Chapter 2

Deciding there was more Guinness than grave about what he'd just seen, Jack sank back against the pillows and let out a sigh. Great. It was bad enough to be worried about Sam's mission with SG-1. Now he was imagining Jacob Carter haunting him because he was sleeping with his daughter. What shrink wouldn't have a field day with that one.

Sam stirred again. That wasn't like her. He'd lain awake next to her enough nights to know that when she slept it was deep and still, not this constant fretting about as she had been doing tonight. Jack fought the urge to put his arm around her and draw her against him. It might wake her and she really did need the rest. He wouldn't risk it, no matter how badly at this particular moment he would have loved to have felt the warmth of her body nestled against his.

"Ya know, Jack. The least you could do is say hello."

Jack's head snapped up off the pillow. Standing in another dim pool of like, not unlike Jacob's, was another figure, younger, leaner, a wry twist of his mouth making him instantly recognizable.

"Kawalsky?"

"Hey, Jack. How's it goin'?"

Jack went to rub his face but let his hands drop. What the hell. It hadn't worked to get rid of Jacob. Why on earth would it work with Kawalsky?

"Well…you know…the knee's been acting up a little…then there's that whole promotion thing…."

"Yeah…I heard about that. Congratulations, General."

"Meh," Jack replied with a shrug. "I can take it or leave it. Most days I think I'd rather leave it."

"Well, to be honest, Jack…I never thought I'd see you flying a desk."

"Go figure, huh?"

"Yeah…go figure. It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain blond Lieutenant Colonel, would it?

Jack sighed.

"Kawalsky…"

"I'm just sayin'...you know…. After all…that is why I'm here."

"It is?"

"Uh-huh. So how 'bout you come with me for awhile."

"You mean this actually involves getting out of bed?"

"Fraid so, Jack. But we'll be back before you know it. Really."

"I don't like…have to hold your hand or anything do I?"

Kawalsky chuckled.

"Nah…not when we've got beaming technology."

"You mean…." But Jack never got the rest of the sentence out. The warm glow and slightly fizzy feeling of the Asgard beam enveloped him and the next thing he knew he was sitting on the ground…the very hard and cold ground…looking up at Kawalsky's grinning face.

"Neat, huh? Wish we'd had that when I was around." He reached out a hand which Jack considered momentarily before grasping. When he finally did he noted that there was nothing remotely non-corporeal about it, right down to the scars from the tattoo Kawalsky had had removed once he'd determined that "Sandra" really wasn't the girl of his dreams after all. It was too many years ago for even Jack to remember. When Kawalsky had pulled him to his feet, Jack looked around. The place looked familiar. He wasn't sure why.

"Chilly," he remarked finally, as it dawned on him that he was standing in a cave of ice. A diffused bluish cast from a distant overhead light made it difficult to see at first. After a bit, though, his eyes adjusted. Oh yeah. There was definitely something very familiar about this place.

A burst of static from a bundle of rags tucked in under a rock outcrop startled him. His hand went automatically for a weapon he didn't carry. Kawalsky, on the other hand, seemed unperturbed by the noise.

"You recognize the place?" his former 2IC asked.

"Should I?" Jack countered. There was something familiar about it, but he'd been to too many planets in his day and there wasn't a whole lot to distinguish one from another after a while.

"Oh yeah…though I can't say I'm surprised it doesn't ring a bell. I mean…you were pretty delirious most of the time." Kawalsky nodded toward the pile of clothes where the static burst had originated and for the first time Jack gave it more than a passing glance. There was a definite form to it, and as he studied it, a faint movement from beneath it: a barely perceptible rising and falling. Someone was under it, someone with slow, shallow breathing.

There was another burst of static. A radio. Jack heard a tinny voice coming over it…a voice he knew oh so well.

"Colonel…." A pause. More static. "It's an ice planet. That's all there is, as far as the eye can see…no chance." Static.

A few moments later the same voice echoed through the chamber.

"Colonel!!"

From somewhere distant and above there was the sound of something sliding. A grunt as it slammed into an obstacle. A rush of snow and a dark shaped slipped by him landing with a small cry of pain in the dusty snow at his feet. Jack jumped back, out of Sam's way, but she paid him no mind as she crawled toward the figure beneath the pile of rags.

"Colonel!" It was a half-whisper…a half-fearful plea.

"Sam…" Jack started toward her, but Kawalsky put a hand on his arm.

"She can't see you, Jack. It's not like we're really here. This is the past…one of the places you have to visit tonight…whether you want to our not."

A knot formed in Jack's gut and a horrid dread washed over him. Now he got it. He got it and he didn't like it.

"Not one of my favorite destination spots, I'll have you know!" he muttered. "And why, exactly, are we here?"

"Cuz you need to see some things," was all Kawalsky would say.

"And they would be…?"

Kawalsky nodded toward Sam who had crept over to where what Jack now knew to be his own half-frozen body lay on this god-forsaken chunk of ice.

"Colonel…."

God, he hated to hear that desperation in her voice. He was suddenly glad he'd been too out of it at the time. Even then it would have ripped his heart. He watched as she snaked her arm under the blanket, still trying to give him whatever heat she could. She snuggled her face into his neck, letting her breath warm him.

"Sarah…." The voice was weak, but the name unmistakable. Jack felt the pit of his stomach drop. Had he really said that? Called for his ex-wife? Sure, he'd been delusional…hallucinating…completely out of his mind…but why did he feel like he'd just watched himself betraying the woman he loved?

Sam, to her credit, didn't miss a beat. If anything, she drew herself closer, clung tighter.

"I'm here, Jack," she whispered back, and Jack swore he could feel her breath on his neck even as she said it to his own, inert form. An odd pain gripped his chest; he never knew she'd said that. Never remembered the first time his name had come from her lips. It was lost in the fog of his mind from that time. And for some reason watching it this way hurt like hell.

"I'm cold…so cold," the dying Jack O'Neill murmured. If it were possible, Sam snuggled closer

"I know…it's all right. You can sleep now." He watched as she buried her head in his neck and then paused, as if she just couldn't let loose those damn regulations even as they both hovered near death. "It was an honor serving with you too, Colonel," she added, glancing at him…the near-death him…one more time. And although he was standing ten feet away in the dimmest of lights in the darkest of caves, Jack could see as clearly as if he'd had a zoom lens on a sunlit afternoon. Sam Carter was in love with Jack O'Neill.

"Even then," remarked Kawalsky aloud, causing Jack to start. He glared at his guide.

"What?" asked Jack impatiently.

"She loved you. She'd have done anything to save you. She was ready to die for you…with you…it didn't matter. As long as the two of you were together."

Looking at Sam as she closed her eyes and held his freezing body, Jack was struck by how young she looked…how unaffected she still was by all that would come after this. But as beautiful as the woman was who lay dying next to him on the ice, he realized that the woman he'd held in his arms earlier that night—in his own time—in his own bed—possessed a far more appealing beauty than her younger self. It was that Sam that he suddenly found himself longing for, very much.

"I guess I missed that," he said aloud, answering Kawalsky. "What with me being unconscious and all."

"Yeah. You missed a lot of things, Jack. Things you need to know."

There was another flash of light and that tingly Asgard feeling washed over him again. The dying Jack and Sam disappeared behind a veil and then vanished altogether. In their place Jack saw a bunch of SF's, weapons trained on him and Kawalsky, the familiar fixtures of the gate room their backdrop. Jack raised his arms in surrender, but off to his side he heard Kawalsky chuckle.

"They can't see you, Jack…remember?"

Behind him the metallic grinding sound of the iris opening caused him to turn. Sam, Teal'c and Daniel were backing their way through the gate, weapons trained on whatever world they had just left.

"Close the iris!" Sam called urgently. The giant metal lens spiraled shut. Suddenly Hammond was there, right behind Jack. He straightened out of force of habit and stepped out of the general's way.

"Report, Major!"

There was an urgency in Sam's voice Jack didn't hear very often. He'd learned to listen to it, though, because it usually meant there was something worth worrying about.

"We were attacked by several Jaffa. Lieutenant Tyler went down covering our six and Colonel O'Neill went back for him!" She explained, amazingly calm, Jack thought with pride, in spite of the fact that her voice was pitched a half-tone higher with concern.

Teal'c added his own insistence.

"Let's assemble a rescue team and return to the planet immediately, GeneralHammond."

Jack understood the confused look on Hammond's face. He remembered how this one went down, even if he had been trapped on the planet for most of it.

"Hold on …," interrupted the general, looking genuinely perplexed. "Who's Lieutenant Tyler?"

It was Daniel's turn now.

"What do you mean, who's Lieutenant Tyler? He's a member of SG-1." Jack couldn't help but notice the petulant tone of Daniel's voice. It had become all too familiar in those months before Daniel ascended.

"What?" Hammond again, still trying to figure it out. Now it was his team's turn to be annoyed.

"You assigned him yourself last month, sir," Daniel continued, speaking, Jack couldn't help but notice, to Hammond as one might explain something to a slightly forgetful grandfather. Sam jumped back in.

"Tyler, sir…we've been training him for weeks. This was his third mission," she pointed out, trying to sound respectful when what she really wanted to do, Jack knew, was to yell at Hammond for not remembering SG-1's fifth man.

The thing was, Hammond didn't remember SG-1's fifth man.

"Major…I have no idea what you're talking about." Jack could see the confusion switching over to concern. He could relate, having walked a year or so in George's shoes. Having your flagship team come home talking about someone you knew didn't exist wasn't exactly how he liked to start his morning…although he couldn't speak for George.

As he risked a look back at Sam, Jack realized the confusion had spread. She glanced at Daniel and held his eyes, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

Teal'c—gotta love the guy—was doggedly persistent.

"GeneralHammond, we must return to the planet immediately."

But Jack could tell that George wasn't going to budge on this. Hell, he wouldn't have either. Even if they were the three people he trusted most in the world.

"No one's going anywhere until I find out exactly what happened," replied Hammond with all the firmness he could imply without it being a direct order. Little good it did, though. Jack glanced at Sam and saw that it was all she could do to hold back the look of exasperation from her face. Still being a good soldier, though, she tried one more time.

"Lieutenant Tyler and Colonel O'Neill were cut off from the gate…I already told you, sir," she began, the edge of impatience creeping into her voice. Hammond cut her off.

"And I'm telling you, I've never heard of this Lieutenant Tyler!"

Time for Danny-boy to jump back in.

"How can you say that?" he began, ready to launch into a counter argument. Hammond wouldn't have any of it, though.

"I think you should report to the infirmary," he told them, a little more forcefully than before. Jack saw a twinge of panic cross Sam's face. Ouch. This had been only a couple of weeks after that whole "Ascended Orlin" incident. Reporting to the infirmary because someone didn't believe her was not going to sit well.

"Sir…there is nothing wrong with us!" she insisted, a tad more defiant than before.

"We'll leave that up to Dr. Frasier," Hammond told her. Sam's eye's threw darts at her CO.

"General…Jack is trapped on that planet!" Danny again. But Hammond was tiring of this discussion.

"Sergeant…"

A young SF moved forward; Sam, Jack noted, placed her hands protectively over her P90.

"…escort them to the infirmary."

Sam didn't budge. She glared…glared! at Hammond.

"With or without reinforcements, we are going back, sir," she insisted, moving her weapon to a defensive stance. It did not go unnoticed by the general. The threat, whether implied or real, was enough for him. Jack was so stunned at seeing Sam on the verge of disobeying a direct order he could only gape.

"The hell you are!…relinquish your weapons."

The set of Sam's jaw told Jack she had absolutely no intention of obeying. Hammond must have realized it too. And it must have killed him to issue the next order:

"Airmen….:

Suddenly a half dozen semi-automatic weapons were trained on Sam and the rest of SG-1. Jack saw her run an assessing eye over the threat. Damn. She wasn't actually thinking she could take them all on, was she?

"Sam…" he said aloud. "Don't…."

"She can't…" Kawalsky began, but Jack cut him off.

"Hear me…I know…all right? I know! What the hell is she thinking?" Jack stifled the urge to step in front of her—to shield her from all those deadly barrels pointing in her direction.

"Major Carter," Hammond's voice was in dead earnest. "I will authorize the use of force unless you relinquish those weapons immediately."

"C'mon, Sam…stand down…." Jack couldn't help but mutter to himself.

Arrows shot from Sam's eyes, first to Hammond then to the rest of the airmen who half encircled her, Daniel and Teal'c. Her anger and frustration were palpable. Jack could read it all over her face. Finally, apparently deciding that there wasn't much getting accomplished this way, she lowered her weapon and reluctantly…very reluctantly, unhooked it from her vest. Even though he already knew how this would go down, he sighed with relief. Jack could never remember seeing a more insubordinate look on Sam's face--especially not directed at Hammond. Even after she had handed off her P90, she continued to glare at the general with a mixture of anger and betrayal, paying no heed to either of her two companions. Then, with a jerk of her shoulders to ward off any attempt at someone touching her, she stalked out of the gate room without a look backward.

"Whoa," said Kawalsky, as they watched the rest of the room clear. "Helluva spitfire, that one."

"Shut up, Kawalsky."

"What? I'm just sayin', Jack…she was about a half a heartbeat away from a court martial there. Hammond cut her a little more slack than most CO's would have. But I'm telling you…she was close…damn close."

"You know the drill, Kawalsky…no one gets left behind. That's all it was. She'd have been the same way if it were Daniel or Teal'c."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I mean…it would be nice and easy for you if you just chalked what she did there up to being a good team member…a good 2IC. It would let you off the hook."

"And just what hook am I supposed to be on?"

"Sorry, Jack…that's for you to figure out. That's why we're here."

"Oh for cryin' out…Kawalsky! You're being as damn annoying as Jacob was! Come on…you guys know I don't get half the stuff people tell me straight-up, let alone all this deep-meaning crap. If you're here to help me, then help me…just…stop with the 'search your soul' bit, okay?"

Kawalsky shrugged.

"Suit yourself, Jack. It's your happiness we're talking about here. And Sam's. You want to just pack it in…."

"Now wait a minute…I didn't say that…"

Kawalsky grinned widely.

"Good!" he cut Jack off. "Cuz we've got one more stop to make."

Jack wasn't surprised this time when the Asgard beam scooped him up. He did close his eyes though and wondered where the hell they'd be when he opened them again.

Ruins. Well…that was helpful. Did anyone have any idea of how many damned ruins he'd seen in the past ten years? Probably Daniel did, now that he thought of it. And probably he could name, on sight, each and every one.

As the sense of sudden displacement faded and he had a moment to study the ruins, Jack realized he did know this particular site. He hadn't recognized it at first because it had been distinctly lacking the equipment that now invaded the nooks and crannies of it and the piles of crates that several SGC personnel were moving around. That geekiest of geeks, Dr. Lee, was hovering like a nervous humming bird, pointing at various boxes and issuing vague admonitions about being careful, not dropping, and other totally useless suggestions.

The crunching of stones under a boot tread made Jack turn around in time to see Sam, hot, tired, looking a little lacking in the sleep department, come up out of the surrounding brush and walk over to Teal'c.

"I covered as much territory as the range of the UAV will allow," she told him wearily, glancing about at the activity.

"Have you received word from the Tok'ra?" Teal'c asked.

Sam was momentarily distracted again by the movement around her.

"Yeah…they responded…and said they didn't know when one of their operatives with a ship would be able to help us…." She looked over her shoulder again. "What are they doing?"

Teal'c's face revealed not one trace of emotion.

"I believe they have completed their analysis."

Jack saw the look of disbelief on Sam's face. She made a beeline for Dr. Lee.

"Excuse me…where is Colonel O'Neill? Now I don't see him, do you? Did you guys find him while I was gone?"

Lee was obviously taken aback by Sam's head-on assault, but to the little guy's credit, he stood his ground.

"We've been for here a week…now I'm not sure, but I'm pretty certain we could all spend the rest of our natural lives trying to figure out how this thing works. But you know what? Even if I could snap my fingers and turn it on right now, I'm beginning to doubt whether it would determine where it sent Colonel O'Neill…I'd bet almost anything that the targeting data is in the artifact that Colonel Maybourne used to open that doorway."

Lee turned to get back to the matter of packing…but Sam wasn't about to let it go. With anger so barely contained that Jack could see her shaking, she all but shouted:

"I say when we're done here!"

Lee stopped dead in his tracks and his face reddened. Turning once more to Sam, who was at least a head taller than he was, he pulled himself up to his full height.

"With all due respect...Major…" If it had been anyone but Sam the guy had been talking to Jack would have been impressed by his snippy tone. "I will submit my report to General Hammond. If he's prepared to commit to a long-term analysis project, I'm happy to come back… with my big suitcase. But until then… if you'll excuse me."

And with that Lee gave Sam his back a second time and returned to his crates.

Sam stood there, speechless. Jack could see her breaths coming in short bursts as she tried to control herself. Finally she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning in the opposite direction and striding purposefully away.

"Come on, Teal'c." she muttered as she brushed by him. Jack had been watching the big guy as well…he'd been taking in every word of the exchange between Sam and Dr. Lee, and Jack couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be processing Sam's reaction.

"Where are we going, MajorCarter?" he asked, quickly matching her stride. Jack saw Sam throw a glance over her shoulder in the general direction of the scientists.

"We're going to talk to General Hammond. I want to see just how big a suitcase Dr. Lee has."

With that they were out of earshot.

"Hammond said 'no" of course. They declared you MIA," commented Kawalsky as Jack watched the familiar forms shrink in the distance.

"Don't remind me. A whole month in 'Utopia" with Maybourne and a bunch of paranoia-inducing goa'uld arugula."

"She missed you."

"Yeah. Teal'c told me."

"Oh…right. The master of over-statement. 'MajorCarter despaired of ever seeing you again.' I'm sure that told you everything you needed to know."

"Hey…for T, that was saying a lot."

Kawalsky smirked at him.

"What?

"You're just as bad as he is, you know."

Jack shrugged.

"It's a guy thing."

"No…it's a you thing, Jack. Always has been. I was there for the worst of it, don't forget."

Jack felt an uneasy twist in the pit of his gut.

"Hey…you didn't say anything about going back that far…."

Kawalsky looked hurt.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Jack. I swear it. I'm just saying…you keep things bottled up. You don't tell people how you feel…bad stuff or good stuff. Everybody's got to guess…try to read between your feigned stupidity and your casual disregard. And sometimes we get it wrong. Sam did. For a long time, she figured you had taken yourself out of the picture. It hurt her. And you damn near lost her, Jack. She nearly slipped through your fingers."

A different knot tied itself up in Jack's stomach.

"Yeah. I know."

"Well…20/20 hindsight…it's a wonderful thing. You do get this, don't you? I mean…you play dumb so often, Jack, sometimes I think you get a little too into the part. I've shown you these things to help you understand…Sam would do anything…anything…for you. Then. Now. A hundred years from now. She'd give up her life…her career…the respect of her colleagues…whatever it took. She loves you that much. It's a great gift to be loved that much. And a great burden."

"Hey…I…you know…I feel the same way about her."

Kawalsky was shaking his head.

"You can't even say it, can you? Not even to me."

"What?" Jack tossed back at him, although he knew exactly what Kawalsky meant.

"That's bull, Jack. You know what I'm talking about."

"She knows how I feel."

"Does she?"

"Of course."

That stomach knot was tightening, though. Some of what Kawalsky was saying was hitting pretty close to home. What if she didn't know? What if he just assumed she did?

"Yeah…" Kawalsky was leaning against the ruin wall now…right at the spot where Maybourne had used that damn key. Jack flashed back to Harry grabbing Sam's zat and taking her out with it. Even if it was only a zat…even if the first blast only hurt like hell and wasn't lethal…that act of Harry's had sent Jack into a blind and barely contained rage. And that's what had made him fly at Maybourne like that…diving as the fink made his escape through that archway. No one took out his 2IC…no one took out Sam and got away with it. For Jack it had been simple justice. "Well, I'm just sayin'" Kawalsky continued. "Those words…and the actions that go with them…they may seem simple, but they're not."

"Tell me something I don't know…," muttered Jack. Kawalsky arched an eyebrow.

"We're trying, Jack. But you've got to be willing to listen. You go all stubborn on us and all of this will be for nothing."

"Yeah. I hear you." Jack saw a flicker of doubt pass over Kawalsky's face. "I said I heard you, okay?" he repeated, unable to keep a note of agitation out of his voice. "So…where to now?" he added in what he hoped was a lighter tone.

"No where…at least not for me. My time's up, Jack. I've brought you as far as I can."

Jack looked around. There was still the bustle of activity as Dr. Lee and the others continued their packing up.

"Do I at least get to go back to bed?" he asked archly. Kawalsky gave him a half smile. "Riiiight." Jack went on, slowly nodding. "So…do I just hang out here in the past and wait for a solar flare or what?"

Kawalsky's smiled broadened into a full one.

"Bye, Jack. It's been good seeing you, pal. Good luck with…well, with everything."

Jack found his throat uncharacteristically tight. Kawalsky was doing that Jacob-transparent thing again. He was really beginning to hate watching people he'd liked disappear like that. Too many of them had disappeared for good.