Fooling Ourselves

Chapter 13: Love Will Lead You

A/N: Okay, so I was really evil with my last cliffhanger, I know I was and I'm sorry about that. To make up for it, here's a new chapter. I hope you like it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed.

The waiting room was packed. Elliot sat in the corner. Maureen sat to his left with Rose drowsily bobbing up and down in her lap. Kathleen took up the chair on his left. Dickie stood next to the vending machines, his arms folded across his chest, trying to pretend he wasn't worried. Elizabeth moved nervously from her seat to the water fountain every few seconds.

Elliot had called Simon the first chance he got and he, Lucy and Charlie sat against one wall, Charlie leaned against his mother's side and watched the waiting room through sagging eyelids.

When Simon had first arrived, he and Elliot had looked at each other for a long time before the two men embraced "She's tough," Simon had told Elliot "She's gonna make it."

"I know," Elliot had responded with a small smile as he sunk back into his chair.

News of Olivia's injury had spread fast. Downing had asked Chester to stay and work late but he had let Munch and Fin come to the hospital to join the vigil. Munch had called Casey who had driven to Cragen's house and practically dragged the man from his bed.

Munch, Fin and Cragen all sat opposite from Simon and his family, shifting in their chairs every few minutes. Munch crossed and uncrossed his legs, Fin alternated which arm of the chair he was leaning on and Cragen shifted as if he was sitting on top of something sharp. Casey on the other hand kept moving. She walked from person to person, offering to get coffee; she couldn't stop moving or reality might catch up with her.

Baby Zack was passed from one person's arms to the other around the room while they waited for news about his mother's condition. He was surprisingly calm even with all the new people who embraced him. Every so often, the person holding him would comment on how much he resembled his mother and when that happened, the room would fall even more silent than it had been earlier.

It was when Elliot was taking his turn to hold the sleepy infant that he thought of something. Why had Olivia asked him to take care of Zack if… if the worst happened? Simon, as he blood relative, was the obvious choice. He looked down into Zack's face. The little boy looked back at him with nothing but innocence. A tiny hand grasped one of his fingers and he smiled softly.

Casey walked by and Zack waved his little arms in her direction. She smiled warmly "You need anything Elliot?" she asked.

"No," he responded simply "Thanks."

Casey nodded and moved on, leaving Elliot, holding Olivia's son in his arms. He thought about her. He knew he wouldn't be able to take it if he lost her for good. He hoped that he could have another chance. He wanted to build a future with her, the future they should have had, the one that he had given up on having years ago because his first priority was his family. He was only just beginning to understand that Olivia was more than family to him, she was his heart.

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She was vaguely aware of voices above her, calling things out, shouting medical terms that her tired brain didn't have the energy to process. Slowly, the voices drifted farther and farther away until they were no more than whispers.

"Olivia," she heard a new voice, clear and familiar. The wind carried it to her ears and it was as if the voice was a part of the wind.

And then she realized there was wind. How could it be windy in an operating room? She looked around her and realized that she wasn't in an operating room. It was a hill top, covered in flowers, sweet smelling wild flowers in colors so vibrant that Olivia didn't believe that they could possibly be real. The gentle breeze tossed her hair and caressed her skin and she felt warm and safe and loved.

"Olivia," the voice called again and she looked around for the source.

She spotted him "Dean," she said breathlessly, taking a step towards him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, reaching out and laying a feather light hand on her shoulder.

Olivia looked down, thinking, trying to remember what had happened "I got shot," she responded slowly. Then it came back to her "Elliot… he was… is he okay?" she asked, looking at Dean pleadingly.

"He's fine," another voice from behind her said calmly.

Olivia turned to the woman and smiled "Kathy?" she asked.

Kathy returned her smile, somehow, she wasn't jealous of Olivia anymore "He's fine," Kathy said again "And he's worried about you."

"You shouldn't be here yet," Dean told her.

Olivia turned back to him "What did you do that the mob wanted you dead?" she asked, needing to know.

"I stole some files," he replied "The watch I gave you, there's a flash drive in it. There's enough evidence in that little thing to put away at least ten of the biggest power players in New Jersey and New York for the rest of their lives."

"Oh," Olivia said softly, reaching out to him "Why didn't you tell me?"

Dean looked away from her for a second "It was safer for you and Zack if you didn't know."

"I hate to break this up," Kathy said gently, stepping up beside Dean "But she can't stay here too much longer."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"If you don't get back soon, you'll never get back," Kathy explained.

"You'll be dead," Dean finished.

"How am I supposed to get back?" Olivia asked.

"Focus," Dean told her. "Focus on Zack and Elliot." She stared at him for a moment "I know," he replied, leaning forward and brushing his lips against hers one last time "I wanted to believe that you could love me the way I loved you but I think we both know the truth."

"I'll always care for you," Olivia whispered as she could feel Dean slipping away.

"I'll always care for you too," she could hear him saying as the hill top faded from view "And I want you to be happy."

The whispers of the people above her were becoming louder now and she was only just barely able to catch Kathy's final cry of "Take care of Elliot for me. And make sure Rose knows that I love her," before harsh florescent lights shone through her closed eyelids.

"She's stabilizing," one of the voices called out in absolute amazement.

"Good," another voice said "Let's finish closing her up and get her to the recovery room."

Olivia cracked her eyes open and saw a kind faced blond nurse standing by her head. "She's coming out of it," the nurse called before placing her gloved hand on Olivia's forehead "Take it easy," she murmured "You're gonna be fine."

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The waiting room was as quiet as it had been since the last of the group had arrived. Charlie was now fast asleep as was Rose. Casey had finally been coaxed into a chair and had promptly started to cry, allowing the gravity of the situation crash down around her.

Fin had only seconds before offered to get coffee and muffins since it was six in the morning and they still hadn't heard anything from Olivia's doctors. He had left the waiting room probably faster than one might have expected but anyone who would have bothered to look would have seen tough guy Fin, wiping frantically at a tear that had slid past his defenses.

Zack began to fuss in Elliot's arms and he asked Kathleen for the diaper bag before standing up and walking to the bathroom. The little boy's diaper was full and Elliot wondered why he hadn't complained before.

"I don't think you did all of that just now," he commented as he slid the dirty diaper off and, wrinkling his nose as he did so, threw it in the trash.

The baby simply lay there, staring at Elliot with familiar brown eyes. Elliot knew that Zack had to be aware that something wasn't right. There was no way that the extended absence of his mother could go unnoticed by the child.

Elliot cleaned Zack up and fastened a new diaper before pulling the little boy's pajamas back over his body; the same pajamas Zack had been wearing when Elliot had first laid eyes on him only about thirty or so hours ago. A lot had happened in that time. Elliot picked the baby up "She'll be fine," he said, though he wasn't sure who he was reassuring.

He carried Zack back into the waiting room at the same moment that Olivia's doctor emerged. The next few moments were a flurry of activity as everyone sprang from their seats and surrounded the poor man.

Rose, who had been awoken by Maureen's sudden movement and the barrage of questions that now hummed in her ears, started to cry "It's too loud," she sobbed, which only made things worse.

Charlie who had not been woken when his mother had moved, leaving him to lounge across the small couch that Simon's family had been occupying, woke up when Rose started to fuss. He rubbed his eyes and looked around "What's going on?" he asked.

The doctor stood in the middle of all the confusion and didn't know what to do or say. Maureen, reluctantly, carried Rose out into the hallway where it was quieter and she settled down within a few minutes but the others couldn't keep quiet. Elliot, who was just as desperate, if not more desperate than the others, finally lost it. He handed Zack to Kathleen.

"Take him out into the hall," he said softly.

"But Dad," Kathleen objected.

"I'll come get you in a minute," Elliot promised, shoeing her away.

Kathleen carried Zack out to where Maureen and Rose were standing. With a sigh, she leaned against the wall. It wasn't until a few seconds later that she understood why her father had practically shoved her out the door as the bellowing call of "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" resounded through the hospital corridors.

Kathleen and Maureen looked at each other and laughed because it had worked, the chatter that had been whirring and buzzing at such a high volume and speed had quieted significantly. Both girls decided that it was safe to head back in.

"She's resting now," the doctor was telling the assembled group when they got there "The bullet ruptured her spleen so we removed it but she should make a full recovery."

"Can we see her?" the group asked in near perfect unison.

"One at a time," the doctor said and most of the group fell back except for Elliot and Simon.

"You should go first," Simon said understandingly.

"Thanks," Elliot said. He turned to the doctor and indicated the baby in his arms "Can I take him to see her too?" he asked.

The doctor thought about it for a moment "I think it would do her some good to see him," he decided and he turned, leading Elliot down the corridor.