A/N: I'M SOOOOO SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO HAS KEPT UP WITH THIS STORY! Life intervened and I've had a case of lovely writer's block. Anyway, on with the chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own The Phantom… but if I did… hmm…
What? There's Nothing Wrong With Your Face! Scene.
Narrator: And so, back in the Phantom's dark and gruesome lair, the sleeping beauty awoke to find that she could hardly remember a thing.
Phantom: I shall practice my Don Juan Triumphant now! I'm sure it won't wake Christine! (loud angry organ playing begins)
Christine: (jerks awake) Aaaaahhhh! The loud organ sound! (pauses) I can hardly remember a thing! (gasps)
I remember there was mist
Swirling mist across a vast glossy lake…
There were candles all around
Christine: And a funny little man that was a piratebearbritishman!
And on the lake there was a boat
And in the boat there was a man!
And not just any man… a piratebearbritishman! (soft violin begins to play as the Phantom swirls around to face Christine)
Phantom: Awake already my wife… I mean… my dear? (Christine ignores him and begins to advance as though in a trance)
Christine: Who was that face in the shadows? Whose is the face in the mask?
Phantom: (to himself) Hmm… she might be up to something… I should probably guard my mask… SHE'S DOING THE HEAVY BREATHING THING!
Christine: (smirks) (to herself) I knew hyperventilation would come in handy some day! (reaches across to the Phantom and whacks his mask off quickly)
Phantom: AARRRGGG!
Christine: PIRATE!
Phantom: Damn you, you little lying Delilah! You took my masky off and now you have seen the true horror of my face! Damn you! Now I can never let you leave because you would not return!
Christine: Actually I didn't see anything…
Phantom: Oh woe is me! I must kidnap an innocent girl… (mutters) even though that was my plan in the first place (loud again) Curse you! Now you will never love me!
Christine: I DIDN'T see anything! (getting a little frustrated and pouts)
Phantom: (still ignoring Christine) Fear can turn to love you'll learn to see to find the man behind the monster this… hmm… what would be the best words to describe my hideous face…
Christine: Disgusting carcass? Road kill? Meg Ryan's face AFTER she got plastic surgery?
Phantom: Well… ahem… anyway I'd appreciate it if you would hand me my mask… it's uncomfortable to hold my hand like this…
Christine: (sigh) (to herself) Might as well make him happy. (out loud) Yes, please take this mask to hide your hideous face! (hands mask to Phantom)
Phantom: (sniff sniff) Thank you kind lady. Come we must return, those two fools who run my theater will be missing you!
Christine: Way ahead of you! (already sitting in boat and waiting for Phantom)
Phantom: Wait… didn't I just say that I was going to keep you here forever because you saw my face? Hmm… oh well let's get this show on the road! (climbs in boat and sails away)
……………………………
Narrator: Meanwhile, havoc was spreading like wildfire across the Opera Populaire as the managers hurriedly searched for their missing lead soprano… of one day of course.
Firmin: Lala… what a lovely day it is…
Narrator: Ahem…
Firmin: Oh, right.… do I really have to sing? Oh well I might as well be rather blunt about it… where the hell is Christine? And why do I find myself more fascinated with money than with the safety of our cast?
Andre: Damnable when they all walk out! This is damnable!
Firmin: Andre please don't… sing. It was never one of your greater talents.
Andre: But we have no cast!
Firmin: Are you listening to me Andre?
Andre: Sorry… I get caught up in moments like this…
Firmin: I got a weird note… did you happen to receive one?
Andre: Why yes I did! Here, I'll read it out loud to you.
Dear Andre what a lovely gala. Christine was rather wonderful to put it mildly. What a brilliant man you are for letting her sing! I give you your props. Just make sure that Carlotta never sings again and I'll be your best friend forever.
Signed,
O.G.
Firmin: (pouts) He wasn't that nice to me! Here's what mine says…
Dir Sir/Madame,
You haven't paid me yet… did you happen to forget where I live? Send it down here to chamber number 3 or give the money to Madame Giry my personal maid. Well at least she was in the book. And if you think that you are going to call Christine a "silly chorus girl" make sure that you don't wake up with a noose around your neck.
Signed,
O.G.
P.S. I don't like debtors either so pay up.
I really didn't like the Sir/Madame part…
Andre: …
Firmin: Why are you staring at me like that?
Andre: Oh… no reason.
Raoul: (bursting in loudly) Where is she?
Firmin: Well that was rather vague and rude.
Andre: You mean Carlotta?
Raoul: No, Christine you twits! (strikes a pose by throwing his head back and running fingers through hair)
Firmin: Does your head itch?
Andre: How should we know where Christine is?
Raoul: I received a note (dramatically and loudly holds note out) and I know you sent it! (with other hand points dramatically, scowling deeply)
Andre: We didn't send it!
Raoul: Oh… so it wasn't you?
Firmin: I believe that's what my almost bald little friend just said. (Andre shouts indignantly)
Raoul: Oh fiddlesticks… (pouts sadly) (chorus girls coo and sigh sadly)
Andre: Wait, weren't you with Christine last night… which was when she disappeared?
Raoul: Yes.
Andre: And you're just now looking for her?
Raoul: Yes.
Andre: Oh…
Carlotta: (bursts in even louder than Raoul) Where is he?
Firmin: People here have a vagueness issue…
Carlotta: You're precious patron where is he?
Raoul: I'm right here!
Firmin: Lad… I've learned to not answer when an angry woman comes in here screaming at you in alternating French and Spanish. Especially one as powerful looking as Carlotta.
Carlotta: You are plotting against me Mr. Patron! (begins a five minute stream of curses in Spanish towards Raoul) And you sent me this letter!
Raoul: I didn't send a letter… I did receive one though!
Andre: What does it say by the way?
Raoul:
Mr. Patron/Woman Stealer,
Stay away from Christine… SHE'S MINE FOREVER! Don't attempt to see her ever again!
Signed,
O.G.
Firmin: I like it… to the point and easy to remember. (A/N: Go Captain Jack!)
Raoul: Well I DON'T like it… (begins to sniffle sadly) who am I going to hang on if my little Christy-poo is gone forever? (Meg walks by) Pretty girl… pretty girl.
Carlotta: Well mine is much more insulting then that letter that you obviously wrote yourself! Ahem!
Dear Screechy Toad,
You can't sing… you're annoying… and that fake accent is really annoying and totally and obviously fake. I don't know why you were hired in the first place… maybe the old owners had ears of wood. Attempt to upstage Christine and you will croak to a different tune.
Signed,
O.G.
Raoul: Well… okay then… (Carlotta sniffs heavily and turns away from the patron)
Carlotta: Can you not see that HE is the culprit! He is Christine's lover after all!
Andre: (gasp!) Oh a scandal! How delightful!
Firmin: I smell a juicy gossip just waiting to unfold!
Raoul: What's a lover?
Carlotta: Yes… her lover… that's where she was all evening!
Raoul: Whatever this lover is I assure you that I am not one… Christine and I talked for about two minutes and then she disappeared!
Andre: Uh-huh… sure you did lad… we believe you!
Firmin: Just like a little lying rat to well… lie himself out of the situation…
Raoul: Hey!
Carlotta: What would you want with that dratted little chorus girl anyway?
Andre: Well… she did sing very nicely… I don't think we should let gossip get in the way of…
Carlotta: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE RIGHT NOW?
Andre: (whimper, whimper) Of course not dearest… flower…
Firmin: (small light bulb appears over head) (smiles happily) We would be glad to have you back as our leading soprano Signora Carlotta.
Carlotta: (sniff) Well…