Chapter 1
"Hey, anybody home!" I said, chuckling to myself. No of course no one would be home. I lived by myself. But I still liked to kid myself that when I walked through that door I would find a plump slightly balding 40 year old man slumped on the big sofa chair in front of the TV flipping through the channels with maybe a light beer in his thick hand. I would see a small woman flustering away at the kitchen counter trying to get dinner ready before it turned to night and she had to cut her potatoes in the dark because she forgot to pay the electric bill again. If I'm lucky I might even find a pink lumpy toddler sitting on the family room rug playing with plastic rings and making a squealing sound that was so terrifyingly cute you just had to listen to it and laugh. But I knew that no matter how vivid my imagination could go I would never see any of those wonderful things inside my dingy studio apartment. Number one, I didn't have a kitchen or a family room or even a TV for that matter. I did however happen to have a sofa couch thing that sat in the middle of the one room compartment like a beacon of solitude when I got home every afternoon. If you could even call this home. I did have a home once. Far away from here in an alternate universe when my first name began with a different letter and my hair was brown instead of the recent rainbow. And yea, I used to be happy. But that all changed.
I never liked being in a conversation with anyone much. Never liked people really. Most of them smelled or had some weird boil creeping up from the edge of their chin. Some of them talked too much and some of them had an uncanny sounding voice that I couldn't bear to listen to and if they didn't then I would get very sick of hearing it so much because of their constant jabbering. But most of all I hated people because I hated human nature in all its glory. People never say what they think nor do what they want to because of what other people might say. People always want power and money but never love and life. People never sit for a while and think about the world and all within it. People let greed and jealousy consume them like a rabid animal. They let hunger and starvation and poverty spread
throughout the world and weave between the cracks in the soil because they are too caught up in their own egotistical ignorant self involved lives. I have never met one person that's different. Not one person can prove me wrong. Sure their Mother Theresa and Gandhi but they are once in a century kind of people that are very rare to the human eye. So basically what I am trying to say is that I hate the human race so much that I just keep to myself in my studio apartment and stay away from the freaks at school so that I never have to deal with the conceited and self wallowing world around me because I am fed up with them. Big time. The kids at the corner lunch table with the fall in the eyes bangs and way too much eye liner and pink skulls I stay away from because they slit their wrists for unloving attention and self pity even though they probably would have incredible lives if they hadn't decided to smoke some weed behind that dumpster one day after school. I stay away from the cheerleaders and jocks spreading themselves out near the fountain because I know that they will never have enough time looking at their own reflection in a compact to even think about looking at me for two seconds. They are also to preoccupied with their own rousing sex lives and orgies to glance in the direction of someone who might confuse them with words larger than four letters long. I also stay away from the nerds and techies near the entrance to the school cafeteria because well…they just creep me out. And also they wouldn't be interested in me when they have the newest edition of warcraft to talk about. They'll all grow up and out of college to become billionaires and marry hookers and gold diggers twenty years younger than them anyways so I'll just stay out of their path to victory. Yes so right to the point…I sit in an opposite corner at a relatively small table by myself reading the latest book from the library across the street from my house…or studio If you really want to call it that. The table I sit down to every lunch period is actually its current size because It really only a half of a table. I will never find out the reason why but my table is broken in half. The only reason it stand up is because I used some small crutch I found outside one day lying on the sidewalk and used it to prop up the table so that I have something to put my three dollar lunch of fly ridden spaghetti and meatballs. Yes I'm a loner all right. And I don't
really give a damn. I say fuck the world! Because I don't want to deal with you and you don't give a fuckin fuck about me so why don't you just give yourself a blowjob! Yes I would love to say that to the world but at the moment they are very hard to contact and I don't even think that I can muster up enough courage to say that to even one person. Yes it might seem like I am a very outspoken don't give a fuck about any one king of girl but this is only my mind speaking. Yes, my mind is a very outspoken don give a fuck girl but the outer me isn't. The outer me is a quiet almost mute girl who really does sit in a corner a read while eating that three dollar cardboard lunch. I have never said anything other than bullshit to a person and I'm pretty sure that he didn't hear it even then. I might have a different hair color everyday but that's only so one person doesn't pinpoint me and stare at me saying that the girl with the purple hair. I can find that person in the middle of a crown because I'll remember her because of her purple hair. I don't want anyone to remember me or notice me at all. I want to be invisible, like a fly on a wall or a fuzball on a shirt. Now I wish I could tell people what I think. I wish that I could communicate with them and tell them that what they are doing is wrong and needs to stop before all human kind comes to a standstill from all of the cheating and bitching and wealth and poverty and hunger and ignorance and unfaithfulness and just everything. On the outside I'm a quiet nobody with calm features and slow serene words. On the inside I am bubbling over like a volcano waiting to explode and in the near future I know that someday I will, because all of this pent up anger will eventually have to come out somehow. And I feel so terrible for the person that has to see it happen or causes it.