A/N: For those of you who didn't read our bio, which you will now, I, Alex, am Zorro, and Charlie here is Phantom. They are our RAFT identities. Do not steal them. We will hunt you down and set Mary Sues upon your bishonen. You have been warned.

Zorro: RAFT tip of the day: When being pursued by a rapist, immediately throw a golden apple over your shoulder. They will be distracted, allowing for your escape. Wait, did I say apple? I meant----

Phantom: She means nothing! Ha ha, um, read please?

When Americans try to become ninjas...

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with miso ramen on top?"

"Oka...ow!"

"Naruto! You can't say yes just because she offered you ramen! She's not even from this village! Do you know how many laws you would be breaking?" Naruto looked at the pink-haired girl with teary eyes before crying out mournfully.

"But I'm still hungry!" Alex turned to look at the ten empty ramen bowls surrounding Naruto and shook her head. She knew exactly how he felt. Sighing, she turned to her right, where Kakashi was seated, and beyond him, where Sasuke was. Who was glaring at her...

"See something you like?" She smirked in a very un-Alex like way and his glare intensified. Finally, he looked away, his face a little redder then before. She laughed silently, boys are funny. Turning back to Naruto, she decided to use some of her diplomatic skills.

"Naruto, I have a deal for you. I'll buy you twenty bowls of ramen if you teach me the basics of ninjutsu." His face brightened considerably, and for a second, he looked like he'd agree, but Sakura's fist once again met his head and he looked like he was going to reconsider.

"And, I'll fight you." He smirked.

"You're on!" Just then, a resounding smack was heard.

"Naruto! You can't do that, it's against the rules! Argh, the things I put up with." She sat down, thinking hitting him worked. Unfortunately for her, the pull of ramen was too strong for Naruto, and when had he cared about the rules anyway? Just as she was going to take another bite, a large crash was heard, and Sakura was thrown from her stool. Screaming, she slid across the counter and landed on her feet on the other side. Charlie had arrived. Alex sneered angrily.

"Oh look who's here. Find your cheesecake Charlie?" The girl didn't spare her a glance, as all of her attention was on the tall boy behind her, who by now was looking very harassed. Huffing angrily, Alex was about to start ranting about Charlie's lack of respect for people taller than her, when Charlie suddenly broke into song.

"My pulses leap madly without any cause
Believe me, I'm telling you truly,

My spirits are truly unruly
For I'm falling in love with someone
Some one boy
I'm falling in love with someone
Head awhirl!"

Realization dawned on Alex's face as everyone in the ramen shop stared at Charlie with strange unbelieving looks on their faces. Shino got a fangirl? After the shock had faded, Naruto started cracking up over Shino's predicament.

"Ha ha, Shino's got a girlfriend, Shino's got a girlfriend. Shino's got a...ow!" Naruto held as head as he was hit once again, this time by a giant cockroach. Oh yeah, Shino was mad. Charlie's face lit up and she once again leapt at Shino in an attempt to hug him. He sidestepped. She ran into Alex.

"Ow, what the hell, Charlie, you remember what happened last time you obsessed over someone..."

"We ended up here?"

"No, that was because you wanted cheesecake."

"Oh." They untangled themselves and stood up.

"I got arrested, mobs chased us, I was conned by an Englishman, almost drowned, you tried to shoot me with a harpoon gun, and we almost caused the French and Spanish to go to war! You can't do this to me!" Her eyes looked bloodshot and she stared at Charlie pleadingly, but alas, her attention was once again on Shino. "No Charlie, I always get hurt when you stalk guys! Nooooo!" She fell once again to her knees in horror, thinking of the horrible things that were sure to happen to her once Charlie put her seducing Shino plans into action. Meanwhile, the other ninjas present were staring at Shino, who's eyebrow had begun to twitch, and did something no one would have ever expected of him. He fell to his knees in front of Naruto and began begging for help.

"Help me! Help me! You don't know the horror of having her stalk you." Naruto and the others looked over at Charlie, who was currently carving Charlie loves Shino into the counter top with a random sharp object.

"Aww come on Shino, she's kinda cute and you could use a girlfriend." Shino shook his head and behind his glasses began to cry. Quickly he looked over to Alex.

"You've gotta help me, you're her friend how do you get rid of her?" During this entire speech Alex heard nothing of what Shino was saying. She was staring in horror at the bug climbing on Shino's shoulder.

"Oh God! AAAAHHHH!" Alex began to run in a circle trying to get away from Shino. He realized he was doomed.

"Hey, what are you doing, I thought you wanted to be a ninja. Ninjas don't run around in circles at the sight of bugs." Alex stopped her screaming, realizing Naruto was right, but it was so icky. Suddenly Charlie stopped carving her seventh heart of Charlie loves Shino.

"Hey, you're gonna be a ninja?! I wanna be a ninja! No fair!" Shino, seizing his opportunity, quickly came up with a plan.

"You can be a ninja too. I bet they would be happy to teach you. They're great ninja masters, aren't you Naruto?" Naruto dumbly allowed his pride to get in the way.

"Yup, I'm gonna be the greatest ninja master of all time. Believe it!"

"So, you'll teach us to be ninjas?" Alex and Charlie stared attentively at Naruto.

"You bet! Believe it!" Shino was slowing sneaking out of the ramen shop happy to be away from Charlie. Meanwhile, the girls cheered happily. Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi stared on in a mixture of exasperation and horror. God only knows what could happen if these two knew ninjutsu.

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"No, stop that and stand up!" Naruto stood commandingly over the two foreign girls as they wrestled on the ground. Alex had said something about Shino's creepy bugness.

"You bitch take that back! He does not have six arms and shoot webbing!"

"How do you know, have you seen him naked?"

"It's on the list of things to do!" Naruto sighed. So far this morning, they had managed to set a tree on fire, cut Alex's hair on one side with a kunai, and hit him with a log. This was going to be harder than he thought. Hearing their angered yells, he snapped.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!" The girls watched in awe as about five Naruto's rushed at them, separating them from each other.

"Wow."

"Yeah." Both girls stared in awe at the Naruto's, then snapped to attention.

"You've got to teach us how to do that! I could skip school all the time!" Naruto sweatdropped. Well, at least now they had some motivation.

"Okay fine. But first you have to learn the basics, then you can learn that. But that's way advanced for you two."

"Yes sir." Alex tried overeagerly to throw a kunai at the target, but it whizzed around it. A slicing sound was heard.

"Noooooo, why?" Kakashi held up Icha Icha Paradise, Alex's kunai embedded in it. He had been "supervising" their training, sitting on the other side of the tree, reading like the pervert he was. Alas, for his book was no more.

"Bullseye! Score one for the fox! Boo yah!" Alex danced around in a happy circle, completely oblivious to Kakashi's despair. "Bad porn is gone! Yay!" She turned suddenly to Kakashi. "You shouldn't read icky stuff like that in public. There are children present." She patted Naruto on the head. He scowled.

"I'm not a little kid! I'm a big strong ninja! And I bet I'm older than you!" While they argued about who was older, Kakashi sniffled pathetically, stared at his destroyed book tearfully. What to do? He looked up at Alex dancing triumphantly around Naruto, after discovering that she was older than him by three months. His one showing eye gleamed as he thought of something maybe a little bit evil. Well, it wouldn't be bad if he showed her just what a real elite ninja could do right? A little learning exercise never hurt anyone, right? He laughed evilly. Naruto and Alex stopped what they were doing and looked at him strangely. He eeped and jumped behind a bush.

"Umm, Naruto, uhh, is that normal sensei behavior?" Naruto glanced toward her.

"If it involves his perverted book, anything is possible. You've probably traumatized him for life." Alex blinked. Oh well. Meanwhile, Charlie was trying to throw shuriken without cutting herself. Easier said then done.

"Ow. Goddammit!" Sasuke stared at her wondering why he was even here. Suddenly getting fed up with slicing herself, Charlie decided to try throwing shuriken with a stick. Sasuke watched in morbid fascination. This wouldn't end well. He had originally come here to see what would happen if Naruto tried to teach someone ninjutsu, then maybe laugh and taunt him when he failed. But now he was seeing that the problem wouldn't be with Naruto, it would be with the two foreign girls, who were as klutzy as they come.

"Ahh ha!" Charlie had picked up the shuriken by holding at the end of a stick she found. She flung it at the target. This time it only missed by four feet. She was getting better. With renewed confidence, she diligently kept flinging shuriken at the target, convinced they would one day hit it. Sasuke sat back and sighed. At the very least this was entertaining.

"Okay, you got closer, but you're supposed to run up the tree, not put glue on your feet. That's cheating." Alex snapped her fingers in disappointment. "Okay, try one more time. Remember to concentrate your chakra in your feet." Alex frowned and tried to concentrate. She had to get it this time!

Naruto didn't really have much confidence in her success, but if he could pawn a few tricks off on her, then he would get all the ramen he could eat! Woot! Looking back at her, his eyes widened as he noticed the glowing light starting to surround her feet. There was only one thing strange about it. It was pink. Suddenly, she took off for the tree, and amazingly started to run right up it. Unfortunately, at that moment, Charlie had flung a large shuriken way off target, and with much more force than usual, for she had just thought of what Shino would say when he saw that she had become a strong ninja. She then thought of all the amazing ninja adventures they would go on together, alone. Getting caught up in the moment, she completely forgot what she was doing, and flung the shuriken in happiness, prancing around.

"Ahhh, Alex watch out!" Naruto had just noticed Charlie's wayward shuriken, which was heading straight for Alex. Opening her eyes, Alex found herself standing sideways on a tree. Then she noticed her feet.

"What the hell? No, not again! Get it off!" With that, she started pawing at her feet, trying to get the offending pink off. At that moment, she lost concentration, and she fell a few feet before steadying herself. That was when Charlie's shuriken sliced through the tree right over her head. The tree fell in slow motion, Alex falling with it. Everyone watched in horror as the tree fell, for Sakura had been sitting under it, counting daisy petals.

"Sasuke loves me, Sasuke loves me not. Sasuke loves me, Sasuke lov..." A resounding crash was heard. Stunned from the violent turn of events, Naruto regained himself and ran toward the fallen tree.

"Sakura, Alex, are you alright?" He rushed over to Alex and Sakura.

"Alex! Alex are you alright?" Alex stared up at Naruto, confused by his orange outfit, she mistook him for Charlie.

"Charlie, is that you? Charlie, how did you get taller? And your hair is blonder! Charlie, why didn't you tell me you weren't a girl? How could you betray me in such a way? Why Charlie, why?"

"No Alex, I'm over here."

"Oh." Assuming from that exchange that she was okay, Naruto tried to locate Sakura, who he found underneath some larger branches. Her eyes were swirly and she had a big bump on her head, but other than the fact that she was unconscious, she seemed okay. Sasuke stared in shock as he realized one of his main fangirls had been picked off by a short foreign girl. He looked toward Charlie, who was trying to pounce on a beetle she could give to Shino, as she hit her head on a rock.

"Ow."

She seemed like an idiot, but clearly she was an evil genius, who would help him defeat his fangirls. Yes, she will become his best friend. Naruto had slung Alex over his shoulder, and Kakashi grabbed Sakura, the former of whom still had an evil glint in his eye. They took them back into town, where they could be taken to the hospital and be treated for a concussion, and possibly delirium.

"Charlie put me down!" Yeah, definitely delirium.