Sirius Black's Journals

Author: Lily, pen name Flower 'n' Prongs

Disclaimer: I still don't own the Harry Potter series… gosh darn it! Though, for you big "ooh I lurve canon!" people (no offence intended) people, that's probably a very good thing to you. )

Summary: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

Notes & Rants: Review if you read this, even if you didn't like it at all. A couple lines would do for me, though more is preferred, just to know that people are appreciating (or strongly disliking) my work is important because it's a reaction.

For this chapter…

Pairings: Lily and James (mentioned)
Rating: T
Warnings: language

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Azkaban: This Place Sucks!

July 24th, 1986

11:30 AM

Why did I have to suggest Peter… now I'm stuck in this place for a long time. I want out! NOW!

It gets more and more boring in here by the day. There is absolutely nothing here… at all. A freezing cold building on an island that is totally surrounded by water. A view of water gets quite boring after a while. Like… over four years of it and if you hadn't lost your mind because of the Dementors in the place you'd be starting to go insane.

If there was someway out of this place without having to find some rat that could easily be anywhere in the world by now, I'd jump at the opportunity. Even if it meant… um… getting fleas like I was a dog. I mean, you can't get much worse than that. Er… but if there was a way to get rid of the fleas, the second I got the chance they would be gone. They're almost as bad as being in here. Not quite, but almost. I don't think that there's anything on the planet that could be worse than this.

I'm serious. And I mean serious, not Sirius… that joke is so fucking old. Not to mention that it's pretty pathetic that I'm telling myself it. Very pathetic actually. After being popular for years and being able to see pretty much whoever you wanted to whenever you wanted to being alone for four years and (almost) nine months is very annoying. Also, it's Harry's sixth birthday in a week, which I promised James and Lily that I'd visit him on every year, and I'm stuck in here all alone.

I've been horrible to that kid. Get myself chucked in Azkaban after I as good as kill his parents and… never visit him on his birthday. Sure, I visited him on his actual birth day, as in the day he was born, but never after that. I was too "busy" doing Order stuff to go on his first birthday (I'm sure I could've gotten out of that, I could've been there for him and seen James again dammit) and have been in here for the rest of them.

Well, anyway, as I was saying… uh, what was I saying? It certainly wasn't the serious/Sirius joke, which happens to have been told to me at least once every couple of days for as long as I can remember. Stupid uncreative people having to say the same joke over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. But, as I said, it wasn't about that. I was actually about to start talking about how this compares to my "family" home back in London. Or should I say, what was my family home back in London.

Well whatever it is that I can call that place, I think that it would even be better than here. I never thought that I would want to have to go back there, but it seems that I have suddenly become so desperate that even going to the place I once (foolishly) called home doesn't seem so bad. And if that doesn't tell you how bad this place is, I don't know what is.

It would be nice to get out of here… where there are people, things to do, and real food. It would be nice to see people again. I could explain what happened to Dumbledore, forgive Moony for thinking he was the spy, keep my promise to Prongs and Lily Flower and be a fatherly figure to Prongs Jr, murder Peter, and other good things like that. I could play Quidditch, go to Diagon Alley, give any remaining relatives I have a… er… nice visit (especially ones who have a lot of relatives in Azkaban), and see the remaining Marauders.

Wait a second… that would leave me with Moony. Uh, I guess that's not a group. Unless you count Prongs Jr because he is, after, all a complete clone of Prongs (except the eyes) and a Junior Prongs. At least he was last time I checked.

Then I could eat. Mmm… food! And real food too, not this cheap stuff that looks (and smells) like it died a decade or so before I was born. Apple pie, chocolate frogs, cookies, liquorice wands, those Muggle things that there was at Prongs's wedding, cauldron cakes, blueberry pie, pumpkin pasties, chocolate cake… Okay, I guess that this isn't the smartest idea in the world. Chances are I'll never get to eat any of that again. I, being as lucky as I am, will get to spend the rest of my life eating things like bread, salad that's on the limp side, and other things that mould was likely picked off only minutes before giving it to me.

I suppose that there are worse things in the world though. For instance, the fact that poor little Prongs Jr is stuck with his dear Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon. And cousin what's-his-face. I would kill myself if I was stuck with people like that or move out. Er… I did do that. Oops. But whatever. At least now you know that I'm not a liar because I did actually do that! Ha! If only those damn Ministry officials would believe the other stuff I say, I'd be home free.

Also, little Peter could now be anywhere in the world off making plans to kill more people. Or bring Voldemort back to power. But, since he's so stupid, I somehow doubt that he could do that without a lot of help. Kinda like him using us to become a stupid Animagus. We should have realized that he was nothing but an evil little power-seeking, stupid bastard when he became a rat. But noooo of course we didn't. We were too caught up in our own brilliance to think about it. Which, in fact, shows how stupid we actually were.

Well, I suppose we can't change that now. Unless somebody has a time turner that can take us back about 15 years to stop Remus, James, and I from befriending him. But then I'd have to go back to being 11. Which, needless to say, would suck. There's got to be a better plan than that. Well, if I ever come up with one I'll take action… as long as I don't end up 11 years old again.

I can finally hear somebody coming with food. Which is great, besides the fact that it's no longer breakfast time and I have a very strong feeling that they made the cereal or whatever then so now it's all soggy. Gross. Seeing as I'm currently bored out of my mind but starving, I will eat then try to take a nap. If that doesn't work, back to this. Again.

--Padfoot/Sirius

PS: I was right. The cereal was soggy.