Disclaimer: JK Rowling, you did an awsome job, now you are done and we´re left without new books. The characters are all yours; I just borrow them for a while. I don´t make money out of it, so please don´t sue me!

Chapter 2: The lost dignity

„Oh Merlin! How much I do hate those semi-business lunches!" With those words Marco Daniels unwillingly left his desk in the cultural department of the US embassy in Santiago de Chile and went on his way out to this new fancy restaurant in Providencia, where he was supposed to meet his counterpart of the German embassy. She was blond, rich, had lots of brains, they shared their interests both in work and in cultural taste – but still, she was human, a woman even, she asked to many questions and made to personal comments about his unwillingness to share any answers to them. People usually did that, that´s why Marco didn´t like them a lot and woman in particularly.

But life was cruel, and as today too often there was no way around them. He had promised to meet with Miss Schreiner, and so he would simply enjoy the food and hopefully only have to listen to her stories instead of answering questions. She was still a pretty bearable type of her species, because she talked too much about herself and therefore was an easy conversation partner. But he had the feeling that Miss Schreiner had a thing for him. That was nothing strange either, he was used to it. Females simply were attracted by his outside, if they knew his inside, they wouldn´t even give him a second thought except for those of hatred and disgust. That´s why he kept away completely, at least on a romantic basis of a relationship and that was exactly what he intended to do today again. With those thoughts he caught eye of the mentioned woman who was already waiting in front of the entrance of the restaurant.

"Hello Miss Schreiner!" Marco kissed her on the right cheek just as it was custom in the country they both lived in. "Should we go in?" They settled on a table beside the window and after ordering light lunches Marco attempted to start the conversation in business topics. He asked her several questions about a Gala all the Western countries were organizing together in two month time, and made several suggestions that seemed of importance from the US point of view. They also talked some minutes about the progresses in the language programs in middle schools and the difficulties they were facing with the Chilean educational ministry. It was going pretty well and Marco even thought that it was quite an enjoyable lunch until Miss Schreiner started to lead the conversation into more personal territories. First she simply started asking questions and giving opinions about a theater play they had both seen, then she tried to find more common interests on the field of classical music and as he still went on with it, although grudgingly, she asked the question, he had dreaded for some 20 minutes now: "So, Mr. Daniels, why don´t you call me Marion?"

Marco new what came after that, but still he needed his German counterpart as an important alley, so he could hardly refuse her offer. He raised his glass of water with the words: "I am Marco, Marion. To a fruitful alliance." Her eyes gleamed to much, he thought and it was hard not to roll his eyes as she pointed out like a teenage girl that their names were almost the same. But he just nodded slightly and planed his next move. He´d just have to tell her that he had to get back, but that would seem rude, so he might as well just ask her about her life, let her tell her probably most boring stories of childhood, fake some laughter and interest and then he could just point out the time when she asked about his past. "So, Ma- " he started his question with a perfect Slytherin smile, but she had just a second earlier started herself with saying "So, Marco, tell me something more about yourself. You surely have an interesting past." "The hell I have.", he thought, but started his usual tale: "Well, I went to Yale, where I majored both in law and politics, because I wanted to make the world a better place with more justice. But after graduation I applied for the embassy program instead of working for NGOs. After the course in Washington D.C., they sent me as a trainee to Kathmandu, where I worked in the economic department. I liked it there, but it was politically unstable and despite my university studies I was always interested in the work of the cultural department and I was keen to use my Spanish course I took at Yale, so I gladly accepted when they offered me the position here in Santiago. I have been here for two years now; I enjoy the cultural life and the climate a lot. And my counterparts of course." A bit of flattering never was out of place. And beside that – he would just make it look like he was a man that merely defined his past on his career. Marco just took a breath before wanting to ask her "And what about you?" just to withdraw her attention from his person, but again she was quicker exclaiming with a laughter: "But you can´t start your tale of life with the moment you entered Yale. What about your childhood, your parents or even high school? What about your first girl-friend? Your friends? Your holidays?"

She truly was of the most annoying sort of women, he would just have to leave. He couldn´t lie under those daily-life circumstances, as much of a Slytherin he was, and he would not tell the truth, that was simply out of question. So he just told her: "There´s not much to tell, Marion. And by the way, I have to get back to work. I really have to work on the report to the foreign ministry. But it was really to get to know you further. We´ll see each other next week on the coordination meeting for the Gala." He kissed her quickly and made an escape. He hoped that he hadn´t ruined their business relationship, but she had gone too far - far too far. She had stepped over the unwritten line of the rules about dealing with Marco Daniels: "Don´t ever ask him or even make him think about his past."

There were simply to many pictures in his mind, pictures he didn´t want to see again and that still where triggered so easily to his mind: His father, pointing a wand at him giving him a wizard beating, when he was just 7 years old. Hogwarts, the loneliness of being the king of Slytherin. Crabbe and Goyle laughing at him making cruel jokes about Hermione Granger and cheering on him to humiliate her even more. Voldemort in his house after 5th year and all the dark and cruel air around him, how he enslaved his father and then how he gave Draco his duty to kill Dumbledore if he wanted his family to stay alive. The moment he stood in front of Dumbledore, when he knew it all – that he couldn´t do it. Then seeing Dumbledore die, fleeing with Snape through the wood. Being tortured by Voldemort for his failure, disgusting the man and still having to serve him. All those and many more moments of his past flashed through his head, robbing him his senses and his hard gained bits of self respect. Marco knew that he would find no peace today, but he had to shut them out before it all came back to that crucial point that changed his life forever. If the pictures began flowing towards this day, he would be lost and there would be no way he could accomplish any work anymore. And he still had that report to the foreign ministry to write. So he concentrated himself much, occluded his mind and entered the embassy again. Occluding his mind was the only related thing to magic he still practiced. He was not thankful for the methods his father had used to teach it to him, but he was deeply grateful that he had that ability. Only be shutting his memories away he could live a life that at least gave him some of his dignity back.

Dignity for Marco was gained by hard work, and so he worked on the report until late that night. Then, after having settled on his roof-top with a glass of wine as he did every evening he let the memories flow. He knew if he didn´t allow them to do so, it would only become worse. And he wouldn´t find sleep anyway, so why not torture himself a bit. It was his way of redemption, as he couldn´t apologize or even undo anything. So he was back again in the time of Christmas break of his 7th year. After the worst Christmas of his life – he had to share it with the Dark so-called-Lord, Bellatrix Lestrange and all the other Death Eaters and everybody received the Cruciatus curse instead of presents, Voldemort had given him together with Crabbe and Goyle one last chance: They had to find Hermione Granger, who together with Potter had escaped Voldemort again and bring her to the Dark Lord – alive. For days they had apparated back and forth through the woods without any hope of finding them. Crabbe and Goyle were stupidly loyal as always, willing to kill everybody in their way. He was disgusted by them and also he still stood behind the ideas of the superiority of wizards and was defending the thought that only Purebloods were real wizards he had lived through too much torture and undignifying treatments of the hand of the Dark Lord that he couldn´t cherish that demon´s orders anymore; he hated him and loathed being his servant.

He thought much about what he could do when and if they found Granger. Still he had drawn no conclusions. She was a mud-blood, unworthy to be a witch, but she was bright and somehow sexy and did anybody deserve to die? Well, she just had to die, didn´t she? It was the only way to save himself. He only wanted to survive and therefore he needed to find Granger and turn her in to the Dark Lord.

The moment he found her though, he reacted differently. It was another cold winter day and he wanted to be alone for a while, so he told Crabbe and Goyle that they should roam the wood near the place the former World Quidditch Cup was held at, where they had camped the past days, in a row, walking at a distance of 30 meters to each other. He had spotted her, kneeling and picking up something from the ground. He sneaked up soundlessly behind her, did a quick silent "Expelliarmus" and closed her mouth with his hand while holding her with his other arm, whispering in her ear: "Don´t be afraid, Granger!"

He never knew why he had acted like that. Maybe it was because he was so terrified himself. Or maybe it was because he really didn´t want to kill anybody, he didn´t want to be part of the Dark Lords´ army anymore. By the time he actually had held her in his arm, whispering those calming words he didn´t really have time to give it any thought because in the next moment both Crabbe and Goyle were running towards them and he was acting in his role again, insulting her after having silenced her, calling her Mudblood and making stupid jokes about her not being a witch, and that now she would even cease to be a living person. What would the Weasel king and the scarhead have to say to that? Crabbe and Goyle were laughing and cheering just as they always did, but unfortunately at least Crabbe hat his own thoughts now, too.

So he growled another dirty laugh and then suggested honestly: "Oi, Malfoy – the Dark Lord wouldn´t mind if I had a bit of fun with her before we turn her in, would he? I mean, she´s a filthy Mudblood, but she is kind of a girl and it would be for free." Draco was nearly disgusted, but after all she was just a Muggleborn and would die shortly anyway. So he just shrugged and squeezed something that sounded like "Well, if you must. But I don´t want to see her naked or anything" through his teeth before sitting down on a tree stump.

He really didn´t want to watch it, but her eyes were holding him close. They were screaming all the agony that her mouth couldn´t give free. Then suddenly they broke and there was nothing but shame in them. It was then that Draco broke, too – he was sure of that. Or maybe it was when he saw the blood flowing inbetween her legs – just the same color and consistency as his own. He would not see anymore of it, there was no way that he would give her to that monster that was supposed to be a Lord. No way. He might have been whining and selfish in the past, but he was a Malfoy, and that name stood for honor and glory. He might never get the last one, not as a servant to that monster at last, but he could get the first one back by saving Hermione Granger and he wouldn´t even have to die for it. Draco Malfoy had a plan.

After Crabbe was finished, thankfully very quick, he slapped Hermione and kicked her into the abdomen, insulting her in the worst ways. But Draco had to control himself, he even had to watch Goyle having a go, too. Then it seemed almost impossible, but absolutely necessary; now it was the cruelest memory. How could he do that? How could he not have avoided it? It was the guilty of his life, a guilty that he would never redeem. Never ever. But he had watched it, and so he had the pleasure of being tortured with those pictures over and over again today and almost every night of his life.

Maybe it wasn´t even the cruelst thing he had ever done, or his uppermost guilty. Maybe that honor lay in himself telling Crabbe and Goyle that he would have a go on Hermione, too, now that the two others had made her such a good whore. Maybe that was the point that took all the life out of her. Or maybe it was the Unforgivable he had used later on. But he had done it all just to save her. He had explained that they couldn´t turn Hermione in like that, the Dark Lords rage would be unspoken and he would probably kill them for not letting him have her first and bringing her in such a state, where she couldn´t even answer questions anymore. Crabbe and Goyle of course believed him and as he suggested that they could burn her, just as those Muggle relatives of her had burned witches and wizards that time, they went of gladly and happily to collect wood while he was supposed to have his go on her.

But of course he didn´t do anything like that, the only way he touched her was as he took of the amulet, which served as an invisible concealed international portkey, he had worn since he was a little boy and put it around her neck. Then he explained to her, that he would imperio her and sent her to New York. She shouldn´t come back until after the defeat of the Dark Lord, because he would make the wizarding world think that she was dead. Hermione didn´t seem to realize any of his words, but maybe they were sinking in. He could just hope that they did, because Crabbe and Goyle were returning already.

They magically formed the stake and Draco suggested that they would just tell the Dark Lord that they burned her on the spot because she put up a fight and then accidentally got killed by Sectumsempra. Because she looked so nasty they burned her, but took her hair and wand as evidence to the Dark Lord. He surely would reward them for that also. Draco of course doubted that, but Crabbe and Goyle were so thick, that they believed him anyway and were eager to burn the Granger Mudblood at the stake.

Draco told them they could as well make a bit of a spectacle for the three of them out of it and performed the Imperius curse on her. He started giving her orders: the first one was to cut off her hair, which he took into his pocket. Then he made her dance, spin around and kiss her toe. He didn´t enjoy doing so, but thought it necessary to distract Crabbe and Goyle. It worked indeed; they were soon rolling on the soil of laughter. Draco took the opportunity to cast the freezing charm and fire-repelling charm on her and ordered her to put herself dancing on the stake while he made Crabbe start the fire. Draco had Hermione to make faces and move her belly while putting her tongue onto her nose. Again the two stupid dunderheads were rolling on the floor and Draco even made them turn around as he made Hermione finally touch the amulet and say: "I´m a filthy Mudblood and I was pleasured by the wonderful Gregory Goyle, the king Vincent Crabbe and the little dragon…" Then, as Draco alone saw her spinning away, he shouted "My Mark is burning – we have to go to the Dark Lord now. Take my arm for Merlin´s sake!" With those words he apparated the three of them away, back to Malfoy manor. He was never so glad that he alone had the supposed honor of having taken the Dark Mark.

What followed was a blur. They presented Granger´s wand and hair to the Dark Lord and told their little fairy tale of having her killed. The monster of course was outraged and put the Cruciatus on the three of them for a good while. But that was not the worst. It was exactly what Draco had expected. What he hadn´t anticipated was the reaction of his father. Lucius put the Cruciatus on his own son, holding it even longer than the Dark Lord and that in front of the Dark Lord and a hand full of other Death Eaters. His mother just looked away. That was the moment that Draco Malfoy decided that not only Muggleborns had the same blood as wizards, just as he had seen it today, but also asked himself if maybe Muggles could be the better people. For sure he knew that he had to get away.

And that was exactly what he did – he apparated away, telling everybody that he would bring Harry Potter to redeem his failure with Granger, performed a last curse – an unforgivable even on a Muggle in the US embassy, whom he imperioed to first give him all the documents he needed for a new life including High School diploma and flight ticket and then to go on a holiday to the coast where he would supposedly have found a suicide note and Dracos wand with the pledge to mail it to his parents and cremate his body inmediatally, which he tell him that he did so in a letter together with wand and note.

Since then he had never heard of the wizarding world again. He was glad, because he really couldn´t have taken more memories. Those he had haunted him, just like tonight. Sighing, Draco Malfoy stared into the night, thinking both that he deserved it and that he couldn´t wait until the morning, when he would be Marco Daniels again.