Chapter Sixteen

A few more weeks passed by and John, Natalie and the twins easily settled into a routine. Natalie was going back to class's full time and John for the most part John was arranging his schedule so he could be at home with the girls. John and Natalie were getting along fine, but because of their schedules they didn't see each other much. When they did they mostly talked about the girls or if there had been any progress on finding Cristian – an arrangement which suited Natalie just fine as she wanted to avoid any situations or conversations which led to the memories of their time together.

Because as much as she tried not to let it, having John in the house with her all the time was starting to get to her. Enough that she had already told herself the second Cristian was caught she was going to nicely suggest John start looking for his own apartment.

"Eve, remember we have to go to the hospital and get your cast off today," Natalie yelled after her daughter who was running up the stairs after Sydney and Brennan.

"I know, Mommy!" Eve called back.

With a small smile, Natalie started to work on the task of picking up crayons and toys that the girls had been playing with. With Brennan being only four months older then the twins and living next door, the three cousins were very close. Having grown up without any real family, Natalie of course was happy that her daughters had such strong family relationships, but at times it did make her a bit wistful and she found herself wondering how different her childhood would have been had she not been kidnapped.

Natalie was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of a key turning in the lock. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, Natalie's brow furrowed in concern knowing John wasn't supposed to be back for another few hours. "Hey, everything okay?" she asked once he had joined her in the living room.

John shrugged. "The station was pretty quiet so Bo asked if I could come back and work in the evening instead. Do you think you can find someone to watch Syd while you take Eve to get her cast off?"

Natalie nodded. "If not, I'll just bring her with us." Natalie went back to the task of cleaning up the living room and after shrugging off his jacket, John began to help. "It looks like a tornado swept through here!" He remarked lightly as she began putting the cushions and pillows back on the sofas.

"Brennan's been over since the morning." Natalie laughed. "Let's see, since you left we colored, played three games of Candy Land, watched a movie, had a tea party and now they are upstairs playing either dress-up or with Barbie's."

"Sounds like fun."

Natalie stopped what she was doing and smirked at him, "You mean you're not upset we didn't invite you to the tea party? You got all dressed up and everything for the last one…"

John groaned as he plopped down on the couch. "Natalie, you promised that humiliation would never be brought up again."

"Did I? I don't seem to remember making any promises," she laughed as she took a seat beside him. "So, I've been meaning to ask, are you going to take a trip to Baltimore and get the rest of your things?"

John looked over at her in confusion. "What things?"

"You're stuff. You've been back in Llanview for almost six weeks so I imagine wherever you had been living is looking for a rent payment. I just thought that with everything that's been going on you may have forgotten or something."

"I have everything."

Now it was Natalie who looked confused. "John you came back with only an oversized duffle bag."

He nodded. "That's all I left town with. I put all my stuff in storage." Realizing that it was about time he explained where he had been, John sighed. "I didn't exactly stay in one place after leaving. I moved around every few months, lived in cheap hotels and worked odd jobs mainly for PI firms and bail bondsmen."

Not knowing what to say to that, Natalie just replied with a simple, "Oh."

John shrugged. "I don't think it's a secret that I was pretty messed up after leaving town. I had thought about going back to the FBI or to another police force, but as much as I resented him for saying it, I knew Bo was right – I was a walking time bomb. So, I just moved around."

"Did it help?" Natalie asked gently.

"At the time I didn't think so, but I'm here now and things are different. My mom and I are fine again, and things are better between me and Mike. I have these two amazing daughters…. and well, despite all the stuff I did and said here we are talking and getting along. So yeah, that time away did help."

"What about your dad's case? You were so consumed by it before you left and it's never been solved… can you live with that?" Natalie hating asking but as a mother she needed to. It wasn't about her anymore, but about Sydney and Eve and she needed to know if in six months down the line that old, tortured John would be back.

John took a second before answering but finally shook his head. "Yes I can. I know that I probably will re-open it someday but I'm not going to obsess about it. I've come to realize that I can't keep living in the past. I need to look toward my future. Sydney and Eve are that future… it's not just about me anymore. I have to think about my daughters." John took a deep breath and then turned toward Natalie. "I have to think about you." Without any warning, John pulled her toward him and captured her lips with his.

The kiss was sweet, yet passionate, and Natalie found herself getting into it. She was just about to put her arms around him and move closer when she realized what she was doing.

"No, John." Natalie pushed herself out of the embrace and walked to the other side of the room. "I told you, I'm not going down this road again."

"Natalie…" John tried as he also rose to his feet.

"No!" Natalie said sharply. "For three years I was head over heels in love you. I waited for you to get past Caitlyn and then once you were, I sat by and watched as you slept around with Evangeline. For those same two years all you did was give me mixed signals - touching my hair while telling me you weren't in love with me, yelling things like 'I can't lose another person I love,' kissing me back in the middle of Llanfair. I put up with all that John because I was in love with you. And when we finally got together, I was so happy. Finally, it seemed like all my waiting, all my hoping had paid off – and I actually thought that maybe just maybe I would be able to get my happy ending. And those few months were everything I had hoped for – yeah you never said the words 'I love you' but I was telling the truth when I said I didn't need them. Roxy was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who resented me so I didn't have them growing up and I got used to that."

John felt a pang of guilt and regret hearing her talk about her childhood as no child should grow up like that. "I'm sorry…" he tried, but that just caused Natalie to explode.

"You still don't get it. I never needed words and apologies from you John, I just needed you. The whole time we were together you weren't fully in it because of the Cris secret. Then once that came out, all I got was 'I'm sorry.' Did you ever try and explain it? No. Try and win me back? No. You just walked away without another look. But stupid me still continued to care. I tried to be your friend, tried to get past the secrets and the hurt, but then you pushed me away. I spent three years giving you chance after chance John. Waiting for you, making excuses for you --- and continuing to pick myself up every time you hurt me. No. There is no way I am going through that again. I meant what I said the other night, a part of me will always love you because of the two amazing girls you gave me, but that's it. That chapter of my life is closed."

With those final words, Natalie turned away from him and went over toward the stairs. "Girls it's time to take Brennan back to Aunt Jess's house." She called as she began to climb the stairs needing to put distance between her and John.

When she finally got the girls ready and brought them back downstairs, John was gone.