Fooling Ourselves

Chapter 4: Drifting

Olivia, Porter, Fisher and the rest of their team descended upon the warehouse. From what they knew, Samuel Benjamin had already moved on. This was simply a thorough search.

They entered the warehouse in pairs. Olivia went in beside Agent Leslie Riley. The two women made their way up to the second floor of the warehouse. Porter and Agent Jake Parker took the first floor. Fisher stayed outside to coordinate.

Even though the warehouse was abandoned, Olivia had the strangest feeling that they weren't alone. As she and Leslie approached the last room on the second floor, she heard a noise. Her hand went to her gun but not fast enough.

She spun around to see Leslie on the floor, her gun, lying just out of her reach. Samuel Benjamin stood in front of her with an evil grin on his face. He kicked Leslie in the throat.

Olivia pulled her gun "Freeze," she told him firmly.

Benjamin pulled his own gun "I don't think so," he smirked "Put your gun on the floor right now or I'll kill you both."

Olivia looked over at Leslie. The other agent was having trouble breathing. The kick to the throat had been very severe. Leslie needed medical attention soon. Olivia thought that maybe she could better reason with Benjamin if she played along with him.

"Okay," Olivia said slowly as she bent, keeping her eyes on Benjamin the entire time, and set her gun on the floor. She rose and took a tentative half step forward. She stuck her hands in the air to show him that they were empty "Sam, Agent Riley needs medical attention. You need to let her leave."

Benjamin looked down at Leslie who continued to struggle for each breath. He reached out and grabbed Olivia, pulling her in front of him "I'll let her go but you stay with me," he whispered in her ear.

Olivia nodded then looked at Leslie "Go," she commanded.

Leslie didn't have the energy to argue. She made an attempt to get up but fell back to her knees almost instantly. She tried desperately to move but was unable.

Olivia watched helplessly as Leslie fought to move. She made an effort to reach her friend but Benjamin's grip on her was too strong "Try and relax Less," she attempted to soothe the woman, knowing now that the only way that Leslie was getting out of there now was in a body bag.

Leslie stopped fighting to get up and after a last ditch effort to get air into her lungs, collapsed completely and lay motionless.

Olivia turned to look at Benjamin, fixing him with an angry glare "Deal's off," she hissed as she made an attempt to bring her foot back and hit him in the crotch but Benjamin was too quick for her and just as her foot left the ground, she was thrown against the wall.

He pulled her to her feet once more just as Fisher's voice came over her radio "Porter and Parker have finished up down here. What have you found up there?"

"Answer him," Benjamin commanded, pressing the barrel of his gun against her temple.

Olivia pushed the button on the radio, her finger shaking slightly "Sam Benjamin's here Sir," she informed Fisher. "He took us by surprise…" she choked on the next words "Leslie's dead." She would have continued but Benjamin began yelling.

"I want a getaway car and safe passage out of town or I'll kill this one too!"

"All right," Fisher responded evenly over the radio "But we'll need some time."

"How long?" Benjamin asked; his voice full of agitation and fear. His attitude made Olivia afraid that he could pull the trigger at any moment, either on purpose or by accident. He was a caged animal and she was his last chance but he was so on edge that just one wrong move and his finger could slip and…

"An hour," Fisher answered, trying to keep Benjamin calm.

"You have thirty minutes!" Benjamin screamed before knocking the radio out of Olivia's hands.

Outside, Fisher and Parker were dividing up tasks while Porter simply stood there. This couldn't be happening again. Suddenly, all he could think of was Eve and that day ten years ago. He fell to his knees, all his senses numbed as he thought about how he couldn't lose Olivia.

He had taken such a risk opening his heart up to someone again but now... tears began to cloud his vision as snipers and hostage negotiators arrived. He began to pray for a miracle. Olivia was a smart person, she could talk her way out of this, he told himself. But Eve had been smart too. Eve had done everything right and still been killed.

Then, one sound invaded Dean Porter's senses. A single gunshot pierced through the haze and gravity pulled him the rest of the way to the ground.

Fisher was the only one on the team, with the exception of Olivia, who knew anything about Eve and what had happened. When Dean had first fallen to his knees, Parker moved towards him but Fisher stopped him, telling the other man to leave Dean be. The best thing they could do for him now was to make sure Olivia got out alive.

Now that Dean was lying face down on the ground, Fisher was the one who stepped towards him. He reached out to touch the other man on the shoulder when someone stopped him "Let me," Olivia whispered, still looking shaky from the situation she had just narrowly escaped.

Fisher stepped aside and watched as Olivia knelt in front of Dean and lifter him into her arms. "It's all right," she whispered as she rubbed his back, allowing his tears to soak her shirt and mix with Benjamin's blood. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

It took Dean a minute or so to realize that she was indeed really there. He hugged her back, glad that she was still there. He continued to sob, whispering "Thank God," over and over again.

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Elliot entered the bedroom to see Kathy lying on the bed, looking completely defeated. Rose lay in her crib just a few feet away, practically creaming her head off. Elliot went to the crib first and picked up his newborn daughter "There we go," he cooed as he bounced her gently. She just wanted to be held. He walked over to the bed "What's going on Kathy?" he asked.

"I just…" Kathy whispered, rolling onto her side facing away from Elliot "I can't do it today," she finished. "Could you… could you just take her for a few days?"

"Sure," Elliot said softly "But Kathy, she's your daughter too."

"I know," Kathy sighed "I just… I can't handle taking care of her right now."

Elliot got up and began to pack Rose's diaper bag "Do you want me to take Dickie and Liz for a few days too?" he asked.

"Nah," Kathy murmured "Dickie has a big test tomorrow in Algebra. He could probably use the quiet," she sighed and made the mistake of rolling over to face Elliot, revealing her red rimmed and puffy eyes.

Elliot stopped short "Kathy…?" he murmured. She had been crying… a lot. He took a step forward, shifting Rose's weight to one arm and reaching out to Kathy with the other "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Not really," Kathy admitted, rolling onto her other side so she wouldn't have to look at Elliot or their baby anymore. She didn't have the strength to deal with a crying infant, especially one that didn't seem to like her in the least. "Please," she said in a voice barely above a whisper "Just take her for a few days," she took a deep shuddering breath "I'll be all right, I promise. I just need a few days."

"Okay," Elliot said. He was happy to spend time with his newborn daughter but Kathy's behavior left him feeling more than a little unsettled. He slung the diaper bag over his shoulder "Do me one favor first," he said, sliding onto the bed beside Kathy.

"What?" Kathy asked, not even able to find the energy to be irritated with him.

"Hold her," he said softly, shifting Rose gently into Kathy's arms. Rose wrapped her tiny fingers around her mother's hand and cooed. Kathy in response, pressed a tender kiss to her daughter's forehead while fresh tears poured down her cheeks. She passed the baby back to Elliot and he stood up. "Bye Kathy," he said simply.

On his way out of the house, he paused to speak to Kathleen "Keep an eye on your mom," he said quietly so as not to alarm the twins who were watching TV in the living room.

Kathleen nodded, hugging her father and giving her baby sister a kiss. "She's been like this for the last couple of days," she informed him "She can't even get within two steps of the crib without bursting into tears."

"We'll see if the break does her some good," Elliot said, trying to sound optimistic before adding "If you need anything…"

"I know the number Dad," Kathleen half laughed.

Elliot smiled and left the house. He strapped Rose into the car seat that he had been driving around with in his car since a week before she was even born "You're gonna get to see Daddy's place for the first time," he smiled at the infant.

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"Do you Simon Marsden take Lucile Evans…" Olivia sat in the front of the church, watching her baby brother get married. Lucy had asked Olivia to be one of the bride's maids but Olivia had declined. It wasn't that she didn't want to but even as it was, she had barely managed to get to the church in time for the 'I do's.

Olivia smiled and clapped when the bride and groom kissed. It was so good to see two people so in love. She looked beside her at Dean, who she had dragged with her to the wedding. He hadn't needed much convincing to come though. Since the hostage situation almost a month ago, there was rarely a moment that he wasn't within a stone's throw of her.

That first night Dean hadn't been able to stop crying. Olivia had taken him home and climbed into bed with him, holding him while he cried. And she had been there to talk with him when a nightmare had shaken him from his sleep. Olivia, of course, had already been awake for hours before hand. The two of them had talked about the uncertainties of their profession. They had carefully weighed the risks of heartache against the possibility of finding happiness and at three thirty four exactly, they decided that it was worth the risk.

The ceremony ended and the guests left the church, piling into their cars for the mass migration to the hall where the reception was going to be. Dean held the passenger's side door open for Olivia before going around to the driver's side and getting in.

"It was a beautiful service," he remarked as he started the car.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded as a small smile graced her lips "I'm glad you came. I know how uncomfortable you are around Simon."

Dean shrugged "Well, you can't really make small talk with a guy who you tried to put away."

"He doesn't blame you," Olivia reassured him "He doesn't even hold any ill will towards Julia," this last part Olivia couldn't understand.

"Still…" Dean murmured. It wasn't enough to know you had someone's forgiveness. Dean wasn't able to forgive himself for getting drawn into Julia Milfield's little misguided revenge scheme.

In spite of his discomfort around Simon, he had been able to ask the man for one thing over the past couple of days and he had gotten Simon's blessing. Two blocks away from the reception hall, he stopped the car and turned to Olivia.

"Dean, why are we stopping here?" she asked, confused, staring at him with those innocent brown eyes he loved so much.

He reached into his pocket and fumbled around "Olivia," he began. His throat suddenly felt dry as his mouth struggled to form the words. His fingers closed around the jewelry box and he pulled it out. In his mind he toyed with the idea of getting down on one knee in the car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and slid onto the floor boards of the car.

"What are you doing?" Olivia laughed as she was pretty sure she heard one of his vertebrae crack.

Dean groaned and managed to pop the jewelry case open "Olivia Benson," he moaned while he struggled to hold the uncomfortable position "Will… you…"

Olivia covered her mouth as she fought not to burst into laughter and tears at the same time "You're gonna hurt yourself," she asmonished.

"Too late," Dean groaned loudly before he started again "Olivia, will you…" he stopped again.

Olivia couldn't help it anymore, she burst into full blown laughter "If I say yes, will it put an end to this painful spectical?"

"Can you help me up?" he asked, pleadingly.

Olivia smirked and managed to untwist Dean from his contorted position. She helped him back onto the driver's seat and waited while he caught his breath. He sat there for a minute, feeling like such an idiot. Then something occurred to him "Did you say yes?" he asked.

"I guess I did," Olivia smiled, giving her knew fiancé a peck on the cheek.

A/N: Don't kill me. You guys have to trust me on this one. Everything happens for a reason. You just have to have faith.