Looking was all they were going to do. Crane wanted to make that perfectly clear to his minions—and to Edward, who was being entirely too cheerful about this.

Unfortunately, listening was a purely involuntary action that couldn't be avoided as they passed by the mouth of the alley. As a result, he couldn't help hearing the Captain say, with some heat, "Stop it." He couldn't see what she was objecting to, which was really his only reason for displaying even the slightest hesitation. Well, that and the sudden upsurge in the sound of screams from Il Inferno, accompanied by the smell of smoke.

The others, of course, noticed his little hesitation and took it as a tacit invitation to stop and wait for more.

They didn't have long to wait.

"Paul, I said no!"

Followed by the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh.

Al went white.

"I'll kill him."

"Not without me, you won't," said Techie. It didn't seem to matter that she wasn't able to walk on her own; she just dragged Edward along with her. Not that he was putting up any kind of a fight.

What could Crane do but go with them? He followed the sounds of the scuffle, only to find the Captain kneeling on her boyfriend's chest, repeatedly slamming his head against the pavement.

It was pretty clear who had the upper hand in this fight, but that didn't stop Al from making a snap decision.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size, you prick!"

Startled by her friends' sudden appearance, the Captain fell back, leaving plenty of kicking room for Al.

"What are you doing here?" she asked Techie.

"Dating. Also, we decided we can't stand by any longer. We don't think this guy is good for you. Come on, Eddie, help me hold him down."

The Captain stood and turned to Crane, who had made no move to join the fray.

"Why are you really here?" she asked.

"Your nose is bleeding."

She touched a finger to the blood on her face and shrugged.

"There's always something bleeding. It's part of the job."

"Yes, and I want you in a fit state to do your job. Injuries received outside the line of duty aren't covered by the health plan."

It wasn't very funny, but it got a laugh.

"Was that a joke?" she asked.

"Of course not. I don't make jokes." The boyfriend started screaming. She put up a hand, blocking his view and forcing him to keep looking at her.

"Trust me, you don't want to see this." The screams went ragged with unimaginable agony, and he realized she was trembling. And yet…

"You knew this was going to happen."

"Of course. Cluck, cluck, he's not a very nice guy. Sooner or later, someone was bound to move in for the kill."

He felt like throwing his hands up in disgust.

"If you know he's no good, why are you wasting your time dating him?" Just how stupid was she? And how was anyone supposed to respect a woman who made such a choice? She was always ranting about uneven gender roles and the stupidity of women, and then she went and did something like this? When she so clearly knew better?

Not that he had any reason to be troubled by it. He just wasn't impressed with hypocrisy.

"I'm not with him because I love him," she said quite calmly over the sound of mortal anguish. "I'm just using him to get to something more important—happy anniversary, by the way. After this Friday, I was going to set him up with a pair of cement shoes and some scuba lessons."

"Happy…anniversary?" he repeated.

"March 24th. Don't you remember? The day we stopped being stalkers and started being henchmen."

Oh. He almost felt as if he should have remembered that, since she had obviously been keeping track.

"You know, starting a new job isn't the sort of thing that usually spurs people to exchange gifts."

"It's not an exchange," she said lightly. "It's all for you. So be at the docks Friday at midnight if you want the whatsis you've been looking for to synthesize the brain juice."

He stared at her.

"You have no grasp of the basics of chemistry, do you?"

"Hey, now, that's not fair. If you'd ever let me into the lab, I might learn the technical names for these things. As it is, I'm having to guess…" The screaming had stopped. "Fainted already? What a wuss. No, don't look!"

He knocked her hand away, but all he could see was Al coming toward him with a bloody shard of glass in her hand.

"This is why you should always spay and neuter your pets," she said calmly.

Crane backed away, eyes widening.

"You didn't." He looked to the Captain for confirmation. They both ignored him.

"Sorry, Captain. We couldn't take the risk of allowing procreation. You understand." The Captain rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't going to procreate with him! I don't even like the guy. Tell them, Squish."

He might have bailed her out if she hadn't fallen back on that infuriating nickname.

"Don't like him? You have a funny way of showing it."

Her mouth fell open in shock. Then she laughed.

"You traitor! I knew I should have just gotten you a toaster."

"A toaster?" Techie repeated.

"An exploding toaster." Al's face went red.

"Oh, great idea, Captain. Thanks for ruining my surprise."

The Captain shrugged and ducked under Techie's other arm—covering for Edward, who didn't look too steady on his feet. Jonathan tried again to look past them into the alley.

"Don't," Edward warned. He gave it up.

"Just tell me this—are we finally done here? Can we go and put this whole thing behind us?"

"Best idea I've heard all night," the Captain agreed. She pulled Techie and Edward in the direction of the lair.

Jonathan followed. Al fell into step beside him.

"She's lying," she confided. "She thinks she doesn't do the love thing. She's wrong."

"I know." Not that he cared, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes; she had wanted the romance to work. The only person she was fooling was herself.

"I don't know what she'll do if she ever figures out that she's a human being." She looked over her shoulder and smirked. "At least this asshole's out of the picture."

"Did you kill him?" he had to ask. Al only smiled.

Behind them, the flames of Il Inferno licked the sky.