A/N: I thank you twiggy-shino and garrett for reviewing, however I can not say the same for the rest of you. We can not survive on two reviews alone. Therefore the rest of you slackers have to get with it. Please?
RAFT tip of the day: Beware of dark tunnels at night. It is likely zombies will attack. In order to prevent this, you must find a cure for the t-virus. If that is not possible, develop the antidote to pufferfish venom.
Headband things!
"God, stupid perverts and their stupid pervert ways and..." Charlie had been about to enter the living room of the apartment her and Alex shared, when she noticed a large mass of blankets and furniture set up in the middle of the room. Hearing giggling, she snuck closer. The giggling got louder as she focused on one area. She tip-toed over to it, and ripped off the blanket. Lee and Alex stared in surprise.
"Charlie! You have also braved the fearsome storm! Hurry come in quickly!" Charlie crawled under the table with Alex and Lee.
"What are you doing?"
"Camping out from the storm." Charlie looked outside the window. It was perfectly sunny and birds were singing.
"Storm?" Alex nodded happily.
"Lady Alex decided it would be a youthful adventure to build a fort out of blankets and camp out."
"Oh, okay, pass the popcorn." They played 'fort' for a while longer, before a knock was heard on the door. They all gasped.
"I'll get it!" Charlie leapt out of the fort and ran to the door, opening it to reveal Sai. "Hi Sai!"
"What are you doing? Anko-sensei sent me to come and get you two; we have training to do."
"Oh no Sai we can't train today, we must defend the fort against the evil British soldiers, who have come to destroy our way of life." Sai looked inside.
"I don't see any evil British soldiers." Charlie leaned toward him and whispered.
"That's because they're not here yet." Sai ohed in understanding. Suddenly Alex pulled up the blankets, revealing her and Lee.
"Sai! Are you going to come in?" He looked at Alex and Lee in the fort and shrugged.
"Okay." Sai and Charlie crawled under the blankets and sat down with Lee and Alex, who pulled a flashlight out of nowhere and shined it in her face.
"One time a mongoose was in the basement of these people's house. The mongoose was normal until one day it witnessed a horrible event of it's children being turned into fur coats. The mongoose went insane and started killing the family in their sleep, until only the little boy was-, yes Sai what is it?" Alex stared at Sai, who was holding his hand up.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm telling a ghost story. Haven't you ever been to a sleepover before?"
"No." Alex and Charlie stared at him in horror.
"What about going to a fair, or making snowmen, or making cookies, and playing hide and go seek, or finger painting?"
"No."
"Dear god man what did you do as a child?"
"Lived underground and trained." Alex and Charlie looked at each other horrified and then looked at Sai with a determined look.
"We will give you a childhood Sai!" Sai stared at them.
"How? I'm already an adult."
"It doesn't matter! Everyone has an inner child, we just have to find yours!" He suddenly looked interested.
"I read in a book once that a person's childhood and the manner in which they were raised effects their emotional well being and what kind of adult the person will become." Charlie and Alex nodded. "Perhaps if you two show me how to unlock my inner child, I will have a better understanding of emotions." The girls nodded enthusiastically.
"Okay then, first lesson, we will teach you to hug. Lee! Alex! Demonstrate!" They both looked at her and blinked.
"Lee pretend Alex is Gai-sensei and the sun is setting." Lee immedietely got tears in his eyes and dramatically hugged Alex, effectively crushing her spine. Sai looked on with what he thought was wonderment and understanding.
"I see, let me try." Sai proceeded to grab Alex, wrapping his arms around her, before crushing her spine just like Lee.
"Close, but next time use a little less force. I think Alex is blue in the face." Suddenly a person burst through the window and landed on the floor.
"Maggots! What the heck are you doing? We have training, move it!" She blinked. "What are you guys doing to Alex? Oh I see, you're doing pressure resistance training. Good job." Alex fainted. Both boys looked at her.
"Ah, I see this hugging is very versatile. It can also be used as an effective weapon." Charlie sweatdropped.
"Um, not really...but oh well! We'll go on to the second lesson."
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"We're giving Sai a childhood Anko-sensei." Anko nodded.
"I see, in order to improve his emotional depth and gauge his enemies state of being in order to better predict their movements." They all blinked.
"Sure." Anko nodded.
"I see, good job team." They all proceeded to crawl back into the fort, dragging Alex with them.
"Okay next lesson, sleepover etiquette. When on a sleepover remember to gossip, paint people's finger nails, and pig out on junk food. Lee get the brownies." Lee saluted and ran out of the fort in pursuit of baked goods. "Okay Sai give me your hand. Anko start gossiping." As Anko starting talking about the going ons of the jounins Charlie started painting Sai's nails a bright pink. Lee came back with the brownies and they all munched on them happily. Alex stirred feebly.
"I smell chocolate..." She got up and joined the others, reaching for a brownie. Lee saw her and rejoiced.
"Lady Alex, you have awoken!" He reached to hug her again but Alex screamed. Sai, thinking it was time for another hug, also reached for Alex. Luckily, Charlie intervened.
"Sai! Your nail polish is still wet! Don't do anything until it dries." He blinked and sat back. Alex sighed in relief. Just then the doorbell rang again. Alex got up this time, intent on walking out the kinks in her spine. She opened the door and let in a tall man in samurai armor.
"I sensed you had crunchy snacks here." Alex let him in, and he joined them in the fort.
"Charlie, this is Chouji. He let me eat with him and his friends one night, he wants the popcorn." They passed him the popcorn.
"Oh hi you're just in time I was about to start the story telling part of the childhood lessons. Grab a seat and open your imaginations! It's story time!" Charlie proceeded to pull a book out of nowhere.
"Would you eat green eggs and ham in a box, would you eat them with a fox. No I would not eat them in a box or with a fox. I would not eat green eggs and ham, Sam I am." Charlie continued to read Dr. Suess while Lee absorbed everything the wise doctor was teaching. Sai wondered how this was teaching him to be a child, and why this Sam character was such a busybody. Choji decided he too wanted green eggs and ham. Meanwhile in the corner Anko was telling Alex about how she would sleep with this Suess character, because she could put his imagination to good use. Alex looked slightly ill. Suddenly a loud bang was heard as the door clattered against the wall. Naruto stood in the doorway.
"Hey! What are all you guys doing in here?" He pointed at the group of them in the fort and blinked. "Ehh? What are you doing playing around? You owe me ramen!" He pointed at Alex accusingly. Charlie jumped up.
"Hey, don't you know it's polite to knock first?" He sweatdropped.
"Oops, sorry. I was hungry and was trying to find Alex. She owes me ramen!"
"Alex can't buy you ramen right now, she's busy helping me give childhoods to people. Sit down and have a brownie if you're hungry." Naruto obeyed Charlie's order and diligently sat down next to Choji. Charlie resumed her story.
"Would you eat them on a train, would you eat them in the rain?" She kept on reading, unaware that some of her audience was losing interest. She finished and looked up. Sai and Alex were playing rock-paper-scissors, Lee was staring at her with starry eyes, Naruto was arguing with Anko and Chouji about the existence of green eggs and ham, and Kakashi was reading his book. Wait a second...
"Hey! When did you come in here?" Kakashi looked up.
"Oh I've been here awhile. Nice story by the way." She gaped at him, then turned her attention to the orange book he was reading.
"You have brought a book for storytime? Huzzah!" She grabbed Kakashi's new Icha Icha book from him and stared in puzzlement, tipping the book sideways.
"Is that even possible?" Alex came up behind her and peered at it over her shoulder.
"I don't think people can bend like that. Whoever wrote this has obviously never attended yoga class." Kakashi grabbed the book back from them.
"People can too bend like that I've seen it. You two have just not had enough bending practice." Off in the distance a cry of what sounded like "I can help" was heard. Both girls shook their heads.
"I don't believe you. I've done yoga and pilates and I don't think it can be done." Alex agreed.
"It can too be done, but the woman has to build enough momentum to get her legs like that."
"Okay but how would she hold them like that without hitting the guy, and how would he get in that postition to begin with?"
"Chakra build up."
"Then a normal person wouldn't be able to do that. It doesn't say that this is between ninjas."
"Chakra build up can be taught to anyone willing to learn. This is something a person should learn."
"Not where I come from. Whoever writes this shouldn't put stuff like this in books that people are likely to try. Honesty, someone's gonna pull a muscle." Before Kakashi could respond, Gai burst through the open door frame.
"Helllllllooooo fellow youthful children of the spring, and Kakashi my eternal rival! Lee my student where have you been we are to leave for a mission soon." Lee looked up from his game a tic-tac-toe he was playing with Sai.
"I have been engaging in activities of youthfulness with Lady Alex and her court." Everyone looked up at Lee with confusion in their eyes. Just then Gai came over to Lee and gave him a mighty hug.
"What a good student you are Lee. What is this you are doing?"
"Tic-tac-toe, a game Lady Alex taught Sai and me." Gai considered the game for a second, before dramatically pointing at Kakashi.
"Kakashi, my eternal rival, I challenge you to a game of tic-tac-toe. If I lose I will do two thousand flips around the village." Everyone sweatdropped. Tenten stepped in through the doorway.
"Sensei? Neji is waiting at the gate." She came inside to stare at him pointing at Kakashi. "Nevermind." Kakashi looked bored as usual and stared off in the distance as Gai ranted about how he would defeat him.
"------shall bloom once again!" Kakashi blinked.
"Sorry, what did you say?" Gai face-planted.
"So cool!" Just as they were about to start, a loud voice carried in through the open doorway.
"Just what the heck is going on in here? Why are all of my ninjas playing under a sheet when there are missions? Why is Sai choking Naruto?" Everyone looked over to where Sai was practicing his hugging technique on Naruto. "And why has no one responded to my summons?" Tsunade was pissed. Alex and Charlie pointed over to Choji.
"It's his fault!" Choji looked up from his brownies surprised and angry.
"I doubt that seeing as this is your apartment and everytime you two have free time you end up distracting all my ninjas from more important things."
"We do not."
"You got them all drunk and now they're playing like children!"
"Touche." Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temple.
"Everybody out. I don't care if you don't have a mission, go train or something, there is something I need to discuss with these two." Everybody filed out the door, Lee and Sai stopping to hug Alex, who started hyperventilating. After everybody had left, she turned to the two of them with a serious expression on her face.
"Unfortunately, there have been no new leads on how the two of you ended up here, but your visa here is about to expire. The only way for the two of you to remain here is to become citizens of Konoha." The two girls looked at each other, then back at Tsunade. "Since you are on a squad, the easiest way to do this would be for you to take the test to become genin." Alex rose an eyebrow.
"That would make us citizens?"
"Yes, as one must be a citizen of Konoha to become a shinobi, we'd be killing two birds with one stone."
"Okay, so when can we do it?" Tsunade rose an eyebrow.
"Your visa expires in a week, but if you feel you need no more training..." Both girls nodded.
"Nah, we're good."
"Yep, Anko-sensei taught us well." Tsunade nodded.
"Alright then, come to the academy later this afternoon. I will have one of our instructors test you." The girls saluted her as she left.
"How do you study for a ninja test?"
"Well let's see what are the things we've learned from ninjas?"
"Ramen is the best food ever, ninja guys look like girls, bowling balls cause concussions and hallucinations, never steal a ninja's book, blue sharks eat people, and youth is almost as important as love, beauty, and justice. How is that going to help?"
"You're right we're going to have to cheat."
---------------------- Later that afternoon---------------------------------------
The girls stood in an office of the academy after spending the entire morning trying to write everything that could help them cheat on their hands. A ninja with a spiky ponytail and a scar over his nose entered the room.
"You two must be the girls Lady Tsunade said she was sending. Miss Alejandra will go first, Miss Brown you have to leave the room now." Charlie walked out of the room, leaving Alex with Iruka. He smiled kindly.
"My name is Iruka, and I teach the academy students. Lady Tsunade told me you two are going to become citizens here." Alex nodded. "That's good. We've never had any foreigners join the village before, it will be good to have some new blood." She gave him a strange look. He blushed. "That didn't come out quite right. Anyway, let's get on with the test, shall we?" Alex nodded and prepared for him to hand her a test, but instead he told her to go stand in the middle of the room. Where was her desk and number 2 pencil?
"Alright Miss Alejandra please perform the transformation justu." Alex stared at him like he was daft, transformation what?"
"Um.."
"Change your appearance to that of another person."
"Oh." She could do this she loved dress up. Alex pulled a pink pen out of her shirt and waved it in the air, surrounding herself in sparkles. When the sparkles disappeared a slutty blonde nurse stood in Alex's place. Iruka then proceeded to get a nosebleed.
"Um, very good Miss Alejandra, here is your forehead protector." Iruka could not keep the blush off his face as Alex claimed her headband.
"So headband thingys make people ninjas? Weird." Alex walked out the door and sent in Charlie. Iruka had finally recovered.
"Ah Miss Brown your turn now. Please proceed to the center of the room and perform the transformation jutsu." Just then Alex's voice was heard from behind the door.
"He wants you to change your appearance!" Charlied ohed in understanding and pulled out of pair of joke glasses with a fake mustache and put them on her face.
"Tada." Iruka sweatdropped.
"That's not what I meant."
"Well you didn't say how or who now did you. I changed my appearance now give me a headband thingy." Iruka sighed.
"I mean you have to change your appearance using a jutsu, build up your chakra and whatnot. You did learn that, right?" Charlie gulped.
"Sure I did, say, would you mind turning around for a moment?" Iruka blinked.
"Why?"
"I'm a girl, don't question me." Iruka blinked and turned around. He couldn't really argue with that. Charlie panicked and tried to find something in the room to disguise herself in. Just then she noticed Shino peering at her from outside the window, looking forlorn and lost. She ran over and opened it, gesturing to him to be quiet.
"But I want my-----"
"Sure sure, just come here."
"Miss Brown, is everything alright?"
"Just a moment!" Charlie dragged Shino to the middle of the room then jumped behind a desk. "Okay!" Iruka turned around.
"Wow, that's very impressive Miss Brown, alright here's your forehead protector." Shino blinked confusedley as his old teacher gave him another headband and shook his hand.
"But I'm not----"
"Now now, no need to be modest. Your friend is waiting outside and I'm sure you'd like to celebrate, have a good day!" He shoved Shino out the door into Alex. He saw her and blushed, and stumbled back into his classroom. Meanwhile Charlie had jumped out of the window and was trying to make it back to Alex and Shino.
"Jeeze Charlie why did I know you would turn into Shino? Wait how did you do that anyway? You don't know any jutsu."
"I'm not-"
"BOO!" Charlie jumped in from the window and landed by Shino and Alex.
"Charlie there are two of you! Why did you never tell me?"
"This is actually Shino. He came in the nick of time to save my butt, so that we can be ninjas together. Give me that." Charlie pullled her headband out of Shino's hand and tied it around herself. She then grabbed his hand and pranced away. Alex stood in front of the academy, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now, when Iruka walked out. He started when he saw her, then looked away. Alex walked up to him and looped an arm through his.
"Hey baby got any sugar?" Iruka started blushing like crazy "Cause I'm craving some doughnuts." Alex lead Iruka away by his arm to the bakery to buy her a doughnut. He grinned nervously and laughed.
"Ha ha, very funny, haven't heard that one before..." He eeped as Alex leaned toward him.
"What are you talking about honey, when I'm done with you, you won't be able to move." His eyes widened as she led him away, clutching her sweets. Yep, those doughtnuts were filling alright. Iruka, however, seemed to think the opposite. He could not stop blushing and having a nosebleed. She blinked, oh well.