Hikaru was defenseless.

We were his followers, but we had revolted.

He was the leader of air.

Haruhi and I would flirt around him, and he wouldn't be able to stand it. We would rub it right in his face.

He was jealous, but he wasn't mad.

He was hurt.

He somehow felt that we had betrayed him.

I almost felt sorry for him.

But Haruhi and I enjoyed watching him squirm.

She didn't really care for me, not in that way. It reminded me of Suki in an odd way.

Only, Haruhi wasn't delusional.

Neither of us cared strongly for the other; we just needed to make Hikaru pay.

It wasn't even about him learning a lesson anymore. He'd left the bedroom, sleeping in another wing of our mansion.

I was finally free of him.

I could breathe again.

But sometimes…

Sometimes, late at night when I couldn't sleep, I would picture Hikaru back before he went psychotic. I could see him perfectly in my head…

I still loved that Hikaru.

Affection for him still existed deep within my heart.

More than anything, I wanted to stand next to that person again, without a shred of doubt. Without worrying about what he could do to me.

I know he confronted Haruhi. She didn't crack. I couldn't have trusted myself to be so firm with a broken, susceptible Hikaru. I would want to cradle him to me, ask him to forgive everything I'd done.

But that was just it; I couldn't apologize to him anymore.

No more trust.

"Kaoru?" Haruhi whispered to me one day during class. It was the third day in a row Hikaru hadn't bothered to show up.

"Yes?"

"Are we doing the right thing?"

"He'll never learn if we don't knock him down hard."

But at the Host Club that day, Kyouya was missing too.

"Our precious club is cancelled today, my children," Tamaki sobbed, clutchi9ng Haruhi to him. She shuddered, slipping from his grasp. As the other three filed out silently, I exchanged a glance with Haruhi.

"Seeya' Kaoru," she said quietly.

"Yeah. Bye."

When I got home, Kyouya had apparently come and gone, and a message was waiting for me. I took it from a maid, but didn't open it. Anything Kyouya had to say at that point would just scar my pupils. I tromped up to my room, throwing the letter onto my bedside table and flopped down on my bed.

Our bed.

I had to sit up, feeling sick.

I sighed heavily, taking the note and ripping it open. When I had read it fully, I dropped it in shock, diving down to read it again.

'Hikaru is going to be hospitalized. I will call you when he's stable.'

I stopped breathing.

"Hikaru," I breathed, running to the front door.

"Get me to the hospital!" I roared, halfway down the stairs. Right on cue, four men darted out of nowhere, opening the door and escorting me to the already waiting car. I ran out ahead, phone out, dialing Haruhi's number before I was even in the car.

"Hello?"

"Haruhi, it's me. Hikaru's in the hospital."

"What?!"

"He's in the hospital. I'm on my way there now. Do you want me to send a car?"

"Kaoru…I can't. I mean…we shouldn't—" "Fine," I snapped, hanging up on her. A few buttons later and Kyouya's number flashed across my screen. I hit the 'dial' button.

I got his message box.

I hung up, swearing colorfully, and demanded how long it would take to get to Hikaru.

"Not long," the driver assured me, sweating an awful lot. Quite the nervous guy…

I massaged my temples vigorously, wondering just what state Hikaru would be in once I arrived.

But when I did arrive, the waiting room was eerily calm. I made a beeline up to the receptionist, heart failing.

"Hitachiin Hikaru," I said, trying not to stumble over my words.

"…He's in critical condition right now; you're going to have to wait out here until he's been stabilized."

She said it so casually.

I felt like smashing her face in her keyboard.

My brother—my other half—could be dying and she discussed the matter as she might a passing trend.

"W-what happened to him?!" I demanded in a low voice, beginning to tremble.

My stomach felt oddly cold.

"I'm not allowed to tell you that."

"I'm his twin brother! Just tell me what happened!"

"I'm afraid you're going to have to sit down, or I'm afraid I'll have to have you forcibly removed from this facility," came a cold voice from behind me.

"Kyouya!" Relief swelled up inside of me as I turned to face said person, an explosion of warmth flowing throughout my body.

It stopped as I met his eyes.

They were filled with anger and disdain.

"Nice of you to come."

"What happened? What's wrong with him? Where's Hikaru?!"

"Why did you come here?"

"Because Hikaru's here," I answered slowly.

"I told you I'd call. Is there really any point in wasting your time here?"

"But…Kyouya, what happened to Hikaru?"

"He slashed his wrist. Why? Do you suddenly care?" His voice was calm and casual, but the words were as bitingly cruel as his eyes.

My throat froze over. I couldn't talk…or breathe.

I felt a panic attack coming, but I was frosted over.

"What is it, Kaoru? I thought your pointless revenge was all you cared about."

"H-Hikaru…tried to kill…" I couldn't make the words fit together. Everything felt so unreal…

So cold…

"Judging from your expression, you weren't being as honest say you keep insisting you are. Didn't you hate your brother for those things he did to you and Haruhi?"

"Yes, but…but he…But I…It never was sup-posed to get so…bad."

It felt like I had fallen from a roller coaster mid-loop-de-loop, my feet trying to catch up with my head so I could catch myself at the end of the open plunge, but…

The ground wouldn't come.

I was suspended in the air, flipping over myself countless times.

"Where is he?"

"He's getting stitched up and they're pumping blood back into his system," the Ootori sniffed, glancing at his watch.

"Can I see him? Where is he?!"

"Not until he wakes up, I'm afraid."

"B-but…Kyouya, you've got special treatment here! You came to see me, didn't you?"

"That's different. You weren't nearly as bad as he is. We need to stay out of the way so that the doctors can fix him up as quickly as possible." He frowned, but then chuckled a bit, as if to himself. When I asked him about it, he replied, "It's funny. The both of you still act the same."

"What do you mean?"

"Hikaru was just the same when it was you who was in here."

I was pacing restlessly around the waiting room.

'Hikaru…'

I couldn't stop moving for more than a minute or so before horrific images passed through my head. I t was so glaringly obvious; how could I have missed it?!

Hikaru was too much a part of me to lose.

If he died, I wouldn't be able to survive.

Kyouya would occasionally vanish, and then reappear, always quiet an d collected looking.

But I knew his insides were in turmoil.

Not even the Prince of Darkness himself could face losing such a bright person.

…Losing the sun.

For the last time, Kyouya came to stand beside me.

"He's up," he said simply.

I just looked at him.

"He's alive," he clarified.

"Where is he?" I asked in a whisper.

"Follow me."

I obeyed, walking down hall after hall, finally arriving at a partially opened door.

I stared at it for a long while before Kyouya ushered me inside.

And for the first time in days, I got a good look at my twin.

He looked completely wrong.

He wasn't the sun anymore.

He looked as if the sun had burned him out, leaving desolation behind his soft topaz eyes, making them look like dark, solid honey.

Maybe even tar.

Those eyes widened, making his thin face seem nonexistent as he processed who I was.

"Kaoru?!"

His voice was hoarse, strained by his near encounter with death.

"Hikaru!"

I flung myself at him, simple tears making way for great, wracking heaves and spasms in my lungs. I took careful pains to stay away from the tubes coming from his left arm, trying not to strain his broken body.

He seemed so small.

Had this person really been able to hurt me so much?

"Kaoru? I thought…What are you…?"

"Hikaru, you idiot! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"B-but…" I buried my face in his chest, hearing him hiss as his entire body shook. I hesitantly pulled back, sitting next to him on his bed, holding his right hand. "I thought…Haruhi and you…What?"

I swiped at my eyes, watching him carefully.

"You wouldn't listen otherwise. We had to make you stop."

"Kaoru…I…I'm sorry…I lost it."

"I don't like Haruhi like that, Hikaru," I whispered intensely. "Win her back, if you want. Just…" I felt so much pain right then. "Promise you won't do those things to us anymore. We miss the old you: the bright, happy Hikaru. We both love you…so much."

"Kaoru, listen to me," he began, bleak eyes beginning to show some humanity. "I…I have to tell you…everything."

He sat up, taking my left hand in his as well, matching us up to face each other completely.

"I was so…scared when you were in here the first time; after I had started hosting with Haruhi. I knew you weren't adjusting well to less time with me, so…well, when you asked me to be 'serious' with you…well, I guess I didn't really think too much of it. But later…

"Later when I was with Haruhi, I couldn't help but wonder what had happened. I mean, you'd had that…dream but I could easily overlook that; you can't pick what you dream about. At first, I thought you just needed comfort, but later, I wondered if it was true. It was when you were with Suki that I began to figure it out.

"I really hated that girl for no discernable reason. She'd always been nice to me, polite, pretty, ladylike, and you liked her. She really shouldn't have bothered me at all, but she did. I resented her for taking you further from me…too far. I wanted to know that you wouldn't leave me, especially when Haruhi got mad at me. I was really angry that first night. I…well, touched you, and I know I hurt you—I can never be sorry enough about that. I just thought that if I marked you in that way, you'd never leave me. That Suki would back off…I wanted to make you mine.

"But I panicked. I realized just what you must have thought when we were in the shower. When you kissed me. You…cried. You thought I was messing around, like always, and I did nothing to suggest otherwise. So I avoided you for a while. I just didn't want to fully admit it to myself, I suppose…

"But then…" I flinched, knowing what was coming next and broke our eye contact for the first time since he'd begun his speech. He kept right on going. "Then you went to Kyouya. You broke what I felt was a secret bond, and I guess…I wanted to punish you, but keep that bond at the same time, so I…I made you do that. But…that didn't work the way I wanted—not at all. You avoided me now. I wanted to find you, tell you how I felt, because by then, I had realized what I felt; what I wanted. But there was no way to get it, with what I had begun with you and Haruhi. I couldn't even figure it out until so late…I tried to tell you…so many times, but I couldn't make the words. I knew you loved me. I knew I had hurt you, so…

"Well, I gave you the chance to get even. I wanted you to thrash and hurt me, but…you didn't. You were so gentle with me…and I really cherished that. I wanted that night to last forever, but…but I'm an ass who can't keep a good thing without smashing it."

I was listening intently to his words, but…

I couldn't believe them. They were too good…too sweet…

He had to be pretending. My eyes found his again, and I could see the truth in the vacant gold pools.

I felt like crying and singing at the same time.

But he wasn't finished.

"Haruhi and I had sex, and everything changed. We became closer, and once again, you were pushed out to the sidelines. When she told me that it was you who had told her those…things, I felt so miserable. At first, I thought it was because you didn't want me to love you like that, but then…

"Then, I said one careless thing, and you were so hurt…I didn't know what you wanted, only that you still thought of me. I was happy, but I didn't want that over you, y'know? I didn't want stupid sex stuff to rule our relationship. So that…in the bath…I wanted to tell you what I felt, what I wanted, but…you were so hung-up over Haruhi…so insistent…I couldn't tell you then. You had hurt yourself again, all because I couldn't be there for you all the time. To tell you that I loved you then would be too selfish…

"Of course…that part after…I panicked. I told you 'no' because I didn't want to tell you under such heavy conditions. I wanted to tell you when it was right, but you…You wouldn't cooperate. I just wanted to hold you close to me and tell you that everything would be all right, but you said that…'by myself'…I lost control. I thought you would leave me, doing everything yourself, so I wanted to show you that you had to belong to me. I had to make sure you were mine. I never wanted to hurt you, Kaoru. I never wanted you to resist me, to put up a struggle.

"I wanted you to love me as you'd never loved anyone else. After that, they took you away from me. I went to the hospital, nearly every day, demanding that I see you, but Kyouya would always make me leave. Haruhi came with me sometimes. I suppose she was really worried about me, but…

"Kyouya never treated me the same after that." He nodded at Kyouya, who I just realized was standing in the corner, watching our every move. " 'He must've heard the story,' I would think, and I would be sad, but I missed you too much to feel anything else. I just wanted to be with you again.

"When you did come home, I was so happy. I could endure even the pills if it meant that you could be mine again.

"It was around this time that I realized that my feelings for you were wrong. It was a bad thing to love your twin brother so much, so I would push you away. I couldn't help wanting you, so I thought that everything would be fine if you didn't want me. I began calling you names, hurting you, trying to make you stop loving me, so that I could try to be normal, but I was hurting Haruhi, too. I had to, because I finally figured out that I didn't really care for her; I only thought I did because I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. I didn't want anyone to realize what I felt, since it was…is wrong. I wanted to push the both of you so far away that you wouldn't look back…but…

"I couldn't stand it. I would have to pretend to be so damn cold…so hateful. Every time either of you would look at me, I would feel like dying so much. When you two…when you did get together, I realized just how much I cared for you, Kaoru. I wanted you to be mine more than ever, but…

"But my evil ploy had worked. You were long gone. Only you were torturing me so much, Kaoru. As much as I wanted you to be happy, I wanted to make you belong to me and no one else. You were right, Kaoru. I do treat people like objects. It's so much easier to pretend that they can't hurt you this way."

As he finished, he seemed more worn out, hunching over and losing his momentum. But he seemed so much more alive than before. I couldn't trust myself to talk just yet, so I focused on is gauze-covered forearm, squeezing his cold hands in mine.

"I guess…" he mumbled after a silent minute or so, "I guess I just want to say…Kaoru, I love you so much. Will you…will you be with me? Forever?"

"I—" I tried, voice breaking. I cleared my throat, meeting his eyes.

And as our eyes met, I felt all doubt leave me.

It wasn't an act.

He wasn't pretending.

It wasn't imaginary.

Hikaru loved me…

And I loved him.

"I already am."

And he leaned in for a kiss.

As I kissed my brother back, I couldn't help but think, 'There's no way something like this could be wrong.'