XII:
"Uncle Raf, can I meet Olivia?" Johanna asked, grabbing more noodles and meat with her chopsticks before shoving them into her mouth. She didn't even wait for an answer before she added, with her mouth full, "I bet she's feeling better by now."
Rafael smiled wanly at Rita, who glared at him. "Yes, she is feeling a lot better," he said, "but I'm not sure she's quite up to –"
"Since when does Olivia Benson let other people decide what's best for her?" Rita asked.
"Since she had major surgery," Rafael said pointedly. "I'd have to ask if she's up to it, kid."
Johanna sighed. "Well… it's not like I'm a little kid. I'm not going to jump on her."
He quirked a smile. "Right," he agreed. "You're sixteen. Old enough to behave."
"I always behave," Johanna said with a frown.
"For other people, maybe," Rita muttered. "You can't just waltz into other people's homes and expect to be welcomed, Jo."
Rafael shot her a Look to silence her. "Olivia is looking forward to meeting you, too," he said, "but today was hard for her. She had therapy and several appointments, and was asleep on the sofa when I moved the last of my boxes out of my apartment before I met you guys. I don't know if she'll be up to –"
"You moved in with her?" Rita said.
"Mom, don't start," Johanna interjected.
"No, no, I want to understand why Rafael thinks rushing into things head first is always a good idea," Rita said, setting down her chopsticks and looking at him expectantly. "It's not like I didn't offer perfectly good –"
"You offered and I turned it down," he reminded her. "We're no good for each other and the potential for destroying our cases is astronomical."
"And you're not going to have that with Goody-two-shoes?" Rita commented dryly.
"We already disclosed," he muttered.
"Not the point."
"What, pray tell, is the point, then?"
"How can you possibly be objective and be in a relationship with Olivia Benson?" Rita asked.
"You see?" he challenged. "This is why we don't work, Rita. Why we would never work together. We would only fight."
"Who's fighting?" she challenged.
"What's so wrong with Olivia?" Johanna interjected. "What's so wrong with her that makes you hate her so much, mom?"
Rita sighed. "I don't hate her. I just don't think that her brand of optimism is based in reality."
"Optimism?" Rafael scoffed.
"Benson is your classic Pollyanna archetype –"
"You don't know her at all," he said, waving her off. "Clearly." He glanced over at Johanna and said, "Olivia is a woman who loves with her whole heart or not at all. And if you are in her good graces, you are lucky."
Johanna smiled at him and for just a moment, he saw his abuelita in her. "You've only ever been with boys since I've known you, Uncle Raf," she commented. "I want to meet the girl that made you stop and stare."
Rita rolled her eyes. "Jo, it wasn't like that. Trust me. Rafi isn't like that –"
"Bullshit I'm not," Rafael said. "You think pretty doesn't turn my head?"
Rita's look was both doubtful and baleful as she raked it over himself and her. "Really?" The single word was a scathing commentary in and of itself.
"Is she pretty?" Johanna asked.
"She's beautiful," he replied. "But so are you and your mom."
"Liar," Rita scoffed, sipping the last of her soup. "I suppose now would be a good time to see where you'll be living so I don't have to worry about roaches and rats when I drop her off."
"As if I'd live somewhere with an infestation," he shot back.
"You'd do anything for love," she retorted.
"Have you told her about me?" Johanna asked.
"I have," Rafael said. "She wants to meet you."
"Will it be okay to do it tonight?" she asked worriedly.
"Why don't you finish your dinner and I'll call Olivia and find out?" he asked. "She's eating with one of her friends tonight so –"
"Oh. So we aren't bringing something back for her?"
He smiled a little. "What would you have picked? I'll tell you if you were right."
"The tonkotsu broth with pork belly, buckwheat noodles, oyster mushrooms, bean sprouts, and chili crisp," Johanna said after a moment of thought.
"I think she'd enjoy that," he said, even though Olivia probably would have opted for something lighter and only eaten a small portion. She was tired and struggling most of the time, but she tried to work through it with a smile. "Why don't we bring her some dessert?"
"Yes! Mochi!"
Even Rita couldn't begrudge that.
"I'm back," Rafael called out as he opened the door to the apartment. "And I brought company."
When Olivia didn't answer, he motioned for Rita and Johanna to stay in the hallway. He stepped through to the living room area and spotted Olivia immediately on the sofa, sound asleep, covered in a blanket. Munch lifted a finger to his lips and glared at him for a moment. "She only ate half a sandwich," the older man said quietly, "and drank a can of juice and two glasses of water with her medicine."
"She wore herself out earlier," Rafael sighed. "I'm sorry –"
"Nah, we had a good talk before she fell asleep," Munch said with a little smile. "You better take good care of her, Barba."
"You can count on that," he agreed.
Olivia stirred, opened one eye just a tiny bit. "Hey," she slurred groggily.
"Hi," he replied, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I brought dessert. Actually, Johanna brought you dessert. She'd really like to meet you. She practically threatened violence."
She chuckled. "And you're a marshmallow."
"I am," he acknowledged without protest, smiling over at Munch, knowing when to give up to Olivia without a fight. "Rita's here, too. She wanted to see where I might bring Jo-jo."
"It's a mess," Olivia protested.
"Only because I haven't unpacked," he said softly. "It's okay."
"So, I'll see myself out," Munch said, getting his trenchcoat off the back of one of the dining chairs. "Liv, it's been a party –"
"Sorry I've been such a bad hostess," she said as Rafael helped her sit up and tucked the blanket around her.
"Nah, kid, it's okay. If you're still rotten when you feel better, then we'll talk," Munch joked. They heard him talking quietly to Rita and Johanna in the hallway, then they appeared in the doorway after he'd left.
"Come on in," Rafael invited. "It's a little messy because my boxes are kind of everywhere still, but – yeah."
Rita came in first and looked at Liv on the sofa, then flinched. "Benson – you look like shit," she said, visibly recoiling.
"Rita!" Rafael yelped.
"Rafael, it's all right," Olivia said softly, resting her fingertips on his arm. "Calhoun, I feel like shit," she agreed.
"Barba said you had surgery. For what?" Rita demanded.
"Mom," Johanna scolded, twisting the handles of the plastic takeaway bag in her fingers nervously.
Olivia turned her attention to Johanna and Rafael watched several emotions he didn't understand play out on her face before it settled into a gentle smile. "You must be Johanna – Rafael's told me about you. I'm so glad to meet you, sweetheart."
Johanna smiled back, just a little, then said, "We got ube mochi for dessert." She held up the bag. "You want some?"
"Sure," Olivia said, even though Rafael knew she wasn't feeling up to it. "You can come sit next to me and we'll get to know each other."
"Okay," Johanna said, plopping onto the couch next to her.
"Raf, can I talk to you?" Rita asked, tugging on his arm, practically dragging him into the kitchen. "What the hell?" she hissed, wide-eyed.
"Rita –"
"That's not the Benson I know," she said. "What's wrong with her?"
"She had a kidney removed four weeks ago," he whispered back fiercely. "You'd be looking pretty bad, too."
"So you moved in with her because she's the broken girlfriend?" Rita shot back. "You're preying on her emotions now when she's vulnerable? You think she's not going to want you – the real you – when she's better and stronger and can see for herself –"
"Shut up," he hissed.
"Do you have any idea how much it hurts us to see you upset?" Rita asked. "If this thing with you and Benson goes down the toilet –"
"Stop," he said, holding up one hand. "I can't do this with you anymore, Rita. All we do is fight – over Jo, over where to eat, over work, over where to buy things for Jo. I just… it's like being married without the benefits. And I don't want that. I never wanted that. I never wanted to subject our daughter to the kind of toxic family that I had. So maybe it's best that we steer clear of each other for a while. If Johanna wants to come over, she can, but you and I need to… stay away."
Rita hesitated, but then she nodded. "Fine. Maybe you're right," she said.
"Rafael?" Olivia called from the living room.
He shot Rita a cutting glare, then went back into the other room. "Yeah?" he asked.
"Is everything okay?" His girlfriend looked very worried and Johanna looked very sad and frustrated at the same time.
"Fine," Rafael said softly. "How's the mochi?"
"Good, but I can only eat one piece," Olivia said with a grimace. "My meds are making me so queasy."
"Maybe mom and I should go home so Uncle Raf can take care of you," Johanna said. "I can come back when you feel better." She looked up at Rafael. "You're still taking me to brunch tomorrow, right?"
Rafael bit back a groan. "Yes," he forced out. Rita had roped him into taking Johanna with him to brunch with his mother, and he was going to have to field more than a few questions. "I'll swing by and pick you up at 10."
Johanna nodded and said, "I can't wait to see Aunt Lucia again."
Rafael had a few comments about that, but he kept them to himself. The last time Lucia had seen Johanna, she'd been five, and her dirty blonde pigtails, freckles, huge eyes and curious personality had not been a hit with his mother. Since then, he had been sure to keep them well apart. If she ever found out that Jo-jo was his daughter, all bets were off.
"Maybe I should try to come," Olivia said. "Sounds like it could be fun."
He shot her a doubtful look. "You think you'll be up to it?"
She shrugged. "Probably not."
"I wish you were able to," he said, holding out his hand for her to take. She slipped hers into it and squeezed.
"C'mon, Jo," Rita said. "We'd better get going so Benson can get some rest."
"Make me sound like a cow out to pasture or something," Olivia grumbled.
"Try to feel better, Olivia, so we can hang out," Johanna said with a small smile. "Okay?"
"You know you can come over any time your mom and Rafael say it's okay," Olivia said. "It's his place now, too."
"Okay," Johanna said hesitantly. "Uncle Raf?"
"Yeah, kid?"
"You gonna be here a while?"
"Hopefully," he said.
Johanna nodded. "Okay. Okay. Goodnight, Olivia. Goodnight, Uncle Rafi." She gave Olivia a gentle hug and ran over to give him a big hug, then followed Rita out the door. Rafael locked up behind them and set the alarm, then walked back into the living room only to see Olivia watching him tiredly. "What?"
"She's just like you," she said softly.
He exhaled a heavy sigh. As if he didn't already know that.
"I assumed there was a reason we were meeting here instead of by me," Lucia said as she approached the booth.
Rafael gestured for her to sit down in the seat next to Johanna, who waved cautiously and said, "Hi, Aunt Lucia. You probably don't remember me."
"Mami, it's been a while since you've seen Rita's daughter, Johanna –" Rafael said.
Lucia looked Johanna over, then said, "Rita's Johanna, you say? The last time I saw her, she spilled hot chocolate all over my white coat at Christmas."
Rafael sighed. "Yes. She was five. It was an accident."
"I said I was sorry," Johanna said very quietly. "You're still mad about that?"
"It was a special coat –"
"Not that special," Rafael grunted irritably, dismissively, cutting her off. "You threw it away when you couldn't get the stain out."
"It was a $400 coat, Rafi!"
"I know: I bought it," he shot back. "It was an accident. Leave the kid alone, ma. Jesus. It was eleven fucking years ago. Let it go. It was a damn coat, not something actually important." With another derisive eye roll, he glanced over at Olivia and sighed. "Mami, this is Olivia Benson. My partner."
Lucia pursed her lips together into a thin line. "Partner," she echoed.
"Girlfriend," Liv corrected gently.
"Whatever."
"You're the one he's moved in with – the one who had surgery," Lucia said.
"What exactly have you told your mother about me?" Olivia inquired of him.
"That you were having surgery and we would need some meals prepped," he said. "And that I was moving in with you. That's it."
Olivia paused, then nodded. "Okay, well… Mrs. Barba, since your son is woefully reticent when it comes to sharing, I'm 45 years old, I work for the NYPD in the SVU division, I was recently promoted to the rank of sergeant, I can't cook but I love to bake those premade cookies in the fridge section, and my favorite color is blue."
Rafael smiled and said softly, "Ma, I didn't want you to judge Olivia based on –"
Lucia waved him off. "What are you getting for breakfast, Olivia?"
"A Belgian waffle with blueberries and whipped cream," Liv replied. "No sides."
"That hardly seems like enough food," Lucia said. "She eating enough, Rafi?"
Rafael shrugged. He wasn't about to get involved, especially when he knew Olivia wasn't likely to eat all of what she ordered. She had been sick partway through the night and he'd been there to hold her hair back and make sure she didn't upset anything she wasn't meant to.
"What about you, Johanna?" Lucia asked.
"Just a bacon egg and cheese bagel," Johanna said.
They put in their orders and settled in to talk uncomfortably. "What grade are you in now?" Lucia asked Johanna.
"I'm sixteen," Johanna replied. "I'm a junior."
"Your parents must be so proud."
"Mom is. My 'dad' is out of the picture – he sends a big fat check every month, but otherwise, I might as well not exist," the girl replied. "Uncle Raf might as well be my dad. I wish he was my dad; he at least cares what happens to me."
"I'm your godfather: of course I care," Rafael said softly. "Besides, who else is going to spoil you rotten?"
Olivia nudged him gently under the table edge and gave him a desperate look. "Rafael, I need the restroom," she said quickly.
He helped her move quickly through the diner and to the ladies' room, where she got sick yet again. Rafael was beginning to worry. "Liv –"
"I don't think it's the meds," she confessed weakly.
Stood next to his girlfriend in a handicap ladies' room stall in a diner, his blood ran cold in his veins. "Olivia?"
"It started like this before when I was… when I was pregnant," she said very quietly. "But it would be too soon to know, wouldn't it?"
"Do we need to go somewhere? Do something? Urgent care? The hospital? A pregnancy test?" he asked, the rush of panic suddenly rushing at him like a wave. He'd thought he would have time to prepare mentally for the eventuality of such a thing happening, but no, here it was, landing on his doorstep just like the last time.
"Rafa, calm down," Olivia said softly, reaching out and cupping his face in her hands. "It's okay. I promise. We'll stop at the bodega and get a test. It'll be fine."
"You don't understand," he said. "Rita just – Rita told me she was pregnant and she didn't want me in the baby's life. That it should be her and her husband raising the baby. And I agreed. I agreed with her. I made a mistake and it's haunted me ever since. I can't change that. What if I make the same mistake with you?"
"You won't," Olivia whispered. "Because I don't want you to go anywhere. Okay?" She leaned against him for support and he held her close, scared that if he let her go, she would disappear and he would wake up alone in his bed, having dreamt the whole thing up in a fit of madness.
TBC...