Days passed. I remained there, in that white hell. It was terrifying. Occasionally, someone would come in, with food or medication, but then they would leave without a word.

It was horrible.

I knew I was being watched, but every time any person would come in, I'd say the same thing.

"Where's Hikaru?"

Nothing else.

I wondered, in all of my free time, if he was worried about me. I wondered if he went to school, went to the Host Club, flirted with girls…

Had sex with Haruhi…

It was agony, to be away from him for so long…

To be alone.

'I lied, Hikaru. I hate it…I hate being alone. I can't stand it anymore! I think I'm losing my mind!'

I recalled the oddest things, in that hospital bed.

I remembered meeting Tamaki. He was never able to tell us apart, only guess. It was astonishing how much effort he put into it, though. I suppose that's why we both accepted his invitation. He had quite the charisma, milord.

If only we could've known him better.

Underneath his idiocy, Tamaki was a complex character, with many good qualities.

'He really is like a father to all of us.'

I remembered the first thing Kyouya ever said to us.

"Don't embarrass yourselves for this idiot's sake."

I smiled at the memory.

Our frosty Demon King.

Our mother.

He too possessed many hidden qualities. I had once written him off as an Outside oddity.

An exception in that dark, lonely world.

I had assumed that he had no qualms about his given path in life, his assigned goals, his ridiculous obstacles…

But now…

It's so obvious now that it was all clever deception. Kyouya had shaped the entire world around him, giving them an aim age of the content third son, but on the inside, he was burning up, a complete disaster.

Our poor, dear mother.

I never understood how someone like him could befriend someone like Tamaki.

'Perhaps it was just Tamaki who befriended him,' I mused, recalling how captivated everyone had always been by the half-French romantic.

How utterly ensnared…

Hunny and Mori, though…

The martial arts lords had never been as close to us as the others, but we were still all a family.

Like the first entire sentence I'd heard from Mori.

"We protect our own. No one will ever hurt you with us around."

Hunny had nodded vigorously, mouth full of cake.

I smiled at the sound of Mori's voice. It wasn't something most people got to hear.

Hunny was different though, Mori's absolute foil.

"Kaoru! Hikaru! You're so cool! Come and eat cake! Cake!"

But when Hunny was serious…

"Kaoru? We're all gonna' be pals forever, right? Even when we're old and smelly? Kaoru? Hikaru?"

I think Hunny was always scared of growing up, being forced to abandon everything important to him, like cake and bunnies. He was just a happy child at heart. He was content, and old and experienced enough to know what that meant.

I'd always envied that part of him.

It was an easy thing for an outsider to overlook, but I knew Hunny fairly well. He always knew what he wanted.

Almost the same as Hikaru.

Hikaru always came through with something if he wanted the rewards.

The benefits…

In that way, too, he was like Kyouya, seeing the profit at the end as motivation.

It was enough, for him.

But I suppose I was the one to pay for it in the end.

I didn't know why I was still in the hospital.

I was fine.

I could get up, walk around, eat, sleep, stretch, all without my head bothering me.

They still thought I was a threat to myself.

They thought I would hurt myself more.

But the solitude was killing me.

I felt like screaming until my throat bled.

But then, some number of days later, Kyouya came back in, an old-style telephone in his hands.

"They said you could make some calls to 'sort matters out.' I think they mean to keep you in here until you tell one of the doctors about…this."

I hardly heard a word of what he said.

I had a phone.

I could finally hear Hikaru's voice again.

"Tell them I will, Kyouya!" I begged. "I'll talk, just let me see everyone again!"

"I'll send someone in as soon as they can," he agreed easily, handing the phone to me.

I took it with trembling hands and slowly dialed a very familiar number. The demon king sat down in one of the few chairs as I listened to the ringing on the other end.

And ringing…

And ringing…

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hikaru? Hikaru, it's me!"

"Kaoru?!" It was such a relief. I felt all tension flood from my body at the sound of my twin's voice. "What's been going on? Why can't I see you? Why didn't you call sooner? Kaoru!"

"I'm sorry. They won't let anyone in. This is the first time they've let me use a phone."

"Listen, Kaoru…I'm sorry…so sorry."

"No, it's fine," I said, trying to keep him away from apologies. It really dampened the mood. "I'm just glad to talk to you."

"Me, too. When can you come home? Aren't you better yet?"

"Yes, but I can't say for sure. Kyouya's going to help me."

"Is Kyouya there?"

"Yeah, he's right here."

"Let me talk to him."

"Hikaru?" It was painful. My first contact with him—anyone—in nearly a month, and he wanted to talk to Kyouya?!

"Just do it. I'll see you soon."

I handed the phone back to Kyouya, who listened for a while, giving 'yes'es and 'no's as needed and then hung up.

"What did he say?" I asked miserably.

"Just to make sure you get home today, which I doubt." He frowned for a moment before adding, "He's been very worried about you. He nearly assaulted me every day to learn more about your condition. Needless to say, there hasn't been much to tell."

I remained silent.

What was there to say? 'Damn right he was worried about me!'

I don't think so.

"Anyway, I'll get someone to see you as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Kyouya," I said with honest gratitude. He nodded making to leave, but paused at the door.

"Kaoru, you'll be fine. I'll make sure of it."

And he was gone.

Instead of remembering things, I imagined things. The doctor Kyouya had arranged for me to see didn't arrive for another three days after the phone call, so I had a lot of time on my hands…again. So I spent it all exercising my imagination.

I imagined that Hikaru really did love me.

I imagined that Haruhi really did love Tamaki more than my brother.

I imagined that Haruhi had a baby.

I imagined that I was on the world's largest Ferris wheel, able to see for miles to the deep blue ocean and beyond.

I imagined visiting France again, or Sweden, or even Peru.

I felt so trapped in my little white box/cage.

Trapped and cold.

Hospitals really are freezing.

But when that doctor did come, I wouldn't chill out. I kept getting nervous and twitchy.

"Why do you think I am here?" he asked from behind his clipboard.

"Because you need to know how I got hurt."

"Almost," he replied condescendingly, scribbling something down. Behind there, he appeared Western. Possibly even American. "I need to know why you are hurt."

"I slipped in the bath and hit my head on the wall," I answered, unable to stop fidgeting.

"And what of your arms? Your chest?" A pair of glasses peered over his notes at me. "Your back?"

"I…did it myself. All of it." I felt that I spoke too defensively.

Too automatically.

"Oh? And why?"

His tone was aggravating. Hikaru would have socked him by now.

"Well, I guess I'm just…having trouble adjusting to a life with less…attention."

"And who isn't as attentive?"

The questioning continued in this fashion for a lone while. Right before he left, though, he jotted something down on a piece of paper and set it on my bedside table. After he was long gone, I snatched it up, surveying it pointedly.

It was a prescription for Prozac.

Hikaru was waiting when I came home two days later, pills in hand. I dropped them quickly, and ran to him. I had so missed the way our bodies fit together. I loved it.

I loved him.

But then he asked me about my pills.

"I don't need them," I answered immediately as he read the label. "I won't take them."

But he frowned, handing them to me.

"If they say you need them, you should take them. As long as you're Kaoru again, I don't care what you have to do to get there." And I was in his arms agin. "I never feel right without you, Kaoru," he murmured, kissing my shoulder.

'No,' I thought miserably, gripping the pill bottle tightly. 'That's what I should say to you.'

Hikaru wrapped himself around me tightly that night, as if anchoring me beside him. I kept him close, too.

We wouldn't lose each other again.

"Hey, Hikaru?"

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"How're you and Haruhi? Did I miss much?"

"We fought again. She says I've changed a lot, but I still feel like me. Do I seem different to you, Kaoru?"

"Almost. You're still Hikaru, but…"

"But what?"

"But you're Haruhi's Hikaru."

Not mine.

A long silence fell. My nose was rested on his chest, just below his collarbone. He smelled like Hikaru—a faint hint of citrus, mixed with what I imagined the color blue would smell like.

"Kaoru?"

"Yes, Hikaru?"

"I'm glad you're home."

His breath ruffled my hair, and I smiled into his skin.

"Me too."

We both tried to fall asleep, but we both failed.

"Hikaru?"

"Yes Kaoru?"

"Am I the moon?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"…Never mind." I felt heat rise in my face.

"No, really. It bugs me when you don't tell me these things."

"I…Well, it feels like…I can't explain it." I frowned, trying to rectify my mistake without reminding him of what I felt for him. "It's like…you're such a bright person; the sun. And if you're the sun, then I must be the moon. I mean, because we have a lot of the same qualities, but we're still two people. But we still share the same light."

"And you think I'm the sun?"

Only Hikaru could make me feel this ridiculous.

"Yeah."

"But…I can't be the sun." He sounded odd.

Almost miserable.

"When you smile…everyone looks at you."

I was stunned, pleased, embarrassed, and sympathetic all at once. I found Hikaru's hand and squeezed it, trying to communicate all that I felt in the gesture.

"Hikaru…"

It was at times like these that the distinctions in our relationship faded. It always made me wonder when he would say things like these. He would forbid my love for him, but promote our touching. He wouldn't let me kiss him, but he would say these tender things to me.

He would only speak to me in whispers, but it seemed that his words were exploding from his heart.

"Kaoru…please don't talk anymore."

"Why?"

"Because…just because. We have school tomorrow."

"We can skip."

"Kaoru, just go to sleep."

"I'm not tired, Hikaru; I've slept enough already."

"Just let me sleep!"

I flinched into him, already feeling sorry for having put him in such a conflicting position.

I knew that he loved me as a brother, and therefore didn't want to hurt me with outright rejection, but that he also knew my feelings for him, and obviously didn't return them—possibly was disgusted by them.

But I couldn't help what I felt…

What I wanted…

"Sorry," I whispered, kissing the hand that I still held in mine. He lightly tugged it out of my grip, and I felt the tears building up.

So much for the joyful reunion.