There's No Light Without Darkness Chapter 3, an angel fanfic

Disclaimer in chapter one.

Enjoy chapter 3

The blue haired power that was, sat by the fountain in the courtyard of the Hyperion, looking into the murky pools of water, the faint reflection showing her for the truly interesting being she was... In a human shell, that is. Slowly another reflection showed itself to her.

A single whisper escaping her blue lips. "Wesley."

Twenty Minutes Prior

"Do you trust me?" He insisted as he looked at Angel, repeating his question. His angry brown eyes staring at Angel for a long moment, pent up anger and frustration just seemed to reverberate from his corneas. Whispering the question now, "Do you trust me Angel?"

It seemed as if time had stood still within that moment.

"Of course I trust you Wes." Angel said it, and the voice sounded sincere, though there was a thought in the back of his mind. Wondering if this truly was not a set up, he was paranoid, wary. After all they had indeed foiled a plot for world domination last night.

"You just don't trust me. Course then again how can you trust the guy you had killed?" Lindsey sniped before snorting. Moving to sit down on a bench, sighing softly shaking his head. Lindsey for a moment felt a pang, a stab in his now beating heart; he wanted to be as accepted as Wesley. However, this was something he knew would never happen.

Lorne frowned. If his guilt hadn't been horrible before, it had multiplied within moments of seeing Lindsey once more. He had agonized over killing him just the night prior, but there he sat, brought back from the head, and now Lorne had a living ghost to haunt him.

Angel shook his head some, as he threw up his hands. "Fine, fine you're right Lindsey I don't trust you. Can't trust you, you have lied to almost all of us, used all of us, and then wanted to fight against the Black Thorn? What type of bullshit is that? Do you honestly think that I could actually accept that you turned good? That you actually had one small iota of decency left within you?" His voice had risen, echoing through the large foyer.

All eyes were on him and Lindsey then, those who breathed held their breath. Kaya watching as a spectator on the wings, she didn't understand the history that any of these people had. She hadn't been privy to any stories other than for the fact that a vampire had taken over Wolfram and Hart, a vampire with a soul. Other than for that, she knew not a shred of information. Lost as she felt, she couldn't just turn away from this.

"Yea, well you know what Angel? Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right that deep down inside I'm still as rotten as the day you met me. But you know what? You're no better. You are no better!" Lindsey's own voice rising now as he stood up, "You had a man kill me that had never shed a drop of blood before, he was your PR agent for chrissakes! And you still had him do it, because you were too chicken... Too chicken to do it yourself and you give some half assed reason. Admit it Angel, it scared you to think that someone like me could actually change."

Once more the silence had become deafening in the foyer, once again people were blinking, stunned at the outburst.

Angel moved slowly and with purpose towards Lindsey. "Well you know what lawyer boy, maybe you're right. Maybe I thought that if you had truly changed, then so did we all, and in ways that damned us. Apparently, I was right. We're both still vampires, we're still here trying to fight a good fight, and now so are you. I don't trust you Lindsey, it's because of you we got stuck in this situation, because of you we were even brought in this mess, and because you were screwing with things you shouldn't have. So tell me why I should give you another chance."

"Y'poof, you've had chances, hell I've had chances, why not? If the bloody powers told them to 'elp then 'ell let 'em 'elp." Spike spoke up, sometimes insight while was a good thing, it always seemed so odd coming from Spike.

Kaya slowly stood up; with a faint limp she began to move over towards the desk, then behind it. She tilted her head faintly before looking to the rest of them who were now watching her. Shrugging her shoulders. "Don't look at me; this is your own little soap opera."

Lorne frowned and shook his head a little bit. "You need to give them this chance Angel cakes, you know that."

Angel scowled, and turned moving back to the office slamming the door shut.

"That... was a temper tantrum... right?" Kaya pointed to the door, arching an eyebrow.

Hyperion Courtyard

"You live." Illyria turned to look at Wesley with a look of extreme surprise. Her hand coming out, faintly shaking to touch him, "You are whole."

Wesley stood for a moment, watching her in silence; she still had so many resemblances that reminded him painful of Fred. He felt his heart clench in silent pain and his eyes well up with tears. "I am." The only words he could dare to say without breaking down. He longed to touch her, to even pretend for a moment, for her to lie to him again that she was his Fred.

They stood in silence for a very long moment, staring at one another in absolute shock perhaps. A cool wind blew over both of them, as she reached out to touch him, making contact with his chest. His eyes closing at the contact, after a short moment that seemed like a life time, they found each other's arms.

Hyperion Foyer

Kaya had found a bottle of water, and was taking a drink and now sitting on the steps by the entrance of the hotel. The three males that were still in the foyer continued to sit in silence. She watched each one quietly. It was interesting to read their body language, they were open books.

Spike's shoulders were slumped, and he continued to watch the space in front of him, namely the floor. His entire demeanor was indeed different from what she had expected. When Eric told her of William the Bloody or Spike as he was known now, he had said he was a horrible man, a horrible monster who also wrote horrible poetry. That he had a thirst for life (oh the pun), as well as becoming en-souled to be with a Slayer, a slayer that had the largest history she had ever heard of. It was believed that Spike had died during the evacuation of Sunnydale, she was curious as how he came to LA, but now it didn't seem as if it mattered to ask. He had lost something, she could see it in his eyes, see it in his mannerisms. She didn't know what it was, but she was bound and determined to find out.

Her eyes slowly gazing over towards Lorne, the demon she had known for so long. Caritas had become a home for her almost, the only place oddly that she had felt safe. A neutral ground for demons to meet, to sing, to have a drink, it was safe for her there because she didn't have to do her job. He had always been the joy-filled trendy demon who enjoyed a good drink, and a good Frank Sinatra song, but his spirit was shattered. She had seen it in his eyes last night when he picked her up, he had attributed it to the fight in the alleyway when she asked him. However, when she had heard the story this morning, she knew exactly why he was the way he was. He took a life, he went against his own rules, and in doing so, lost a part of him, but it was only something he could come to grips with. Perhaps with Lindsey back from the dead it would become easier for him. Or perhaps even more difficult.

Eyes slowly meeting up with Lindsey, who seemed to look, like a caged animal. He was sitting down, away from the other two, watching one and then the other, then the office door. A nervous twitch of his knee bouncing gently, as if he was an addict that needed a fix soon, or perhaps someone who was facing the firing squad; she couldn't be sure. She had only heard this morning so many things, but it didn't seem to make sense in her mind. Would the powers allow someone so... treacherous another chance? To be able to redeem themselves, and guarantee their ticket to heaven? Kaya wasn't entirely sure that's how it was done. Her eyebrows furrowed, but she could tell that he was uncomfortable there, with them. Then again who would be comfortable in the foyer that belonged to a man that wanted you dead, in the foyer with a man that had killed you? Kaya sighed gently, as she shook her head a little bit, she felt sorry for the guy.

Taking another drink of her water, she wiped her lips with her finger. "Wow now isn't this fun, if I wanted quiet I'd go up and watch Gunn sleep, oh wait he snores." She tried to crack a joke, which only got a faint smile from Lorne.

Shaking her head, standing up, she shrugged her shoulders. "Okay so let me get this straight right quick."

She had their attention now, as slowly their eyes fell upon her.

"You killed him, because Angel was afraid he was going to kill all of you. Okay I can see that, it happens, granted it sucks… But you were looking out for your friends, can't blame a guy for doing that. So stop crying in your seabreeze or worse yet... Stop crying on your silk, it'll stain." She had pointed to Lorne, then to Lindsey when she referred to him.

Lindsey was about to argue, but her hand came up to shush him, her finger dropping from Lorne and stayed on Lindsey. "And you double crossed Angel and his crew more than once, and then when you got out of hell from what I'm hearing, you expected them to let you in with open arms. Retarded." Only word she could say, shrugging her shoulders while Lindsey looked indignant. "What? Can't handle the truth? Seriously man, if I were you, I'd be happy it was Lorne killing me and not that freaky blue haired chick, but you got a chance now, and instead of trying to make amends somehow you're sitting here and… moping." Shaking her head, she shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you shouldn't."

Her hand moving from him to Spike. "Ah and now William the Bloody, Willy, Billy Boy… Spike." Shrugging her shoulders, Spike just blinking as she did that. "Now, you're a vampire, with a soul. One could call you pussy whipped, you got a soul for a chick, virtuous but, come on, that's like getting a tattoo with your first lays name on it. It's a sweet notion, but now it just seems to be biting you on your ass. You're stuck with it, so what are you going to do? Go play Vampire Lestat, cry about how unfair it is and become this rocking musician with your angst as your fuel... Some may like that but uuh... I'm not an Ann Rice fan. So…What are you going to do about it, be a nancy boy poof or suck it up?"

Now that she had every single eye on her, and each eye slightly pissed off at her that is, she sat back down. Giving a faint grin. "Well you don't all look like someone killed your puppy… You can thank me later."

Spike gave a faint snort and a bemused half grin on his lips. "'ey Lorne… Can we keep 'er?"

That caused not only the green demon to chuckle, but also Lindsey.

Angel's Office

He watched the prone figure of Eve on the couch. He sighed softly as he propped a foot up, she hadn't woken up after her little fireball experience last night. She of course breathed but that was the extent of her existence. He feared that the mystical forces that had been imbued within her had now taken away her life forces when they were extinguished.

Taking a sip of the scotch in front of him, it burned his throat as he swallowed. He still couldn't believe that Wesley and Lindsey had both been brought back, had both been killed and brought back; to help him and the others. It seemed as if the Powers knew something more than he did, then again they always did. He sighed softly. He couldn't trust Lindsey, it felt wrong.

He heard laughter coming from the foyer, arching an eyebrow he stood up and looked through the blinds, seeing the slayer and the other three joking around. A frown coming to his lips, he couldn't understand it. Any of it, it didn't make any sense to him. A slayer arriving from god knows where to help out, because of Lorne. Lorne the guy that swore he'd never come back, that he was done, out, gone. And then… all of the rest? He sighed softly, letting the blind fall as he moved to sit back down at his desk.

He opened up the drawer, and pulled out a picture, it was of Angel, Cordelia and Connor. Sighing softly, leaning back and putting his foot back up on the desk. Staring until his vision went blurry; he let the picture fall onto the desk. He had so many wishes, dreams. Being human, able to walk out into the sun, able to kiss, to make love, to eat food. But… it didn't happen, he didn't have his human life back, he did not reach Shanshu, he was still a vampire, a damned vampire.

Whispering softly to him self, "What else do you want from me?"

Foyer of the Hyperion

"So do we get to hear y'story of some brave and daring slayer bit, li'l one?" Spike asked Kaya, having shorn off his gray mood.

Kaya arched an eyebrow, thinking a moment before she limped to sit down closer to the others now, shrugging a shoulder. "Well…" She paused for a moment then got a sheepish grin. "I've never slept with a vampire, like some slayers who shall remain nameless." Smirking at him, while the others laughed she shrugged her shoulders. "There really isn't that much to tell, I've never had some big bad to go up against, unless you count last night. I've fought vampires before, a few zombies, and an old lady who everyone thought sold Avon, but she actually was stealing souls." Shaking her head, she licked her lips before continuing speaking. "Dusting vampires isn't exactly something that's new to me. I got hurt a few years ago, at a party for college, we were attacked by a big group of vampires, and I'm the only one that lived. Gunn saved me, and I started hunting vampires with him once I stopped being a pissy bitch and realized that sitting in a hospital room is not how I wanted to live my life."

Her audience was enraptured it seemed.

"So I started hunting with Gunn, and then we lost touch and he ended up hanging out with Angel and the rest of you guys, and one night I got contacted by a Watcher named Eric Carrington came to me, told me what I was. I guess I was some left over by product of Slayers all over the world being awakened. I don't know, never understood that however. There I am, able to throw a trash dumpster and shrug off a bullet almost and I'm wondering exactly what in the fuck I can do to help save the world."

A faint smirk coming to her lips as she glanced to the others for a long moment, each one perhaps thinking of the same question that they themselves had posed to themselves before, each one seeming to have a far off gaze for a moment; before realizing that Kaya had fallen quiet.

"So what happened?" Lindsey asked quietly.

Shrugging her shoulders, she finished off her water. "I couldn't ignore it, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't just not do what I was destined to do, that'd be like spitting in the face of my parents, even if that is tempting at times. So what did I do? I lived, I still live, I live as a slayer, and I live as Kaya. It's not exactly easy and it's a bitch on dating but I'm still here, and do what I have to do. When Lorne picked me up last night, I was asking what I could do to help, even asked him. It's a big fucking burden on the shoulders of anyone, but when I showed up it was natural to do what I did. Each one of you has an interlocked destiny, so... Now the question has to be, what happens for you guys?"

They each fell quiet, one marveling at her wisdom, another marveling at her life story and the other was marveling at her cleavage. Leave it to Spike to not get the moral of the story, even if he actually did.

Courtyard of the Hyperion

"So why is it that you have returned?" Illyria asked quietly, as they sat on the edge of the fountain.

Wes' eyebrow rose faintly, before answering truthfully. "Apparently, this is my chance from making sure I do not end up in hell."

Illyria shook her head, speaking softly. "But you were an honorable man, and did not deserve hell."

"That's not what the Powers believe, however and here I am." Cheated out of the afterlife with Fred, being so close to Illyria was making this become painfully clear now that he was indeed in a hell all of his own, except here he was living and breathing.

For the first time, there was emotion on her face; the only other time had been when Wes had died. A frown coming to her lips, as she thought of all that had happened she spoke quietly. "This is not like the Well; you would be celebrated as a warrior, a hero."

Wesley snorted at this, and spoke softly. "Illyria we are not in the Well, the rules always change where we are concerned."

Illyria was quiet then, thinking of what Wesley had said, and of the man she had seen last night. No, not a man; but a demon king, a power that was, that still seemed to be. Azaziel. Where there was warmth, life, and anguish in Wesley's eyes; there was cruelty, coldness, and death in Azaziel's. Where she could hear torment in Wesley's voice, all she heard last night was the sneering gratification in Azaziel's. It felt as if one side of her longed for Azaziel's cold grip once more, whilst another side only wished to remain by Wesley's side. A war of emotions waging against one another causing her to tense, it felt almost as if she was losing control as she had so long before.

"Conflict." A single word coming forth from her lips, causing her to blink out of her reverie, however Wesley did not seem to notice that she had even been dazed, not listening to what he was saying.

"Indeed, there is always conflict where the Powers that Be are concerned." Clueless to the inner turmoil most indeed that roiled through the woman/goddess that sat beside him; Wesley was only to at that moment think of the peace that had been stolen from him.

The word for the day when it came to this conversation in the courtyard, the only word that fit…

On the Higher Plane

"Clueless! Absolutely clueless, I swear they need to go to the K-Mart god forbid and buy one." Cordelia threw her hands up in the air while she watched was happening on earth.

"Y'know, it's so cute the way you get all flustered." The voice of a male, Irish to be exact spoke behind her.

"Oh Doyle, shut up." Turning around and looking at the man standing there, with a smirk on his face. "It's not like you have a clue either. At least you didn't when you were alive."

"Oh now I take extreme resentment to that remark. I had quite a few clues thank you very much and and … Okay I got nothing." The Irishman gave a faint smile. "Why do you torture yourself by watching them anyways Cordy?"

A sigh, a faint shrug of her shoulders, "Because unfortunately we don't get the Oxygen channel up here. Why do you think I'm watching! They are our friends you know."

"Friends who need to figure it out for themselves sweet pea, otherwise we're all going to be knackered."

"I know Doyle, I just… "

"Like to meddle, I know."

"Oh... shut up!"

"Oh testy."

"I wonder if they've realized…"

"No and you can't hit them in the head with it either Cordy, you promised."

"I know."

Angel's Office in the Hyperion

The phone rang. Angel was stricken from his wild thoughts, daydreams of being in the sun, and eating ice cream. Blinking a few times, his head raised up, before reaching over for the cell phone that had amazingly survived last nights warfare.

"Hello?" He asked quietly, wondering who it could be. Of course it wouldn't be Harmony, more than likely on some remote beach somewhere drinking blood Mai Tai's.

"Dad? It's me." Connor's voice was able to be heard over the static of the cell phone.

"Connor, how… how are you?" Angel's eyes immediately looking over to the picture that he had been staring at for so long, it seemed almost like yesterday.

"Fine dad, I'm okay. I wanted to make sure you were all right, that everyone was all right." While he had been one hell of a kid, pain in the ass, demon spawn (literally), and had put everyone through hell; Connor had turned into a find upstanding young adult, even if most people didn't remember him being Angel's son.

"We're fine, Connor. We all made it." Even Wesley… Now at least.

"Dad, you don't sound fine, what is it? What's happened?" His tone imploring, pleading to perhaps help somehow, the man had walked into his life with a cup of coffee and then this.

"Connor… Now is not a really good time, maybe come by the hotel later on and we'll talk." That sounded like fatherly advice, didn't it? He at least hoped it did.

"Sure dad, I'll do that." The sound of a click disconnecting the call was heard, and the line went dead. Angel sighed softly.

"Sure."

Foyer

"You know, I hate to break it to you chickadee but I don't think that demon blood is in this year for fashion trends." Lorne teased Kaya who was sitting on one of the small couches. "I mean, some guys may find it attractive, however it's starting to get a little… Ripe in here." Lorne said in his oh so serious yet not so serious manner that had won him so many fans through out the years, in Caritas and then later in the PR department.

"Well unless you want me wandering around buck naked, this is all I have to wear." Kaya looked up to him, giving a faint smirk in return to his words.

"I'm all for the naked bit." Spike quickly interjecting, however his up-beat attitude and wit were too overcompensated coming off horridly false.

Lindsey rolled his eyes. "I'm sure there's something you could put on. Lorne's right, you do look like you just went through a train wreck."

Lorne blinked a few times, casting a wary glance towards Spike, then to Lindsey. Startled by the fact that Lindsey had agreed with him or the fact that he wouldn't make a snide comment about the state of disarray that Kaya was in at the moment, indeed the look on Lorne's face was a look of surprise. His moving to open, he had to tense his jaw muscles so his mouth didn't gape.

"Lorne, Angel tried to kill me a lot of times, I still… talked to him, and okay I was plotting against him too. I wish I could say I forgive you, but let's just say instead, I understand." Lindsey's light southern accent could be heard, he decided to stop fighting his true self; what was the point now after all? He couldn't fake his way into heaven.

The Anagogic demon looked as if he had just seen Elvis Presley himself walk out and ask for a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. He then gave a faint if not uncertain smile and a small nod of his head.

"However, the slayer here still needs a bath and clothes." Lindsey said as he glanced to Kaya, arching an eyebrow.

"Fine, fine I get it I get it. Bath time, I swear if I didn't know better I'd think I was twelve." Standing up, Kaya made her way towards the stairs and began to walk up them slowly, the limp more evident as time went by.

Lorne watched her as she made her way up the steps slowly, as did the other two men in the foyer. As she slowly disappeared, the green demon frowned faintly, and murmured. "She's stubborn."

"She's a bloody slayer, course she's gonna be stubborn." Spike said, sitting back in his chair.

"From what I've heard she's always been this way, only got worse after the attack at that sorority house though."

Lindsey furrowed his eyebrows as he was listening to them talk. He slowly raised his head, turning to look at Lorne a moment. "How… Long was this again?"

"Three years, she was the only survivor; it made news headlines for a day or two, especially after they caught the supposed killer. If I remember correctly, he ended up dying in prison. Or was that jail? I can never keep track anymore."

Lindsey swallowed, giving a small nod of his head. "Oh, I think I remember hearing something about that." As it slowly fell into place in his mind, he knew exactly why he remembered hearing something about that.

Higher Plane

"And finally we have someone with a clue!" Cordelia squealed in glee.

"What? What'd'ya say I think somethin' just made my eardrum pop." Doyle said, sticking a finger in his ear and wiggling it gently, before getting nudged in the ribs.

"Hah hah hah funny." Cordelia rolled her eyes, looking back to the image in front of her. "This could be a good thing… Or a really bad thing, I'm not too sure yet."

"Meddle, that's all you do, oh and buy shoes."

"Oh you are so not one to talk… Your idea of a good night included drinking Guinness until you couldn't see straight."

"But I am an Irishman."

"And I'm a girl from California it all balances out."

"Good point."

Courtyard in the Hyperion

"What is it you must do before you will find peace?" Illyria asked.

Wesley and she had been sitting in somewhat comfortable silence for a few long minutes, before she had spoken. Being torn out of his reverie of thoughts, he blinked, glancing over towards her. "That is what I am unsure of. It seems as if something is going to happen and you all will need the help of Lindsey and me." Which still confused poor Wes, after all Lindsey had always been a bitter rival, enemy of the Angel Investigations team, now sent back to earth to help them.

"This distresses me." Being blunt about how she was feeling, the faint furrow of eyebrows seen.

Wesley turned to look at Illyria, for the first time perhaps he could see her own distress, now that she had mentioned it. However he did not believe that it was due to the return of his self onto this world. He watched her for a moment, and could almost see the pent up anger and frustration whirling inside of her. He could recall when she was like this after she had first taken over Fred's body. Then, like now she seemed more like a caged beast than a one time goddess. Her body was rigid. "What is it that distresses you?"

Illyria slowly turned to look at Wesley a moment. The first time ever, she thought of withholding something for fear of upsetting another, a shake of her head, looking back out over the courtyard. "The fact that you are such a good soul yet must come back here. It is disturbing that they can be so heartless."

"Yes, well this is not the first time I was cheated." The words slipping forth before he could even think about retracting them, he began to feel uncomfortable. He had not meant to ever say something like that. She had known his frustrations, his anger, and his absolute disgust already once. But, it does not seem as if she had the same coldness within her. "I did not – "

"Yes you did, however it is all right Wesley. You still mourn for her, as I had mourned for you when you died."

With those words being spoken, silence was there once more between the two.

Author Note: Someone mentioned explaining as to why Fred's soul isn't destroyed. Now we'll be getting to that. Slowly but surely, we'll be getting to that.