Sirius Black's Journals

Author: Lily, pen name Flower 'n' Prongs

Disclaimer: I haven't acquired ownership of Harry Potter since the last chapter, quite a pity really. If I owned it, we would have several different couples in the books. )

Summary: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

Notes & Rants: Review if you read this, even if you didn't like it! A couple lines would do for me, just to know that people are appreciating (or strongly disliking) my work is important because it's a reaction.

For this chapter…

Pairings: Lily and James (mentioned)
Rating: K+
Warnings: minor language, murder discussed very often

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It's All My Fault

November 1st, 1981

3:00 AM

It's all my fault… I did it… I pretty much killed them.

What have I done? They're dead. I as good as killed my best friend. And not just James, like that wasn't bad enough, I pretty much killed Lily too. After how long it took to get them together and to have them have a perfectly happy life together, what do I do? Go and give that… that… thing that we were friends with for so long the right to be their Secret Keeper so he can blab their location to Voldemort.

If basically killing the guy who was like my brother and his wife wasn't bad enough, I orphaned my godson at the same time I killed those two! Poor Harry. Some godfather I am, going and getting his parents killed so he can be an orphaned on the day… night… whatever… that he turns fifteen months old.

Great.

To top it all off, I'm the one that they think sold Lily and James out to Voldemort. That would mean I was a Death Eater… but I guess my family doesn't really help with that much either. And that means that I get a quick one-way ticket to Azkaban faster than I could say "I'm innocent".

So, what I did in the past 24 hours:

· As good as killed my best friend

· Did the same to his wife

· Orphaned their son… who just happens to be my godson too

· Get to have a nice, little family reunion in Azkaban

Lovely. What a perfect day. Just what I always wanted to happen to me. Especially all at once.

Okay, let's be honest. I'm doomed to spend the rest of my days being all depressed because I killed two of the only people that ever really cared about me, I also get to spend the rest of my life worrying about Harry and how much better his life could have been if his parents were still alive, I get to spend the next however-many decades locked up inside a Azkaban cell surrounded by Dementors day in and day out. Perhaps I'll get to reconcile with my lovely cousin Bellatrix over tea to top it off, she's bound to accept me more now that I'm supposed to me a murderer.

I can't wait for the rest of my life. It would probably be smarter to suicide than to go there. At least that way I wouldn't feel guilty about selling out Lily and James if I died too. But then again, I couldn't really take care and pay attention to Harry like I promised would I? I'd be no better off than his parents. I'll live for now then.

Peter, on the other hand, is going to get to go and meet up with his so called "friends" who he sold out to Voldemort very soon. He can explain to James and Lily and see how they react to all this. At that point, he'll be glad he's dead.

Then again, I'm sure if James could find a way he'd kill that evil bastard again.

I knew I liked that Prongs for a reason.

--Padfoot/Sirius