A/N: I wish to apologize for how long it took to get this chapter done and posted. It was a hard chapter to right and never felt great about it, but it is finally done and out for your reading pleasure. Please let me know what you think.

Chapter 19: Losing Ground

Leoben looked at the figure of the sleeping woman, curled on her side, one hand tucked under her chin, the other stretched out beside her. He knew that hand was subconsciously searching for something; some one no longer there. His heart ached for this woman; the strongest woman he had ever had the grace to meet.

Kara Thrace had managed to bring down all of his cylon defenses and programming, and he didn't seem to be the only one. Her grief was so consuming that most of them were having a hard time separating themselves from it. She didn't fight them to get away, she barely acknowledge their presence at all, too consumed by raw pain and a need to cease to exist.

Leoben watched as she shifted restlessly in her sleep. The times she was asleep were the worse for him, and it seemed everyone else. No one else would stay with her, and he had been left with the duty of getting her through the nights. He had never known tribulation like he did now. Her dreams were not always nightmares, but they might as well have been. She always woke from them, shaking, tears streaming down her face and the silent pleas from the depth of her soul for Apollo to return to her. She never deluded herself into believing that he wasn't really gone; she knew every time her eyes opened that she was alone; and it shattered Leoben's soul.

He shook his head. It was not until now, this point in time that he believed that he had a soul; he wasn't just a machine, he was a man and he could love, but more importantly he could hurt. Feeling some one else's grief and pain had humanized him, and he wasn't alone. The only one who didn't seem to be affected by Artemis' pain was Number Six; that shouldn't really have surprised him, she was afterall a cold hearted bitch.

Artemis cried out in her sleep, drawing his attention to her. She was moving around restlessly and Leoben knew what she was dreaming about. Apollo, always the sun God. She had begged him to kill her ,let her die, anything that would allow her to follow him into death. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't, they all needed her. And he realized that he wanted to give her what she wanted, he wanted to let her go so that she could find her Apollo. Even if that meant let her dying.

"Please..." the plea was a shattered whisper. The voice that of a soul broken beyond repair; it reached out, touched Leoben, and he couldn't help falling onto the bed and gathering her into his arms.

"Artemis, you have to wake up," he says stroking the hair back from her face. Leoben shifts her body against his chest, trying to bring her closer to him. He knows that the shaking will start soon, followed by the tears and then the inevitable horror of her waking to find herself in a world without the man she loves, and now mourns.

&&&&

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
Wake me up inside
Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark
Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone
Save me
Save me from the nothing I've become

Kara woke up to the music filtering through the speakers in her room. She didn't want to open her eyes and face the fact that she was alone, Lee was dead and they wouldn't let her die. They told her she was important, not to just them, but everyone, everything in the universe. But couldn't they see that without Apollo she was nothing, she didn't want to be anything.

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Bring me to life
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
Bring me to life

She burrowed further into the warmth of the arms that were holding her so tenderly. She needed the warmth, she was so cold inside, like space, empty of anything warm. Kara hated this existence that they were forcing her into, but she couldn't summon the emotion to care and do something about it.

Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Artemis felt like the song playing in the background, she needed Apollo to come and breathe life back into her, he was the only one who could save her. She didn't need to open her eyes to know who was holding her, comforting her. He tried so hard, but he couldn't, no one could.

"Hephaestus," she whispers tilting her head to see his face. Leoben smiles slightly at the sound of her voice; she hadn't spoken in the 4 weeks since they had brought her aboard.

"Aphrodite wouldn't like to hear you say that," he replies smiling.

"It doesn't matter what she likes, only what pleases the Gods," Kara says shifting to the side. Leoben hadn't heard so many words from her, and he was afraid to break the spell, but Kara once again drew into herself and Leoben knew that she had closed the rest of the world out.

He got up, telling her he would return later with food, and that maybe a nice bath would be soothing. If she heard him, he'd never know; she didn't so much as bat an eyelash as he left. He couldn't take much more of this he thought as he left the room.

In the corridor he saw Simon and Sharon waiting for him. He looked at them knowing what they wanted to hear, but he thought by now they would know it was never going to happen.

"She's the same as she was before," he says to them walking pass.

"Leoben we need to do something soon," Sharon says almost as if she is pleading with him. "Eventually she will perish and if she does so everything will go with her."

"Then YOU do something!" He yells at her. "You spend time in there with her listening as she pleads to the very universe to let her go to him. She doesn't beg for him to come back, she doesn't ask for a chance to change it. She has accepted that he's gone, we took him away from her and you want her to pick herself up and save you. If that's what you want, then it's time for you to do something to help her." The two of them watched him walk away, then they looked at each other.

"I hate to say it, but maybe he is right," Sharon says. "It's time to help Starbuck."

"What you are suggesting is dangerous, and likely to fail," Simon says in response.

"It is high time we took the chance."

&&&&

Hermes sat at the table in the conference on the UAG Capricorn, his head in his hands. It had been a month since they had lost both Apollo and Artemis and he had no more answers now than he did then. He was unable to breach the veil of prescient to find out what had befallen his sister, and wether or not the sun God was still alive. What good was knowing what the future could if you couldn't access it? He didn't want to be the messenger of the Gods, they had forgot to let him read the fine print that said they could fuck with you any time they wanted.

"You need to get some sleep," a voice says from behind him. He looks over his shoulder to see his mother standing in the doorway. She walked slowly over to the table and pulled out a chair across from him and sat down.

"I can't sleep until I know where she is," he says dropping his head into his hands.

"If you keep driving yourself so hard, you'll collapse; and what good will that be for anyone," she replies reaching out to touch him. "You haven't failed her, that distinction belongs solely to me."

"Neither of us can beat ourselves up over this mother," he says lifting his head and looking into her eyes. "But we have to find her, it's the most important thing left to us."

"Trust me son I know that," Cass says. "We need to talk about that topic you and I have neatly avoided now since you made theat pronouncement on the hangar deck."

Devon looked at him mother, his green eyes troubled with the knowledge of so many things. He had seen things that would have driven a normal person mad, and that was when Cass realized that her children weren't normal. They were special beyond compare, and it tore at her heart to know they both had to carry such heavy burdens, all for the sake of saving a race of people that may not deserve to be saved.

"Don't forget, Andreas was spared either," Devon says with a small chuckle. "We might be special, but only because of you."

"What do you mean by that?" She asks him worry and fear laced in her voice. The thought that her children suffered because of her, scared Cassandra Thrace spitless.

"You're probably more special than any of us," he replies taking hold of her hand. "Through you would flow the means necessary for humanity to have a fighting chance. It wouldn't have mattered who father your children, they all would be used to further the Gods' will."

"I'm not sure I like that," she says to him honestly. Cass always felt that she had some measure of control over her life, that she was in charge of where she was headed. Knowing that like everyone else she was just a puppet of her Gods, shook her, it began to redefine how she saw herself.

"They picked you because of your strength," Devon tells her while squeezing her hand. "Your absolute devotion to the Gods and your unwavering loyalty were the hallmarks that made them choose you. I don't know if the Lords of Kobol still exist as corporeal entities, but I know there essence still infuses the universe."

"Enough about me son," Cass says. "We need to talk about Kara's child."

"I know," Devon says a sad look crossing his face. Thoughts and talk of his sister depressed him; he felt like the universe was conspiring to keep them apart.

"Is her child going to be a half breed?" She asks bluntly. His mother had managed to forgive Isadora for her perceived betrayal. She hadn't accepted Athena or Hera, but she hadn't ordered them thrown out of the nearest airlock either.

"The possibility exist that her child could be fathered by Apollo or a the cylon Leoben, who is also Hephaestus," he answers her on a sigh.

"How would that be possible if Apollo is dead?" She asks him angrily.

"This is what I can gather from what I've seen," he starts on a huff. "I'm going to assume that Kara may have already been pregnant when the attack came from the cylons, and by the way did only want to talk. If they don't destroy the child she may be carrying, then I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the child is Apollo's. If they do force an abortion on her, they will eventually get her pregnant through artificial means. I do know that only one child will be born, but both possibilities exist."

"My Gods, what would happen if Artemis has a child by a filthy cylon," Cass roars. The thought of her daughter being defiled by those machines almost sends her into a rage.

"Both scenarios have good and bad possibilities for everyone concerned," Devon answers her honestly. "I haven't seen much more than that. The best thing we can do right now is get her back, and find out if Apollo is really gone."

"And to do that you want me to ask Athena for her help?" She practically snarls.

"She can help us," he tries to reason with his mother. "She wants to help us, and maybe that means we should let her."

"I can't trust her, she's a damn machine," Cass shouts at him.

"Damn it, we have to trust some one!" Devon shouts back. "We can't keep going this way. The path we've been traversing is leading to our destruction. We're only getting one chance at this, and now is not the time for us to fuck it up," he says to his mother.

Devon knows the consequences of their actions should they fail. He's seen so many varied outcomes, but he knows they one that haunts his sleep is the one where he is alone, riding through the universe as the last testament to a race gone forever from the heavens. It's a cold lonely existence, one he knows will drive him insane.

"I need time to think this through," Cass says standing and heading for the door.

"We don't have that much time mother," he replies standing also. "I'm not asking you to rush into ant decision, but I am asking that you try to put the old hatred and prejudices away, and set us on new course."

Cassandra looks at her son's earnest expression and realizes that she doesn't want to live in a world where humans and cylons live in harmony. But if that is the only world she can offer her children she will try to see that they have that. Hopefully the Gods will take her home before that happens.

&&&&

Simon and Doral stand next to the bed where Kara Thrace is laying in a sedated state. She didn't really need to be sedated, but everyone agreed that it might be for the best if she was. Sharon and Leoben had returned to the room only a few minutes before hand, and the four cylons stood together unwilling to break the silence.

"We have the answers to some question, but not others," Sharon says quietly hoping not to disturb the sleeping figure in the bed. She need not worry, Artemis was unaware of them even when awake.

"Are you sure about the child?" Simon asks Leoben.

"If we kill the child she's carrying, her fury will eventually destroy humanity; and the backlash from that will obliterate the cylons," he confirms. "If she has this child and we raise it as a cylon, it will eventually rise up against us, destroying us for what has happened to it's mother. In my opinion those are not win-win situations for any of us."

"We know she only ever has one child," Doral says to the group. "Either this one, or a half breed. She has no others, so we can't make any mistakes in this decision."

"Caprica will be furious if we let her go," Simon reiterates. It was a point he had been trying to drive home since they began to come up with ways to help Artemis, and more importantly themselves.

"Everything is not up to Six," Leoben spat. He knew the others were beginning o feel more like him as they spent more time in Artemis' presence. Her grief was so consuming that you were unable to be affected by it. Leoben felt as if his God was weeping for the suffering of this one woman. "And right now even if we let her go, she wouldn't actually go. The hybrid says that Artemis has lost her will to live, and if we don't fix it soon cylons and humans will tear themselves apart."

"Without Apollo this isn't going to work," Sharon says.

"Good luck with that," Doral tells her with a look of disdain. "I don't think any of us are quite capable of bringing back the dead."

"We will deal with that when we have to," Simon snaps. "Hephaestus, right now you are the only one who can deal with Artemis' psyche. She trust you to some degree, keep her from completely breaking. I can sustain her body until we get her back to those people, and then it's up to them."

"That won't work," Leoben says shaking his head. He has a hard time thinking of himself as Hephaestus because that would mean he'd have to see Caprica/Aphrodite in a different light, and he was not quite ready to do that. "Just because we give her back doesn't mean we fix the situation."

"Maybe these are the things we need to learn," Doral says with a small smile. "We think we know how everything works, and where everything should go; maybe we know no more than they do."

"This is what I do know," Leoben replies. "I love her enough to be willing to let her go. I can't make her happy, shit right now I can't even get her to care that she is in the hands of her enemies. We have to help her before we just shove her in a raider and send her on her way, if we don't we can kiss our collective asses goodbye."

"So what you really want us to do is infiltrate the other side and find out if Apollo is dead or alive?" Simon says looking a little sick.

"That is the question we really need the answer to," Leoben says shaking his head. "It's not a good sign that D'Anna, Caprica or the others won't tell us what really happened to him or his viper."

"I don't know why you're even bothering," a small voice says from the bed. All 4 cylons jump in a surprise upon hearing Kara Thrace. They look to see her awake and sitting up regarding them impassively. "He's dead and there is no bringing him back."

"It is not a good sign when the machines are holding out hope, and the human has thrown in the towel," Doral says with a small chuckle.

"Kara," Leoben says getting onto the bed with her. She allows him to take her hands into his and that frightens him a little. She should be fighting him tooth and nail, but she doesn't; she really doesn't acre anymore. "We're not sure what really happened to Apollo. Like you he could still be alive."

"He's not alive," she says as if the are merely discussing the weather. "I saw his viper blown apart; he would have needed a miracle to survive."

"Or be a God," Doral whispers.

"You can't give up Artemis," Leoben all but pleads. "We are going to try and do...

"WHY even bother!" She yells at them. "I don't care what any of you think, he's gone, you took him from me. I don't care to help you or anyone else for that matter. Just let me go, let me be with him and that would be two less humans you need to worry about."

Leoben watched as sobs wracked her body, as she finally gave into her grief. He knew that he had to give her something to fight for, a reason to continue to live so that both their races could survive. Looking around the room to his compatriots, he realizes that they were of no more help than the woman sobbing on the bed. It was up to him, and he wondered which God he had pissed off to have been given the task of motivating Artemis. He knew what he needed to do, and heaving a great sigh, he pulls her off the bed and into his arms. With his actions he gave up his dream of having this woman for himself, having her give birth to his child.

"Fine you don't want to help us," he says into her ear. She struggles slightly against him trying to get away from the warm contact. She wants to stay numb, her heart closed to any impassioned pleas, but he wouldn't let her go. "But what about your family, friends, they need you."

"I DON'T CARE!" Artemis bellows giving into all the rage she has kept bottled up for the last month. "I don't care if we are all condemned to extinction, I'll see you all in hell!"

"And are you willing to condemn Apollo's child to hell with us?" Hephaestus yells right into her face. For a brief moment the two of them stare into each other eyes, hazel looking into blue. Disbelief clouds her brain, as hope steals into her heart.

"What did you say?" She whispers. Artemis tries to shut down the small flare of possibility.

They were lying to her to get her to do what they want, this is just another cylon manipulation. Hephaestus holds his hand out, and the cylon she's heard called Simon hands him something. He holds it up to her face and Artemis knows that she is looking at a high level ultrasound, and there is no denying that there is a baby pictured there. But that doesn't mean it is a sonogram from her body, it could be anyone's.

"Simon did this ultrasound less than an hour ago, while you were sedated," he says grabbing her hand and making her take hold of the picture. "We didn't put it there, so we are assuming that at some point Apollo did. Tell me now you don't care Artemis and will walk out that door, and Simon will bring you something back so that you can take your eternal rest.

A/N: Ok please hit that review button and let me know what you guys think.