Disclaimer: I own some clothes, lots of books, and my imagination, but all the characters in this story belong to Elizabeth George Speare. 'Tis truly a pity.
A/N: Hey, y'all! (I've been a New Yorker my entire life, and yes, I do say y'all unintentionally sometimes) Sorry it's been so long since my last update. School has been crazy. But the marching part of marching band is over until April or May so I'm happier.
Thanks to my original reviewers: Hikaru, Bac210, Star-Goddess-Sunaru, Steph, Killjoy69, Jennifer, Laura Depp, xshiruxkinobix, Stillhopeful, Allie Nick, and Amanda.
I'm glad you would have been able to pick up my little tribute to L.M. Montgomery! I adore her work and Anne of the Island is my favorite of the Anne series. Thanks so much for reviewing!
A/N: And now, for your reading pleasure (I hope), I reveal to you Chapter 10 (hey, I'm in the double digit chapters now!)…
Chapter 10: Second Thoughts
In a few days time, Nat and the Witch had left Wethersfield. Their departure made a visible impact on Kit. Though not exactly chipper and upbeat these last couple weeks, she had been at least animated and lively, though somewhat biting and impatient. Not anymore. Now she was as one dead. She walked, ate, and talked as if she was not really there. There was nothing left in her. She did her chores around the Wood household mechanically, sweeping the floors until they shone and then some. She laughed with the family while they were all around the table, but her laugh was not what it was before. It was hollow and tinny. Kit had disappeared.
Everybody noticed it. The townspeople had not been shocked by her behavior since the day she grabbed Nat's hands on the dock. They always knew Kit was different and a bit strange (it must be from being raised with heathens), even if they did not know how far that oddness reached. What they didn't know was what was going through Kit's mind.
Nat's gone echoed through her empty brain. He's gone forever. And it's all my fault. That was what stung – the fact that his departure had been her doing. The look of pain in his eyes – she had caused it.
And the ache in her own heart – that was her fault as well.
"Kit? Kit," a voice repeated.
Kit looked up from the hearth that she had been staring at to see her cousin looking at her.
"Kit? Are you okay? What were you thinking of?" Mercy gently asked, noting the glazed look on Kit's face.
"Oh, nothing. Nothing," Kit said, smiling as she shook her head to rid her old thoughts. In actuality, she had been thinking of something. Her head had been full of memories of Nat. Staring at the empty hearth, her knitting sitting idly in her hands, memories of Nat and Hannah had flooded into her brain. She could see him, smiling at her across Hannah's table with Prudence in the corner reciting her lessons; scowling at her stubbornness as she refused to go aboard the Dolphin; looking at her heartbrokenly when she said she couldn't marry him.
She took a deep breath and tried to rid her mind of his eyes. "Was there anything you needed, dear?"
"You are wanted in the company room," said Mercy, unconvinced but willing to let the subject drop.
Kit stood up and tried to smile reassuringly as she walked towards the room. Mercy watched her leave, her gray eyes troubled and unclear. She knew her cousin too well to believe that nothing was bothering her. She did not know what that something was, but she dearly missed the old Kit. She did not know that Nat had gone and would not have thought much of it if she had known. Kit had always been rather quiet with matters concerning the 'sailor boy.' Mercy had only learned of him when he accompanied her home that day after fixing Hannah's home. Mercy had liked him, his friendly nature and his frank blue eyes. But she had never thought of him much after that day.
Mercy tried to account for Kit's peculiar behavior and seemed to feel it most likely to be bridal nerves. Pressure, as well. The Ashbys were a powerful family, in Wethersfield and abroad. They were the model family. And Kit was soon to be a part of that family. Poor Kit. She never could live up to other people's standards and tame her wild spirit before. Maybe she had managed it.
Nonetheless, Mercy could not help missing the old Kit. She wanted her fiery, spirited cousin back. The passion that was evident in her every word was a vital part of making Kit Kit. She watched her cousin's retreating back enter the company room.
Kit, meanwhile, little suspecting the thoughts of her older cousin, joined the party of two in the room. Kit sat down next to William, who was discussing home details with Judith, who sat across the table.
"William, you must have one of those new, fashionable roofs. They're stylish, but they have a sort of elegance that will last years. Don't you agree, Kit?" questioned Judith.
"What? Oh, I don't know. 'Tis a nice style, I suppose, but I am more particular to the traditional kind, like the one Uncle Matthew built," said Kit, though she was not very interested in the subject.
William looked at her, surprised. "Really? I never thought you would be one to admire the traditional style in anything, Kit. I remember the first time I saw you. It was at church and you were most fashionably dressed," William commented, looking at her with obvious admiration.
"Well, people change. However, some styles never do," said Judith, changing the subject. "You ought to consider the new roof, William. I always pictured you in a house with a roof like the one on the house on the road to Hartford."
He smiled. "What else did you seen in my home?"
Judith grinned back at him, her blue eyes shining with happiness. "In the kitchen, there would be a beautiful wooden cabinet and…"
Kit's mind wandered as her cousin and fiancé began talking about Judith's dreams again. She sat there for nearly a quarter of an hour, her mind not concerned about her future home, offering her opinion only when asked for it. She watched the two in front of her, especially her cousin. Judith's eyes shone with a passion about the subject and her voice illustrated her interest.
After a while, Kit left the two, still discussing her home-to-be, while she went out for a walk. She needed to think.
Without realizing it, Kit found herself walking to the Meadows. She always seemed to end up there when she was troubled. The Meadows had a healing power for her, even now, though Hannah was gone. There was something about the way the quiet felt about her. It wasn't oppressive or painful, but it was almost as if though it was sympathizing with her.
She went over to the land where Hannah's little home used to stand and just sat there, thinking. Something about marrying William just did not feel right. Kit sensed that she ought to be excited about her future and interested in the design of her house and what she would put in it to make it a home. But she did not. There was an emptiness in her. Even if she was upset that she had disappointed Nat, should not her wedding help her get over it, at least a little? She wanted to feel like Judith looked.
Judith. Kit had studied her cousin this afternoon for the first time in a long time. And she saw things that had been hidden to her before. Judith was in love with William. Kit had thought her cousin to be over him, but it was plain enough in the way her blue eyes shone and how her voice trembled ever so slightly whenever she said his name, as if it was something precious. Kit realized that Judith had tried to repress her feelings so as not to get in the way of her cousin's happiness, like she had almost done with her sister's.
But that was another problem. Did Kit love William? Would she be happy with him? She certainly loved the way he looked at her and loved the way he adored her. She would not miss sweeping the floors everyday or weeding the garden and, if she became Mistress Ashby, there would be servants to do that work for her.
Unbidden, Hannah's words passed through her brain. "But 'tis never really an escape unless love is there." Was there love? Kit did not even know for sure if William loved her. He certainly admired her and thought her fascinating, but she did not know if that was love. Kit did not think she could spend her life with someone she cared nothing for, other than as a friend. What is William to me?
Memories suddenly began to crowd her mind. She saw Nat, standing next to her as she looked out towards America from the Dolphin. Then Hannah was there, sitting across the table from her, watching amusedly as she fingered a piece of coral. William was before her at the husking bee and she could feel the discomfort again. Goodwife Cruff was shaking Prudence, who had lost her doll. William was there again, asking her to marry him. She was on top of the roof, Nat laughing at her with pieces of straw in both their hair. William, trying to catch a ball of yarn. Nat's eyes full of pain. Hannah and the purple flower.
All of a sudden, Kit saw something that made her stop in her remembrances. Over by the far edge of the burned land was something – something purple. Kit stood up and went to examine it. She had been right. It was a purple flower, identical to the one Hannah had shown her all those days ago, sprouting from the ground. It was even more beautiful than Kit remembered. It grew there, despite the hardness of the winters and the intense heat of the fire. It was a little thing, but it filled Kit's heart so that her eyes filled with tears.
After a while, Kit decided it was time for her to leave the Meadows. As she headed back home, her head full of complicated and perplexing thoughts, she heard something. Looking up, she saw a black crow soaring above her, its black feathers gleaming like a rainbow as the sun reflected of its glossy plumage. It looked so free, nothing to hold it back from leaving all its troubles behind, that Kit envied it. She, too, longed to get away and not have to worry about anyone or anything.
Kit headed back home, still unsatisfied. The time spent in the Meadows, though calming, had not provided the answers she so desperately wanted. Did she really care enough for William to marry him? Or was she just fooling everyone, herself included?
By this time, Kit had reached home. As she entered the front door, she noticed that Judith and William had scarcely moved. They were still in the company room, still sitting across from one another, still talking and planning. Kit watched them silently for a while from the entrance until Judith spotted her and invited her back. Kit joined them, content to just observe.
Once again, she picked out Judith's feelings, but, this time, she also found something new. Kit saw William. 'Twas very strange.
Kit left the tighter on the pretense of helping Mercy with the candle-making. If either had not been so absorbed in their talk, they would have realized that the Wood household had just made dozens of candles just a few weeks ago, as Judith helped and William had stopped by in the middle of it. But they did not and Kit left for the kitchen.
Kit entered the thankfully empty kitchen. She was very confused and bewildered. After a moment, Kit went to stand in front of the mirror, hoping to clarify her thought. She remembered the past year or so and tried to think for herself. Will I be happy with William? she thought. With whom do I want to spend the rest of my life?
Immediately, the answer to her first question came to her. No sang out so clearly, so definitively in her mind. Not even a second later, the answer to Kit's second question appeared. While staring at herself in the mirror, Nat's face began to appear. Kit gasped from astonishment as she saw herself staring into his expressive eyes, eyes that she had thought of often without knowing what their power over her meant. There he was, smiling at her like he had that day at Hannah's on the roof. His eyes were both happily smiling and providing her with strength that she so desperately needed to prevent her from falling to the floor.
Kit tore her eyes away from the mirror and stumbled to the bench at the table. She collapsed on it, dazed. What had just happened? Taking a hard look at herself had awakened something in her she did not know was there. She was still so surprised by what had appeared in front of her eyes that she could not trust herself. Am I in love with Nat?
She could still see his eyes, holding her like an anchor.
His eyes. Anchor. Ship. A memory washed over Kit suddenly. Or a dream, really. Once, she had awoken in the middle of the night feeling very happy. She knew it was a dream but she did not care about its meaning. She was content to just let the feeling of happiness wash over her as she lay in bed, smiling into the night. When she had reawakened at daybreak, she could not remember the dream, but just the feeling of absolute calm and peace and, well, happiness.
Now she remembered. She and Nat had been on a ship, the Dolphin, standing at the bow and watching as the beautiful shores of Barbados came closer and closer. The two of them had been standing hand in hand, just watching. As the memory came back to her, the shores had dimmed and were almost gone. But Nat was still beside her. And so were the feelings she had experienced that night not too long ago.
After this memory, Kit knew the answer without a doubt. Yes, I am in love with Nat and must have been for a long time. Even Hannah knew it, she thought remembering a certain day in the cottage and a piece of coral.
Kit felt something awaken in her that she had not felt for days. The feeling the dream had left her with was back. She felt alive again, like she was her own person. It was a wonderful feeling and she had missed it.
After this revelation, Kit stood up and went to the company room, expecting to find the two still in their seats. Standing in the doorway, she looked at Judith and William, seated in their expected positions and so absorbed in one another's conversation that they did not notice she was there. After a few more moments of uninterrupted observance, Kit spoke out.
"William? I need to speak with you," said Kit and she walked back into the kitchen.
A/N: I am soooo sorry it's taken me so long to update! I completely understand if you all hate me (please don't). My stupid inspiration faerie has decided to strike for some reason and I've written this chapter literally a sentence a day, basically. I tried to make a long chapter to make up for it, but I can't write for a long time without losing the point. You may not believe it, but the more reviews I get, the more it motivates me to update. The numbers make me want to continue because people seem to like it. Please review! You guys helped me surpass my goal! Thanks! I have a vague idea about what to do for the next chapter, so I hope to have it up by my break in March or April. If I take as long as I did this time, feel free to leave me threatening reviews or e-mails (my e-mail address is on my bio page). I really don't think it will take that long though.
Side note: I found someone in my school who looks almost exactly as I picture Nat to be. He's been in my grade for the past 5 years or so, but he's grown his hair out now, so he looks more like the picture in my head. I saw him because he was in my square dancing group and he has those bright blue eyes like I see in Nat. Oh, and he's actually taller than me (big plus)! Just felt like sharing. Review!
Thanks to: Sarralyn Numairsri (yay for ice cream),ffgirlmoonie (thanks!), Bac210 (it's been amazing), and SingingPerson (I love multiple reviews. Thanks so much!).
Author's note: I am back! I went on a cruise that was my graduation/birthday present...so much fun! I got so tan, but I was also eaten by bugs. But good news for everybody, I finished chapter 14 (where I was before my story got erased)! And I'm on a roll, so it shouldn't be too hard to finish up this story. Also, I've been working on my story on fictionpress. If you guys want to check it out, look up 'The All-American Reject' by Moonlit Rendezvous. If not, don't worry about it. Please just review this and you'll hold a very dear place right next to my heart (or a dearer place). See you soon!