"I think we'll leave you two alone." Karen said getting a hint that what they were about to talk of some serious matters. "Oh, and by the way, congratulations Brooke!" she said as she hugged her and walked away.
"So what was it that you wanted to talk about?"
She didn't say anything; she simply threw her arms around his neck and pulled him to a soft embrace. Lucas was caught completely off guard and kind of fell back a little, but when he regained his balance, hugged her back nonetheless. It's been a while since she got this close to him again, and it felt nice. He still liked the feeling of her in his arms, just like before, maybe not exactly like before, but still, he was content.
They hugged for a while. Somehow, he didn't want to pull away nor did she. He kept saying to himself that it was just a friendly, comforting hug, and it didn't mean anything, but when she finally pulled away, he wished that he could just pull her in again and hold her even tighter. He just didn't want to let go of her, he missed her so much. But his thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she reached for his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He was shocked but not scared kind of shocked, but more of caught completely off guard kind of shocked. There was no tongue involved; it was just her lips pressing on to his. He wanted to pull away, but he couldn't, even if he knew it was wrong. As he closed his eyes, memories of them came back to his thoughts which also brought back old feelings that he thought were forgotten, maybe not forgotten, but set aside long ago. Unconsciously, pulled her closer and held her tighter as he deepened the kiss.
His lips wanted to object when Brooke finally broke the kiss, but he was too confused to do anything. He just stared at her and gave her a look of uncertainty.
"I just wanted something to remember before I leave." She told him as if trying to assure him that it meant nothing, but I guess, from experience, he knew that a kiss always means something and that kiss definitely meant something. When he heard her say "before I leave," his thoughts about the kiss were set aside. He realized that she was leaving, and if she kissed him liked that, it only meant that she's not planning to be back anytime soon.
"You're leaving? Why didn't you tell me? Where are you going?" he asked her looking surprised and devastated at the same time.
"I'm going to California, since Rachel is moving, I have nowhere else to live here, so I'll just go live with my parents and go to college there. I just thought that it wouldn't be such a big deal since you are with Peyton now, and it's not like you guys aren't leaving for college either."
"If it wasn't such a big deal then why didn't you tell us? So what if I'm with Peyton? That doesn't mean that I don't care for you Brooke! We all do! I can't believe you'd think that it wouldn't be a big deal if you left, especially without telling us!" he said as if scolding her, but he didn't seem angry, he seemed more of hurt in fact.
"I'm sorry," she said as she looked away from his eyes. She couldn't look at him because if she did, she would see his eyes that were full of hurt. She didn't want to hurt him, of course she didn't, but if he only knew how much it hurt her more than him.
"I just don't see why you have to do this."
"Do you know how much it hurts me to just leave everything behind? Do you think I wanted this?" she told him as tears started forming in her eyes, but she tried as hard as she could to hold them back.
"You know what? Yes! Honestly, I think you do want this!"
"You know what?" she yelled. Then she softened her voice, almost to a whisper when she said, "You're right."
"What?" he asked as if surprised. Even if he expected it that way, he didn't really think, no, actually, he didn't really want to think that it was like this with Brooke. He thought everything was fine already. After their break-up, they didn't talk much any more, so he didn't know a lot about her. He felt a little guilty about it; he should have been there for Brooke even after what happened. It was unfair to her since when they were still together, he was still friends with Peyton. Of course it was Brooke that pushed him away, but he should have at least tried to reach out.
"You're right, I did want this! You know why? Because this was the only way I could get away from all of this!" she said referring to what was happening that exact moment.
He couldn't believe she was still holding a grudge that after all this time. He thought she didn't care anymore, since she was the one who broke up with him in the first place. Sure, they never really regained their friendship, but he thought that they were okay at the least. I guess he thought wrong.
"I can't take it anymore. No matter how I try, I just can't seem to get away from you! Every time, it's like this with us. I tried Lucas, God knows how hard I tried to deal with how things are, and sure, it would work for a while but sooner or later you just find away back into my life! I just wanted to live my life as if nothing happened, as if we never happened, because whenever I remember us, I always end in tears. It's not that I wished we never happened… I just wanted to think it that way so that I won't get this hurt anymore when I see you. I just wanted the hurt to leave me alone." she stopped for a moment and wiped the single tear on her cheek and took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm.
He tried to speak, but nothing came out of his mouth. Lucas was in utter shock, but somehow he knew it was coming. He should have known all of this but he didn't. He refused to believe it before and forced himself to believe that they were all doing well, and now because of this, he felt his guilt slapping him on the face.
"Brooke, I…" was all he could say.
"Don't think it's your fault, this isn't your fault. So don't worry about me, okay?" she told him with the most reassuring voice she could produce as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Just think about it this way, some say that your first love never dies, and some say that it's your true love that never dies, but which is true between them, no one really knows. It just so happens that you were my first and probably my true love, so it kind of makes you a little harder to forget." She said this as if it was no big deal. She was trying to make things seem lighter, and make him feel less guilty, but she failed.
He felt even guiltier because she said that he was her first and true love, and he wasn't even sure of what he truly felt for her. He didn't even fight for her. He realized what a jerk he had been to her.
"How can you seem so okay with all of this? Things aren't even close to okay!"
"I seem to be okay. I kept telling myself that I was okay, but I guess I wasn't. I just feel that this is the best way to make things better. Maybe time apart from you and Peyton would help me put this whole bizarre love triangle thing behind, you know what I mean?"
Lucas knew exactly what she meant; he just wished that he could understand it to a point that it could make him feel that that this was the best thing to do. In such a way that it wouldn't hurt this bad to see her leave, but it just couldn't.
"I'm not running away, I just want to finally be released of this chain that's connected to you. I want to be free of this." She said with a sigh.
"But you don't have to leave! You said it yourself that leaving was going to be very difficult, so why go? We're leaving for college soon anyway, so you can stay here!"
"Lucas, I just can't. This place holds a lot of memories. Memories, that I don't want to forget, but need to set aside for a while if I want to do this, if I want to move on. And If I stay here, I'll feel like I'm just waiting for you to come home, that someday you'll come back to me. I just can't do that anymore! I'm so tired of waiting Luke! I can't live my life just waiting for you to come pick me up and save me from all of this. I can't rely on you to be there for me because it just gives me hope that you might come back, and every time I get disappointed, I get hurt. And I don't want it to happen that someday I get hurt so badly and just regret everything that happened between us, this relationship, and this love. You know what Lucas, you were the greatest god damn thing that ever happened to me, I don't want to look at you as just some mistake, and I don't want that to change. I don't want to wake up someday hating you for doing this to me, and making me feel this way."
She let out a loud sigh before continuing. "I just wish that someday I'd find someone who's better in bed than you," she joked as she acted like she was hopeless. She gave him a brief laugh followed by a small smile.
Lucas pushed a small laugh but he still couldn't hide the pain he was feeling. His smile was soon turned upside down when he realized that she has really made up her mind about the whole thing and there was no stopping her. "So when are you leaving?" he finally asked her. It killed him to ask but after realizing all the hurt he put her through, the least he could do was pretend to be supportive.
"Tomorrow, I just have to say goodbye to Haley and the rest."
"Maybe I could take you to the airport? Or maybe we could at least hang before you leave tomorrow, for old time's sake! We just graduated Brooke! We should be celebrating!"
"Lucas please, don't. It'll just make things harder than it already is."
"Will I ever see you again?" he asked her. He knew he sounded desperate, but he was.
"Maybe, maybe not, who knows? Maybe someday, we'd meet again. Maybe, I'd come back to you someday. You know me; I'm just full of surprises! We'll see." She said as a small smile came to her face but this time, it wasn't forced, she was really just smiling. She didn't know exactly why she was smiling, but she kept telling herself that it was because she was starting to think that maybe things would be okay after this, but deep down, it was just that a small part of her still hoped that maybe what she said would come true, maybe, just maybe, they might just find their way back to each other someday.
"So I guess this is goodbye?" he said somehow wishing that she'd oppose like she always did, and argue with him when he said that this was goodbye, hoping that she would reassure him that she would come back, but to his dismay, this was the one time she had nothing to say. She simply smiled and nodded.
"I'll miss you pretty girl," he softly told her as he gently put his hand on her face and stroked it gently.
Upon hearing this, she just couldn't fight her tears anymore. He called her "pretty girl." It has been such a long time since he last called her by that nickname. She missed him so much, she just wanted to be his pretty girl again, but she knew that this relationship wasn't about her anymore. She buried her face in his hand with tears falling from her face. She finally answered him, "I'll miss you too."
He pulled her slowly into a hug; he couldn't stand seeing her cry. He was going to miss her, everything about her. He's going to miss his pretty girl. He could feel his shoulder getting soaked with her tears, and just made him want to cry too. He didn't want to let go of their embrace because once he does, he knew that he's going to lose her, and this time, he was afraid that it might be for good.
"I love you Broody." She whispered in his ear.
"I love you too Cheery."
Brooke was surprised; he didn't expect him to say that, in fact even Lucas didn't expect himself to say that. She forced herself to think that he just said that because he was simply trying to find away to make her stay, but nonetheless, she was happy he said it. Lucas thought to himself that maybe someday he'd regret saying that, but he wouldn't take it back for the world. He used to love saying that to her over and over, but somehow things just got too complicated and people would get hurt if he continued, but still, he missed saying it and wished that he could say it again. He was just about to say it again, when he felt that she was starting to pull away from their hug. He didn't want to let go, but when he thought about it, this was the least he could do for her, to let her go. This was the only way he knew that he could help Brooke stop the hurt that he caused her even if it meant getting himself hurt in the process.
"Goodbye Lucas." She whispered this to his ear and gave him a final kiss on the cheek just before she left his arms.
"Take care of Peyton for me." With that, she gave him a Brooke Davis genuine smile, maybe not of happiness, but more of gratitude. Lucas loved that smile; it was the same smile that used to make his heart melt, the smile that he used to always see on her face. It has been a while since he last saw that beautiful smile of hers that was meant only for him, it just killed him to think that this may be the last time he may ever see that smile again.
Lucas remained there motionless as she slowly turned her back and left his arms. He just stood there and watched her walk away until she was completely gone. For the third time, he let her walk out of his life and didn't even do anything to stop her.
Chapter done! time to move on to the next! Please review! Let me know what you think! Comments and Suggestions are highly appreciated. Thanks! I'll be updating soon, bye!:)