Bedlamite
Okay, lots of delays. Sue me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'll now let you in on the big "plan" that readers of Replay and Abandon Ship have known about for a few weeks now. "The plan?" you ask. Well; I've decided to put up another PAIRING POLL!
If you have read Abandon Ship then you would know that this is how I choose which pairing to work with since I can't seem to make up my mind otherwise. Since Replay is coming to an end (bar the sequel) I will be starting work on a new story soon and I need a pairing. The options are:
Katie Bell,
Lisa Turpin,
Pansy Parkinson,
Sally-Anne Perks,
Padma Patil,
Susan Bones,
Tonks,
Angelina Johnson,
Alicia Spinnet,
Theodore Nott,
Blaise Zabini,
Seamus Finnegan,
Marcus Flint,
Oliver Wood,
Charlie Weasley,
Percy Weasley,
Kingsley Shacklebolt,
Victor Krum,
or no pairing.
These have been chosen for their rarity. To have your say, review or PM with the name and your vote will be added to the count. If you want a different pairing then feel free to suggest it, but it must be rare, and I'd appreciate it if you gave me a reason for your desire. You can check out the current votes in my profile. Note: This is a vote for the person who will be paired with HARRY. A couple of reviewers have been confused by this in the past and tried to match the lists up with each other.
That is all. Enjoy this chapter.
Warning: This story is rated M. It contains strong violence, adult themes, and sexual references.
Summary: First let's pretend Harry is sent to Azkaban. Now let's pretend he doesn't like it much. Then let's pretend the ministry says OOPS and releases him. But finally, let's pretend Harry does not easily forgive and forget. Dear wizarding world… this means war.
Disclaimer: See chapter one.
Chapter 8- Meetings This chapter is dedicated to Cogster for being the 200th reviewer. Thanks for the entertainment love.
1st September
"Bloody hell Albus! You put us through all that effort, practically eliminate our magical cores in the process, and Harry manages to leave again in less then a minute!" Sirius managed to voice the opinions of the other teachers as they all looked at the spot where the three teens had been located in a state of shock.
"Now Sirius, do try and think sensibly, He could just have used an invisibility spell." Albus tried, apparently attempting to convince himself as much as everyone else.
"Umm… nope, I'd say the chances are he's truly gone." Minerva concluded after a quick locating spell. She glared at Albus, "Now would you be so kind as to explain how your infallible plan managed to fail within moments?"
"Now Minerva, how could I have known it wouldn't work?"
"Gee, maybe because I told you it wouldn't work?" Cassie shouted from the Gryffindor table, "Honestly, does no one listen to eleven year olds anymore? I provided detailed proof, clear examples, and undeniable evidence that you couldn't keep Harry Potter in Hogwarts if he didn't want to be here but nooooo you just have to go and try to nuke your entire staff with your perfect plan. Un- freaking-believable."
"Did I miss the part where she took a breath during that little rant?" Severus murmured to Poppy who sniggered silently.
"Miss De Gette, if you could please refrain from adding your opinion at the moment-"
"Refrain from adding my opinion?" She cut into Remus' tired attempt at controlling her, "Refrain from adding my opinion? Why the hell should I? You don't listen anyway so I'm basically just sitting here talking to myself and that my good friend is not a crime!"
"You little-" Sirius started but seemed unsure as to how to continue.
"Oh, go deep throat an ice pick." Cassie shouted and stormed out of the room amidst the stunned silence of her housemates, bar George of course who giggled and clapped.
Back in the Bahamas, Draco was chasing a hysterically laughing Daphne around the room scolding her about teaching small children the process of creative sexuality.
19th September
Hermione Granger was not a happy girl. School had returned to session several weeks ago and she had been rather pleased with how it had gone so far, with the exception of only a few incidences. The problem was these incidences were all directly related to her.
Hermione had long since banned the house-elves from touching any of her belongings, preferring to unpack and sort through them herself due to her SPEW beliefs. As such, she noticed almost immediately that some damage had occurred to some of her books. Her first thought was that the trunk had been bumped during transportation and had thus caused the harm to her precious babies, but she dismissed this after remembering the cushioning charms she had lovingly cast over each separate literary piece.
Her next thought was sabotage, possibly from that shady character Miss DeGette whom she had had her eye on since the beginning of the Sorting Ceremony. However, her compulsive reading of Hogwarts, A History, told her that this was impossible as all student property was untouchable by others once out of the original student's sight during the entirety of its journey. From the train to their dorms and every moment from then until the house-elves, or in this case Hermione, put the items away.
After eliminating these two options, she decided simply to dismiss the whole occurrence and work to resolving the issue.
As such, the next morning she got up early to begin work, but made a startling discovery. The night before, she had simply seen a couple of damaged spines and a few scratches. When she looked upon the books in daylight however, she saw that while the covers barely seemed damaged, every single page had been charred to cinders which crumbled as she tried desperately to fix the problem.
Devastated, she had gone to speak with her Head of House the next morning who had sympathized, but basically had just told her to get over herself. Fuming slightly she collected her parchment and text books and headed off to her first classes. A few days later however, she found that every one of said books had also suffered the affects of the four she'd found in her trunk. At the end of the week, a book she had borrowed from the library also showed these symptoms. Only her perfect history had stopped Madam Pince from banning her from the library after that incident.
Yesterday evening however, this whole thing had reached an unimaginable state. Every single book she owned, every scroll of parchment, and all library books that had been in her possession for more then three days were now completely destroyed, bar the covers. With tears streaming down her face, she had poured her soul out to Ron who -while secretly celebrating the destruction of his chief rivals in wooing her affections- had finally brought to light the obvious answer that had been staring her in the face since the beginning of this whole debacle.
The spell Harry had shot at her.
Instantly, enlightenment dawned. The problem wasn't with the books, it was with her. She was cursed. Jumping up, she had immediately rushed off to see Madam Pomfrey.
She was due for disappointment however as Madam Pomfrey was baffled as to how to rid her of this hindrance. She finally suggested that Hermione go see a specialist and, after looking up experts in book curses, recommended that Hermione go see a Professor Diana Griffins.
And so it was that on the morning of the twelfth of September, Hermione Granger set out via the hospital wing floo connection, for a small scholarly office in Dublin, where she was told an enthusiastic professor was waiting to see her and view the condition for herself.
"And thus begins the first meeting of EAR. That's Eavesdroppers Are Us which technically should be EAU, but those initials are taken and EAR is a lot more fitting considering the point of this organization." Narcissa sat back with a satisfied smirk as she looked around at her other companions, Severus, Poppy, Alastor, and George Abbott who appeared a little uncertain of his role here, but was bouncing up and down in excitement anyway.
"Moody, I thought you said you'd gotten her to quit the alcohol." Severus said in a whiny tone that completely did not go with his 'signature look'.
George looked at him in surprise, being only familiar with the snarky potions master and not this almost toddler-like complainer. George naturally decided that the other Snape was less likely to leave permanent psychological scarring. He was prevented from further examining this attitude change by an obviously sulking Moody.
"Shut-up Snape, I can still arrest you for almost every crime ever listed."
"Bite me."
"I'll pass thanks. Sexual sadism isn't really my thang"
"From what I've heard, you delve more toward autoerotic asphyxiation." Poppy murmured from the corner as she sipped a cappuccino.
"People!" Narcissa snapped out at them, "Please try to remember that there is an impressionable youth in the room. Now, we must devise a method of being able to view Mister Potter, Miss Greengrass and my son's devious attempts to torture the shit out of the wizarding world. Oh and while we're at it, let's take a blowtorch to Dumbledore's eyeballs before cutting off his masculinity and feeding it to him as punishment for denying my son access to his inherited property."
"Umm, I'm not absolutely sure why I'm here," George began after giving Narcissa a look that clearly said ah, get away from me now, "But I think that now would be an appropriate time for me to leave. I have a Firsties Against Grandiose Stupidity meeting in an hour anyway."
"Grandiose stupidity?"
"Cassie says it's because the majority of stupidity here comes at an incredible level and from some exceedingly important people."
"Whatever." Narcissa shrugged her shoulders in an incredibly teenageistic manner, "Sit down young man, you're not going anywhere."
"Okay." George squeaked out, sitting down on the floor as Narcissa focused her glare on him.
Severus rolled his eyes and, in a bewildering mood change, managed to belittle every person in the room with only a glare. After turning them all to pools of mush, he straightened up in his seat and addressed the mildly intoxicated Narcissa.
"Cissy my dear, as entertaining as this has been, I have papers to mark, and Mister Abbott here has papers to write." He said gravely, despite the slight distraction of George leaning over and trying to look through his ears for the hidden answer to his apparently unstable personalities.
"Oh poopy." Narcissa pouted, "Never mind, you'll just have to explain to your classes that their grades will be returned a little late."
"Narcissa…" Severus looked at her warningly but she brushed him off.
"Georgie my boy, I must first congratulate you on your house. Sure, it would have been better if you'd gone to Slytherin, but I am afraid you truly could not have handled living there." Narcissa informed him in a grave but still playful tone, "As it is though, your current position gives us an insiders view on all the problems those three dastardly teens are likely to cause for some of your housemates. You see, the two ex-fugitives and my son are not entirely mentally stable. I honestly fear that my darling son may even end up killing that Weasley boy." Narcissa looked practically giddy with excitement, "So, we need you to come and inform one of us every time you think something is going on that the three sweeties may have caused so we can come an watch to make sure it won't be life threatening."
"But…"
"No buts Georgie Porgie! This is a matter of utmost importance. Just imagine if we missed out on seeing… er… preventing one of these events. The results could be catastrophic."
"Are you up for the challenge Mister Abbott?" Poppy asked him gravely.
George blinked for a moment before nodding enthusiastically.
"I've got to go now though, the meeting you see." He said and hurried over to the door; he paused as he reach it and turned back to look at them, "I guess it could be important that the Granger girl has been acting freaky about something happening to her books by the way." Having said this he flung the door open, "High ho Silver, away!" He cried out loudly before galloping down the corridors making clicky 'hoof' sounds.
The other four looked out at his retreating figure.
"I like him." Alastor announced as Narcissa gave Severus a triumphant smirk.
"Welcome fellow ignored ones!" Cassie exclaimed loudly, opening her arms wide to the general (and unimpressed) assembly, "I come here bearing hope for your souls, your very being! You need never worry again!"
"Umm… what?" a Slytherin by the name of Joey Levinson finally spoke up after no one had seemed inclined to comment on Cassie's rather odd declaration.
"Sorry." Cassie looked a little sheepish, "I tend to get a little caught up in my own sense of self-righteousness. You see; I believe myself to be God."
"I understand. Naturally with such talents as yours such a misconception is easily explainable." Joey didn't seem to be placated by this knowledge.
"Anyway, this meeting is the same as our other meetings we've been having. I'm going to babble on for a few more moments before opening the floor to suggestions about new ways with which we can avoid being infected by this epidemic of complete lunacy." She looked up again as George burst through the doors, reigning in his imaginary horse, "Ah, Mister Abbott, how kind of you to join us."
"Hi Cassie!" George waved excitedly.
"Hi Georgie-Boy!" She waved back with false enthusiasm.
"Guess what? We're not the only ones with a secret society!"
"We're not?" Cassie gasped in outrage, "Who has dared to make use of my oh so wonderful idea? Who thinks they may attempt to match my-"
"Our." Chorused the other Firsties, having heard similar rants in the past.
"Our greatness. Who tries to match m- our aptitude at sneaking around Hogwarts looking like idiots for no apparent reason?"
"Professor Snape for one." George replied, completely misunderstanding the concept of a rhetorical rant.
"Snape's in a secret society?"
"Yeah! EAR, Eavesdroppers Are Us which technically should be EAU, but Cissy said those initials are taken and that EAR is a lot more fitting considering the point of their organization." George grinned.
"Who's taken EAU?" A Hufflepuff called Donald Simons felt the need to be obnoxious.
"European Association of Urology." Cassie informed him absentmindedly as she digested this new information, "EAR is also taken by the European Agency for Reconstruction, but no one cares what they do anyway. Who else is in the society George?"
"There's Madam Pomfrey, Mister Moody, and of course Ms Malfoy." George stated off proudly before realizing he was the centre of attention and sitting down on the floor again in embarrassment.
"I vote that for now we just keep an eye on them and make sure that they too aren't trying to corrupt our brain cells into going on strike." A Ravenclaw named Bessie Sims spoke up and the others nodded their agreement in true eleven-year-old fashion.
"Oh! But can't we just-"
"No Cassie you cannot blow them up." Bessie scolded.
"We then how about we-"
"Nor can you set them on fire, sell their kidneys on the black market, or mix the essence of Barney into their pumpkin juice." Joey eliminated in a bored tone.
"You're no fun anymore." Cassie pouted as George sniggered in the back ground, "What gives you the right to decide which secret societies I can and can not torture anyway? Who made you the King of Secretness huh? You gotta problem with me big boy?"
Cassie was yelling by now and advancing on Joey who slowly eased away from her. Just as Bessie and another girl Hilary were preparing to jump on her and give the unfortunate Slytherin a chance to escape, she paused and tilted her head to the side.
"False alarm guys!" She sang out cheerfully, skipping back to the front of the room, "The voice in my head say the society is pretty cool, although clearly not as cool as mine-"
"Ours."
"Right. Anyway, we leave them be for now. Daddy says so."
"Daddy?" a girl questioned Bessie as the group broke up for the night.
"One of the voices." She explained, "While I am reluctant to believe any explanation except that she makes them up, I do have to admit I'm a bit grateful of them. They've saved our skins in many occasions like tonight."
"She's a little odd isn't she?"
"Yeah. Fun though."
"Miss Granger I presume? Good. I am Professor Griffins. You are having a slight problem with literature I understand?"
Hermione nodded as she sat warily on the edge of the high back chair looking a the woman on the other side of the desk. She was only about twenty-one, dressed in faded red robes over a form-fitting, black, turtleneck sweater. She wore her curly reddish hair in a loose bun that kept escaping to frame her face. She noticed Hermione's scepticism and smiled.
"Don't worry, I realize I look fairly young but in reality I'm twenty-nine. I've spent far too much time studying and really haven't had the chance to age."
Hermione grinned. She always knew studying would get her places, and it turned out it would preserve her looks too. Take that Pansy Parkinson.
"Now, while I have my suspicions over the root cause; I'll do some tests first. I'd hate to send you out of here with a misdiagnosis after all." The professor stood and cast some numbing spells over Hermione so that she wouldn't have to feel the assorted abuses her body was about to be put through.
For the next hour and a half she cast multiple spells, drew several blood samples, stripped her down for a full examination, and swabbed her with several brightly coloured strips. Finally, a small slip of paper appeared in mid air and flew into the professor's hand. Reading it, she gasped and placed a hand on her heart which did very little to reassure Hermione.
"I-I don't believe it." Professor Griffins murmured, "There hasn't been anything like this since the eighteenth century. It's amazing. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to witness something like this. Miss Granger, would you mind terribly if I used your case in an article for the Wizard Scientist? It's a very reputable journal."
"Umm… sure." Hermione said, feeling a little dazed as the numbing spells she'd been under wore off, "What is it I've been cursed with?"
"Le Fiamme di Magia. It's an old Italian curse which is actually connected directly to the victim's magic. You'll find that all non-living sources of knowledge become contaminated upon connection with you. Eventually you won't be able to walk within a hundred metres of a library without having the whole thing blow up on the spot. The actual spell was thought to be lost with the massacre of the Volpe family in the seventeen hundreds but well, apparently someone knows how to cast it."
Hermione shook slightly in her seat, a small glimmer of a tear showing in the corner of her left eye. She starred dolefully up at Professor Griffins.
"So is there some sort of cure? Any preventative measures I can take?" She began, "I know a lot of Italian spells at the time left loopholes since many alliances kept changing and no one wanted to have accidentally left a life destroying curse of their newest associate and-"
"Now, now Miss Granger, do try to keep control of yourself. There is a cure." Hermione looked joyful at this and gripped the sides of her chair in anticipation, "You see; since the problem or contamination is in your magic, all you have to do is add an uncontaminated source. The easiest and quickest way to do this is through sexual intercourse. The only other is through a full blood transfusion and I doubt you'll find someone who fits the requirements who is willing to do that."
"Requirements?"
"Yes. You see, magic is a constantly changing source of energy and it is very good at adapting and altering itself. If you were to try and connect with a wizard of similar age and association to yourself you would find it did no good as his magic would simply change to match the contamination in yours. With a case as progressed as yours I am afraid this would apply to quite a broad range of individuals."
"Alright," Hermione seemed to be unimpressed but not fighting this new dilemma, apparently not too fussed about who she would have to screw to keep her precious books safe, "So what options does that leave me with?"
"Well I am afraid we're stuck with squibs." Professor Griffins stared at her calmly, although Hermione was sure the lady was twitching occasionally, "You see squibs do have a regular portion of magic, but the reason they cannot use theirs is that it does not adapt. It is a fixed element, unusable to all except now you. If you truly want this fixed, the person you need to find is someone who is a complete squib, but who has an acknowledgement and understanding of magic, otherwise theirs will not transfer to you. If they have been surrounded by magic for a lengthy amount of time then you have the best chance of a successful donation as their magic, while not adapting, will recognize another magic source and try to connect to it."
Hermione stared at the Professor whose twitching had now developed to a full body, but only subtly noticeable shaking.
"Are you telling me that if I want to get past this… disease, then I going to have to sleep with... with Filch?"
"Holy shit Draco, you should have been there. It was so hilarious. I could barely keep a straight face through the whole thing." Daphne was still laughing hysterically as the other two boys tried to calm themselves.
"I don't know how you come up with this stuff Daphne." Draco said, wiping tears off his face, "You've got Granger one hundred percent convinced that she has to shag Filch."
"It was Harry's idea." Daphne told him sagely, nodding to her boyfriend who was still laughing.
"Yeah, but you performed it beautifully love." He returned the credit.
"I kind of did, didn't I?" Daphne giggled with a slight bounce on the spot.
"I swear your personality changes with each word you utter." Draco stated with mild awe as he watched the now rather ditzy girl collapse in peals of laughter once more.
Eventually they all calmed down and sat around to plan their next move.
"Remus should be almost ready to crack." Daphne began, "We could contact him again, get him working with us."
"I do sort of miss him," Harry agreed, "And he was one of the few to feel personal guilt over what happened. But I think that before we start on him, we should get his colleagues."
"Operation Teacher's Pet?" Draco suggested.
"Yeah. Not Sirius or Dumbledore since those two deserve something more specific. Oh, and Professor Snape and Madam Pomfrey will be too busy with EAR for us to interrupt with this so leave them out as well, but I think it's time we set to work on the others."
"I'll contact Cassie." Daphne said standing up.
"I'll get the supplies." Draco flipped over the back of the couch and headed for the door.
"And I'll take the fun part and begin infiltration." Harry finished up, sitting back in his seat with a smirk.
With thanks to kenshinjagan for the original idea for Hermione's revenge, then to Katzztar for expanding upon it and Hedwig Edwiges giving me a wonderful idea to work with, and finally to JediCandy who is nicer then the rest of us and thought to offer a solution for Hermione's woes. The fact that said solution is exceptionally undesirable to her and leaves the rest of us with bad mental images and an eternal mantra of I don't want to know, I don't want to know, Oh sweet Jeebus I do NOT want to know is irrelevant. Worship these four reviewers. They are your gods until such time as I declare otherwise.
Thanks to stonegnome1, dogbertcarroll, sambee, Vesvius B, Wonderbee31, 10dedfish, SaphirePhoenix, Musings-of-Apathy, Leibhaftige, Bar00n, mumimeanjudy, Cateagle, Benikoushaku, Elfwyn, The-Resident, Slayer6, ubetiburn, Bukama Stealth, and anyone else who somehow missed my trawler through the inbox mess (review or PM if you were missed and I'll make sure to apologize and note you in the next chapter). These people all offered brilliant suggestions as to what I should do with our Miss Granger. Hopefully you are all happy with the path I chose to take and I promise I did love all the suggestions I claimed to. When I get the time I'll sit down and write up a list of all the revenge ideas and post it on my site so everyone can have a look at them all.
Okay that's it. Remember you must VOTE on the pairing poll or Harry will end up with someone you'll hate. See the list at the start of the chapter if you missed it or look on my profile. I'll tell you right now that so far a slash pairing is winning so all het fans will need to put in their vote SOON if it matters to them.