werewolf. But as Harry said when we were talking about it, Peter changes into a rat by will, where as I change into a werewolf by force. He says that's a huge difference, and he's right of course. His comment has been some comfort to me.

Harry has been some comfort to me. He's all I have left of you, James, and of Lily, and even of Sirius. Harry may not share of any Sirius' blood, but we all know you and Sirius were brothers- and you should have seen Sirius and Harry together, James…They were so happy. Although it was sort of a depressing sight to see, despite their happiness. Because in a way, I think they were using each other as a substitute. Sirius tried to make Harry into you, and Harry tried to turn Sirius into you. Both were severely disappointed in the end. Don't get me wrong though, James, they got along great. They were happy. The loss of Sirius broke Harry's heart I think. But Sirius never gave Harry what he really wanted, what he still wants, a parent.

Harry wants you James. He wants you and Lily. He wants you, and your love, like he's wanted nothing else. I think it's because of the pair of you he's so adamant in fighting against Voldemort. Because of the loss of you he suffered at such a young age. Although, I think part of why he fights is that he has a deep down hope that defeating Voldemort will bring you back. And the fact that he might really be thinking that, and dreaming about it, kills me.

I've tried to protect him James. I've tried to protect him like you and Sirius would. And like Lily would. We all know what a mama bear Lily was, and the perfect proof of that was the night you died. Lily's protection has saved Harry's life more than once. Any mother would say that putting down their life for their child was worth it. But to me, Lily's sacrifice was incredibly so. Not just because she saved her child's life once, not just because by saving her child's life she helped save the world, but because she saved her child's life multiple times.

And, no matter what would have happened…no matter what 'what if' took place, I can't help but think you and Lily never would have been able to watch your son grow up. I can't help but think that for some reason, it was destined that you would not see your son become the great man he now is. Because of Lily's sacrifice, and yours- because don't worry James, I recognize your sacrifice too. It was a huge one as well. However, I know you don't care about the recognition for what you did. That's not why you did it. You did it to save their lives. And I can only imagine how much despair you must have felt to discover you only halfway succeeded.

The point is, James, that I don't think it matters how many 'what ifs' I can come up with. Because, while I've found a lot- I don't think that any of them would have really changed things much. I think no matter what, you and Lily would still have died. Peter would have still turned against us. Sirius would still be, as he'd always been, the innocent convict. I would still be the lonely werewolf. And, Harry, Harry would still be the Boy-Who-Lived, the hero to our world, and the defeater of Voldemort. He hasn't won yet, James, but we all know he will.

That's one instance where Fate hasn't screwed us over. Fate will win. Harry Potter will finally find happiness. Voldemort will be defeated. And maybe, all that we've all suffered through will finally be made worth it. Because maybe, maybe Fate isn't changeable for a reason.

Please review...and then check out Harry's monologue...