Yet another chapter, but of course you've already figured that out. I don't own any of the characters, but if you feel like suing me have at it; where I work makes the Borg Collective look warm and fuzzy so I could use the distraction. Anyway, just one, maybe two chapters to go depending on the generosity of my muse. As always a huge thank you to the people that take the time to read, review or slap an alert on the story. Enjoy.
POE1911
THE SITUATION IS NOT WORTH GETTING CRAZY OVER
"Hey, you've got man boobs" wasn't something Riley Finn was used to hearing in the morning; especially since it was coming from someone that wasn't his wife. He opened his eyes as he tried to move away from whoever was running her hands over his chest.
"Guys prefer to call em pectoral muscles or pecs, it sounds a lot more macho than 'man boobs' there Willow, and what exactly are you doing?"
"Lying in bed and running my hand over your chest, isn't it obvious?"
"Yeah . . . . No, I mean what are you doing here?"
"Well, apparently while I was sleeping my hands got a bit frisky so Xander threw me out. So I came in here because I'm not gonna start anything with you and you're not gonna start anything with me, so it's safe."
"So why the hands?"
"Well just because I'm not interested in buying doesn't mean I'm not gonna window shop once in a while."
"So what if I decide you're being a tease and return the favor?"
"That's OK up until I say stop, then if you don't I turn you into something icky or tell Xander and watch him kill you. Bye the way, the hand stroking my side feels nice."
With a start Riley realized that he'd been running his hand up and down Willow's side the entire time. Feeling both awkward and rather guilty, he abruptly changed the topic "so how are you dealing with the whole 'Xander's back' thing"?
Willow sighed, then tried to put her thoughts into words "I'm not really sure yet, it's still kinda sinking in; but he's already helping out. I can't really speak for anyone else, but I don't think we really understood how much we needed him until he was gone. Having him around was like having a constant reality check with good advice and bad jokes. Honestly, I sometimes wonder how we made it through 'The First' without him."
"I don't know about that, but I know what you mean about helping out, no questions, no reward, he just helps; it's almost like it would kill him not to."
The two friends just lay there for a moment and thought about the friend that had been returned to them unexpectedly, then Willow figured they needed to get the day started so Riley and Xander could get down to Rome and find Sam. So she rolled out of bed and did her usual stretch and yawn and opened the door to the living room. There Willow froze; transfixed by what was in front of her, she barely noticed when Riley came up behind her to see what the problem was.
The problem, in a nutshell, was Xander. He was on the phone, oblivious to his surroundings and obviously talking to someone he cared a great deal for. So not wanting to intrude on the conversation was part of what had stopped Willow, but a small part. Mostly Willow had stopped because Xander was on the phone in a long sleep-shirt, a rather threadbare and revealing sleep-shirt; and Willow was finally able to appreciate her oldest friend's new form. And her brain had pretty much shut down, except for one word; WOW. It was clear from the incoherent noises behind her that Riley was pretty much going through the brain melt-down thing as well, so Willow didn't feel so bad about her reaction, and her slight bit of drooling. Eventually she heard Riley mutter something about a cold shower as he hurried off towards the bathroom, Willow was right there with him on that one. Still, Willow just stood there lost in the notion that Xander now had the body of a super-model, and a few fantasies of the damper variety flashed through her head. Eventually her brain re-booted itself, and she finally became aware of the conversation.
"Don't foist it off on Steve, it won't go over the way it would coming from you."
"……"
"Sooner the better, but you know that too."
"…….."
"Yeah, me and the Cornbread Cowboy are heading to Rome."
Just then the apartment phone rang. Willow shook her head to clear out some of the cobwebs, and several thoughts involving Xander and silk sheets; walked over and picked up the phone "hello"
"Willow?" The voice sounded familiar, but Willow couldn't quite place it.
"Yeah, who is this?"
"Angel, is ummm Cordelia there?"
"You mean Xander?"
She heard a sigh over the line "so he told you?"
"Yeah, I'm still semi-freaked out about the whole notion; I'm hoping to just be whelmed by the end of the day."
"Me too, but it does get easier over time."
"That's good, I don't know what I'd do if it got worse, so why'd you call?"
"Actually I need to talk to Xander and its urgent, is he there?" Willow was a bit surprised; she had caught a note of worry in Angel's voice and she didn't know of much that worried the souled vampire."
"Yeah, he's on his cell at the moment, hang on." Turning away from the receiver she called out "Xander, Angel needs to talk to you."
Xander looked up and nodded in acknowledgement and then went back to his conversation "listen hon, I need to go; the 'Incredible Sulk' wants to talk to me."
"………"
"I don't know, maybe he wants some funky European hair gel."
"….."
"I will, you keep a lid on the Hellmouth till I get back" a pause "I love you" another pause and a mega-watt smile "Bye". Xander closed his cell phone and took the receiver from Willow's hand with a nod of thanks. For her part, Willow was stunned at what Xander had been saying. He had been talking to someone he cared about greatly, that had been obvious from the tone of voice and the look on his face. Then he had said the word Hellmouth, indicating that who he had been talking to was stationed there. The suspicion about who he had been talking to grew at an exponential rate, she couldn't wait till he got off the phone to see if she was right.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Deadboy, what can I do for you?"
Willow watched as suddenly the color drained from Xander's face. She heard him mutter "please tell me you're joking", but clearly Angel wasn't. Xander started pacing around, clearly very agitated at what he was hearing "no, that's OK, I'll take care of it; just make sure everything we'll need is at the Rome branch of Evil Inc."
"We're taking the train down, so you better have someone meet us or we'll be looking for the place all night."
"……."
"About 7:30 pm, local time."
"………"
"No, Willow's gonna stay here, it's me and Riley."
"…….."
"You remember Riley, Buffy's ex-boyfriend; you proved your maturity by beating him up."
"Jealous much, no it's something else entirely."
"………"
Yeah, I'll tell her; listen I need to make tracks here so…"
"……"
"I hear that, and Angel" Willow could see that Xander was having difficulty saying this "thanks for the heads up, I owe you one. Bye."
Xander stood there for a moment, lost in whatever Angel had told him, finally Willow chimed in "so what's going on?"
"Long story there Wills, basically Buffy's current boyfriend is not a very nice guy and he's gonna get a talking too." He could see that Willow wasn't satisfied with the answer, but he interrupted her before she could start. "We're on a timetable here, so I really can't take the time to fill you in, plus I'm afraid that if I told you the whole story you'd try to mojo his ass back to the stone-age, and there's a reason he's called the Immortal; I don't want to see you hurt."
Willow wanted to be mad, wanted to scream and rant and rave at Xander for not telling her what was going on; but she couldn't. He was protecting her, just like he'd done since kindergarten, and she could never be mad at him for protecting her; she might not like the reasons but she trusted him enough to believe that he was right. Since she couldn't be mad Willow settled for frustrated, only Xander could confarble her up like this simply by caring for her; damn him. "OK, what do you need me to do?"
Xander's face lit up "God I love you Wills" he said, hugging his oldest friend "if you're ever available and interested, now that I have the right equipment, make sure I'm the first one you call. As for what you can do, all we need is a lift to the trains running to Rome."
"Not a problem and as for being interested, wouldn't that piss off a certain slayer you happen to be dating?"
Xander blushed a deep red "yeah, it probably would."
"So Faith, I gotta say I'm surprised."
"Why"
"Well I always thought you were straight."
"I am Wills, remember my body is female but the brain is male. I'm attracted to females just like always, things in the bedroom just work a bit differently now."
Willow looked embarrassed "I forgot".
"No problem, it's confusing as hell for me and I've been this way for a while, you've had about twenty four hours to get used to it."
"But still Xander, couldn't you have found a nice demoness or something; why Faith?"
"I know it's too much to hope for that you two could one day be friends maybe because you're so much alike, but she's special Willow, and she's been through the same kind of things as me growing up. I think you kinda got focused on her image and not her, and you've just seen that ever since. Try dropping the pre-conceived notions next time you see her, and I think you'll be surprised."
"I'll try Xander, but I'm not making any promises, and I reserve the right to make comments about her wardrobe."
"Understood" Xander said with a smile, now we need to get a move on, like five minutes ago.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The two of them were sitting in a train car and watching France go by. It had been tough leaving Willow after seeing her again, but Xander knew that leaving her in Paris was the right thing to do. If she knew what was up it would have been a definite 'Glory' situation; Xander recalled how psycho Willow had gotten after Glory did her little mind suck on Tara. Only Buffy busting in and saving Willow had kept the red head from becoming Wicca pate' and Xander didn't want to go through all the worry again if he didn't have to. Xander also knew he'd catch a lot of flack once she found out what he had kept her out of afterwards, but he could live with that.
"So you gonna tell me what's up?"
Xander turned to face Riley "do you know what Buffy's been up to since Sunnydale went boom?"
"Not really, we knew she was in Rome but that's all."
"Well she's there with her sister Dawn, and her boyfriend, a guy known as 'the Immortal'."
"Now that's a name I've heard, isn't he kind of like some supernatural gangster?"
"Yeah, he's a regular Don Corleone of the demon set. Apparently he's gonna have Dawn kidnapped by some 'associates', drain her and then auction off her blood on Dbay."
"Dbay?"
"It's kind of the demonic equivalent of Ebay; Anya used it for picking up hard to find items for the Magic Box."
"And Buffy has no idea?"
"Apparently not. Angel was contacted by the Italian branch of Wolfram and Hart, they were asking if they should bid on the stuff or try to steal it. As soon as he confirmed the story, Deadboy put the brakes on any plan that went along with the scheme, and brought me in."
"So how do we deal with him, if the guy truly is immortal?"
"Well immortality is tough to achieve without some serious shortcuts. One of the most obvious is having only one thing capable of killing you; whether it's a material or certain weapon or item. This is the route our boy took, his first contract was with W&H but he hid the weapon and gave them a copy. About five hundred years later they replaced the real deal with the copy and have been holding on to it since in case the man got a little too uppity. They're gonna give it to us when we get to Rome, then we're gonna hand it to Buffy along with the evidence she needs and then we're gonna stand back as one more bad guy buys the farm."
"And after that?"
"We try and put Buffy back together after she kills him and look for Sam tomorrow."
"Now that's a plan I can get behind. But I gotta wonder; why didn't you want Willow on this?"
"If something goes wrong and either Buffy or Dawn get hurt, Willow would nuke the city to get the guy that did it."
Riley looked nonplussed for a second "then I guess keeping her away is a good thing, I kinda like the Vatican un-nuked."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As they walked off the train Xander and Riley saw a rather striking blond holding a sign that said 'Finn and Harris'. Riley approached her "I'm Riley Finn".
"Ah, singnore Finn, welcome to Rome."
"Thank you, we understand that you have some information and an item for us."
"That is correct; if you would follow me please everything you require is in the car." They followed her out to the parking lot, both Riley and Xander taking the opportunity to appreciate her architecture. Once in the car Xander started reading the report and Riley examined the weapon. "Are you sure he'll be there" he asked the blond.
"Yes agent Finn, we have had him under surveillance all week as per Mr. Angel's request."
Xander looked up at this, but then resumed reading and handing the relevant parts to Riley. The ex-soldier swore at what he was reading. "Quite a piece of work isn't he" Xander asked.
"How can she stand to be with a piece of crap like this?"
"How could she stand to be with Spike; the best I can figure is that Angel messed with her wiring all those years ago and she keeps trying to re-create that somehow."
"So she's doomed to fall for amoral creeps."
"No, she's just pre-disposed to that."
"Well that's just so much better."
"Right there with ya buddy" Xander said throwing an arm around Riley and giving him companionable hug.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Buffy had spent a rather enjoyable afternoon with the Immortal; dawn had been at a friends place for the day. Now she was ready for a night on the town and was just waiting for him to finish up in the shower. Her pleasant reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door. Buffy checked the peep-hole and couldn't believe who it was. She flung the door open Riley, Cordelia; what are you guys doing here?"
"That's a long story Buffy" Riley replied stepping into the apartment "right now we need to know it the Immortal is here?"
Buffy was confused at the duo's behavior but since she trusted Riley she answered "he's in the shower."
Cordelia then handed her some papers "then you need to read these quickly; and this isn't from the two of us or the Council, this is from Angel."
Buffy glanced up at the tall brunette at the mention of her ex, then went back to reading the papers in her hands. It was obvious when Buffy got to the heart of the matter because she started shaking her head and muttering "no" over and over again like a mantra. Finally she finished and looked at the other two people in the room, her eyes rimmed with unshed tears "why now, after all this time, why now?"
"After looking at what Angel gave us, the best we can figure" Cordelia answered "is that his business has taking a bit of a down-turn lately so he needed some quick cash."
Buffy processed this and compared it to what she knew; he had been complaining a lot about business lately "could this be faked"?
"Yeah it could, but do you honestly think Angel would send you this if it was bogus, knowing how you'd be hurt by it?"
Buffy considered, really considered the situation; the steely look that appeared in her eyes was all the answer she would give.
"Do you have what I need" she asked; no emotions were betrayed, her voice was flat and businesslike, like she was a surgeon that wanted a scalpel.
Silently Riley pulled an obsidian knife out of his coat "you sure you want to do this"? His question wasn't whether the dirtbag should die, but if Buffy wanted to do the deed herself, everyone in the room understood this.
Silently the slayer held out her hand, the expression on her face not changing. Recognizing the look, Riley handed her the knife then watched as she disappeared into the back of the apartment. For the two that stayed behind, there were no words, none were needed; they were simply listening and waiting, it was all they could do. But even this was interrupted by the sound of a key in the door. The two turned towards the sound in time to see Dawn come in; the young brunette was clearly surprised to see them there; Xander noticed her hand grabbing at something under her coat as she eyed them both. "So what's going on guys?"
As if in answer a voice came out of the depths of the apartment "Bella, Bella, what are you doing" followed by a scream and a gurgle. Dawn was looking wide eyed at the two visitors, obviously expecting some kind of explanation when Buffy came out from the back, bloody knife in her hand and tears streaming down her face. Dawn took this all in at a glance and gasped out "the Immortal"?
"He didn't live up to his hype" Buffy answered and started to collapse. As close as Dawn was and as fast as she could move she didn't get to Buffy first, Cordelia did. Dawn watched as the other brunette picked up her sister with remarkable ease and turned to her "Riley can explain everything, I'll take care of Buffy."
Dawn started to protest but Riley cut in "you want me to tell her everything"?
Dawn saw Cordelia give a quick nod and then head towards the bathroom in back. Lacking any other target she turned to Riley and gave her best 'death glare' "you better not leave anything out".
"I won't" Riley replied with a small shudder.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"What is wrong with me" Buffy asked between sobs. She was sitting in a bathroom and crying as Cordelia methodically cleaned the Immortal's blood off of her. "Why do I keep falling for guys that hurt me, and hurt the people I care about?"
"I don't know Buffy; it might be the guys that are around you. I mean think about it, the few guys that are able to deal with your world are usually evil or ruthless or both. Sure there are a few good guys, but not many. And not to stereotype too much but given the choice between a 'good boy' and a 'bad boy', you choose the 'bad boy'; most girls would. As for the whole situation we're dealing with now, I really don't understand it Buffy. I mean even with being virtually un-killable you don't survive this long with all your limbs intact by being stupid; and pissing off the longest lived slayer in history is very much of the stupid." The brunette girl shook her head "maybe he was just arrogant and figured he could fool you about his involvement or make it look like a rival did it or something like that."
"That and he really seemed to like Dawn."
"Well maybe he did, but when it came down to a choice between his best interests and Dawn, he chose himself."
"And it cost him" Buffy finished, then she looked the other girl in the eye "do you think he ever really cared about me?"
"I honestly don't know Buffy; if I had to guess I'd say he cared, but he didn't love you. Consider the fact that he's expecting to live for a very long time, and slayers aren't known for their life expectancy; so falling in love with you would be a futile exercise, something that was doomed before it began."
"Kinda like me and Angel."
"Sorry but yeah." The brunette looked the slayer over "well that seems to be all of it; any idea on how to dispose of the body?"
Buffy just shuddered "no, God what's gonna happen, we might have to leave the country or something, I could go to jail" her voice was becoming hysterical.
Cordelia grabbed the smaller girl "let's take a wait and see attitude for now huh, freaking out isn't gonna help right now." When it looked like Buffy was calm again Cordy asked "so where is the body?"
"In the other bathroom."
"OK, you stay here and I'll go see what's up."
"Nah, I'll come, after all it's my responsibility."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm supposed to be the grown up, I might as well act like it."
Cordy just nodded at this and they headed for the other bathroom; they could hear Riley and Dawn talking in the other room but couldn't make out the words. When they got to the bathroom in question, they were both kinda grossed out because all of the years he had cheated death had caught up to the Immortal, and much like Dorian Grey, he had disintegrated leaving a messy pile of ash and some un-recognizable remnants. "Problem solved I'd say" Cordelia quipped.
Buffy laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh "that's me, the killer without consequences."
Cordelia roughly grabbed her and spun the slayer so they were eye to eye "listen to me, you are not a killer, you are a slayer; and you didn't kill this asshole, you helped him commit suicide. Think about it for a second, I mean really think, what else could you have done. If you let him go he's just gonna do something like this again, if you have him arrested he'll buy his way out and flee the country, if the police 'kill' him then he's gonna wake up in the morgue and walk away with a clean slate and a new ID, you took the only viable option and you did what was needed."
Buffy looked at the taller girl for a moment, obviously going over what had been said and done this evening, then her brow unclenched and her expression softened "you're right." Buffy leaned forward and hugged the taller girl "I really appreciate this Cordy, you've been great".
"You're welcome" then seeing the expression on Buffy's face "you've got 'but face'."
"I'm sorry, its just that I feel so dead inside right now, I was just wishing Xander were here." Buffy felt the taller girl stiffen up at this "I'm sorry, but he always could make me feel better, no matter what."
"It's not that Buff, you just need to be a bit careful using the 'W' word. But as for Xander being here, well I am."
Buffy looked up, her eyes hardened "that's not funny."
"No it isn't, but it is the truth."
"I don't understand."
"Cordelia's body was alive, but her spirit had ascended and I was a spirit that wanted to return but I didn't have a body. So the powers decided to send me back in Cordy's body."
Buffy thought for a moment "that must be confusing."
"You have no idea".
"So are you really Xander" Buffy asked, hope tingeing her voice. For the last year and a half she had wished for the presence of her best guy friend, and had blamed herself for his death. If only she had staked Spike earlier, if she had moved faster that day, well suffice it to say she had a few issues that were still pending. If what Cordy said was true, she just might be able to get out of the holding pattern her life had been in, if the person holding her really was Xander.
"I really am."
"Prove it."
The taller girl bent down so that the two were looking eye to eye again "do you remember one night in the Bronze, you were feeling all down because of college and skanky Sunday had kicked your butt; God you looked so lost. That night I told you that you were my hero, and you still are."
Buffy's eyes widened, the eyes weren't the right shade of brown and the body was totally different, but the expression, the caring, and yes the love; that was pure Xander Harris. Before she realized what was happening, Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander and felt his/her arms around her and she was crying for everything that had happened both bad and good, crying for the time that they had missed and hopeful for the time they'd have together. When the waterworks finally cleared up, Buffy separated herself from Xander just a bit "so you want to give the full story on how you ended up with breasts?"
Xander blushed "Well, after I was shot……….so I got up and went to the bathroom and realized that something significant was missing, and I've been dealing with it ever since. And let me just say I can't believe that your mom was part of this."
Buffy was laughing her head off at Xander's story, and the hurt expression on his face. "You know" she gasped out "I would have loved to have seen Angel's face when he realized you weren't Cordy."
"It was priceless, but he seems to be dealing pretty well, Willow just kept passing out when she wasn't trying to feel me up."
"Feel you up?"
"Yeah, Tara left about a month ago saying she needed some space, so when we were trying to sleep in the same bed Willow's hands just kind of wandered, it must be a subconscious kind of thing."
Buffy looked thoughtful "well that does explain some lingering questions I've had about a couple of sleepovers" then she got serious "how's she handling it?"
"Not good, I talked with her about what had caused it, but if Tara doesn't come back then" he sighed "I don't know how she'll bounce back from that."
"She's tough" Buffy replied "but if it looks like she's gonna wallow I'll just take her on a vaca with Dawn and me; go somewhere we've never been before, maybe Hawaii." Buffy looked back at Xander, changing the topic again "have you told Giles?"
"Nah, I was gonna see him last."
"Did you get to Cleveland?"
"Yeah, I spent some time there."
Buffy straightened suddenly "you're Alexa aren't you?"
As the blond slayer laughed at his pole-axed look all Xander could seem to manage was "Huh, I mean what. . . . .how did you. . . . uhhhh, yeah, I am."
Her laughter subsiding Buffy asked "so you and Faith?"
"Yeah" Xander replied, so are you OK with that; and by the way, how did you hear about 'Alexa'?"
"Well I might not be active with the slayage, but I still keep track of what's going on. There was a lot of speculation about you, who you were and where you'd come from; no-one got a picture or we would have recognized Cordelia and called Angel but that didn't happen. As for you and Faith, well it's pretty clear that I'm no guru on relationships so I guess what's important is how you feel about her."
"I love her Buff and she loves me."
"That's great; I'm happy for you, and a little sad."
"Why sad?"
Buffy sighed "well, because the last couple of years I'd daydream about us."
"Us you mean you and me, us?"
"Yes Xander, you and me. After you died I did it a little, but after the Hellmouth closed, well I've done it a lot. I would fantasize about how Anya had died but you had lived and I would help you through your grief and we'd ride off into the sunset together. But now you're back and with someone else so I'll just have to go back to fantasizing about Brad Pitt or someone.
Xander thought for a moment "well you could always come back to Cleveland and shack up with me and Faith."
Buffy blushed "sorry Xander, I'm too big a fan of the penis to give it up, even for you."
"Well that's your loss, now how about we go rescue Riley from your sister, she must be climbing the walls by now."
Buffy just nodded and the two of them headed back out to the main room of the apartment. As soon as they made an appearance Xander was hit by a very shapely brunette missile. "Xander, I've missed you."
"And I've missed you there Dawn Patrol" he leaned down and kissed her forehead "that's from you mom, she says 'Hi' and she loves you and she's watching."
"Thanks Xander, so are you taking me back to Massachusetts to get married or are we gonna live in Cleveland with Faith in an immoral and unsanctioned three way relationship?"
In the midst of her laughter Buffy wished she had a camera to capture the moment, if she had Webster's would no longer need words to describe; dazed, incredulous or flabbergasted.