Chapter Thirteen

"John are you going to be their father?"

John looked at Natalie in complete shock. "What type of question is that? I am their father…"

Natalie smiled softly. "I know that John, but I'm asking if you are going to be."

John started to get angry. "Of course I am going to, how can you even ask me something like that? You really expect me to just walk away from them without another glance? Do you really not know me at all?"

"Please just listen to me?" She interrupted as she held up a stand to stop him. "There isn't a feeling more awing or terrifying then being a parent John. Here are two little girls who will look up at you as if you hold the world in your hands. You represent their thoughts, dreams, and inspirations – and when you can't deliver it's you that breaks their hearts." Natalie stood up and began pacing the room.

"You're the one that has to love them unconditionally, even when they screw up and do something that makes you want to pull your hair out, or if they make a choice you don't agree with. You still have to be there. You have to protect them, but at the same time let them make their own decisions. That means not overreacting when they decide to go out with the captain of the football team, but being able to handle being the ass when you step in and ground them for breaking curfew. You have to be the one that guides them toward their future, but at the same time let them make their own decision, even if you know they are making a mistake." Natalie finally turned back toward him and met his eyes in a powerful gaze. "You have to accept that you can't protect them forever. And you have to be able to handle both the good times and bad. You also can't lie to them, or keep things from them, or run when things get tough. Lastly, you have to be able to love them."

"Do you really think I can't do that?" He asked softly.

Natalie sat back down and offered him a small smile. "I know you can, but you have to know it. This isn't about me anymore John. I could handle being pushed away, being lied to, left behind and even not being loved, but these are five year old children. John, if they let you in and see you as their father, they won't be able to handle it if you take off again."

"Natalie, of course I want…"

But once again she stopped him. "I don't want an answer now; I need you too really and think about it. As I said, I know you can do it, I know you can love them… but it's you who needs to know. John if you're going to be their father you need to finally put those demons to rest."

"What about us?"

Natalie looked at him with a wistful look in her eyes, finally she shook her head. "There hasn't been an 'us' in a very long time John."

"But at one time there was."

"Yeah, at one time there was, and it was amazing." Natalie smiled slightly, "And look at the two amazing girls we got from it. But, too much time has passed and too much has happened. I can't go down that road again John, it took me a long time to recover."

"This is because of Statesville isn't it?"

"No. I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"You did?" He asked, surprised by this revelation.

Natalie nodded. "A few weeks after you left I told Cris I was pregnant because I wanted him to hear it from me. He didn't take it well, first asked me if I was actually going to keep it. Then when I got mad, he tried to convince me to marry him and raise the baby as his."

"And you said no." John deduced.

"Of course I did. I spent my whole life being deprived of my real parents, I wasn't going to do that to my baby and plus, I didn't love Cris anymore. He took it badly, lost it on me and probably would have attacked me if Nash hadn't shown up. That was the last time I ever saw him and that was the day I figured out why you did what you did. The Cris that went to jail was nothing like the man I married. He was dangerous, angry, mean and hateful. You saw this change in him, when I was too blind to. I know now that you were trying to protect me."

"Natalie we can start over, be a family…"

Natalie stood up and firmly shook her head. "John a part of me will always love you. You were the realest relationship I ever had and you gave me two amazing girls. But, we are over and nothing will change that. If you decide you are going to be their father in every sense of the word, then that's great. You and I have been through enough that I think we will always be friends despite our history. From here on out, we will both be there for every moment and event the girls have. But, there will never be an us again." She gave him one last smile. "Just think about it okay?"

Without anything else, Natalie left the room and went back to join their daughters in case one of them woke up scared. Now left alone, John continued to go through the albums and study everything he had missed, his mind still on what Natalie had said.

Cristian paced angrily across the run down motel room, cursing under his breath. He had fucked up. When he had come back from town with the food, Cristian had found his property swarming with cops. By grabbing his binoculars, he was even able to witness the reunion between Natalie and the two brats.

That just made him furious.

So he had taken off and checked in to a motel a few miles away. Though his name and picture were being flashed on every news channel, he wasn't worried. In the four years since he had left Llanview he had drastically changed – he had gained about 30 pounds, let his hair grow past his shoulders, and grown a full beard. He had also stopped using the name Cristian Vega, now going by Christopher Jones.

The day that Natalie refused to marry him and raise the child as his, was the day that he had taken off. Not only was she keeping McBain's kid, she was also going to acknowledge him as the father – that fact had enraged him.

He had spent the next three years traveling around and took odd jobs likes trucking, and shipping to get by. But then is mother had died.

He had stopped calling her about a year after leaving because he hated the way she talked about Natalie's brats. "Oh Cris, you should see them, they are adorable." "Oh Cris, I went over and spent Thanksgiving with them… you should have been here." Although part of him knew she was only doing it because she still hoped that he and Natalie would find their way back to each other, Cris hated her for it. Here she was treating the McBain's offspring like they were her own.

So he stopped calling and stopped taking her calls.

Once she had died, Antonio had somehow managed to track him down. Explained how Carlotta had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time and got caught in the middle of a robbery. Cris however, acted like he didn't care.

In fact his exact words had been, "Oh well, serves her right for picking Natalie's brats over me."

This had made Antonio furious and the two of them had gotten into a huge fight that ended with Antonio hanging up on him.

But Cris hadn't cared; it wasn't like he was his brother anyway.

But later that night, Cristian had started to feel slightly guilty and decided to attend her funeral. So he had dressed in his best suit and left Ohio first thing in the morning arriving at the church just in time to see Natalie walk to the front. She was dressed in a plain black dress and had her hair pulled back in an elegant French twist. He stood there and listened as she talked about his mother and told the rest of the mourners what a difference Carlotta had made in her life. Hearing her speak, Cristian had felt himself soften and started to realize that maybe he had been too hasty. He was just about to walk further into the church and sit beside Antonio when saw Natalie motion to the front pew. He froze when he heard her next words, "My daughters Sydney and Eve also wanted to say a prayer for Carlotta." She had said smiling through her tears as the two small children made their way toward her.

Cristian watched in horror as the two girls took the microphone and recited a small prayer, but his blood started to boil when the dark haired one that looked identical to McBain had the nerve to say, "Goodbye Nana Carlotta, we will miss you."

Nana Carlotta.

McBain's two brats called his mother their nana. This made Cristian furious not only at his mother, but at Natalie and the two kids. So he had taken off, this time consumed with a rage deeper then anything he had experienced.

He needed revenge.

At first his plan was to just kidnap them and make Natalie suffer like he had suffered for years, but then he saw McBain. Cristian had stopped in Maryland on his way back to Llanview and seen John coming out of a hotel room. He had stuck around for a few days and learned that he was working and living there.

This delighted Cristian because now he could kill two birds with one stone and make them both suffer.

So he had gone through with it. Broken in to Natalie's house, kidnapped the girls, took a picture and then drove all the way to Baltimore to stuff it under John's door, before heading headed back to the cabin with the girls.

Having heard that it was possible for children under the age of six to forget everything including their family, Cristian's plan had been to keep them with him for while until they did so. Then once the news died down, abandon them at a shelter as far away from Llanview as possible.

That way, Natalie and John could spend the rest of their miserable lives not knowing what happened to them.

But, those plans had been ruined when they had somehow found out about his cabin. Common sense told him to take off, get as far away from Llanview as possible and start over, but he couldn't do it. Not when they hadn't suffered enough.

So, while being holed up in this motel Cristian spent him time working on a new plan. A plan to make them all suffer.

Since taking their children hadn't work, he would just have to take Natalie.

McBain would be alone, their children would be motherless, and Natalie would be his for as long as he wanted.

They would all suffer.