Author's Note:
Thanks to DPFYLUVR for reviewing.
I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.
This chapter is in Nuriko's point of view.
Characters' thoughts are in between the PAUSE and PLAY words.
Sorry for the slight or drastic OOC-ness.
Some words in this fic have been soaked in major sap.
I wrote this fic at like, 1 or 2 in the morning.
A Hotohori x Nuriko x Tasuki Fic ( Songfic)
EMOtions Productions
Fushigi Yuugi fanfiction
Brought to you by: this website
The last chapter, Tasuki's chap, is coming soon. It's still in the works...
Please read and review at the end. Thank you very much.
Now let's begin.
Chapter 2: Those Three Words
// We'll do it all
Everything
On our own //
"Hotohori-sama, wait."
"…"
PAUSE
As you turn back to the palace, I hinder you. You cannot possibly leave. I don't want you to. I want to cling to your robe and embrace you forever. After all this, I'm wishing nothing more but for our little affair to go on.
Oh Hotohori, you're right. I know what you did tonight was for the best. It's just, maybe I'm still not ready; or perhaps I just don't want it to happen. From what I feel, it could be both.
It's amazing how I could feel entire one minute and broken the next.
This is it. Selfishness is sinking in. It's taking over me, my wishes, and my mind. If I knew better, I'd let you leave. But then again, if I… if we want to be happy, we must… we should be together. We could risk it all. Toss aside your royal title, social laws, morality… just to be happy. Who cares for all those other people? What matters is us, right? The only thing that's important is that we live without restraint… Live to prolong those few moments in which we are free.
Then I realize it.
PLAY
// We don't need
Anything
Or anyone //
"What is it, Nuriko?"
"Hotohori-sama, I want to continue… I want to keep loving you."
"But you already know it can't go on. It would be selfish of us to do so."
"We could run away to the countryside or perhaps to another land like Hokan. We could mask ourselves as different individuals and no one will ever know!"
"Run away?"
"Yes, we could tell people here we're going for a trip and never re-"
"Stop it!"
"And we'll go by new names so when the guards go looking for you, they'll never find us and we're more than capable to lead a new life, right? And be-"
"Nuriko, get a hold of yourself!"
PAUSE
Why are you gripping my arms so tight? Why are you shaking me so hard? Your eyes… you're furious. So, I take it you don't like my plan. But it's the only possible way. I'm sure you see that, right? To be happy and live normally we have to run away! We have to run away, Hotohori! We have to ru- oh no. I can feel the tears coming. I break free from your grip.
PLAY
// If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you like with me
And just forget the world //
"Hotohori, it's the only way we could be happy and no one gets hurt anyway."
"No one gets hurt?! If we abandon are duties, the country is missing a leader and no heir to fall back on and two of the Suzaku seishii are gone – how could you tell me that no one will get hurt if that happens? Who will protect the country? Miaka can't possibly do all the responsibilities on her own and if she even tries to do so, she'll hurt herself! The burden is too heavy."
"Miaka again. She's the one, isn't she? You want to get rid of your feelings for me because you want to love her and her alone!"
"No, that's not true and that isn't the point either! Nuriko, only a fool would resort to running away. A true person would face the consequences of his actions. We should stand strong by our decisions and-"
"But my decision is to be with you always!"
"And you will be with me always, just not in the way you hoped for. Remember also that it is our task to protect Konan and its people. That's why we were given these powers and gifts, to serve them."
"But I don't want that. When will it be just about us? When will you only care for me, only me and not anyone or anything else? All the time, you and I protect someone else… we do everything to make others happy. When will our happiness come first?"
"Nuriko, our happiness is the happiness of others."
"No, that wasn't always the case."
"Remember your priorities, your duties. As celestial warriors, we are selfless, willing to give up our lives fighting for a cause, forsaking everything, even our happiness, just to serve."
// I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel //
PAUSE
You got me. As I think about it now, what you said, everything you said was the right and rational side to my anxious and selfish words. You made me understand why we can't be happy when it comes to love. I guess the only trouble now is accepting it. I look away.
It's hard. If you only knew the lonely stirrings inside of me right now. I really want to pull you away, to go to some place new and tell you how much I love you one more time. That way, I hoped you would feel that there needn't be anything to regret about.
Funny isn't it, how all these thoughts get crammed up inside my head but in the real world I can't find any words to form a decent reply to you.
PLAY
// Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough //
"Hotohori, if this is how things are going to be, then I don't know how I'll be able to live with it."
"You know that we are burdened with the responsibility of prote-"
"Well, I never asked for it. Before all this I only wanted you, and that's how I still want it to be. I love you, Hotohori and now that I know you love me too, things are starting to look up for me-"
"How can you be so selfish, Nuriko?"
"I've loved you for so long, you should be the one who would understand how I feel right now the most!"
"I thought the same thing a while ago."
PAUSE
Oh… You bend your head ever so slightly. You avert your gaze from me, perhaps to hide your eyes. You seem hurt as you argue with me here. You were hoping I would understand your decision and why you have decided so. I do actually. It's just that now that I know you love me back, I want to grab the chance of us actually being together as I so often dreamed of.
But as you said, we have to stand firm by our decisions, and you have. Even those three words which I've said a couple of times a while ago weren't swaying your heart like I wished it would. They're not enough and maybe nothing ever will be enough, as long as you have your mind made up.
You start to walk back to the palace again.
PLAY
// If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and
Just forget the world //
"Hotohori-sama, please wait."
"…"
"I'm done arguing. Just stay with me for a few more minutes."
PAUSE
There, you stop dead in your tracks. Your stern gaze wasn't at me anymore and nothing was binding my arms and my body down on that spot any longer. I approach you from behind and give you an embrace – a tight one at that. You seem rigid within my hold, like this aura of coldness suddenly overcame you. But at the same time you didn't shake me off which was at least something that made me smile in spite of it all.
PLAY
"Tell me, if you weren't bound by your duties, titles or other stuff, you'd come with me, right?"
"Of course."
"You would always talk to me, embrace me, kiss me, even though it's forbidden, right?"
"Yes, but you know I can't do that now si-"
"Sshh… Yeah, I know."
// Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's
Bursting into life //
Sigh.
"What is it?"
"Oh nothing, just taking in your scent. It's not everyday I get to hold you close like this."
"I guess so…"
"Arguing is useless, isn't it?"
"I'm glad you realized that."
"I'm sorry. It's just… for once I wanted to break free from everything and just pursue my own happiness - our own happy ending. When you said you loved me too… well, I…"
Sigh.
"I guess nothing good lasts forever."
"And we must seize the moment and just live it while it lasts."
// Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads //
PAUSE
And then, I slip into a brief moment with my dreams.
It's sure our time is limited, yes, nothing good lasts forever, certainly, things would hinder us, and probably we may never be together as anticipated.
All of those facts bring me down.
But one day you'll forsake everything, that moment you'll rush into my arms, kiss me and wish you'd done it sooner. Your times with me would always be filled with pleasure, and contentment; we will run away from it all, just as I had planned.
Of course, all that is a dream. It may be empty, futile, far-fetched and horrendous; but it can also be a hope, wish, fantasy, something to look forward to. But anyway, dreams are the next best thing to reality and a guy like me is free to dream as he wishes.
PLAY
// I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own //
"Didn't you even consider that things wouldn't have turned out so bad even if we did run away, Hotohori?"
"Don't start again."
"Well, have you?"
"Yes. But there are no other people who could carry out the task."
"You don't trust other people to carry out the task."
"If you were in my place, would you?"
"No."
Sigh.
"Nuriko…"
PAUSE
You turn around in my arms to face me. You cup my cheeks once more.
PLAY
"Things will be fine. Ok?"
PAUSE
My head hung low. Words to reassure me. That's typical. But I guess someone has to say things like that at least once in a while, especially when some situations make us hurt so bad. As you look at me, you tell me I shouldn't worry. We'll pull through this. Even though things don't turn out as planned, or rather, as dreamed, it will still be fine. It's hard to swallow. I know you feel the same way. Moving on has never been more difficult.
PLAY
// If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and
Just forget the world //
PAUSE
If I lay here… If I just lay here… Would you lie with me and just forget the world?... No… You wouldn't. The world seems more important to you. After all, that's why you ended our romance, right? For the sake of Konan… for the sake of the world.
I know you're vain, Hotohori-sama. But sometimes, you're a tad too selfless.
I smile to myself and look up at your beautiful face.
PLAY
// Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life //
"I love you, Hotohori."
PAUSE
Then it happened. I close my eyes and we kiss again. It was like we were drawn together by a force this time. It was something inevitable, not like the first occasion when you deliberately brought me closer to you.
I enjoyed that kiss. It was deep and warm; it made me feel whole again. I can tell you enjoyed it too.
I suppose this was fate's way of letting us have one last shot before it was too late.
PLAY
// All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see //
PAUSE
After the kiss, I open my eyes and find no one and nothing else but me being reflected in your glazed eyes, shining in the night. I guess this is the moment when I feel most radiant, like the whole of me was summed up, all the good and bad parts, fused together to make one perfect image. I wish I'd feel like this forever and to manage that, you need to have me as the object of your affection… forever.
PLAY
// I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all //
"Tears didn't sway you, the kiss didn't sway you, I doubt if this embrace would work either."
"My decision won't change, Nuriko. Somethings really just don't change."
"Like the feeling?"
"Yes, perhaps my love for you would never change. Time will help us forget though. Goodnight, Nuriko."
PAUSE
And with that you let go of me, turn around, finally reach the palace and proceed to your chambers. That's that. Those few moments in which we were free, they've been consumed already. I cross my arms and gaze long after you.
PLAY
// If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you like with me and
Just forget the world //
STOP
It doesn't matter from what perspective you look at it from, Hotohori. Even though you try to be optimistic about it, it still leaves us with our hearts broken. And sometimes, nothing… nothing can be done to mend that pain.