A/N: Wow… can I even BEGIN to say how sorry I am?? If any of you looked at my profile, you may have the excuse already but I'll retell it to those who weren't desperate enough to look at my profile. Basically, I've been stuck without a computer with the right format for FanFiction for nearly two months. This means that I wasn't even able to put up an Author's Note explaining the absence. Again, I'm so sorry. I really missed writing all of my stories.
Anyway, despite that I've been really looking forward to this scene. A quick explanation, since there's a bit going on between what's happening on stage and in the various box seats, I had to switch between them both quite frequently. This means that whenever you see Raoul or the Managers talking then the song "Point of No Return" is still going on. That said, read and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera. Do I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber to you? I should certainly hope not.
Narrator: Later that very week, the Phantom's "brilliant" play "Don Juan Triumphant" was premiering at the Opera House. No one seemed to know what it was about but practically everyone in Paris showed up anyway for the opening night.
And in some Phantom news, everything was going according to Raoul's ingenious plan. The Police he hired to commit the killing were filing inconspicuously into the Opera House…
Police Man: (shouting at the top of his lungs) SINGLE FILE AND THROUGH THE MAIN ENTERANCE MEN! MAKE SURE EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE COMING THROUGH!
Police Men: Yes SIR! (march loudly up Opera steps while singing a marching song and performing some practice shots randomly from their guns towards the growing audience)
Narrator: The Manager's were cool, calm, and collected as always…
Andre: Oh no, oh no, oh no… WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK!?!?!?!
Firmin: (cries loudly into a handkerchief)
Narrator: And Christine was in the sexy outfit that Madam Giry had made a seamstress make for her and was preparing to go on stage.
Christine: DAMN THESE CORSETS!! THEY NEVER LACE RIGHT!! (continues to struggle with the corset laces)
Narrator: Luckily, this part of the plan went right because Madam Giry came in at some point and finally laced up Christine's corset in time for the play. So that would be… 1 out of the 3 parts so far needed for Raoul's plan to work. Promising. So, the stage lights went up and the curtain was drawn as the opera began.
Singers: (sing lots of offensive metaphors and sexual innuendos)
Audience: Our ears! (clutch ears painfully)
Carlotta: It's-a time for my part! (dances up into the middle of the stage)
Narrator: Now, the Managers had put fake bullets into all the guns for those who were in the opera but it seemed they forgot to take one thing into account. They didn't count on audience members revolting.
Random Girl: YOUR SINGING MUST STOP!!! (pulls out a large revolver and rushes up to the stage)
Carlotta: Eek! (runs away from the crazy girl)
Random Girl: GET BACK HERE! (runs offstage after Carlotta)
Singers: (continue on without flinching)
Audience: Now THAT was the best part so far!
Narrator: Fear not Carlotta fans… the girl was caught and restrained. She DID take a big chunk out of that weird hairstyle that Carlotta had on though, thank goodness.
The show went on.
(BACKSTAGE)
MG: Come on Christine, it's almost your cue!
Christine: You know, I'm beginning to rethink this. Maybe we should just talk things over with the Phantom instead of killing him…
MG: (not really paying attention) That's nice dear.
(ON STAGE)
Piangi: (singing) Now my friend, adopt a disguise! Now the girl will think I'm you and will think that you are me but I will know it's me even if she thinks I am you and she will fall in love with me though she thinks it is you and we shall have wonderful night adventures in my room, though she will think the room is yours! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Audience: Umm… what was the point of that? Why is there a whole OPERA about this? Where could it possibly go from here?
(BACKSTAGE!)
Christine: I think I'm having an epiphany here Madam Giry! I mean, what is the point of always fighting each other? Wouldn't the world be a better and purer place if we all just talked with each other instead of resorting to violence and blowing each others brains out? Perhaps the Phantom wouldn't have been like this if people had just taken the time to listen to him…
MG: Yeah, whatever. YOU'RE ON! (throws Christine out onto the stage)
Narrator: Luckily, Christine was quick on her feet when it comes to singing and she stopped in the middle of her thoughtful rant to sing her line. Unfortunately though, Christine has a rather small mind and in order to sing her line properly she had to shove everything else out of her mind. This includes her epiphany about the Phantom and World Peace.
What a shame…
(ON STAGE)
Christine: (singing) No thoughts within her head but thoughts of joy. No dreams within her heart but dreams of love! (stops singing and speaks) Which is why I'm wearing this totally slutty dress! (sits down innocently and begins to pick invisible flowers).
Raoul: I love the smell of certain success in the morning. (inhales deeply and sits back in his seat) This will be a piece of cake!
(BACKSTAGE)
Phantom: My fop senses are tingling again. The miserable whelp, otherwise as Raoul, is planning something to get rid of me I'm sure… and those police officers are certainly a warning sign that he wishes to kill me. I just have to find a way to get past them. (puts on sexy black mask and inches past the police officers) Evening gents!
Police Men: Evening!
Phantom: (breathes a sigh of relief and saunters in a relaxed manner the rest of the way to find Piangi)
Police Man: So who are we supposed to be looking for Bob?
Bob: Eh, some guy with only half a face or something like that. I don't really know.
Police Man: Just checking. (goes back to eating a doughnut)
Narrator: Unfortunately for Piangi… the curtain was about to fall. ON HIS LIFE!!
Phantom: Hello Piangi…
Piangi: Who is there?
Phantom: I… am… BATMAN!! (swoops down on Piangi in a very Christian Bale as Batman way with his cape fluttering everywhere)
Piangi: NOOO!!!! (dies of fear)
Phantom: Works every time…
(ON STAGE)
Phantom: (singing seductively) Passarino… go away for the trap is set and waits for its prey!
"Passarino": (to himself) I'm pretty sure that the guy I just sang with was short, tubby, and Italian. But then again, I'm totally high anyway so what do I know? (wanders offstage)
Christine: Huh… that voice sounds oddly familiar. Almost like I've heard it being sung to me for most of my short life…
Phantom: You have come here… in pursuit of your deepest urge. In pursuit of that wish which 'till now has been silent… silent. (etc., etc.)
Men in Audience: WTF?? Who IS that guy?
Women in Audience: Who CARES??!!!
(BOX SEATS)
Firmin: (whispering to Andre) Get the Police Captain up here!
Andre: (whispering back) He's already here.
Police Captain; Hey guys, what up? Is that the guy we're supposed to be shooting at up on the stage there sir? (points to Piangi who was really the Phantom)
Firmin: YES!!
(ONSTAGE)
Christine: (to herself) Wow… Piangi has gotten HOT! (ogles delightedly)
Phantom: Past the point of no return… no backward glances! (to himself) Oh god… Oh god I think this is actually going to work! (hyperventilates a little)
Christine: (to herself) He does look like the Phantom… but that's IMPOSSIBLE! There's no way that the Phantom could have killed Piangi the way that he killed Buquet and hijacked the stage. I mean, REALLY!
Phantom: The games we've played 'till now are at an end… (to himself) Okay, now I need to do some sexy and dramatic cape twirls. One… two… three… NOW!! (sexy cape twirl)
Christine: (to herself) Ooohh!! Cape twirls!
(MANAGER BOX)
(while Phantom continues to sing)
Andre: What are you waiting for? Shoot him already! (stands up in anger)
Police Captain: Umm… well… what if we didn't?
Firmin: Why on Earth would you NOT shoot at him? We're paying you to do this!
Police Captain: Well… you remember our entrance earlier in the chapter?
Firmin: Oh god… did you use ALL of your bullets up on those practice shots into the audience again!?!?!
Police Captain: Umm… no?
Andre: I am thoroughly disgusted with you and your "police services"!! (sits back down angrily)
(ONSTAGE)
Christine: (stands up) (sleeves continue to fall down) (to herself) Ugh… I told the seamstress that she was making the shoulder of the dress too wide. I sometimes wish that woman could speak French… or even English!! (desperately tries to keep sleeves up)
Phantom: (to himself) Oh my… she's trying to seduce me. (looks up to the sky) Now I know that there must be a God. Thank you!
Christine: (to herself) What is he looking at? (also looks up) Oh look there's Raoul!! HI RAOUL!!! Oh wait… he can't hear me. I'm thinking this to myself. I hope his plan is working out okay for him…
(BOX FIVE)
Raoul: (sigh) It's good to be king. Everything is moving perfectly. (blissfully doesn't notice that Piangi (who is dead if you may recall) is really the Phantom)
Police Captain: Umm… sir? We have a problem.
(ONSTAGE)
Phantom: (singing) What warm unspoken secrets will we learn? Beyond the point of no return
ChristineYou have brought me to that moment when words run dry. To that moment when speech disappears into silence… (sees Raoul and beams up at him while waving brightly) Silence.
Phantom: (to himself) Grr… she was waving and winking at him!
(BOX FIVE)
Raoul: What do you mean you're out of bullets?
Police Captain: Umm… shouldn't you be more worried about the fact that the guy you want killed is prancing around the stage poorly disguised as Piangi and is currently romancing your woman?
Raoul: Oh… RIGHT! That IS a problem… hmm… (sees Christine's look and completely overreacts) DID YOU SEE THAT?! She's trying to tell me that she's in desperate danger! OH NO!
Police Captain: Should we pretend to shoot at him to scare him away?
Raoul: (ponders) Nah. Christine will be fine. Let's just wait it out a little longer until there's a climatic point in the play. Then the audience will REALLY get their money's worth when we find you more bullets and the bloodshed begins.
Police Captain: Sounds perfectly reasonable.
(ON STAGE)
Christine: (slowly advances towards the Phantom in a seductive way) Past the point of no return. No going back now our passion play has now at last begun!
Phantom: (to himself) We're going to have a passion play:SQUEE!!: I suppose I shall have to reveal myself to her now. Though I'm sure that her superior intellect has already told her that I am in fact her Angel of Music… her Phantom of the Opera… her Erik.
Christine: (to herself) Piangi got REALLY hot…
Narrator: Christine continued to sing to the Phantom as she ascended some long spiraling staircase that was on some sort of seemingly pointless high structure. The Phantom, still awestruck by her beauty and power of seduction (really, who would have thought someone so seemingly innocent was capable of unleashing such a power?) naturally followed her up but on the opposite staircase of said seemingly pointless high structure. Little did either of them know that both of their worlds were going to completely change forever.
And have we all noticed the seemingly pointless and ridiculous tall structure in the middle of the stage? Someone could seriously hurt themselves on that thing!
Christine: Blood racing, buds blooming, fire consuming[insert desired implied sexual term here, climbing, climbing, okay… I'm at the top! Phew! Damn corset!
Phantom: Now it's time for the real showstopper with the cape… WASHA!! (flings cape off with a flourish)
Audience: (gasp!) The man is a master of cape twirls!
Phantom and Christine: Past the point of no return (slowly advancing towards each other lustfully) The final threshold!
Narrator: The Phantom then tried something… daring. He grabbed Christine and spun her into himself so that she was pressed against him. All of his fantasies came true in that moment.
Unfortunately, he didn't count on the high beam being so thin and dangerous.
Christine: EEK! (nearly falls off the ridiculous tall structure) WHAT THE HELL!!?? We practiced this a DOZEN times Piangi and I thought you knew better than to spin me up here!!
Phantom: Umm… whoops?
Christine: (huff) Whatever… let's just keep going…
Phantom and Christine: The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn! We've past the point of no return…
Female Audience: How beautiful! (swoon)
(BOX FIVE)
Raoul: (gasp!) She's in his arms… and under his spell!!
Narrator: The Phantom had, of course, shot a few hypno beams towards Christine throughout the show. So Raoul wasn't completely wrong.
Raoul: I… I… I LOST!!
Police Captain: It happens to the best of us sir…
Raoul: I am now going to take a leaf out of the book of my original self from Leroux's book… I'm going to cry. A lot.
Police Captain: Should I leave the box sir?
Raoul: Yes, I think that's best. (tear)
(ON STAGE)
Phantom: (to himself) Well! Now is as good a time as ever! (to Christine) Say you'll share with me one love… one lifetime. Lead me save me from my solitude.
Females: (swoon again)
Christine: Huh… that tune sounds vaguely familiar…
Phantom: Say you'll want me with you here beside you…
Christine: Mkay, Piangi is really starting to freak me out.
Phantom: (turns Christine to face him) Anywhere you go let me go too! Christine that's all I ask of…
Christine: EEK! STALKER!! (yanks off the Phantom's mask and pelts him with pepper spray) GET AWAY FROM ME PIANGI!
Phantom: AAHH!!! HISS!!! (attempts to hide his face) MY HIDEOUS FACE HAS BEEN EXPOSED!!! EVEN MY OWN EYES ARE BURNING FROM THE HIDEOUSNESS!! (obviously not noticing that it was the pepper spray that was burning his eyes)
Audience: Umm… actually, we never saw anything.
Narrator: We see on the Phantom's face… a small scar about the size of my fingernail. Sure, it had some pus leaking from it and was possibly infected… but nothing to get so worked up over.
Christine: (gasp!) It's the Phantom!
Phantom: (recovers briefly from his sobs of shame and grief) Uh… DUH! (goes back to emo/angry/shameful mode) YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE!! (cuts a random rope and laughs manically before falling through one of his own trap doors with Christine in tow)
Andre: He cut the rope to the chandelier!
Firmin: Oh no! Not the extremely overpriced and dangerously positioned chandelier!
Audience: EEK!! (they flee for the hills)
(UNDER STAGE)
Phantom: Huh… that rope goes to the chandelier? Go figure. (rushes away with Christine)
Narrator: Will Raoul drown in his tears of despair for the loss of his Chrissy-poo? Will the Phantom get away with his heinous crime? Will Christine ever escape the mad man's clutches? And will the Managers ever learn that buying such an expensive chandelier can come to no good? 'Till next time…
A/N: I don't think this one was as funny as the last chapter, but I guess I'll let you all decide that. It was really kinda hard to write… since this is probably one of my favorite scenes (despite the frustrating behavior from Raoul and The Managers). And I think a certain little reviewer had wanted a chance to shoot Carlotta. Well I put you in the chapter! Yay! Anywho, please drop me some reviews even though I've been gone for two months!