THE FIFTH RECEIVING (11BBY)
Obi-Wan did not protest when Naritha informed him she would travel to Tatooine with him.
She should have been happy he was not going to be difficult and cause a strain between them.
Instead she could be only worried because there was no acceptance in his eyes, just apathy.
With Bail Organa and his doctor's help, Naritha faked her death due to unforeseen breathing complications caused by the Corellian flu. She and Obi-Wan left the planet on a cargo directed to Krenak the very day "her" funeral was held and her body cremated.
Naritha was saddened to cause such a pain to her family, but she thought it would be more prudent to cut all the ties between them.
Darth Vader, formerly known as Anakin Skywalker, knew of her bond with Obi-Wan and there was the chance he might go to Angar to search for her and his old master. Lying to Vader was almost impossible, and thus she made sure her parents and brother would not have to do it.
Obi-Wan was silent for most of the journey, and the only time he spoke was to give her instructions when they landed on Krenak, directing her to the small ship that would take them to Tatooine. The trips had been broken into two parts to avoid the imperials discovering their final destination should they realize her death had not been real.
§
The first times on Tatooine were very hard for Naritha.
She had always lived on the beautiful, fertile Angar. She was used to its forests, its lakes, its grass plains. And she was used to a life of comfort, to a pristine clean apartment, to have an air conditioner during the summers and to be able to take all the baths she wished for.
Tatooine was completely different from Angar. Its twin suns beat down the planet's barren, rocky mountains and parched sands; the air was hot and thick during the days and chilly in the nights; the rough sand managed to filter everywhere and the only water at their disposal came from the water condensers installed behind the house.
Obi-Wan's home – a former moisture farm deep in the Jundland Wastes- was equipped with several condensers, but that did not mean water could be wasted and thus, most often than not, the two bondmates shared the same bath, taking turns in the tub.
The sand bothered Naritha even more than the lack of water for no matter how hard she tried, she could not prevent it from slipping inside the house, insinuating itself in their beds and food.
She simply hated when she heard some tiny grain grind under her teeth, but Obi-Wan seemed not to notice those discomforts.
§
In truth Obi-Wan did not seen to notice anything during the first months after she moved in with him.
He scarcely ate, slept badly and spoke only when directly questioned. He walked every day to the Lars homestead, but he never went to actually visit the family. He just stood there, outside the farm's perimeter watching without really seeing, seemingly lost in a world of his own.
Naritha did not need to be a doctor to understand he was severely depressed. Who would not be in his place?
She kept silent for several months, leaving him his space, thinking he might need to sort it out by himself.
However after a while she realized she had to do some something, for Obi-Wan was slowly killing himself.
Thus one day, as they were sitting in the kitchen, Naritha dropped her eating utensils on the table.
As she had hoped, the sudden noise startled Obi-Wan and he looked at her with mild surprise.
"Ahh…so you are not completely deaf," she said, her voice harsh.
He blinked his eyes and murmured, "Sorry?"
"I have asked you more than once if you wanted to talk and you never answered. I was beginning to think you had become deaf."
"No…no…I am not. I was just meditating."
"Meditating?" Naritha almost snorted.
"Yes. I was trying to commune with Qui-Gon's spirit."
"What did you say?" she asked, not believing to her ears, "You were doing what?"
"Master Yoda has told me Qui-Gon has retuned from the netherworld of the Force. I have been trying to contact him since I arrived."
Naritha did not accuse Obi-Wan of being crazy; instead she took the opening he had offered and plunged in it.
"You are not meditating! You are vegetating! You are closing out much of your life, much of what you are. You once told me Master Jinn was strong in the Living Force…how do you think you can reach him if you are barely existing?" Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something but she was faster. "You are killing yourself little by little! You let your demons eat you from inside, instead of uncovering them as you do with a purulent wound. Do you think your precious Qui-Gon would want this? And what about Luke? How can you protect him if you barely know what goes on in this house?" Naritha glared at Obi-Wan, then pushed back her chair with such violence it fell, and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door.
She stretched on her bed and covered her eyes with her forearm, as a few tears escaped her closed eyelids.
She had not be really angry as her tone might have suggested, but she had been desperate to reach Obi-Wan and finally make him see he was not alone, that she was there to help.
Now she could only wait and hope for the best.
The minutes ticked slowly away, then the door opened and Obi-Wan stepped inside the room, walking to the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and posed a hesitant hand on her arm.
"Naritha? Do you hear me?"
She nodded.
"You are right, dearest, I have been behaving like a selfish idiot, so wrapped up in my self commiseration not to notice the incredible gift you gave me by coming here with me. Please Naritha, forgive me. I promise I will make it up to you. Just forgive me-"
Naritha sharply sat up and put her fingers over his lips, her firm eyes locked with his tormented ones. "You don't need my forgiveness, Obi-Wan. You need to learn to forgive yourself. You will never start to heal until you do it."
Obi-Wan's eyes filled with tears. "How can I do that when I know it is all my fault?" he rasped, "I did not teach him well enough. I was not the master he needed. I should have seen he was too attached to Padmé. I should have noticed how obsessed he was with her. I should have kept him away from Palpatine."
Naritha listened in silence as the "should have's" were followed by the "if only's" , but her hands grasped his own, squeezing them in support as his words and his tears streaked out in a seemingly endless torrent. He needed to vent out the pain, the despair, the sense of failure he had kept bottled inside him for far too long.
He cried for a long time, his hot tears falling on their joined hands, until the moment she thought it was time to start rebuilding some of his confidence.
Thus she said, speaking very gently, "A long time ago, I read a book about child education, and found a line that impressed me very much in its simple wisdom. Do you wish to hear it?"
Obi-Wan nodded slowly.
"It said the good teacher is not the one who chooses for his pupils; it the one who gives to his pupils all the knowledge to make the right choice. You did that with Anakin. You taught him what was wrong and what was right. What was allowed and what was forbidden. You gave him the instruments he would need to make a choice. He chose to take the wrong path, Obi-Wan. You did not push him there."
"But…but I should have prevented him from being corrupted by Palpatine," Obi-Wan stubbornly insisted.
"How? What could have you done? Forbid him to see the Chancellor? Lock him in his rooms?
Remember Obi-Wan, there is no worst deaf than someone who does not want to listen." Naritha took a deep breath and concluded quietly. "When you will accept it is not your fault if Anakin chose to turn, then you will start to heal. And then I am sure, you will be able to come in contact with your late master."
Obi-Wan smiled slightly, his cheeks still wet with his tears. "Then you don't think I am mad."
"Of course not. I am not a Jedi, but I have been bonded with one for twenty-two years, and I know a thing or two about the Force. If Master Yoda has told you Master Jinn has returned, then it is really so. I can only hope you will be able to contact him soon and that he will help you to find the peace you have lost. But as you wait for him," Naritha paused and leaned to kiss his cheek and embrace him, "let me take care of you, beloved, and let me share your burdens."
"Only if you allow me to do the same for you," Obi-Wan answered, hugging her back and burying his face into her neck.
"Of course, my love, of course."
§
Starting from that day, things slowly improved between them.
Little by little Obi-Wan relaxed and removed all the barriers he had created around himself and opened both his heart and mind to his bondmate.
They talked again of what had happened to Anakin and to the Jedi Order, but this time Naritha did not just listen but prodded Obi-Wan to tell her more—to tell her everything.
Obi-Wan was especially crushed by what he perceived to be his major fault: how had it been possible he had not seen it coming? How had it been possible he had not noticed Anakin's affection for Padmé Amidala had developed into an obsessive passion? And how had it been possible none of the Jedi had sensed Palpatine was the Dark Lord they had been looking for?
The last question led Naritha to wonder if maybe Palpatine had cast some kind of spell over the Jedi, which resulted first in Obi-Wan smiling, then frowning.
"No, he did not cast a spell on us. It was the dark side that made all of us blind." He said pensively, rubbing his beard. "Master Yoda had sensed the darkness creep over the galaxy since the Trade Federation crisis on Naboo, and the Clone Wars made it more evident. It is just I never thought—or believed – your capacity to use the Force would be so impaired by it. And instead it happened. That's why we were so unaware of what was going on in front of our noses." Obi-Wan shook his head. "I should have suspected it when the medical droid on Polis Massa told us Padmé was carrying twins and both Master Yoda and I were so surprised. Jedi can sense the tiniest form of life—how could we have missed the presence of two children so strong in the Force?"
Naritha nodded, smiling at herself because she could see the Obi-Wan she knew raise his head again.
The first signal Obi-Wan had made peace with himself was heralded by the return of his appetite, which, in due time was followed by the return of his energy, physical strength and will to do.
The broken Jedi Master whose hair had threatened to turn completely grey before its time because of grief and pain, was replaced by an active, resourceful forty year old man, with bright blue-grey eyes and a gentle smile that made him look much younger. In a sort of miraculous feat, the greying process of his hair was reversed, and five months after what Naritha now called "The Talk", Obi-Wan returned to looking exactly as he had in the message he had left her before leaving for Utapau.
His mane returned to be soft, shiny and ginger coloured as before, with just that touch of grey near his temples she was so fond of caressing and kissing.