Fooling Ourselves

Chapter 9: Slipping Away Again

A/N: Here's the next chapter, as I promised. I had such a hard time pushing through the writer's block on this one. I hope it turned out okay. Enjoy and please review.

It was nearly eight in the morning when Elliot unlocked the door to his apartment. Dickie and Liz were sitting on the couch watching something on TV. When they saw him enter they simultaneously rushed to him.

"Dad," Liz began, throwing her arms around him as her brother did the same. "What took you so long? We were worried."

At that moment both twins spotted Olivia standing behind their father. Their arms dropped to their sides instantly. Dickie was the one to speak first "Hi Olivia."

Olivia smiled at the teenagers "Hey, how are you guys?"

"Good," Elizabeth said, taking a step forward and reaching out to lay a hand on Zack's back "He's so cute," she whispered "What's his name?"

"This is Zack," Olivia introduced, shifting her son so that he faced the twins. Zack smiled and waved both his tiny arms. Olivia gave Zack a quick peck on the cheek, noticing that he felt a lot cooler than he had before "I think he likes you guys."

"Olivia and Zack are going to stay with us for a couple of days," Elliot explained as he took Olivia's bag to his room and set it on the bed "You can stay in here," he told her.

Olivia was going to protest but she was too tired and simply climbed into bed beside her bag and curled up with Zack nestled beside her.

Elliot turned and walked out of the bedroom "Where's Rose?" he inquired of his children as he made his way to the kitchen to make coffee for himself.

"Still asleep," Elizabeth answered, walking ahead of him and setting her empty cereal bowl in the sink "Coffee's already made Dad," she told him.

"Thanks," he replied, grabbing a mug and filling it.

"Why is Olivia staying with us?" Elizabeth asked.

Elliot cleared his throat nervously. This was not a conversation he wanted to have with any of his children "She… needs a place to stay for a couple of days."

"I'm not buying it," Dickie said, joining his father and sister in the kitchen and refilling his own cup of coffee "She disappears for two and a half years and shows up again with a baby. Something's going on here."

Elliot sighed, his kids were just too smart sometimes "Zack's father was killed," he said softly.

"Oh my God," Liz and Dickie whispered at the same time. Thankfully, they didn't press Elliot for any further details.

Just at that moment, Elliot's cell phone rang. He took it out and grumbled to himself as he read the caller ID. It was Downing. For a second, he actually considered ignoring it completely; he was so tired and he didn't want to leave Olivia. But he flipped the phone open anyway "Stabler," he grumbled.

"You sound exhausted," Downing observed and Elliot could detect a hint of something akin to sympathy in the man's voice.

"Long night," Elliot muttered as he took a rather large swig of coffee to try and wake himself up but with each second, he heard sleep calling to him louder and louder.

"Look," Downing began awkwardly "I heard what happened this morning," he cleared his throat "You should stay home today. Take care of Agent Benson and her son. Make sure nothing happens to either of them."

"Thank you sir," Elliot said softly, finding a new respect for his captain.

Downing was about to hang up when he added "If you get a chance… could you tell her that… I'm sorry for what happened…" He hung up the phone before Elliot could reply.

Elliot just stood there, looking confused. Downing had never apologized for anything in the years that Elliot had known him. But then again, Elliot had never really gotten to know Downing all that well. His feelings about the man had been colored from the first day by the fact that Downing had been hand picked by IAB to take Cragen's place. Maybe, Elliot thought as he slipped into a kitchen chair, it was time to give the new captain another chance.

He slumped over his coffee mug. The morning's events still fresh in his mind. Dean's killer was after Olivia and Zack. No matter how much he wanted to get to sleep, he couldn't let his guard down now. His mind began to drift as he fought his drooping eyelids, the caffeine doing nothing to keep him awake.

Just before his eyes slammed shut and he drifted off to sleep, he wondered if this time around he could manage not to screw things up like he had two and a half years ago.

Elizabeth came back into the kitchen to get a glass of juice and saw her father at the kitchen table. She tapped him on the shoulder "Dad," she whispered. The only response she received was an incoherent grumble. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he had had a rough night. Not just the lack of sleep but also the emotional wear and tear of being reunited with Olivia had left him drained in every aspect. Elizabeth motioned for Dickie to come and together the two managed to move their father into Dickie's room where they tucked him into bed.

"Dad needs to lay off the donuts," Dickie remarked to his sister as they made their way back into the living room.

Elizabeth swatted her brother on the arm and sank onto the couch, picking up the remote and flipping through the TV channels "Shut up."

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Rose stretched her tiny arms above her head and yawned. She tossed back the Disney Princess comforter on her bed and slipped out onto the floor, her Elmo slippers making protecting her tiny toes from the cold air. She picked up her teddy bear from the bed and brought him with her into the living room. She saw her brother and sister on the couch watching TV but they didn't notice her.

Her small stomach growled and she padded into her father's room to ask him to make her breakfast. She crept up to the bed quietly but when she got there, she stopped and just stared at the beautiful woman and the little baby who were sleeping there.

Olivia awoke to a pair of precious blue eyes watching her. She stared into the tiny, inquisitive face, framed by shimmering blonde locks. Olivia cleared the sleep from her thoat "Hi," she said softly to the little girl.

"Hi," Rose whispered back before nervously scampering out of the room and to her brother and sister on the couch.

Olivia stood up and picked up Zack. She looked at the clock on Elliot's bedside table. It was 11:00am; she had been asleep for almost three hours. She looked down at Zack and decided that she should feed him something and change his diaper before she tried to get anymore sleep. She picked up the diaper bag and pulled out a jar of mashed bananas and padded out to the kitchen to get a spoon.

She took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs and started to feed Zack. Unlike the morning before, he ate without putting up a fight. It was as if he knew that his mother just didn't have the strength to chase regurgitated food half way across the room this time.

Just when Zack was swallowing the last bite of banana, Rose came into the kitchen, followed by Elizabeth. "Hey Olivia," Elizabeth said as she lifted her little sister into her highchair.

"Hi," Olivia smiled at Elizabeth "Did I miss anything while I was asleep."

"Nah," Elizabeth said as she poured a bowl of Cheerios for Rose and set the bowl on the highchair's tray. "Dad's passed out in Dickie's room. You guys must have been busy last night."

Olivia looked down at Zack who burbled away "Yeah," she murmured, holding her son close to her. They had been busy.

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Elliot walked down the dim hall, drawn by some unseen force. He could hear her, humming the way she had done once or twice when she had been in a rare good mood at work. He secretly reveled in those seldom moments that he would see her with a dreamy smile playing across her face but he could never hold back the biting remark that would inevitably snap her from her revelry.

He turned a corner and the dimly lit hall expanded into a room, drenched in sunlight. She stood in the middle of the room, wearing only a light blue cotton robe. She smiled at him and he walked the few steps to where she stood.

"It's good to see you," she told him with a smile, reaching a hand out to him.

"Olivia," he whispered as he attempted to take the hand she offered but try as he might, her fingers slipped away. Olivia started to drift further away. At first she laughed as if she was playing hard to get but after a while it became clear that she was not the one in control of her movement.

"Elliot!" she called out fearfully as she extended her arm as far as it would go "Please help me?"

Elliot ran as fast as he could to reach her. The brilliantly sun lit room had been replaced with a dark forest. The trees themselves seemed to be crying out in pain in this place. He pushed himself as hard as he could and finally grasped her hand. His other hand reached her waist and he held her but he could feel her being pulled away. Something seemed intent on keeping them apart.

"Don't let go?" Olivia begged, her eyes brimming with tears and her face full of terror.

"I won't," Elliot promised her but no sooner had the words left his mouth than she was wrenched from his grasp. He was hurled onto his back, forced to watch helplessly as she was dragged into darkness, still screaming his name.

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He shot up and stared wildly at his surroundings. It took him a few moments to realize that he was in his son's room. He shot out of bed, knowing that he had to see her. He bounced into the living room to find a very shocked Olivia, sitting on the couch.

"Elliot," she said worriedly, standing up and walking to him "Is everything alright?"

He simply looked at her before closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms tight around her. No unseen forces tried to take her and he sighed in relief "No," he whispered "Everything's fine."

Olivia smiled gently, confused by Elliot's behavior but willing to write it off for the time being. She sat back down on the couch and Elliot sat beside her.

"Where are the kids?" Elliot asked.

"Dickie went to go play basketball with some friends and Liz took Rose to the park," Olivia explained.

"Where's Zack?" Elliot questioned, noticing the absence of the little boy who Olivia had seemed inseparable from that morning.

"I put him down for a nap a little while ago," Olivia explained.

"So you've just been sitting here?" he shifted positions on the couch so he could look at her better. He could see the skin below under her eyes was red and puffy and as he looked closer, he could see dry tear tracks. She had been crying.

"O'Halloran called," she said quietly "He doesn't quite get that I don't work at SVU anymore."

"So he…?" Elliot trailed off, the look in Olivia's eyes told him everything. O'Halloran had spilled the beans.

"Someone wants to kill my baby," Olivia whispered and her eyes welled up again and fresh tears fell.

Elliot pulled her into a tight hug. He ran his hand down her back "I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you or Zack."

Olivia sniffled and hugged him back, she clung to him with everything she had left "I know you will," she said, managing a small smile through her tears. "Thank you."

The sound of soft crying separated the two and Elliot smiled at her "Sounds like someone's awake."

Olivia nodded and stood up, disappearing into Elliot's room and coming out a few seconds later with Zack bouncing in her arms "You just wanted to be part of the action," she smiled, sitting back down next to Elliot and kissing her son on the forehead.

Elliot enveloped both mother and son into a tight hug "Hey there," he smiled down at Zack who burbled happily and waved a tiny hand in the air.

Olivia laughed as she attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes which had not yet stopped falling "He really likes you," she said to Elliot.

"Well, I think he's alright too," Elliot grinned letting Zack grip one of his fingers with his small hand "Wow, you've got some grip there kid," he beamed.

Olivia allowed herself to relax a little. It was funny how safe she felt just having Elliot there. As Zack burbled away, making both of them smile, she was overcome with the sense that everything would work out somehow.

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Olivia's cell phone rang that night after everyone had gone to bed. She rolled onto her side and flipped it open "Benson," she answered, listening to Zack's even breathing as he slept only a few feet away from her.

"Where did he hide it?" a low voice that Olivia didn't recognize asked.

"What?" she asked, propping herself on her elbow.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about you stupid whore," the man told her gruffly.

"No," Olivia told him evenly "I have no idea what you're talking about but you can bet that I'm going to find out who you are and when I do-"

"Uh-huh," the man silenced her quickly "I guess it's easy to talk tough when you've got that ex-partner of yours and his family to hide behind."

Olivia gasped "How-?" she began but was cut off.

"Trust me," the man continued "You aren't safe no matter where you are. I'll find you and then I'll make you watch as I disembowel your baby and anyone else who tries to get in the way."

The line went dead and Olivia sat bolt upright in the bed. She started packing her things. Whatever this guy wanted, it was safer if she was far away from Elliot's family and from Zack when he caught up with her. She bent and placed a lingering kiss on Zack's forehead "Goodbye sweetie," she whispered "Whatever happens, remember I love you."

She stood up and left the room. She crept past where Elliot slept on the couch and to the door. She had her hand on the door knob when a voice stopped her "Liv," Elliot's voice was thick with sleep as she heard him sitting up on the couch "What are you doing?"