THE NEW YEARS PARTY

Since midday when the red ran rolled up there had been talking and drinking in the cavernous lounge. Everyone was sitting in the comfy chairs surrounded by pillows and cushions, Orochimaru really had style when he wasn't hiding out in a cave.

"This is my holiday home!" he'd explained when asked. Everyone was surprised he even took holidays, this place was as big and as luxurious as the playboy mansion. Pein looked around eagerly expecting so see bunny girls appearing any minute. Konan hit him.

The former sannin was an excellent host and lead them on a guided tour of the estate to pass away the dreary afternoon. He had a pool, a lake with a boathouse, two swimming pools one indoor one outside. Hell, there were even battlements along the top of his house for dramatic effect. Betraying his village and leaving Akatsuki seemed to have worked well for him.

At around four o clock they had a great banquet in the largest hall, with turkey and stuffing, roast potatoes and all the rest. Even after all that greasy fast food the night before, the team of 10 were still starving hungry, especially Deidara.

"Must you always eat with your hands?" said Kisame witheringly, he had to sit next to the gross blonde and noticed with a smirk that his ass was considerably bigger than before. Leader was right he thought to himself and made a mental note to listen to him in future.

Everyone was sat around the table, Akatsuki mixed with Sound nin, to Tayuya's delight she'd been placed between her two idols and she looked at them with glassy eyes. They'd hardly noticed her however, they were too busy arguing.

"That's chocolate money you tard! You can't spend it so stop fucking counting it!" Hidan slammed his fist down.

"And I said to leave me alone and eat that steak before I nick it!" Kakuzu snapped back

"I told you I don't eat meat! The whole religion thing not got through to you yet? Seriously you're such a weener!"

Kimimaro was supposed to be sitting next to someone else but he'd pulled strings and shifted name tags so now he was right across from Kabuto. Sasori's former spy winked though his glasses but the white haired man couldn't see, the light was reflecting off them again. He hadn't got any appetite anymore, just wanted to be out of this room and take Kabuto with him...

Orochimaru was standing up to make a speech, but two of his subordinates took an arm each and made him sit down again –he'd had too much to drink and a speech would only be an embarrassment. Sakon stood up with his brothers head sticking oddly out of his neck (remember Sakon and Ukon from the sound four) he opened his mouth to speak but there was too much noise for him to be heard.

The other man banged a spoon lightly on a glass but ended up smashing it. It was Jirabo another of the sound four, big and stupid but renowned for his strength. He grabbed a nearby vase and brought it crashing down over Ukon's head. The tinkling of broken Ming vase silenced everyone, except Kakuzu who was having a hissy fit over the expense of those blue and white monstrosities.

"Happy new year everyone and erm..." the huge man had no words and he muttered into silence then sat down.

"Right on stupid fucking fatso" spat Tayuya and Hidan turned round astonished that anyone had a mouth as foul as his. Before he could say anything Sakon, stood up and tried to do the speech justice before a fight broke out, "I...er..this year isn't going to be any more merry than the last, so drink lots"

"-and rock hard!" his older brother finished. "I think that should do" he muttered in his identical brothers ear, and the Siamese twins sat down.

Kabuto would have made a speech but he was locked in a battle of footsie with the man across from him, Kimimaro was blushing furiously. Pein looked around wondering whether he too should make a speech but no one seemed to care, the noise level had risen again and he searched the 18 faces for Konan. She'd been sat next to a formidable character – Kidomaru (the spidery one from sound four) he was explaining in gory detail how he'd liked to have killed that stupid pest Neji from the leaf village and it was making her sick. She turned a pale face towards her boyfriend and raised her eyebrows. He shrugged his shoulders and basically told her to get on with it.

Further down the huge table Itachi was in a mood as always, he'd been separated from everyone he knew and Orochimaru had drunk his wine, he felt sick from the mc flurry overdose earlier and watching Sakon and Ukon climb in and out of each others bodies was not helping. His eyes were no longer sharingan red but the usual plain black. He noticed with satisfaction that Sasuke was either not here or not invited, that pleased him but he missed being close to Kisame and the comfort of that massive...sword...er...yes, that's what he'd been thinking.

Zetsu was invited to the table for once and he was gnashing on some raw and bloody meat, no one around him was bothered because they were people he already knew – Tobi could hardly see and Kisame didn't give a toss, Sasori wasn't eating anything – only sniffing at the pot of table wax he found on the side.

It was a relief for everyone when the feast was finished and they could get on with the real partying, leaving all the dirty dishes for servants that had been kidnapped no doubt from the surrounding villages.

"Where's this party going to be?" Hidan asked his new friend Tayuya. They got on extremely well and Kakuzu was feeling threatened.

"Oh I dunno, some underground bunker the others have been working on. It's probably shitty knowing them" her voice trailed off as she saw her reflection in his amethyst eyes. It was an awkward moment, one that was mercifully broken by Tobi running headlong into Hidan's leg waving a balloon about,

"Hidan-san come into the bunker its amazing!" he took the priests hand and dragged him out of the house and across the back lawn.

"Tobi-wait" he cried out, stretching out a hand he managed to clasp hold of Kakuzu's jacket and he was pulled in too. Tayuya looked pissed at being left out, but joined them in the bunker all the same.

The place was warm after the night time chill and the lawn was black with dew. The ceiling of the place was quite low and decorations hung from every surface. 18 missing nin crowded into the space and crashed out on chairs, drinks were going round already and a few of the akatsuki were making the most of it.

"Hey pass that bottle over there!" Pein asked Kidomaru who was spinning a web trampoline just outside the door.

"Which one?" the spider lookalike asked back

"Oh any one it's not like it matters" Pein relapsed into a fit of giggles and buried his head in Konan's cleavage.

Orochimaru looked on the scene feeling quite glad he'd left these stupid idiots and gone his own way, a snake coiled up his trouser leg round his stomach and into his mouth. They disgusted him as much as he disgusted them. A figure stood unsteadily up on a table and began to speak,

"H –hey dudes!" It began, then stopped for a short laughing fit. Whoever this was he was a complete lightweight and had got drunk already, "why – why don't we play a game eh eh?" Deidara lost his footing and crashed off the table and into yet another vase. Tobi took his place. He leapt up on the table and yelled

"Hide and seek!! Last one out the bunker counts to...to" his small voice faltered, he could neither count nor write.

"200" Kabuto hissed out of the corner of his mouth and slid closer to the door.

"Last person out has to count to 200!" Tobi jumped off the table and swung from the chandelier, he landed on Jirubo's large shoulders and was carried out into the night. Sasori was holding someone down with his chakra stings to make sure he wasn't the last one out. He wasn't sure who he'd got but they were putting up one hell of a fight, once the stampede of immature villains had cleared screaming and yelling out of the room he got a closer look.

One bent leaf poking out from behind a sofa was all he needed to know. A low growl confirmed his fears.

"Zetsu-san I'm sorry I-"

"What is the meaning of this Sasori?" the angered Venus flytrap was quivering in annoyance. "Am I to understand I am included in this game of yours?"

"Yes, you have to count to 200 then come and find us" Sasori said then turned and ran. Zetsu had always scared him. On his way across the lawn he came across a body in the grass, it was his blonde friend. The puppet scooped him up and ran into the mansion again, finding a place to hide was of the utmost importance. Especially since Zetsu was coming to get them.

Inside the house the sound of pounding feet was everywhere, everyone had split up and got lost in the massive house. 4 staircases and at least 3 floors, a basement and an attic, not to mention the swimming pools and the roof, it provided an infinite amount of hiding places. Kisame was running alongside Pein, they were sprinting along a 2nd floor balcony. Pein's piercings were sparkling in the light cast by the arc lights below and he was staggering due to too much to drink. Kisame flipped him off then jumped, he flew through the air and landed in the ice cold water of the pool far below. He could hide here for a nice long time and have a free swim.

The Leader leaned over the railing wondering where the shark man had gone. He was then struck by an idea. Konan was gone, the house was a Playboy mansion and he had some good shit still left in his pocket. Tonight was going to be fun!

Tayuya hadn't got such a good deal, she'd been knocked down in the stampede and now her two heroes were gone. She'd sprained her ankle and her flute had got bashed. Limping round the outside of the house she saw a familiar orange mask bobbing up and down behind a barn. She raised a hand in greeting and Tobi did the same. He came out to help her into the safety of the barn and under some hay to hide. Once they were snug inside a massive mountain of dry hay he whispered to her.

"I can't hear a bloody word you're saying Tobi – the mask muffles your speech" she hissed

Then Tobi did what no one had ever dreamed of, he reached behind his head and untied the mask. Slowly and carefully he removed it, revealing a face handsome enough to rival Itachi. One sharingan eye blinked in the dim light and locks of glossy black hair cascaded around his pale skin. Tayuya was shocked into silence. Why would anyone with such good looks hide themselves behind a mask?

"I said do you want to come closer? It's cold in here you'll get sick." Tobi's voice sounded different without the mask, sort of deeper and husky. Without hesitating Tayuya wriggled closer, she lost her hat and her bow had come undone, her red hair spilled out over her eyes and she couldn't see what Tobi did next. He reached to cup her chin in his hands and planted a delicate kiss on her lips. Her brown eyes stared out and she blushed. What was happening? Was this love?

Back inside the house another argument was raging.

"It's MY trampoline! Get your own!"

"Just stick me to the roof that's all I'm asking! I'm sure you can manage it!"

Kidomaru and Konan were arguing in the doorway at the front of the house. The door was open and the sound of the fountain could be heard in the distance. A giant web trampoline took up most of the drive and Kidamaru was jumping on it.

"Stick you to the roof? No one would find you up there that's for sure, but how long do you want to be up there?" he waved six arms, shook his ponytail and did a backflip. "Pretty lady, I'll stick you up there but there's a price..."

"Oh fuck go on then!" she didn't care much, she hoped Pein would see – she liked him better when he was angry. The trampoline was oddly soft when she jumped up onto it; it was made of spider silk and was especially springy. She got to her feet and Kidomaru the sound nin was upon her in an instant. He wasn't that good looking but there wasn't really time to think about that. His hot mouth pressed up against hers and his sweet tongue caressed her lips before entering. A pair of arms were around her shoulders, two gripped her waist and the other two...She grinned, Kidomaru definitely had the upper hand on Pein when it came to this.

"Join me on the roof?" she offered, breaking their perfect kiss

"For you, pretty lady I would shoot Orochimaru"

Back inside the house, Sasori was having problems dragging his friend inside. He'd collapsed twice under the weight of Deidara and was sitting panting on the floor. The blonde was just laying there giggling. Sasori glanced round at him slowly, without his cloak on (it had fallen off in the stampede) his whole body was pretty much on display. Ghetto booty and all. Deidara stopped laughing seeing the look on his partners face.

"Danna?" he asked, and looked down at himself. His pants were tight across his big ass and it was driving Sasori kinda crazy. He shifted himself so his ass wasn't so badly in sight and glared unsteadily back. "Danna...what?"

A wide grin spread across Sasori's face as he remembered their little encounter in the van, he was about to move in on his stricken friend when a movement in the garden startled him. The blood drained from his face-Zetsu was coming.

"Dei-chan get up we gotta hide now!" he jumped to his feet and legged it to the door, Deidara took a while to get up, he was trying to stand in a way that hid his large behind as much as possible. When he'd eventually got to his feet the puppet had gone, leaving a lingering smell of potent chemicals. He looked towards the door but didn't see Zetsu standing there. It was Hidan.

"Get the fuck out of the way!" he yelled and fell through the door, he had a pole sticking out of his chest again and his eyes were full of pain.

"You seen Zetsu? Where is he? He's going to get Sasori-danna" Deidara babbled and waved his hands, the mouths were chattering adding to the noise. Hidan glared his pretty purple glare and sighed.

"I've been out there in the cold doing a ritual right because I forgot to say grace at dinner time and all you have to say is some shit about chasing Zetsu?" He pushed past the blonde and stopped again. "Have you put on weight or something? Seriously!"

Before a reply could form in his head he saw something else scampering across the moonlit garden,

"INCOMING!!" he yelled and grabbed the priest. Together they ran up two or three flights of stairs and into a large bedroom. "Quick under the bed!" Deidara squealed in panic. He got on his knees and was about to squeeze under when he realized two things. One: his ghetto booty would never fit under there and two: Hidan was still impaled on a pike and he probably couldn't fit that under the bed either.

"In the wardrobe, numpty!" Whispered Hidan and jumped inside, Deidara followed and closed the door behind him. Silence and darkness followed where they listened for Zetsu, he wasn't coming. A horrible sucking noise broke their silence. The bomber looked around at his companion. Hidan had his back to him and was slowly pulling the pike out of his body, blood splashed up the walls.

"Aw you're sick man!" he complained

"Shut the fuck up you homo!" he gasped, he could hardly form the words because he was putting everything into not screaming aloud. Another ragged breath and it was out, it clattered to the floor. "Phew" he said. Deidara stood in shock and pressed his eye to the gap between the doors, someone had just walked into the room.

Orange hair, silver piercings and staggering in an odd way. It was their leader. He flopped down on the kingsize bed the pair had tried to hide under earlier and started to talk to himself.

"Where are all the bunny girls anyway? I searched everywhere, not one!" he rambled into mutterings. An idea occurred to Hidan and he looked across at the other nin in the closet. There was a lot of women's clothing here, and Deidara was feminine enough already-as well as drunk.

"Dei-chan, I have an idea to get us out of here" he whispered into his ear, and Deidara giggled again. 10 minutes later he emerged from the closet dressed in a pink silk night gown and knee high socks. He had his hair done up to look like two floppy bunny ears and pink eye shadow was smeared unskilfully over his big blue eyes. The scouter had gone from his left eye and he was sporting rabbit shaped clip on earings. He waltzed over to Pein trying to do a sexy walk, inside the wardrobe Hidan was almost dying with muffled laughter.

"I hear you're looking for the bunny girls" said Deidara in a horrible impression of a female voice. He sat down on the bed and made it tip so badly his Leader rolled into his lap.

"I...I...found you bunny lady!" Pein laughed and his head flopped into what would have been another girls cleavage. It was in fact a bra stuffed with socks. He was thankfully too drunk to notice.

That was officially as far as the plan went, they were both supposed to escape now but it seemed the two men were having too much fun. Shocked at Deidara's lack of loyalty to Sasori, Hidan slipped out of the wardrobe and out of the door, leaving them to their gay transvestite pleasures and wishing he'd taken more pictures with the scouter. Without his scythe he could run faster and he legged it down to the basement to find a better place to hide. The house was still silent, a creak of a floorboard here and there indicated more people creeping about looking for trouble. Down in the basement the only sound was the steady drip drip of a leaky tap. The dust was thick on the stairs and muffled his footsteps, he turned round to shut the door and was rewarded with a stabbing pain from the wound in his chest, right above his heart. He gasped and his small voice echoed round the damp room.

"Who's there?" said another voice – he wasn't alone down here. Hidan dropped to the floor and reached for a weapon, whoever was in here it better not be Orochimaru.

"Is that Zetsu?" he called and prepared to run if the answer was yes.

"No" came the voice from the darkness and the person came closer, he was silhouetted against one single candle which burnt in the background. Even with no light Hidan would know who this was. Four tentacles extended and picked him up, he didn't struggle, he'd trust this man to pull him apart and put him back together again.

"Kakuzu..." he rolled the name around in his mouth as if tasting it like a fine wine. They touched lightly and even that was enough to get his heart pumping double time. Kakuzu's lips brushed slightly over his and he felt his arousal rising already beneath his pants. The proximity between the two was slowly shrinking and Hidan's face grew hot with blushing. His soft breath flowed across his partners skin and the taller man let out a deep breath he'd been holding.

Discarding his cloak and letting it drop to the floor, Hidan embraced the chilly temperature of their underground hideout, topless as ever he hissed when Kakuzu's cold hand trailed across his chest, towards his heart. The hand stopped however, when it reached the tormented flesh of the stab wound. Questioning green eyes met guilty violet ones and Hidan looked away.

"Why?" asked Kakuzu not for the first time. He gently took the priests head in his hand and turned his gaze back until their eyes locked. Taken in by the intensity of the gaze, Hidan leaned in and kissed the other man. His tongue explored the stitches in Kakuzu's face and moved onto his lips. After a moment of hesitation, he kissed right back with passion. Hidan's thoughts wandered, his partner was a walking sex bomb, everything about him caused erotic thoughts to flit through the priests mind. He never said that, but actions spoke louder than words,

Kakuzu's actions were speaking loudly and he looked down with desire in his eyes. What should he do with him? Beat him until he breaks? He knew that Hidan liked it that way but was it cruel to abuse him every time they came together? Maybe he should tie him up down here and leave him for a bit. His thoughts were disturbed as Hidan started to take the dominant side, he was being pushed backwards into a wall. His back slammed up against the brickwork and the silver haired nin was standing up on his toes to deepen the kiss. He groaned aloud and raised his hips, they were grinding together, he could feel his partners hardened shaft pressing up against his inner thigh. He threw back his head and Hidan bit down on his neck, drawing blood.

What a sweet pleasure it was to spill Kakuzu's blood for once, he slammed him harder against the wall and grunted with the effort. There was a reason he was the submissive one – he wasn't all that strong compared to his partner. In anger he reached up to the other mans shoulders and ripped his cloak off, and the next layer of clothes. He threw them viciously to the ground and trod on them. The candle went out and plunged them into total darkness, Hidan began to grind onto his partner again, slowly and sensually moving into him. He drove his hips forwards hard enough for it to hurt and Kakuzu let out a moan in protest. He placed both hands on the lightning nins shoulders and pushed down on them.

Hidan had one leg either side of the green eyed man and they slowly slid to the dirty floor. It was uncomfortable sitting on Kakuzu's knees but at least their faces were closer than ever. The latter opened his mouth to speak but before he'd even got one syllable out, Hidan's tongue was in. Roughly he was shoved aside,

"What the fuck, kakuzu!?" he spat angrilly, "First you want it, then you don't?"

"If you open your mouth again I swear I'm gonna break it" was the reply

"Wanker! Like to see you tr-" before he could finish his sentance a fist came out of nowhere and smacked him right across the face. He went sprawling across the room and rolled into a puddle, blood leaked from his mouth but he laughed. The sound was eerie in the dripping dark cellar, as were Kakuzu's luminous green eyes. The eyes approached him and looking up from his position on the floor Hidan felt a stab of fear, he may be immortal but kakuzu could do anything to him. He was bigger, stronger and better at being dominant.

The purple eyes showed fear, Kakuzu noticed so he began his work gently. It was difficult to restrain himself, he wanted to stab and rip and - stop thinking like that allready! He pulled away his trousers until he was standing there in only a loose pair of boxers. Hidan stood too and glared defiantly up into his face, with one quick gesture he pulled away the belt holding up his own pants and they fell to the floor leaving him standing in only a pair of...

Ha! going to leave it there to keep you all hanging by a thread. Requests accepted!! seriously if u hav any gd ideas tell me and ill add them all in, im off at colege tmoz but there u go. Leave a review!