As I have said, the boundaries dissolved into nothing.

Some days, Hikaru would dote upon me, brushing against my flesh, kissing my throat, his body upon mine…

And the next…

I would be cast out. Disowned.

Unloved.

He would deny everything he had told me on what I had come to refer as Sunny days.

I called his coldness Storms.

It made more sense to me, since Haruhi was terrified of storms.

I too had come to know the terror felt on a Stormy day.

Poor Haruhi…

Every time I saw her, she looked more worn, less perky. I knew that this relationship was hurting her, and tried to speak to her about it, but every time I would approach her, she always had the same response.

"I love him; I just want him to be happy."

Even though that was exactly how I felt towards Hikaru, I felt disgusted by these words.

"Why won't you just tell him 'no'? Why do you let him torment you like this?" I demanded of her one day while Hikaru was using the bathroom.

"Because I can't stand to see him hurt."

It was ironic, wasn't it?

How utterly captive the both of us were to that sadistic monster. He kept us locked up in our own affection, making us do whatever he wanted…

And the pills…

He would bring up my medication anytime I had prepared to fight him.

"And how am I supposed to feel, Kaoru? You need pills just for you to be able to smile! How am I supposed to know what you really mean and what part is just the goddamn pills?!"

I never took the pills.

Sure, I pretended to, slipping them into my pocket and throwing them away at lunch.

Counting carefully and always refilling the prescription right on time…

But I just couldn't bring myself to take any of them.

It would feel sacrilegious to everything I stood for.

Everything I ever thought about Hikaru being so dishonest.

How could I be honest if I didn't even know for sure how I felt because of some stupid drug that I didn't even ask for?

How would that prove any point at all?

No, the pills were not for me. I didn't take them, and I didn't feel any better about it.

But I couldn't tell Hikaru that. He might tell someone else, even if on accident, and then I'd have to go back to that hell…

I couldn't stand the seclusion. I didn't want that pain ever again, so…

I did everything Hikaru asked of me.

I felt that if I disappointed him in the least, he'd abandon me again…

Leave me all alone and run off to Haruhi…spend every second with her and make me beg him to come back.

I couldn't live with myself if I ever—ever—went to my twin to beg. It would make me feel so meaningless, especially to him.

I used to be his world.

Now, I'm only the moon.

And it's a very Stormy night indeed.

"Kaoru, I just don't understand why you feel so depressed all the time. I mean, look at me! We do everything together, and I'm just fine."

I couldn't argue with him, so I agreed with him.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll tell those quack doctors that I don't need medication." As if they would listen anyways. But it didn't seem that agreeing with him would make him any happier than fighting with him.

"No, Kaoru, just take the goddamn pills. It's fine, really."

"Okay Hikaru."

"Let's go to bed."

"Okay Hikaru."

"Kaoru?"

"Yes Hikaru?"

"Stop it."

"Okay Hikaru."

He got into bed, watching me pointedly as I turned off the light and stripped to my underclothes. As I climbed in on my side of the bed, he rolled to observe me, face completely serious, and said, "Kaoru, you need to get laid."

I almost laughed, but managed to sputter, "W-what?!"

"That's why you've been so upset, isn't it? Because Haruhi will have sex with me and not you."

I didn't feel like laughing anymore.

"How about I let you borrow her sometime?" he asked, still completely serious.

"Hikaru, you can't just say things like that. Haruhi's really in love with you."

"No, she isn't, actually. She keeps shouting that she thinks you'd be a better boyfriend. So, I figure that we just test that. You're such a little wuss, I doubt she'll be able to tolerate it for too long, so I think I should just let her know what she's asking for."

It was like he was stabbing me somewhere near my liver.

"Hikaru, that's not…I mean, she was just upset. She couldn't have meant—"

"I know; isn't it great?" he snickered, finally rolling back onto his back. "She'll finally understand what she means by her stupid, dumbass words. One day with you, and she'll be begging to come back to me."

"Stop it," I whispered, turning away from him.

He'd been meaner to me, during these Storms, but he'd never brought Haruhi into it before. It had always been strictly about how fucked-up I was. Haruhi was only a side note; the slightly out-of-focus foundation of his rage.

"What's wrong?" he mocked, draping his body across me. "Are you upset at what I'm saying about that bitch? Or are you just disgusted by the thought of girls doing it, cuz' you're such a little faggot?"

I covered my ears, letting the tears fall.

"Stop it. You don't mean it."

"Oh, boo hoo," my evil twin jeered, flinging himself off of me. "Just go take some of your pills."

I couldn't handle the abuse. I was considering taking my medication, just out of spite.

Just so I could feel like I might actually deserve this punishment that made so little sense to me.

Why did he hate me so much?

He knew I loved him.

He knew I'd do anything for him…

He was just exploiting it to lord it over someone who couldn't possibly fight back.

But…he was serious.

The next day during Host Club, he dragged Haruhi over to my table and shoved her into my lap.

"Your problem now, bro." He said it so casually…like he didn't care about her at all.

She, on the other hand, appeared to be on the verge of tears, and her left cheek looked remarkably swollen. I looked wordlessly at Kyouya, who nodded, a stunned expression uncharacteristically slapped on his usual cool face. I stood, leaving the music room, dragging Haruhi with me.

Words couldn't describe the absolute loathing I felt at that time, all of it directed towards the one person I loved more than air itself.

The one person who could make me feel anything at all.

"He hit you?" I asked in the men's bathroom as I held a damp hand cloth to her bruised cheek.

"It's no big deal."

"Yes it is, Haruhi."

"He hits you all the time." She meant it to be accusatory and harsh, but it came out a sad mumble.

"He's not dating me. He can hit me all he needs to."

"He always did, didn't he? Because he was mad at me…"

She broke down crying, clutching me for support, and I held her warmly, compress lying forgotten on the ground.

"I'm so s-sorry, Kaor-ru," the girl bawled. "It's all my fault!"

"He's an asshole because he's him. Don't hate yourself for that, Haruhi," I soothed, rubbing her back slowly.

But I felt tempted to cry myself.

If Hikaru had hit me because of her, she'd probably been hit because of me. I didn't even want to think of the awful things he must've said to her.

Done to her.

"B-but…it's my f-fault that you had to get hurt. I d-didn't ever mean to do anything like that…"

"Haruhi, I'm sure you must have had worse than me."

She shook her head, smacking me several times. I sighed, pulling her to sit down on a sofa in the corner. I was told that they had been added because of girls' complaints that there was no comfortable way to wait for friends who were taking care of…business. Boys got them too, because it wouldn't be fair otherwise. I silently thanked whichever whiny bitch had suggested it in the first place.

"Haruhi, just calm down. We can get through this. We just need to teach Hikaru that there is a world outside of him."

She nodded, hiccupping softly. The poor girl looked like she could use more comforting, but I couldn't bring myself to hold her again. I kept her locked in my gaze, eyes flickering briefly to her cheek.

"How did that happen, anyway? What did he do?"

"I told him I'd rather…" The regular side of her face turned a very deep red, and she looked away. "I said you'd be a better boyfriend than him, and he got…mad." She offered me an apologetic glance. "He called you a faggot."

"He does this often."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault"

"It still must be a horrible thing to hear from your brother."

"I've heard worse."

"…that's so sad, Kaoru."

"Not really. He's just a dick-wad."

"I know what you mean."

I moved closer to her, and she scooted closer to me.

"He won't stop, will he?" she whispered desperately.

"No, I don't think he will."

Haruhi's head dropped to my shoulder without warning.

"I'm glad that…that I can finally talk to someone about this."

"…Yeah."

"…How have you managed for so long?"

"Kyouya helped me with it. He's not a bastard, by the way."

"I know. He's very kind."

A long silence passed that neither of us tried to fill. It was too sad, in that luxurious bathroom, to be discussing these things. I put my arm around my brother's girlfriend's shoulders, squeezing her tightly. Her hand found my free one, and we just sat there. I pretended that we were somewhere else; somewhere Hikaru didn't exist. I pretended that both of us didn't need him anymore.

"Why does it matter to you so much?" I asked after too much silence.

"What do you mean?"

"That relationship? How do you still care about him?"

She chuckled without humor.

"I suppose I could ask the same thing of you."

"He's my brother. We've never been apart. What's your excuse?"

"I guess…I guess I'm just too used to facing everything alone…It's just been nice to have someone there beside me; someone who isn't afraid of the things that I am. It just makes everything…so much easier to face."

Her fingers wrung mine briefly, and a smile played about my lips.

" 'You're not as alone as you think you are'," I quoted, feeling strange as the words passed through my mouth.

"What?"

"It's just something Kyouya told me."

"Kaoru?"

"Yes Haruhi?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"And why would you do that?"

"I want to know if it's like Hikaru's."

"It's not; trust me."

But against better judgment, her lips came up to meet mine, and I was totally unprepared.

I liked it more than I should.

"You kiss like a girl," she murmured as she pulled away from me, a slight smirk on her lips. I felt color rise in my face.

"So do you," I shot back lamely.

"Kaoru," she giggled, "you make absolutely no sense."

But she didn't say it with a frown inside.

We returned to hosting much more cheerfully.

The guests didn't seem to mind Haruhi being there; in fact, they seemed to enjoy it more with her there, as she kept conversation alive.

Our little 'natural'.

As always, I could see in a split second why Hikaru had fallen in love with her. Was it so wrong to know such things? Wouldn't it be obvious to anyone, especially one as tuned to Hikaru's preferences as I was?

Didn't it make perfect sense?

After the Club was over, Hikaru left immediately. I didn't follow, knowing he'd be in a foul mood. Instead, I stayed behind with Haruhi.

"I think I figured out how to get back at him," she stated after a while.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. You and I should get together."

"…What?"

"You know, you be my boyfriend."

"Are you serious?! That's a crazy idea!"

"No, it's not! Listen, we are the two people he needs in his life the most. If we disappear from his life together, he might just learn how to keep us around better. When things mellow over, we can come clean, and I'll get back with him!"

"Haruhi, that won't work. Ever."

"What? Why?!" she demanded, beginning to pout.

"Because, what if he just gets madder? He could seriously hurt someone!"

"Not if he's a depressed wreck."

"Haruhi, are you listening to yourself? You're crazy!"

"Kaoru, just try it?"

"No."

"Kaoru—!" But I cut her off.

"Haruhi, I'm a depressed wreck! He'll hurt someone, and if neither of us are around, he'll hurt himself! I couldn't…" I broke off, rubbing my face. "I couldn't bear it if he hurt himself because of me."

"You mean, like you hurt yourself because of him."

"…It's not as simple as that."

"Yes it is, Kaoru. You're in love with him, aren't you?!" the girl accused, growing more irritated.

"That's—!" I bit off my words, and she looked shocked. She obviously hadn't anticipated this reaction.

"Really? Kaoru, are you serious?!"

I hung my head, shuffling my feet. At least Kyouya hadn't told everyone.

"He found out, didn't he? That's why he keeps calling you those names, isn't it?"

"…yeah."

"I'm really sorry, Kaoru."

"Again, it isn't your fault. I didn't choose this. I don't want it."

"I…I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" I ordered, not shouting, but coming close. Why wouldn't anyone just let it go?

We stood there for a while after that, not wanting to say anything, for fear of upsetting the other. We didn't even move as my phone rang.

"You should answer that," she whispered at the fourth ring.

"Yeah." I pulled it out of my pocket, flipping it open. "Hey."

"Kaoru, where the hell are you?!"

"Sorry. Just straightening up a few things. I can be home soon."

"Bring Haruhi with you."

And he hung up the phone.

"Hikaru?" Haruhi asked dryly. "What does he want?"

"For the both of us to come home," I answered in the same tone.

"Well, let's not keep our master waiting."

So we left, walking closely beside each other, but still slightly separated. We spent the entire journey home with only a few words until we pulled into the main gates.

"Kaoru?"

"Yes?"

"…I'm glad I kissed you."

"I wouldn't be, if I were you; Hikaru says that gay is contagious."

She gave a sad half-smile, following me inside. We made sure not to appear happy as we crossed the threshold, not wanting to give Hikaru the opportunity to take our pleasure away. As expected, he was waiting just inside the doors.

"Nice of you to drop by," he drawled from where he stood, leaning against the wall. "I let you spend some time alone just in case Haruhi could turn you straight, dear brother. She really is quite the slut, isn't she? Has she had sex with you yet?"

At this, I knew exactly what Hikaru had been using to torment Haruhi. I felt so disgusted. I couldn't bring myself to look at my brother's face.

"I'm kidding!" he roared as the hall apparently became too quiet for him. "God, can't you two take a joke?"

I kept a steady gaze on the ground.

"Well, are you just going to stand there or are you even going to say 'hi'?" my brother asked, growing impatient. We both muttered greetings, and Hikaru maintained a steady one-sided conversation, laced with insults. I felt so dirty by the end of it that I was ready to ask to take a shower.

"Of course you just have to stay for dinner, Haruhi. I think Kaoru was planning to make himself into a sundae and let us eat him. I mean, I really don't go for that sort of thing, but you're a whore, so you must have some mild interest in that kinky stuff."

"Hikaru…please…"

"What? What is it, Kaoru, you must speak up."

"Can I please go take a sh-shower?"

"Oh, is that it? All right then, Kaoru, Haruhi, go take a shower together. I'll have the chef make something special for dinner."

"No, Hikaru, that's fine, I'll just—"

"Just what, Haruhi? He's your new boyfriend. Go keep him company while he's in the shower."

I looked at her, she looked at me, and we both sighed inwardly, walking up the stairs.

"Have fun you two! Don't slip!"

I wanted to kill him…

I wanted to kill him…

I wanted to kill him…

So very, very much.

"Haruhi?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I'll just sit on the toilet or something."

"No, not that. About him."

She laughed bitterly.

"It's not your fault, is it? There's no point in apologizing for something you have no direct control over, is there?"

"…I'm just really sorry."

And we were in my bathroom, me in the shower, awkwardly undressing behind the curtain, and Haruhi perched on the toilet, reading a magazine. As I turned on the water, I thought I could hear her crying, but I passed it off as my imagination.

"Kaoru?"

"Yes?" I called over the water.

"Has he ever…touched you?"

"…Why?"

The water was running, and so was my nose. My eyes were stinging, and I had nothing to blame it on.

"Just…just wondering."

A knock at the door startled us.

"Kaoru? Haruhi? How's it going?"

"Don't come in!" Haruhi screeched. I felt my heart stop.

"Why not? I've seen both of you naked." The knob began to turn…

…and stopped. The door was locked.

Thank God.

"Why did you lock it? No matter. I'll be right back with the key. You'd both better be in there."

"Why is he doing this?" Haruhi hissed, and I could hear all of her sorrow.

"To prove a point. I think you'd better just tell him you prefer him to me. This is getting out of hand."

"Move over; I'm getting in."

"What?!" I sputtered, nearly falling over. "Do you have that much pride?"

"I want to hurt him," she spat, shoving the curtain out of the way. I closed my eyes, turning away from the girl. "Kaoru, you're going to have to open your eyes."

"No, I don't," I replied, keeping away from her. She reached out, grabbing my shoulder, but I wrenched it away from her. "You're going to far!"

"Kaoru, look at me," she commanded. I'd spent too long obeying Hikaru to ignore a direct order, but I didn't do it quickly. My eyes were firmly shut until the last possible second. She was still wearing her underwear, but in the water, they didn't really conceal much.

As soon as my brain had processed what she looked like, I squeezed my eyes shut, not missing the sound of the door opening.

"Hello? You two ready to eat?"

My twin ripped the curtains back revealing the two of us just looking at each other.

"Kaoru, are you that gay? You disappoint me. You see, you're supposed to stick your—"

"Hikaru! You're going way too far!" Haruhi shouted as I hung my head, keeping my eyes firmly shut. "Don't you give a damn about me? Why are you so set on us being together? What kind of sick point are you trying to make? I already know that Kaoru is a million times of a better person than you, because he's a gentleman! He would never take advantage of an opportunity like this, even if he wanted to!"

"Haruhi, it's because he's gay."

"He is not, Hikaru, and you know it!" Now Haruhi rounded me on, wrenching my face level with hers and shouting, "Stand up for yourself, dammit!"

"Haruhi, I'm not…" I began, trying to think of something—anything—to say.

"Not what, Kaoru?" Hikaru taunted, crossing his arms.

"A gentleman," I responded, finally deciding on something to do.

It was such a daring move.

I leaned forward, grabbed Haruhi in my arms, and kissed her with every ounce of defiance I could muster.

I guess I never realized that I had it in me…