A/N: I'm back again! I'm not going to let the fact that alerts aren't working stop me from posting! (puts on war face) Anyway, I hope you all who have been following this story enjoy this chapter!! A quick shout out to all of my unsigned reviewers. I want to make sure you all are recognized too!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera
Narrator: The stylish carriage sped along the ground as the plot continued to thicken. Christine was of course patient and didn't try the Phantom's patience once…
Christine: Are we there yet?
Cab Driver Who is Really the PhantomNot yet.
Christine: Are we there yet?
CDWIRTP: Nooo…
Christine: Oh poo… how about now?
CDWIRTP: NO, NOW SHUT UP!!
Narrator: The rest of the ride passed in an awkward silence until the cab finally pulled up at a dark and mysterious looking cemetery.
Christine: Well if you think that you're getting a tip then you better just forget it! (storms out)
CDWIRTP: (to himself) I'm going to have to try and change my stalking habits. (rushes off to prepare his diabolical plot)
Christine: Yeah, you better run!
Narrator: Christine proceeded to wander amongst the various graves and thought about her dead father and how much she missed him. She finally comes to stop at a handsome stone whose etched words were no longer visible and she began to sing to it.
Christine: Wishing you were somehow here again… knowing it's physically impossible because you're a horrendous rotting corpse six feet below. (suddenly stops singing) You know, it's all your fault that I'm messed up Dad! If you had just not died I would be perfectly normal right now! (begins to beat at the headstone in fury)
Passerby: Um… excuse me miss but that's my grandmother's grave.
Christine: (blushes) Oh… erm… right. Sorry. (hurriedly leaves) Huh… I wonder where my Dad's grave is. I've been talking to that one for that past three years! (wanders aimlessly again)
Narrator: Little did little Christine know that she was about to receive an unexpected visitor.
Old Man: Oh my gosh! Christine! There you are my daughter! (hugs Christine)
Christine: Eww… you're old.
Christine's Father: Don't you remember me Christine? I'm your father!
Christine: No… my father is dead. He's been dead since I was five years old! Or at least I look five in those flashbacks…
Father: I'm not dead you ninny! I've been alive this whole time!
Christine: Feh, there's no way I'm gonna fall for that!
Daddy: No, it was a big misunderstanding! Our neighbor died and I made the mistake of saying that 'He was like a father to Christine' and before I knew it you didn't know me anymore! You convinced a suspicious looking cabby driver take you to Paris and I never saw you again!
Christine: (begins to cry) Why must you taunt me? My father is dead and nothing can change that! I would believe a disembodied voice coming from a fancy grave more than you!
Daddy Dearest: But Christine, please…
Christine: I can't listen to you for another minute! (runs away and still crying to a fancy stone grave. It's much fancier than any of the others)
Fancy Grave: Ha! I'm better than the other graves!
Christine: Oh! I must cry on this random grave now! (sob)
Phantom: Wow… who would have thought that her dad was really alive? ¡ES UN SORPRESA! Anyway, I better make sure this hypno beam is working properly so that this will work. (clears throat)
Christine: Oh I'm so sad and my dress is so low cut! It makes me much too chilly!
Phantom: Oh… my… god… (clears throat again loudly) (begins to sing) Wandering child so lost, so helpless. Yearning for my guidance.
Narrator: And the beautiful angelic voice that came from the grave put Christine in a trance. Basically. I'm sure the hypno beam helped things along too that the Phantom had set up. Anyway, Christine once more thought that it was the spirit of her father come to save her… from something. But that doesn't mean that she wasn't a little suspicious at first.
Christine: Angel or father? Friend or father? Who is there staring at me creepily?
Phantom: Have you forgotten your…
Christine: OH FATHER IT IS YOU!!
Phantom: (to himself) Well she didn't let me finish but whatev. It worked out. (to Christine) Yes, it is I! Your dead father!
Real Daddy: BUT I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!
Phantom: Oh bugger… (pulls out a huge cane and grabs daddy and throws him offstage) That's better! COME TO YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC!! THE REAL ONE THIS TIME!
Christine: (after receiving full blast of the Phantom's hypnotic beam) Yes… yes master!
Phantom: Well that's certainly a nice touch…
Narrator: Suddenly, just when the Phantom's plan MIGHT have worked for once, Raoul came bursting onto the scene.
Raoul: I am here to save you Christine! (runs to Christine)
Phantom: Damn and blast! (tries to catch Raoul in his hypno beam)
Raoul: (Stares blankly for a moment) You know, those things don't work on me. My therapist tried the same thing on me and it never worked.
Phantom: …
Raoul: Anyway, Christine! He is not your dead father! He is the Phantom of the Opera!
Daddums from Offstage: I'M NOT DEAD!
Raoul: Yeah right, like I would fall for something that stupid!
Phantom: Hmm… I have two choices. I could stay up here hidden from you and possibly still get Christine to go with me. On the other hand, I could jump down in plain sight and forever lose Christine's trust in me and have a sword fight with Raoul. (pause) BOMB'S AWAY!!! (jumps off of grave)
Christine: GASP!! You're not my daddy!
Phantom: Well, I certainly hope not. If I really were then all of the thoughts I've been thinking about you for practically all of your womanhood would sent me straight to jail!
Christine: Aww… did you hear that Raoul? He's been thinking about me!
Raoul: HEY! (points at Phantom) KEEP YOUR DIRTY THOUGHTS AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!
Phantom: (growls like a rabid dog) YOUR WOMAN? She belongs to ME!
Christine: I'm insulted! I don't belong to anyone!
Raoul and Phantom: Shut UP Christine!
Christine: GASP! I've never been so appalled in my…
R and P: SWORD FIGHT!!
Swords: CLANK, CLING, CLUNK, CASHING!
Christine: Ooooh! Sound effects!
Raoul: I'm kinda tired…
Phantom: Me too.
Raoul: Riding bareback on a smelly horse for miles on end to catch up with Christine's speeding coach and desperately hoping that I wasn't too late to save her soul and practically having an ulcer over it can be pretty exhausting.
Phantom: Yeah, so can climbing up that ridiculous tomb and staying up all night planning a diabolical scheme.
Raoul: Wow… you win this one.
Phantom: (to himself) Idiot.
Raoul: What do you say we just call it quits?
Phantom: Alright… I'll even make it look like you win! (to himself) Like that could ever really happen. And this way I will be the one to get all of Christine's sympathy.
Raoul: COOL!!! (trips Phantom)
Phantom: Oh no… oh dear. Whatever shall I do?
Raoul: I'M GONNA STAB YOU NOW!!
Christine: GASP! Raoul, don't!
Phantom: (smirk)
Christine: You'll get his blood all over that sexy shirt!
Phantom: (face falls)
Raoul: Holy crap… you're right! (puts sword away) Quick thinking Christine!
Christine: GASP! (gets all teary eyed) No one has ever said that to me before!
Raoul: Come on… let's go!
Phantom: WHAT?!?!?! Christine… (puppy face) I'm hurt!
Christine: Oh you poor thing…
Raoul: Come on, nothing to see. It's just a scratch I bet! (throws Christine on the sweaty and tired horse) AWAY!
Horse: I swear… if he says that again! And he better not be wearing spurs this time… (takes off at a gallop)
Phantom: (sniff) NOW LET IT BE WAR UPON YOU BOTH!!! (sniff) Not really Christine though. I'm just saying it cuz I'm P.O.ed. (does the swirly cape thingy and magically disappears)
Random Small British Children: GASP!! (look at each other in awe at the spot where the man had disappeared)
Random Small British Boy: (whispers) Everybody make a wish…
Narrator: Back at the Opera House… Raoul quietly discusses his plan of action to save Christine with the Managers.
Raoul: Well, now that we're all here out in this open bit of Opera House underneath the rafters that the Phantom usually occupies…
Firmin: This had better be pretty important…
Raoul: I just want to say… (takes a deep breath) WE SHOULD LET CHRISTINE SING THE LEAD BECAUSE THAT WAY THE PHANTOM WILL GO! THEN WE CAN STATION ARMED POLICEMEN OUTSIDE OF EVERY DOOR AND AT THE STAGE WITHIN FIRING RANGE OF BOX FIVE! WHICH I WILL SIT IN BY THE WAY AS BAIT!
Firmin: Good god man! Lower your voice! Don't you think he could possibly hear you at that voice level?
Andre: DON'T BE SILLY FIRMIN! THERE IS NO PHYSICAL WAY FOR HIM TO HEAR US!!
Firmin: YOU'RE RIGHT! HOW SILLY OF ME! IT'S NOT LIKE HE ALWAYS KNOWS EVERYTHING AND LURKS EVERYWHERE AROUND THE OPERA HOUSE OR ANYTHING STUPID LIKE THAT!! CARRY ON RAOUL!
Raoul: WHEN THE PHANTOM IS WITHIN FIRING DISTANCE THE MEN WILL SHOOOOT HIM AND KIIIIILLL HIM!!! AS IN NO LONGER LIVING!!
Firmin: OH, LIKE AS IN HIS BODY WILL BE A MANGLED AND BLOODY CORPSE?
Andre: AND HE WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO LURK ABOUT BECAUSE HIS BODY CAN NO LONGER BREATH BECAUSE HE IS D E A D??
Raoul: YUP! THAT'S THE IDEA!
Managers: GREAT! LET'S DO IT!
Raoul and Managers: (skip off together while continuing to scream their plan to any who pass)
Narrator: Now that Raoul and the Managers had an… erm… brilliant plan set all that was left was to carry it out. Of course, Christine didn't take too kindly to it at first but Raoul began to persuade her.
Christine: WTF??? You want to use me as bait to draw the Phantom onto the stage so you can kill him? That's so wrong!
Raoul: Well, do you want to catch him ogling you through his one-way mirror again like the creepy pedophile he is?
Christine: Well that was really creepy and disturbing…
Raoul: And it's only so long before he ends up killing me out of jealousy and rage…
Christine: Oh no!
Raoul: And you will be forced to live with him underground and guess what…
Christine: GASP! What?
Raoul: Your skin won't be a beautiful creamy anymore… it will be… (pause) pasty.
Christine: NOOOOOO!!!!!
Raoul: So?
Christine: Okay, okay… I'll do it already! I don't want you to die… or me to turn (shudder) pasty!
Raoul: You won't be sorry Christine! (they make out for several minutes)
Narrator: And so the characters unwittingly threw themselves into more than they could handle for the Phantom also had something up his sleeve…
Phantom: (writing furiously on scrap paper) Let's see… if I do this and then move this here… and I have… (dramatic music) THE PERFECT STICK FIGURE OF CHRISTINE!!
Narrator: Well… hopefully he will have a plan soon. I mean, to just make it up as he goes and hopes it turns out well would be stupid. Right? (pause) Oy vay…
A/N: Hee. I dunno, for some reason I had a GREAT time writing this. (shrugs) Whatever. Please review! Oh, and sorry I randomly had the Phantom speaking Spanish but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. And the whole "Random British Children" came from Harry Potter Puppet Pals. If you haven't seen one before, go to YouTube or google their website and watch some. Seriously, it's amazing. If you watch the one called "Wizard Angst" and you'll find the line that I used for this story and you might understand why I chose that particular line. xD'
Translation: Es un sorpresa- Is a surprise!