The Doom of Konohagakure Chapter 3: Did someone say RAFT?, a naruto fanfic

Just a note, we have a tendency to be rather Sailor Moon-like at very random times. Just thought you should know.

RAFT Tip of the Day: When in doubt of whether or not you are being pursued by a rapist, throw your shoe at him anyway, just to be safe, and then run into nearest shoe store to replace the shoe you have just lost.

Did someone say RAFT?

"Oh why?! Why does it always have to be the young that die young?" Charlie was currently mourning Alex's "death". So far it consisted of finding, stealing, and inhaling sake she found. After that she had been dragged out of the hospital by Naruto and several medical nins.

"Charlie, Alex isn't dead. She's just getting treated for brain trauma."

"Why, Alex has always had brain trauma. Ever since that one time in England..." Naruto looked at her strangely, and Charlie stopped talking, staring at him sheepishly. No one was supposed to know that.

"Soooo, what do you do for fun around here?" He blinked at her, and grinned.

"Well, you could always go on a date with Shino..." At that, Charlie got hearts in her eyes, and started to skip. She broke into song as she skipped away.

"Yes, I'm falling in love with someone
Plain to see,

I'm sure I could love someone madly
If someone would only love me"

Naruto gaped wordlessly as she disappeared out of sight. These girls were beyond weird. Shrugging, he turned away. Oh well, as long as they didn't interfere with him becoming the next Hokage, he didn't care.

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"Hey, what the hell! Stop that!" Alex was currently struggling with the medical nins, who were attempting to heal her.

"Miss, you have to sit down, you're experiencing delirium. We need to give you an examination."

"You pervert! I know what that means!"

"Miss!" Alex attempted yet again to get out of their hold and jump out the window. Only to discover that the window was closed and glass hurts when you run into it.

"Ow." The medic nin took that opportunity to give her some anesthetic, knocking her out. The medic nins sighed in relief, then finished wrapping her head. As the last one exited, he heard her shift around. Frowning, he turned around, only to see her sleeping quietly in the bed. He sighed in relief and closed the door. In the quiet of her hospital room, Alex's eyes opened partway. Still asleep, she quietly opened the window, and jumped down to the ground.

Sasuke stood hidden in a tree observing the girl, Charlie. She didn't seem to be much of an opponent, but she had already taken out one of his main fan girls, clearly she was dangerous.

"Oooooooh, fishy." Yes, very dangerous. Deciding right then to make his entrance, Sasuke jumped out of the tree. Charlie blinked. Sasuke stared at her. She blinked again. Quickly he came up with a plan, he let a small smirk grace his lips.

"Hi?"

"Hmph, Shino asked me to take you around town, and show you around." Charlie blinked, her eyes light up and sparkled, and she jumped up.

"Okay!" She began to follow Sasuke around, as he was doing an internal victory dance, soon his fangirls would meet their downfall.

Meanwhile, Rock Lee had been training very hard in anticipation of Gai-sensei praising him at his defeat of his arch-rival, Neji.

"If I can not do one thousand push ups, then I must run three hundred laps!" Lee was currently on five hundred, going at a very admirable pace, when a tall red-headed girl fell on his back.

"Gah!" Lee flipped over, only to see the girl sprawled on her back, her eyes swirly. Immediately, he began to cry. "Oh horrible fateful day! I have killed an innocent in my attempt to become stronger than Neji! Oh why must fate be so cruel?" With that, he began to weep over her "dead" body. Suddenly, Neji and TenTen, the latter who had been following him around like the fangirl she is, came into the clearing after hearing Lee's woe-ridden sobs.

"Lee? What are you doing, what's wrong?" TenTen asked, half exasperated, half disturbed.

"TenTen, Neji, a most horrible thing has happened. I have accidentally killed an innocent girl! Oh whatever will I do? What will Gai-sensei say? Oh----"

"That wouldn't happen to be her would it?" Neji pointed upwards. Currently, Alex was having a dream that she was Tarzan, and as such, she began swinging from branch to branch, until she missed one and landed on TenTen's back. Lee cried tears of happiness, rejoicing that the foreign girl was not dead. He leapt at her and hugged her.

"Oh happy day! I am sorry if I injured you! Please accept my heartfelt apology! Come, I-----"

"Lee, she's turning blue." Indeed, Lee was hugging her so hard that she had stopped breathing. Lee recoiled and almost cried again.

"Ahhh! I am sorry. It seems I am a curse to you, I will leave immediately to ensure your safety!" At that, Lee tried to dash away, but was held back by Neji.

"Lee you idiot. She was never dead. Not only that, but she's not even awa------" Suddenly Alex leapt at Neji, for in her dream Neji was the hunter trying to hurt her gorilla friend. She growled angrily and leapt, intent on gouging his eyes out with a rock. Neji turned in shock as she jumped on him, but luckily he was stronger than she was. He quickly threw the rock to the side and pinned her arms to her sides, so that he was holding her away from him, as she was still struggling against him. She sure was a violent sleep-walker. Lee gaped wordlessly, then looked at her feet, which had started to glow pink of all colors.

Tarzan, or Alex, knew that the bad hunter couldn't get her if she was in the trees, for he had not her mad tree leaping skills. Neji frowned as he noticed the energy she was releasing through her feet, but didn't think much of it as she was asleep and obviously not a threat to a strong jounin like himself. At that moment, she sprung upwards, taking him with her. She began swinging from tree to tree again dragging Neji with her. During the experience Neji's hair got tangled in a branch, preventing him from killing Alex. This forced him to let go of her, as he was now stuck untangling his long hair. Alex just kept swing through the trees. Suddenly, she went limp, and fell.

"Ahhh, not again! Do not worry, I will save you!" Lee caught her before she hit the ground. Neji landing gracefully after her. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. He was almost beaten by an unconscious foreigner. How degrading. Meanwhile, Lee was hugging her.

"Oh new friend, I will take you to Gai-sensei immediately, he will know what to do! He will be very impressed that you have defeated Neji, but I see the--------"

"She did NOT beat me. I was simply caught off guard. She wouldn't have lasted a minute in a real battle." But it was too late, Lee had a spark in his eyes.

"Not true! You are only trying to cover up your defeat! With her amazing skill and prowess she defeated you! And after she takes me on as her student, I shall also learn her amazing skills!" With that, he dashed away with Alex, intent on introducing his new "master" to his old one. Tenten looked at Neji in sympathy.

"You're right Neji, you would have beaten her fair and square in a real battle, why her puny attempt at ninjutsu would never stand up to your byakugan! She was horrible, cheating like that. You should----------"

"Shut up."

"Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last"

Charlie was currently singing and dancing down Konohagakure with a microphone in her hand, when suddenly...

"Hit it Sasuke." A spotlight suddenly appeared out of nowhere, shining on Sasuke. Everyone in the street stopped what they were doing and stared at him, wondering what he would do. Charlie stood gazing at Sasuke holding the microphone out for him. Sasuke glared at her, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Just then out of nowhere Ino appeared.

"Sasuke!" Ino jumped on Sasuke's back and looked down on Charlie holding the microphone out for him.

"Sasuke what are you doing here? Who's she?" Charlie stood and blinked at Ino. Suddenly Charlie broke into a wide grin.

"Hi! I'm Charlie, Sasuke's best friend. Who are you? Are you gonna sing with us? You interrupted Sasuke's solo." Before Ino could reply to any of Charlie's questions Sasuke enacted his plan.

"This is Ino. She's in love with Shino." Charlie's eye's narrowed, the smile left her face.

"What Sasuke no I don-" Too late Charlie tackled her.

"You bitch! I'm the only one who loves Shino! He's mine!" With a feral growl she pulled Ino's hair and then began swinging her around in a circle by it. By now Ino was screaming her head off, yelling to Sasuke to get Charlie to let her go. Sasuke stood by, trying not to smile. Oh, nope, there it is.

"And take that!" At that Charlie let go, sending Ino flying through a nearby window. A crash was heard as she flew out the other side. She groaned in pain. Sasuke smiled evilly. Two down, and only a few hundred more to go. Oh yeah, this was easy.

"--And she defeated Neji easily! Gai-sensei, I must learn her skills!" Gai stared at Lee holding the unconscious foreign girl and wondered whether or not he was not joking. By the eager look on his face, he was not. "Please Gai-sensei?" Gai was just about to bring to Lee's attention that Alex was unconscious, when suddenly Alex leapt from Lee's arms and hugged Gai. For in Alex's dream she was now the little mermaid and Gai was her fish friend come to aid her in her quest.

"Oh, she likes you!" Lee smiled proudly at the scene before him. Just then Alex began waving her arms in the air like she was swimming, and began to walk in slow motion away from Gai and Lee, dragging the former. For in her dream, Lee was now an evil shark come to terrorize them.

"Wait amazing foreign girl! You must teach me your skills! Wait!" Lee was now chasing after Alex also in slow-motion. Gai watched in exasperation.

"Lee you idiot. This girl isn't even awake, how could she possibly defeat Neji? You need to stop dreaming and start training yo-----"

"Hurray, come new friend and show Gai-sensei your amazing skills!" Gai stared in amazement as the girl blinked a few times and stood staring at them. You couldn't tell before, as her eyes were half closed, but now that he was looking at her clearly, he could tell that she was one of the two foreign girls he had been told about. Tsunade had told everybody to keep an eye on them, as they did not yet know if they were spies or not. Well, she didn't look like a spy to Gai, but that might just be because she was dancing around in circles with Lee. Suddenly, she stopped dancing with Lee and turned and pointed at Gai excitedly.

"Flounder, is that you? Flounder you're a real boy now!" Gai blinked at the strange foreign girl. How did she know?

"No, no this is Gai-sensei. He is my teacher. Gai-sensei this is...um, well she beat Neji! That's all that matters."

"Lee, you don't even know her name? Of course you don't, she was asleep." Lee and Alex looked at him strangely, before turning to each other.

"Gai-sensei is right! My name is Rock Lee, the beautiful Green Beast of Konoha! Who may I ask, are you?" He bowed to her and she stared at him.

"Um, my name is Alejandra de la Vega and I steal from the rich and give to the poor! Yeah!" Lee's eyes shined.

"So..cool!" At that they started dancing around in circles again, Gai sighed.

"Miss Alejandra, please show Gai-sensei how you defeated Neji!" Alex paused confused, who the hell is Neji?

"Um, why don't you show me how you defeated Neji?" Lee paused in his happy dance and blinked at Alex confused.

"Oh, you must mean how I will defeat Neji! I will beat him only using taijutsu, proving that hard work will defeat the gifted prodigy!" Alex clapped.

"Very impressive. Now...um." Both Lee and Gai looked at her eagerly, both wanting to know how she defeated this Neji person. She decided to tell them the same thing she told Kakashi.

"I used my mystic moon powers to defeat him."

"Mystic moon powers?"

"Yes, my mystic moon powers. I have traveled here from another world, with my fellow princess warrior from my court. We were run off by an angry mob, composed of selfish cheesecake hogging orphans." Gai stared at the girl not sure which part of her crazy story to believe, and then decided to believe it all. Why would someone tell such a stupid lie? It must be true. Lee nodded eagerly, hanging on to her every word.

"Your majesty." Lee bowed, and looked up at Alex with sparkles in his eyes. "What can I do to be of assistance while you are away from your kingdom?"

"Well...I was to be trained as a ninja, but the silver haired scarecrow guy kind of got angry at me for my accidentally destroying his book, and locked me in a hospital." Gai's eyes sparkled at that.

"You say my eternal rival was to train you? Ha! I will train you a hundred times better then he ever would!" Gai gave Alex a thumbs-up and a smile. "Ching". The sparkle temporarily blinded Alex. Yay! She would become a ninja after all!

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasu-----"

"Shut up."

"But I wanna go find Shino now." Charlie stomped her foot and glared up at him angrily.

"No, he's probably busy training. We have to go visit another one of my...friends." Charlie glared at him for a second, then burst into tears.

"I wanna see Shino now! I wanna go see Shino! I wanna--Oooh shiny." Charlie paused midcomplaint and then looked back at Sasuke.

"Let's go swimming!" Sasuke sighed in relief. Thank god she didn't start on the Shino thing again.

"Fine."

"Yay!" Charlie began skipping off to the springs, Sasuke following behind.

Sometime later

"Sasuke you can't go swimming when you're wearing a shirt. Go change." Sasuke grumbled and took off his shirt. Suddenly...

"SASUKE!!!" A wave of Sasuke's fangirls appeared out of nowhere, attracted by Sasuke shirtless. Sasuke's eyes widened. Shit. He turned to Charlie, who had just pulled an inflatable alligator out of nowhere and threw it into the lake. He snagged her by the arm and pointed to all the swooning girls.

"Quick, do something!"

"Why?"

"Those are Shino's fangirls. They've come to challenge you for his heart. You must defeat them in battle."

"Those bastards!" Charlie stalked toward them angrily. They grouped together and muttered to themselves. They had heard of this girl, the girl who had been acting as Sasuke's bodyguard. Suddenly, she was right in front of them. One of the girls that knew ninjutsu tried to throw a kunai at her, but it was too late. Charlie was gone. All the girls looked around frantically, trying to locate her. Meanwhile, Sasuke watched from the sidelines, joyfully imagining the downfall of his fangirls.

Suddenly, an orange chakra-infused chain appeared out of nowhere, hitting the girls and throwing them back. Charlie was standing on the overhanging branch of a tree, whipping around her chain, which she had forged with her love for Shino. The fangirls cowered. They were doomed.

"I shall defeat you in the name of my love for Shino! In the name of Venus! At that Charlie charged, swinging her chain around the group of girls, tying them tightly together. The girls screamed as she swung them toward the waterfall by the lake, then sighed with relief as they stopped. Charlie fiddled with the chain, tying it around a tree, then kicked the group of girls off the waterfall. They screamed, thinking they would die, then they stopped, and hung halfway down the waterfall, swinging back and forth. Charlie dusted off her hands and walked back to Sasuke, who was crying tears of joy. Just for this, he would set her up on a date with Shino. He was free!

Not too far away...

"Hee hee..." A tall white haired man crouched behind the paper walls of the bathhouse, and sneakily made a small hole. He peered in happily at all the undressed women, drooling. He then pulled out a small notebook and pencil, and looked as if he may write something down, but dropped the pencil when a splash was heard. His head snapped up and he turned to face the direction of the lake, for he had sensed a large amount of scantily clad girls in that direction. Summoning a toad, the old man took off toward the lake.

Upon reaching his destination the old man hid behind a bush and began doing research for his book AKA spying on girls.

"Sasuke, I'm hungry! Let's go get ice cream!" Just as Sasuke was going to reply, Charlie's head snapped to the side, looking suspiciously at a bush.

Meanwhile at the same time...

"I understand your concerns your majesty, but please please, I must defeat Neji I----" Alex held up her hand for silence, cocking her head to the side. Gai and Lee looked at her strangely, for she suddenly started walking away. Lee ran up to her.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Uh, I hear my mother calling, be right back." She began running in the opposite direction.

"Okay, we'll wait right here!" Gai simply stared at his student, waiting for him to realize that only two foreign people came to this village. He waited in vain.

Meanwhile, Alex ran down the street, turned down an alley, and reached the trees. Ripping off her clothes as she ran, she dramatically changed into her RAFT uniform. After finishing tying on her mask, she arrived close to where the dastardly deed was taking place. She waited.

At the same time, Charlie was thinking of ways to ditch Sasuke.

"Hey, aren't you coming? You wanted ice cream."

"Um... oh Sasuke go on ahead I'll meet you there. I can't go now I'm in a bikini. Go buy me chocolate ice cream. I'll meet up with you." Sasuke nodded and went on ahead.

As soon as he was out of sight Charlie leapt behind a tree and changed into her RAFT uniform, then leapt away to find her crime fighting compadre. Following the signal on her communicator, she found her in a clearing. They nodded at each other, turned, and began yelling at a bush.

"We know you're there, you pervert! Come out with your hands up!" Jiraiya turned around, angry, for the girls shrieked and ran away. Completely intent on yelling at them, he stood up, but noticed that the two people posing dramatically on the hill behind him were also girls. Unfortunately, they were wearing clothes. Shoot.

"Hello there ladies, didn't see you there. I was jus-"

"We said put your hands up!" Zorro AKA Alex threateningly held her sword up to Jiraiya as Phantom AKA Charlie angrily shook her fist at him.

"Now, now ladies, there's no need for hostilities. I was simply doing research for a book."

"Any book that involves what you were intending to write shouldn't be on the market."

"That's right. I think it's time someone taught you a little something about respecting women!" At that Zorro threw her cape epically up in the air and pointed at Jiraiya.

"It's time Phantom! Go into Formation Alpha Theta Green Tangent!" Phantom also threw her cape to the side, and leapt so that she was standing right in front of Jiraiya. She then proceeded to do a jig. The perverted old man began to clap enthusiastically, thinking that she was dancing for him because she thought he was hot. Yeah right. While she did that, Zorro crept behind him, and swung her whip, intending to swing it around him and pin his arms to his sides. Jiraiya stepped to the side and continued to applaud Phantom. Zorro cursed angrily, and swung it to the side again, hoping to catch one of his arms. At that moment, Phantom came closer to him and did a fancy step in her jig, kicking Jiraiya in the face. He fell back a little bit, and rubbed his cheek.

"Aww come on, that wasn't very nice."

"You bastard! We're not joking around here!"

A few miles away...

Sasuke stood outside the ice cream parlor holding two melting ice cream cones. Realization slowly dawned on him. He was ditched. He was standing out here holding ice cream, and he didn't even like ice cream! How dare he, Sasuke Uchiha be ditched! Oh he was going to find that girl and give her a piece of his mind. He took off in the direction of the lake. The damn girl probably got distracted.

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto ran up to him. "Have you seen Alex? She owes me ramen, and I'm hungry!"

"No clue Naruto."

"Where are you going then? I thought Charlie was with you."

"She was. I'm going to go find her and make her pay me back for the stupid ice cream. The other stupid girl will most likely be there too."

Back with the heroines, and the pervert...

"Fly free my pretties!" Zorro had just released Jiraiya's toads, which just stared at her. She shooed them away. "I meant hop! Hop to freedom! Bwhahahah!"

"Hey! What are you doing?" Jiraiya looked up from where he was being distracted by Phantom, who was teaching him how to make a cat's cradle. Unfortunately, his hands were tangled in the string. As he stood up and attempted to untangle his hands, Phantom tripped him, causing him to land in the lake. Just as Phantom and Zorro did a victory high five, Jiraiya resurfaced.

"Now, I'm mad...Why didn't you tell me you wanted to play in the water?" The girls sweatdropped. Just then, Sasuke and Naruto appeared at the top of the hill. They had been talking, but seeing the scene before them, became silent. Jiraiya was laughing and beckoning the two strange masked girls into the lake, the latter of whom were angrily shaking their fists at him.

"Hey pervy sage! What are you doing?" Jiraiya, Phantom and Zorro all looked up from their battle, only to see Naruto and Sasuke running down to them.

"Well ladies this was fun, next time I'll bring drinks and we can all go swimming." Jiraiya winked at them before summoning his toad and hopping away.

"You bastard! We'll finish this later!" Phantom and Zorro both sped away before they could be caught by Naruto and Sasuke. Phantom jumped behind a tree and reappeared in her civilian form.

"Hi, Sasuke!"

"Woman what are you doing here?"

"Um well you see after changing, I realized I had no idea where the ice cream store was, so I used the golden rule and when lost stayed in the same place, waiting for you to come find me!" Charlie grinned up at him, as he slapped his face. Why did he get the dumb one. Oh well she was pretty useful at getting rid of fangirls. That was all the mattered. Meanwhile, after reverting back to her civilian form, Alex had met a nice guy named Choji, who invited her out to eat. She, being very hungry, accepted and went to have barbeque with him and his friends.

Back at the training site...

"Uh Lee, I think it's time you should go home. You have to report to Tsunade for a mission briefing tomorrow morning." Lee was sitting in the place Alex had left him hours ago, sure that she would be back soon.

"No Gai-sensei, I must stay right here for when her Highness returns." Gai sweatdropped. The kid was stubborn.

"Uh, Lee, I don't think she meant that literally."

"Do not worry Gai-sensei! Her majesty will return, and then I will be able to defeat Neji!"

"Sure she will Lee, sure she will."