RAFT tip of the day: Always carry a fork with you, not only can you always be ready for a buffet, but you can stab potential attackers too.
Eviction Escapades
Two days later….
"And then we met Captain Planet, and he taught Alex the importance of not polluting." Charlie was relaying Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship's last mission to Chouji and Shikamaru as they sat around a table eating barbeque. Alex sat next to Charlie glaring at her and shaking her head.
"Who's Captain Planet?"
"When the five powers combine Captain Planet comes to save the day. Captain Planet he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero!" Shikamaru and Chouji stared unbelievingly at Charlie, before looking over at Alex, who was mouthing and waving her arms wildly. 'She's crazy!' They both ohed and sat back, staring at Charlie with humoring expressions. She looked angrily at Alex.
"I am not crazy. Captain Planet was on our last mission. He was really tall with blue skin, beady eyes, a funny black cloak and a really big sword. You saw him he was dragging you away to teach you about pollution!" Shikamaru stared at Charlie strangely; she had just described Kisame of the Akatsuki. Wait, that meant…..
"Noooo! Why?" The waiter had brought them fish, causing Alex to have a panic attack. She started sobbing into her hands. Chouji patted her on the back.
"There there, it's not that bad, just a little overcooked. We can still eat it." Charlie pointed dramatically at the fish.
"That's what Captain Planet looks like, only different. Same eyes." They all looked at her.
"Captain Planet is a dead fish?"
"No! He's an alive fish that looks like a dead fish!"
"But you just said----" Shikamaru sighed as Charlie and Chouji argued.
"This is such a drag." Alex looked over at him.
"Tell me about it. That guy didn't look at all like a dead fish. He wanted to eat me for goodness sake."
"He wanted to eat you?" Alex nodded.
"Yeah, he's a creepy blue fish man who thought I was a sheep when I was dressed up, but he still wants to eat me, it's very bad, I don't want to be eaten by a fish." Shikamaru stared at her.
"I see. So you're telling me Kisame of the Hidden Mist Village wants to eat you?" Alex nodded.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" Chouji stood up on the table and yelled at Charlie, who looked back at him with a bored expression on her face.
"I wasn't hungry anymore."
"That's no excuse to waste food! You just threw it over your shoulder and now no one can eat it!" Charlie just shrugged her shoulders. Chouji stared at her in horror.
"Okay, let's go guys, before we get kicked out." Shikamaru led them out, Chouji still in a state of shock. They walked down the street. The group ended up walking to the girl's apartment. When they got there Charlie pulled down a piece of paper tacked to the door.
"Eviction notice. If you do not pay your rent in the next ten days you will be evicted and forced to leave the premise. Since when did we have to pay rent? I don't even have any money!" Shikamaru looked at Charlie.
"You two have gone on ninja missions for awhile now, haven't you ever been paid for them?"
"We get paid for those things?" Charlie looked completely crushed.
Somewhere off in the distance
Sai sat down in a nice restaurant eating a lobster dinner. He opened a bottle of wine and poured himself a glass. He took a piece of paper off the table and held it up to the candlelight. Alex and Charlie's names were clearly seen on the checks, next to a lot of zeros. Sai smirked. Ah, revenge is sweet.
Back with Charlie and the others
Shikamaru didn't know what to do with emotional females. What if Charlie started crying? He wouldn't know what to do. He decided another female would handle this best. He looked over to call Alex, only to see her and Chouji frolicking in a field of wild flowers. Well there goes that plan. Shikamaru looked back at Charlie to see her grabbing everything around the apartment complex that was not nailed down.
"What are you doing?"
"If I'm going I'm taking as much as I can. Quick help me grab the lawn chair." He blinked. Okay, that was unexpected.
"I don't think stealing their property will help the situation."
"Fine, if you won't help, I'll just go get Alex. ALEX! COME HERE!" Alex and Chouji looked up from their butterfly catching and wandered over.
"What?"
"Help me steal stuff!" Alex shrugged.
"Okay." Shikamaru and Chouji stared at them before saying their goodbyes. The girls then went back to stealing things.
"Wait Charlie why are we stealing stuff?"
"We're being evicted."
"Oh okay." With that Alex picked up a garden hose and threw it in the pile of stolen goods.
----------------- A Few Days Later -------------------------
The girls had realized it would be easier to find a place to live so they spilt up and went their separate ways looking for people to mooch off of. Alex knew just where to go. If there was one person who would help her in her time of need it was him.
"Lee."
"Lady Alex, how wonderful it is to see you again! How have you been?"
"It has been horrible. Charlie and I got evicted and now I have to live out of a wheel barrel." Lee looked horrified.
"Lady Alex you are royalty, no one of noble birth should have to live out of a wheel barrel! I shall provide you with a place to stay! Come with me!" Lee picked up Alex's wheel barrel full of her things and led her to his house.
With Charlie…..
Charlie was strolling down the street, all her belongings on her back, looking for a place to stay. She peered at each passerby, trying to determine which of them would be easy to con. Spotting a familiar head of black hair up ahead, she sped up.
"Sasuke! What's up? How's your manicure? Oh the bags under your eyes are gone, you must have gotten enough sleep. Is your funny cloak in the wash? I liked the pretty clouds you stitched on it." Sasuke stared at Charlie until realization dawned on him.
"You've seen m-"
"Sasuke let's go have a sleepover!" Charlie grabbed Sasuke's hand and dragged him to his apartment. "We can stay up late watching movies and telling ghost stories." Charlie was about to enter Sasuke's home when he stopped her.
"You are not allowed to stay in my home."
"Why not?"
"…Go stay with the dimwit." With that Sasuke slammed the door in Charlie's face.
"You were nicer to me the other day. Sleep makes you cranky Sasuke!"
Later that night….
"Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Lord----"
"Shut up!" Charlie and Gai blinked from inside their makeshift tent outside of Sasuke's house. Gai had heard her singing earlier and had joined in for a bout of splendid songs of youth. Apparently Sasuke did not find it so splendid.
"Go bother someone else!" Charlie and Gai looked at each other before Gai jumped out of the tent.
"He's right! It's time to spread the songs of youth to the other youthful members of the village!" With that Gai jumped away from Charlie and ran down the streets of Konoha. Charlie suddenly got an idea.
"Sasuke if you don't let me into your house I'm going to tell everyone I'm pregnant with your child and you abandoned me!" Sasuke opened his door a crack and looked at Charlie.
"No one would believe you." With that Sasuke closed the door and went back to sleep.
"Ouch Sasuke ouch."
"But true. Now leave."
With Alex…..
"Lady Alex are you sure you don't need another pillow?" Alex groaned.
"For the last time, I am fine I just want to go to sleep." Lee peered at her through the crack in the doorway.
"Okay Lady Alex. Good night." He whispered and then shut the door. Alex sighed in relief and began to drift off.
"You know, Lady Alex, Gai-sensei says that doing 1,000 jumping jacks before bed will give you a great nights sleep."
"No jumping jacks! Lee go to bed or you'll be too tired to train tomorrow!" Lee teared up.
"Lady Alex is so kind to be concerned. Goodnight." He shut the door again and Alex got up and locked it. She went back to bed.
Dawn, three hours later…..
"HELLLOOOOOO MY FAVORITE STUDENT!!!!!" Gai leapt through the window over Alex's head and flipped onto the floor. "ARE YOU READY TO------wait, you're not Lee….." Just then Lee walked into Alex's room from the bathroom, a towel around his waist. Gai looked proudly at his student. "Lee my student, you have finally spread your youthfulness!" With that Gai gave Alex and Lee a bone crushing hug before jumping out the window. Alex and Lee stared at each other confused.
With Sasuke…
Sasuke walked through his house tiredly going to get his paper and eat breakfast. He carefully opened the door, he didn't want Charlie getting into his house. Not seeing her Sasuke reached down and grabbed his newspaper. If he had been less tired he would have noticed the broken glass around his apartment, but alas he had not had his morning coffee yet. Sasuke opened the paper and began reading it. He sat down at his table, paper still covering his face when…
"Scrambled or over easy?"
"Over easy."
"Bacon or sausage?"
"Sausage."
"Ok. Toast or pancakes?"
"Toast-" Wait a second.. "Charlie! What are you doing here?"
"Making breakfast! Do you want orange juice or apple?" Sasuke growled. She was wearing his slippers and his clothes. They looked like twins. "Sasuke, I saw you still had your emo clothes so I took the liberty of burning them while you slept and replacing them with green and yellow oversized shirts and overalls. This is the last set, I was going to burn it after I changed." Sasuke stared at her in shock. She set a plate of food in front of him. "Well, enjoy, I'll be right back." He stared as she left the room, then looked down at the food. He stared at it suspiciously.
"Charlie, would you mind coming here for a moment." She came back, now in her own clothes, holding his.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Why are the eggs green?"
"Oh, oops, those were supposed to be for Sai, they're green eggs and ham. Oh well, I guess we can eat them." She went over and took a bite out of them before going to the middle of the room. Satisfied that it wasn't poisoned, Sasuke began eating. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bright light. Charlie had lit his last pair of clothes on fire and was burning them in his living room. Shit she was going to burn down his house!
"What are you doing?!"
"Making your life better. Don't worry Sasuke I once talked to a professional firefighter." Sasuke panicked and tried taking the blowtorch from Charlie. "Dammit Sasuke this is for your own good!" The two of them got into a wrestling match, unfortunately while the two of them fought Sasuke's house was slowly burning to the ground.
"Hey Sasuke do you smell a campfire?" Sasuke looked up and saw that his house was on fire. Thinking quickly Charlie grabbed Sasuke's fish tank and dumped it on the fire.
"Well that got most of it, quick, get a fire extinguisher!" She grabbed the one under the sink and finished putting out the fire, covering everything in foam. Sasuke stared in shock at his now ruined home. Charlie sighed.
"Damn, now breakfast is ruined." She got her things and looked at Sasuke, who hadn't moved. She shrugged. "He'll be fine." She walked through the door and down the street, trying to find someone else to con whose house wasn't so flammable.
With Alex…..
"No Lee, don't put your hand there!"
"But it won't fit anywhere else!"
"I don't care, move it somewhere else its not doing any good there! It could be doing so much more in that spot, it would help both of us!" Naruto's eyes widened. He was about to knock on Lee's door when he had heard Alex and Lee's voices coming from inside. He stared and began slowly walking away. That was one situation he did not want to walk in on.
"Damn it, I'm not going to last."
"You can do it Lady Alex, I---" Suddenly a thump was heard and Alex and Lee were sprawled on the floor. Alex groaned.
"Twister." Alex untangled herself from Lee and started putting away the game.
With Charlie…
She stood on the porch of a house banging on the door. The door opened revealing a person in a long coat, sunglasses and a fro.
"Shino?"
"Oh no dear, I'm his mother. Are you a friend of his? Oh how nice he needs the company, I'll show you to his room. Are you hungry?" Charlie looked up at Shino's mother and nodded eagerly, what a nice lady.
"Shino's room is at the end of this hall way up the stairs, just go right in I'm sure he won't mind." Charlie walked over to Shino's room and opened the door. She blinked, where was he? She walked over to the other side of the room.
"Did you bring my jacket?" Charlie started and turned around, coming face to face with…..a ghost.
"AHHHHH oh my god!" She ran down the stairs and out the door, screaming to anybody who would listen that Shino's house was haunted. Shino blinked and stood with his mother at the door.
"Shino dear, take that sheet off your head, you'll flatten your hair." Shino removed the sheet, it had been the closest thing to his jacket he could find.
Meanwhile Charlie was running down the streets of Konoha in terror. Suddenly she ran into Kiba and Akamaru. She looked up at them and her eyes flashed.
"Scooby, Shaggy, you've got to help me! There's a ghost! Get Freddy and Daphne! No not Daphne she'll just get kidnapped. We need Velma! Quick Scooby!" Kiba just stared at the funny foreign girl.
"Umm are you okay? He wait I know you, you're friends with that other girl I….did I date her or just flirt with her? I don't remember." Charlie stared at him. He would be no help to her in her quest.
"Would you do it for a Scooby snack?"
"What's a Scooby snack?"
"It's a delicious treat that gets the blood pumping, and sends you off like a rocket!" Kiba stared at her. He loved foreign girls!
"Alright sweetie why don't you give me this treat first, and then I'll fix your little ghost problem." Charlie nodded eagerly as Kiba led her off to his house. That ghost wouldn't know what hit it.
With Alex….
"Lee. I can no longer stay here with you." Lee got teary-eyed. "It's not you, it's me. I must go fight the foes of my kingdom and battle till dawn!" Lee pulled himself together.
"I understand. Go Lady Alex! Go defeat your enemies!" Alex got her things and left Lee's house and walked away. Thank goodness, she couldn't handle Gai jumping through Lee's windows at all hours and singing songs of youth. How did he learn Kumbaya anyway? She was walking along the streets of Konoha pushing her wheel barrel full of stuff when she spotted a familiar head of hair. Smiling to herself Alex formed a plan.
"Naruto!" Naruto looked up from his ramen and stared at Alex. "Naruto I was talking to someone who told me that you live all by yourself. It must have been sad growing up alone. You know what no one deserves that kind of sadness in their lives. Naruto I'll be your roommate!" Naruto slurped up his ramen and looked at Alex questioningly.
"You want to live with me?"
"Why Naruto how kind of you to offer I would love to live with you. I'll go move my things in right now." Alex walked off, pushing her wheel barrel and humming a song. Naruto looked at the path that she had taken. What just happened?
The Next Morning…..
Charlie sat around Kiba's dining room table with Kiba drinking a cup of coffee. The other members of Kiba's household wondered who the strange girl in Kiba's jacket was. Oh well he had a tendency to bring home strays.
With Alex…
"No I will not eat ramen for breakfast! Hand me the Bisquick I'll make a proper breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes. No Naruto that's the salt that would make really bad pancakes. Bisquick dammit! Soy sauce is not syrup you suck at breakfast making!"
"No way! I always eat ramen for breakfast, it's what all strong ninjas eat!"
"Fine! I will eat your ramen, but I will not like it!"
"Oh yes you will! Come here!" Naruto grabbed Alex and began force-feeding her ramen. Meanwhile, Sasuke stood in the doorway to Naruto's kitchen, looking at the scene with interest. It appears Naruto had a new roommate. Well, he's going to get another one. Sasuke unpacked all his things and calmly went to sit at the kitchen table. Naruto was force-feeding Alex, shoving ramen down her throat, and choking her with his chopsticks. Alex was able to break out of Naruto's chokehold and started screaming for help.
"Help! Charlie! Lee! Shikamaru! Sasuke!" Sasuke looked up when his name was mentioned. "Sasuke you came so quickly!"
"Hey Sasuke what are you doing here?"
"To save me from you!"
"Charlie burned down my house." Alex and Naruto looked at Sasuke strangely.
"She burned down your house? Why would she do that?"
"She was burning my clothes. I'm staying here until it's repaired." Naruto looked at him indignantly.
"What? You can't just come in here and live with me! I have serious training to do! And I'm not just going to let you see my secret jutsus! They're secret! And I'm gonna use them on you, so you can't know about them! Believe it!"
Alex watched as Naruto and Sasuke argued, then went and began to pack her things. One roommate was fine but two that fought all the time? No way. She grabbed her wheel barrel and yelled goodbye at Naruto and Sasuke, the former starting a food fight. She strolled pleasantly down the street, looking for new living quarters when she spotted someone across from her down an alley. She dropped her wheel barrel and ran straight at the person. Right when they were turning around Alex jumped into their arms.
"You!"
"Hi sweetie did you miss me?" Alex stared up Iruka, and batted her eyelashes. He blushed immediately.
A few blocks away….
"Aww come on, why won't you stay?" Charlie turned around and faced Kiba.
"Your house smells like wet fur." Kiba blanched.
"But…hey!" It was too late, Charlie gathered her things and left his house, walking quickly down the street. There was one place she hadn't tried yet, maybe that would work….suddenly a loud crash was heard and Anko burst out the store window across the street. Charlie blinked. Okay, that could work too. Anko saw her and stalked toward her.
"Hey, maggot! Where have you been? You and Alex missed training last week! What do you think this is, hey! Are you listening?" Charlie nodded. "Why haven't you been home? We've tried to look for you…"
"We don't have a home anymore!" Anko blinked.
"You don't? Then where have you been?"
"With Sasuke and Kiba."
"Okaaay, where's Alex?"
"I have no idea."
"Alright then, since you have no where to go, you will stay with me, to ensure you don't miss anymore training!" Charlie groaned.
"Wait, that's okay I can go----" But Anko grabbed her and began dragging her away. "Damn."
At Anko's house…
"Here it is, home sweet home! Well come on maggot best get your things moved in."
"Anko-sensei your house has no doors."
"What?"
"Doors. People use them to get into places."
"Huh?" Charlie sighed, this wasn't working.
"Your house has lots of windows."
"Oh yes, best thing in the world." Anko jumped through the window, and went to make dinner. Charlie noted that her windows had no glass before she followed Anko.
Two Days Later…
Charlie let go of the ankle of the ninja she was holding onto. Anko had ordered her to run five hundred laps around the village, at two hundred she started crawling, and at four hundred she just started grabbing random ninjas and had them carry her around the village.
"Charlie what are you doing?" Charlie stared up at the voice.
"Alex?"
"Why are you on the ground? Come on did you find a place to live?"
"Anko's house has no doors, she jumps through windows at odd hours of the night. She wakes me up and trains me at three in the morning. No more laps."
"Huh I see. I was staying with Iruka, the guy that gave us the headbands, but well, things got kind of awkward and I had to leave."
"No more laps!"
"You're right we've gotta find someone else to live with." Alex started to walk away, before she grabbed Charlie's hand and dragged her away. They began walking down the street, passing shops and businesses. Suddenly, Alex spotted a familiar face inside a bank.
"Hold on Charlie, I'll be right back." She leaned her against the side of the building and went inside the bank.
"Just cash?"
"Please." Sai turned from the banker to gaze around the room when he caught sight of Alex. He paled slightly.
"Sai! How have you been? Did you miss me? Sai I've decided not to fight with you anymore, it's not good for our team spirit."
"I see. Where have you been? You have missed training."
"Oh we got evicted, I've been living with Lee, Naruto and Iruka." Sai looked puzzled.
"Ah, that would explain your unruly appearance." Alex chuckled nervously.
"Ah right, sure."
"And the fact that you are only wearing your right shoe." Alex looked down. Damn.
"Heh, whoops I'll have to go pick that up later. Rough night and all..."
"Uh huh."
"Sai, where do you live?"
"On the south side of the village, why do you----"
"Here you go sir." The bank teller handed Sai his money, along with the receipts.
"Hey! Those have our names on them! You've been stealing our hard earned money!" Sai looked shifted eyed for a moment before….
"No I haven't."
"Yes, you have! You bastard! You got us evicted! Poor Charlie is still a little delusional."
"Oh yes Dorothy I would love a pie."
"See! She's talking to a mail box!" Sai looked out the window to see Charlie hugging the mailbox and fighting with the mailman who was trying to put mail in it. Suddenly, Alex got a thoughtful look on her face.
"You know, we could turn you in for this. Or…since it's your fault we didn't have the money to pay our rent, you could pay us back another way…."
----------- Sometime later -------------
Charlie and Alex happily unpacked all of their stuff in Sai's house. He was off in a corner looking very angry. He had learned many emotions since Alex and Charlie were placed on his team.
"Oh Sai you only have one bedroom, don't worry Charlie and I already moved your stuff out. You can sleep in the tub." Sai glared at Alex.
"I have a couch."
"That's for Charlie she lost the rock paper scissors match."
"I didn't know we were playing for rooms. I challenge you for my bedroom."
"No Sai you already lost."
"I didn't play."
"That's why you lost. Now where do you keep your fridge?"
"Oh it's over there." Sai looked up and saw a recovered Charlie pointing to his kitchen, and hanging up sheets around his living room."
"What are you doing?"
"Giving myself some privacy. Knock before you come into my room."
"Or what?"
"Well that's for you to figure out isn't it?" Sai blanched.