A/N: I'm back finally:D Thanks for sticking with me on this on again off again story. Read and enjoy! So you know, people like Andre and Firmin are going to have to share a font because… well there's only so many combinations you can make. Thanks for understanding. :D And thanks so much for the reviewers that didn't have an account or weren't signed in, people like:
Virgine!: Wow… I loved that you took the time to read ALL of my chapters and review every single one. I would reply to each of them in this section but that would take forever and the readers would want to kill me for the extremely long author's note. But thank you so much!! It meant a lot to me and each of your reviews made me smile.
ChorusGirl24601: I'm glad you thought it was cute!! Your review meant a lot to me too:D
Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera.
Narrator: And the months passed as Raoul spirited away his darling Christine to his mansion where he entertained her with various shiny objects. Both discovered that they both loved a certain brand of shampoo and that they both enjoyed combing their hair numerous times. Finally, Raoul proposed to Christine and like the sappy romantic she is she eagerly accepted.
And the Phantom lurked in his lair, waiting for the return of Christine and that meddlesome fop.
Phantom: (swears profusely) I can't go out to torture the opera people because I can't find my friggin' key that lets me out of this dump!
Narrator: WHAT?!?! Most doors lock on the inside!!
Phantom: Okay, so I was young and didn't know how to work a hammer! Leave me a lone!
Narrator: Well don't you have something big and heavy that you can break the door knob with?
Phantom: I don't think so… and don't you get any ideas about that Christine replica! It took me months and months of watching her undress through my one way mirror to get it like it is okay!!! Now go bugger off and leave Christine and me a lone in peace!
Narrator: Wow. (pause, pause, pause) Someone's a little hormonal today. (clears throat)
Well, anyway the Opera House is preparing for the New Year's Eve Masquerade Party! Raoul and Christine were invited even though they were just lazy bums that sat at Raoul's mansion doing god-knows-what… let's not get into that.
Andre: It's a masquerade party!
Firmin: Here's to a brand new year! We must've scared off the Phantom since we haven't seen him for…
Andre: It's a masquerade party!
Firmin: I need to find someone else to hang around with…
Carlotta: I'm here and singing LOOOOOOOUDLY!!!
MG and Meg: Oi vay… (slap hands over ears)
Meg: Look at me in my pretty little dress… swingy, swingy, swingy!
MG: I'm a Geisha impersonator! For god's sake Meg stop shaking your cleavage!
Narrator: Meanwhile… in some hallway of some sort…
Raoul: Hullo Christine! Let's make out!
Christine: Raoul please don't they'll see!
Raoul: What?
Christine: Ummm… I don't want them to see that I'm engaged
Raoul: What?
Christine: My god…
Raoul: What?
Christine: Oh just get me some punch or something.
Raoul: And some little sausages?
Christine: Now Raoul, you know what that would do to my figure.
Raoul: Ack! You're right! You would be FAT and I would HATE you!
Christine: That's right. Now go get yourself some sausages and some diet punch for me!
Raoul: Right away! (runs off to food and drink)
Narrator: Let's do a random camera turn and see what's going on downstairs!
DOWNSTAIRS PEOPLE!: LET'S ALL GET AS DRUNK AS A SAILOR AND TRY TO DANCE AND SING KARAOKE!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Narrator: And let's get back to the drama that is Christine and Raoul!
Raoul: Oooh! Little sausages! (suddenly sees Meg coming towards the refreshment table) WOW SHE'S HOT!
Meg: Oh crap…
Raoul: Hullo Meg my dear! Wanna make out?
Meg: Aren't you with Christine?
Raoul: Actually WE'RE ENGAGED!!
Phantom: (underneath Opera House) WHAT!?!?!?!?!?! (slams down door with costume in hand)
Meg: Then stop hitting on me you womanizer!
Raoul: But… but…
Meg: (suddenly getting an idea) My good sir, you must try some of these sausages! (rams several fistful of the finger food down Raoul's throat) Oh dear, I bet you're quite thirsty now.
Raoul: (nods in terror)
Meg: Then please wash it down with some PUNCH! (squirts several cups inside Raoul's already crammed mouth) Oh hello Christine! (skips off)
Christine: Raoul… how many times must I tell you to chew, swallow, AND THEN get some more food?
Raoul: Meff, mull, medle, GULP! (finally swallows food) Thank goodness I have a big throat and am used to getting stuff stuck in it!
Christine: Oh come on. Let's dance and try not to embarrass me!
Narrator: And then the band began to play!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
ENTERTAINERS #1!: Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
ENTERTAINERS #2!: MASQUERADE!
ENTERTAINERS #3!: Hide your face so the world will never find you!
Phantom: Oh for god's sake… STOP THAT WORTHLESS AND POINTLESS AND ANNOYING SINGING!
EVERYONE IN ROOM: GASP! IT'S THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
Phantom: Really? You could tell it was me? But I have a skull mask that covers my whole face!
Andre: Well we assume that anyone who interrupts a party is you.
MG: Kind of like last week when you went to your cousin's surprise party and when the clown interrupted the ceremony you started to cry?
Andre: Oh shut up. It looked like him! (points to Phantom)
Phantom: Hi, excuse me! Focus back on me people!
Carlotta: And you call ME a Prima Donna!
Phantom: Hey! Could I get some spotlight over here Chet?
Chet: They don't pay me enough. (swings spotlight over to Phantom)
Phantom: Have you missed me good messieurs?
Firmin: Where were you anyway?
Phantom: Umm… away on important business. Family obligation you know.
Narrator: (chuckle, chuckle)
Phantom: Wanna chuckle again? (whips out lasso)
Narrator: (stunned silence)
Phantom: I have written you an OPERA! (throws various sheets of paper at the managers)
Firmin: But it's just a bunch of doodles!
Phantom: (loud and booming) SILENCE! (whining) It's art!
Andre: There, there… OF COURSE it's art! And very good art at that!
Phantom: (sniff) Really?
Andre: Yes, of course!
Phantom: Thank you… (suddenly sees Christine and remembers why he came in the first place) YOU!!!
Christine: Me??? (looks around in confusion) Do I KNOW you?
Phantom: Don't play coy with ME little missy! You were supposed to give your love to ME…
Narrator: (sings excitedly) FOR LOVE IS BLIND!!
Phantom: Yes… erm… anyway, INSTEAD you gave your love to the fop! You are doooooooooooomed!
Christine: What's your name? Perhaps it will match up with the list. (whips out a very lengthy scroll of names)
Phantom/Raoul: Oh my god!
Christine: Oh look Raoul! You're right at the top with a bunch of doodle hearts!
Raoul: Phew…
Christine: Right next to SOME guy named Erik!
Phantom: THAT'S MY NAME!
EVERYONE IN ROOM: It is?
Raoul: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Christine: Yeah, but there isn't any doodle hearts next to it. It just says in big bold words FRIEND/MENTOR/JAIL WARDEN
Phantom: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Christine: Works for me.
Raoul: I'm feeling a little nervous here Christine…
Christine: Well at least I remember YOU unlike anyone else on this list.
Raoul: Let me see that list… (grabs scroll and reads aloud) Roger Davis? Leopold Bloom? Marius? Billy Flynn? PIANGI????!!!
Piangi: Oh yeah… heheh…
Carlotta: GASP!
Raoul: Orin Scrivello? Sweeny Todd? Radames? HARRY FREAKING POTTER!???!!!
Christine: Like I said… don't remember any of them.
Raoul/Phantom: But HARRY POTTER of ALL PEOPLE!!
EVERYONE ELSE: This is becoming exceedingly awkward.
Phantom: To make a long story short, Piangi you suck, Carlotta you suck, Managers you suck, and Christine is amazing. She's cast in the lead. Fire some people and make it happen eh?
Christine: YAY! IT'S A PIRATE/BRITISH/BEAR/CANADIAN!
Phantom: Umm… YOUR CHAINS ARE STILL MINE! You belong to ME!! (stabs Raoul and leaves)
Raoul: He killed me!
Christine: NOOOO!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE AN ALMOST WIDOW!!!
Raoul: Oh wait… no he didn't… I was wearing armor underneath this outfit.
Christine: Why??
Raoul: Before my mother died (gets misty eyed) she told me "Son, you best always wear some armor when you're going to a party. You never know what loon might show up that wants your girl and tries to kill you."
Christine: That was oddly prophetic of her.
Raoul: Sure was!
Phantom: DAMMIT!!!!
Narrator: And so the party ended on a good note. Raoul finally did something weird but right and only two people drunk themselves to death. But none of them were prepared for the tragedy and the trauma ahead of them.
A/N: Oh the joys of copy and paste. That's probably my weirdest (but longest) chapter yet. I'm so sorry… anyway, please drop a review! It makes my day to know that people are actually reading this story. :D