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Chapter 33 : Welcome to the Beginning of the End

If Caitlin's denial of her parent's death had seemed to go on for a long time, that was nothing compared to the length of her blow out. It had been almost a month and a half since the quidditch match and she still hadn't admitted her parents were dead, although her behaviour had become increasingly erratic.

But none of that bothered James much at the moment, in fact nothing could bother James very much at the moment, not the up coming Easter holidays, nor the fact it was a full moon, nor the fact that he was meant to have met the rest of the Marauders in the Shrieking Shack an hour before.

James Potter was still locked up alone in his room. Alone in his room with Lily Evans.

"I really have to go," he half-heartedly pleaded with Lily, in between kisses.

"No you don't," Lily breathed, running her fingers across his chest. They were lying on his bed, James' shirt lay forgotten on the floor, whilst Lily – 'Thankfully,' James thought – remained fully clothed.

"No I really, really do," James said sitting back, trying hard to think about icebergs, or anything else that would clear out the thoughts currently running through his head.

"But why?" Lily moaned as she sat up as well and began to kiss James neck.

"Because I promised I'd go and see the boys tonight – Merlin that feels good – and what would happen if McGonagall caught us?" James asked, trying to interrupt Lily's current train of thought.

"She won't even check up on us, she thinks I'm too much of a good girl." This was true. Ever since the knowledge that they were a couple had reached McGonagall they had received one lecture on the trust that had been placed in them sharing the head quarters – which both of them had found painfully embarrassing since it was so early on in their relationship – and since then had been left well alone. And ever since they had respected that trusted placed in them – until tonight.

"You are a good girl," James said, although it was more for his benefit than for Lily's.

"Maybe I fancy a change?"

James let out a noise halfway between a frustrated moan and a yelp.

"No," he said firmly. "Remus got some bad news earlier. I have to go see him." Bad news was an understatement. Remus had found out earlier in a letter from his mother that the Wolfsbane Potion which Remus had been hoping would free him from his monthly transformations, would actually only be able to stop him changing into a werewolf, he would still have to transform into a normal wolf. James had thought Remus' mother could have picked a better time than full moon to tell this to her son.

Feeling a sudden pang of guilt that he was not already with his friend, James jumped off the bed and strode purposely towards his bathroom.

'So I can douse myself in cold water before I meet the guys,' he thought.

"James," Lily said in a completely normal voice, just as he was about to reach the door.

He turned to see what she wanted when she threw something at him. He caught it, and looked down to see that it was Lily's blouse he held in his hands. He looked up to find Lily Evans in just her jeans and a bra on his bed.

Remus and the rest of the Marauders were completely wiped from his mind as he walked back over to her.

--

Hours later, James finally managed to drag himself away and head off to the Shrieking Shack. His mind was ridden with guilt as he made his way down to the Entrance Hall. He wasn't feeling guilty about Remus anymore, or maybe he was, he was so mixed up he just couldn't tell. He sat down on one of the stairs and tried to clear his mind.

He didn't feel guilty about what he had just done with Lily, he knew that much. After all, they hadn't even gone that far, and Lily was a big girl, she knew what she was doing, he hadn't taken advantage. And she had seemed extremely happy when he had left her just a few minutes ago, partly she told him, because he had chosen to stay with her a bit longer than go see his friends. This made her feel like they were getting more serious she had explained. And he was taking their relationship more seriously, he was! He had never been this close to a girl before in his life. But there lay the problem. Was he close enough to her to tell her the truth? To truly pick her over his friends? He just didn't know.

If it had just been the case of him telling her that just he was an illegal animagus then that would have been no problem. He was ready to tell her that. But if he told her that then surely she would be able to guess the rest? And he couldn't sell out his friends for a girl could he? No, he couldn't. If he thought logically then this wasn't even his decision to make, it was Remus', and he knew what Remus' decision would be. But logic was being forced out of his head by something far more powerful – but he couldn't be in love with Lily Evans, could he?

Something that Lily had whispered to him, in the middle of their tryst, kept echoing in his head as he got up off the step.

"I want to know everything about you."

And he found himself willing desperately that she would.

--

He was almost at the Whomping Willow and just about to transform into a stag when he heard a voice call out at him from behind.

"What? Are you only going in now?" Sirius asked anxiously. "Where the hell have you been?"

"With Lily," James answered, trying not to look guilty.

"Do you not think Moony is more important than you getting your leg over?" Sirius said with such venom that James could feel his anger bubbling up inside him. He kept his cool though, being Sirius' best friend for so long he could tell it was something else that had wound him up and not James. Although he really didn't like Sirius suggesting things about Lily like that. He had not after all, been 'getting his leg over'; he believed the phrase Lily had used as he tried to loosen her jeans earlier was 'top halves only'.

"Where have you been then if it's so important that we should be with Moony?" James asked in the calmest voice he could muster.

"Caitlin," Sirius said quietly, rubbing his face over with his hands. "She's finally cracked."

"Oh Merlin, you alright?"

"Yea… No… Look there isn't time for this; you have to come back to the common room with me. Now." Sirius looked as though he was having a hard time concentrating on anything for any length of time.

"Why?" James asked. The Whomping Willow had just frozen beside them. Peter had obviously been keeping a look out for them. Sirius ignored the frozen tree and instead grabbed James by the shoulder and led him back into the Entrance hall and back up to the Gryffindor tower.

"Looks Caitlin's really flipped at me," Sirius finally said. "Like really flipped. I need to know if she's ok." His voice was very calm and controlled.

"But why? What happened?" James asked.

"Well I think it might have something to do with her parents being murdered," Sirius said slowly.

James rolled his eyes.

"I mean what happened tonight? What finally triggered her?"

"I don't know," Sirius said quietly.

James glared at him. "What did you do Padfoot?"

"Nothing. I didn't do anything – mandrake." They had reached the Fat Lady. "Don't look at me like that. I'm telling you I did nothing. One moment we were lying on my bed doing nothing, the next minute she… well… you'll see soon enough," he finished, the portrait swinging shut behind them.

"Where is she now then?" James asked as they walked into a half empty common room. Alice, Frank, Robbie and Scarlet were all sitting by the fire. He nodded vaguely at them.

"In Lily's room. That's why I need you to let me in," Sirius explained. They climbed the stairs to the head quarters and James opened the lion cub portrait. Sirius took in the room for a second – James had forgotten that he'd never been in here before – before James nodded towards Lily's door.

"You knock," Sirius whispered. "Don't tell them I'm here."

James nodded. He knocked Lily's door and waited, but there was no reply.

"Lily, can I see you a sec?" He heard a slight commotion inside and then everything went silent again. Suddenly the door opened and Lily slid out, quickly closing it behind her.

"Miss me?" she asked as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

James cleared his throat, stopping her before she could reach his lips and pointed to where Sirius was now sitting on one of the armchairs watching the both of them. Lily's mood changed immediately.

"What is going on?" she whispered to Sirius, whilst tiptoeing across the room to take the armchair opposite him. James followed her and sat on the arm of her chair.

"What's she been saying?" Sirius whispered back.

"Loads of stuff," Lily replied a bit flustered. "None of it really makes much sense. Stuff about school, stuff about her parents - "

"Had she said anything about me?" Sirius interrupted. Lily nodded. "What?" Sirius asked.

At this Lily turned round and looked at James for a brief moment. She looked a bit embarrassed. She then lent in towards Sirius, as if she was about to tell him something she would rather James not hear.

"She told me that you and she had never… you and she had never…"

"Slept together," Sirius finished her sentence for her.

James couldn't help it. He gave a rather derisive snort. Sirius simply looked at him as if to say 'what?'

"Well," James replied, without actually having heard the question. "What were you doing then all that time she was up in your room? Sleeping?"

"Yes Prongs, we were just sleeping," Sirius stated. James snorted again and again Sirius said nothing.

"Well why all that fuss that you made every time you came down into the common room then? Why make everyone think you were when you weren't?" James asked in disbelieve, completely forgetting to whisper. Lily was shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"Because we wanted to look really, really cool, Prongs," Sirius replied half laughing, half serious.

"Because," came a slightly erratic voice from Lily's doorway. "I didn't want people to know me as the girl whose parents were killed by Voldemort."

"So you wanted people to think you were a whore instead?" The words were out of James' mouth before he could realise what he'd just said.

"James!" Lily gasped.

"This is your fault!" Caitlin spat, reacting to James, but looking at Sirius. She immediately launched herself across the room at him, to the armchair where he was sitting. A barrage of punches and slaps landed all over Sirius' body, but he made no attempt to stop her. He didn't even acknowledge it was happening.

"Caitlin," Lily said gently. "Caitlin stop it. Please."

"Caitlin get off him," James said roughly grabbing Caitlin round the waist and dragging her away.

"I hate you!" Caitlin screamed, James still holding her. Sirius still gave no reaction, he simply rubbed his forehead with his hand. "I hate you! Listen to me!!"

"I am listening to you Caitlin," Sirius replied wearily.

"This is your fault!" Caitlin repeated.

"What's my fault Caitlin?"

"Everything!" Caitlin replied dramatically.

Sirius a short sharp laugh like a bark which unnerved James greatly.

"Everyone thinks I'm sort of floozy because of you. They think…"

"You told me to do that!" Sirius roared getting up from his seat. "You told me you didn't want people to treat you like some sort of invalid! Like they were treating Lily before Christmas!"

At this James' eyes flitted to Lily who was still sitting in her armchair. She was very still, seemly trying to draw as little attention to herself as possible.

"Yes but you didn't have to…"

"What?! I didn't have to what?! I did everything you asked me to! You told me you didn't want to talk about it, so I told everyone not to mention it to you. You told me you wanted to pretend it never happened, I told everyone to go along with it. You told me you couldn't sleep at night, I let you stay in my bed, even though it's meant I've been in detention nearly every day since the start of term. And you told me to act like that in the common room in the morning so that everyone would 'focus on you for a different reason'. See Caitlin I did everything you asked so you would be happy, so which of it exactly didn't I have to do?"

James felt Caitlin relax a bit after Sirius had finished talking so he let go off her.

"So you were the one who wanted everyone to pretend it never happened?" Lily said quietly. "Not Sirius?"

"Of course it was me," Caitlin snapped at her. "What did you think Sirius just decided that we just wouldn't mention it? That would be - "

"Crazy?" James interrupted.

"It doesn't matter now," Caitlin carried on. "What matters now is that I don't want people to pretend anymore. I want to talk about it. I want to…"

"Well you can," Lily reassured her.

"No I can't!" Caitlin protested. "'Cause he made everyone think that I didn't want to and now…" she trailed off feebly.

"Yes you can," James stated again, not fully understanding what the problem was. "We'll just tell everyone that you're ready to deal with it now and - "

"What's your real problem Cait?" Sirius interrupted.

"What do you mean what's her - " James tried to ask in complete confusion but Caitlin lunged at Sirius and interrupted him. "Merlin!" James exclaimed grabbing hold of her again.

"It's your fault their dead!" she screamed.

Sirius looked as though he had just been punched in the stomach.

"What?!" he breathed.

"If I hadn't have been with you that week! If I hadn't have been at that stupid party!"

"Caitlin, if you hadn't have been with Sirius you would have died as well and you know it," Lily said, using a far firmer tone than she had previously.

"No!" Caitlin shouted, shaking her head vigorously. "No!"

"Yes Caitlin," Lily replied. "There was nothing you could have done. You would have died along with them. There was nothing you could have done, same way there was nothing I could do to save my mum."

"Oh don't bring that into this Lily. It's not the same. Not the same at all!"

"Yes it is Caitlin, it's exactly the same. You feel useless the same way I did and now you're taking it out on Sirius. I know what you're going through!"

"No you don't, you don't know!"

"Caitlin, listen to Lily, she can help you," James tried to intervene.

"She can't!!"

"Why?" Lily pleaded.

"Because you're mother was meant to die! Mine wasn't!"

--

There was a very loud silence following these words, ended by the slamming of the door as Lily swept from the room and down to the common room.

"Well done Cait," Sirius sneered. "Would you like to have any friends left by the end of this little charade or would you like us all to leave you alone now?"

"James!" Caitlin called out as he tore down the stairs after Lily. He caught up with her just as she was about to leave through the portrait hole.

"Lily," he whispered as he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm fine, honestly," Lily protested, although she rested her head on his shoulder all the same. "I'm just going to go for a walk," she said after a moment.

"Alright," James said taking her hand and walking out of the portrait hole.

"No I want to go by myself," Lily said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and walking silently down the corridor.

James watched her go and then resigned himself to going back to his room and getting an early night. It had been an eventful evening to say the least and he thought he would be better to deal with it after a good nights sleep.

"James I'm so sorry," Caitlin whimpered through her tears as she passed him in the common room.

James waved his hand at her dismissively and carried on.

"She alright?" Sirius asked as he reached the steps that led up to his room.

"Fine," James said as he whisked past him and up the stairs.

He was halfway up them when a familiar howl stopped him dead in his tracks. Remus. He had completely forgotten about Remus. Running back down into the common room to get Sirius, who he presumed had forgotten as well, he realised he wasn't the only one that had heard the noise. Most of the common room was now quietly muttering amongst themselves, wondering what they had just heard.

Then they heard it again.

Looking at the fear in Caitlin's eyes James knew that the howl had come from much, much closer than the Shrieking Shack. Much closer than the Whomping Willow. From the sound of it Remus was right outside the Gryffindor Tower, which meant he was loose in the grounds.

"Caitlin keep everyone inside," Sirius roared as he sprinted after James who had already bolted out of the room and down the corridor outside.

"Prongs!" he yelled as he and James ran down one of the moving staircases. "Prongs wait up!"

"Can't - " James gasped. "Lily!"

"Prongs she won't be outside it'll be alright!" But he still moved slightly quicker when they heard another howl.

When they reached the entrance hall James burst through the front doors and then stopped for a moment. The night was silent and neither Remus nor Lily where anywhere in sight.

"Where?" James cast around desperately. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Whether he heard him or whether it was just coincidence, Remus howled at that exact moment.

"There!" Sirius pointed to the silhouette of a fully transformed werewolf about 200 yards to their left.

"Thank Merlin!" wheezed Peter as he transformed from a rat right beside them.

"Wormtail! What happened? What did you do?!" Sirius snapped.

"What did I do?! What did you do? You were right there and I froze the tree and then you just turned round and went back inside!" Peter snapped right back.

"Well you should have kept him inside!"

"How could I?! He was already out before I had time to unfreeze it and how could I get him back in?! I'm a rat! What was I meant to do run up and bite him on the - "

A woman's screamed pierced the night.

And three of Hogwart's best students ran towards the werewolf and the cowering redheaded figure, transforming into animals as they went.

--