I would like to humbly apologize to all of my readers for the lateness of this chapter. As much as I'd like to give you the same old excuses, there is no excuse for this tardiness, and I beg your forgiveness. As penance, I will gladly accept any writing challenge thrown at me, by anyone. I am deeply sorry and hope you will not abandon me as I deserve.

We were together, but no one could know.

At school, I hardly looked at my brother.

At the Host Club, he was at his own table again.

So was Haruhi.

Haruhi…

I felt awful about that.

She would be all alone…

And it was all my fault.

Only I would be happy.

We couldn't both have Hikaru.

But from the looks I would sometimes receive from Hikaru, I couldn't help but wonder…

Maybe he was happy, too.

I longed to be with him again; to feel his arms around me.

"Kaoru? What happened with you and Haruhi? What about Hikaru? What's been going on with you three?" a blond asked, eyes confused and prying, while still trying to remain sympathetic.

"We're all going to calm down for a while; everything'll work out fine," I lied, smiling reassuringly.

"Then why does Haruhi look so miserable?" the girl persisted. "And why was Hikaru in the hospital for so long?"

"Just a little accident. No big deal, really." I could feel my panic swelling my lungs and then puncturing them savagely. I kept my breathing even by great effort. "So, what about you, Sachiko? Have you gotten that horse yet?"

Changing subjects gracefully had never been one of my strong suits. As Sachiko rambled on about her mild mannered roan, the blond sulked in her seat, arms crossed, lower lip locked in a dangerous pout. As the others came and went, she stayed there, studying me avidly.

"What is it?" I asked after a while of this. "Can I help you?"

"I just want to know what's going on with you three. It's such juicy gossip!"

I fought back a twitch.

Our issues had been downgraded to gossip.

Insignificant.

Trivial, even.

They had no idea.

I caught Hikaru staring at me—again—and he quickly ducked his head, and I smothered a laugh.

"Well, nothing big is going on. I don't think it'll ever be any of your concern."

"Do you love Haruhi?"

"Like a s-brother," I answered with an honest grin and excused myself to go join Hikaru.

I could never stand being away from him for too long…

"Why did you come over?" Hikaru asked in the car on the way home. I shrugged, cuddling closer into him. His arm around my shoulders tightened slightly. "We can't let them know." But his hand was already inside of my shirt, rubbing my collarbone where his new bruise was. My skin tingled and jumped against his touch, and I moaned quietly.

"Hikaru," I complained, embarrassed at the noises he could instigate with just a touch.

"What? Aren't you enjoying this?"

We were lying together on the seat, my back to his chest, so I couldn't see his expression, but I felt the devilish smirk growing on his face, and I stifled a chuckle, capturing his offending hand within my own.

"It's no fair if you get to have all the fun." With his help, I rolled to face him, smiling to find the exact expression I had anticipated. I quickly brushed my lips against his, keeping his hands in mine.

"Oh, Kaoru," my brother tutted, pressing our foreheads together. "You must get lonely."

"Not as much as Haruhi."

He stopped smiling, and we lay there in silence until we glided to a smooth stop. We then quickly sat up, hiding all evidence of our incriminating embrace, waiting for the door to open.

We were back in or room before the conversation resumed.

"Kaoru, I care about Haruhi, but I love you. It's sad, but there isn't room for anyone else."

"We should at least explain—"

"No!" he interrupted me, eyes panicked. "We can't tell her…anyone! It's just us!"

"…Are you ashamed?" I asked the floor. Embarrassing as it was, I couldn't raise my eyes or my voice.

"No Kaoru, don't think that. It's just…our family name…our status…if word got out, Mom's business would be in trouble. They would turn it into a scandal…"

I threw myself on our bed, elbows on my knees and head in my hands. Hikaru crouched down in front of me as I pouted.

"Kaoru, don't be upset; it's just how things work. It isn't right for us to be together."

"Do you really think that?"

"I never said I didn't want this, just that no one else would see it the same way as us." His hands grabbed one of mine, holding it to his mouth. "I love you Kaoru," Hikaru murmured into my skin. "I don't know how many times I need to say it before you'll start believing it."

"Just give this time," I pleaded softly. "I've wanted this for…for so long…I just need to get used to it."

"Happily ever after and all that jazz," he muttered with a soft chuckle. "It's different than the stories, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I sighed, pulling him to sit beside me. I laid my head on his shoulder, smirking as his hand rose to stroke my hair.

"Don't sweat it, bro. We'll work this out. We'll get it right eventually."

It was so easy to believe him.

We were sharing the same dream.

There wasn't school, so we stayed home.

No one called, so we stayed in, just being together.

We watched movies, cuddled, and looked at each other often.

It didn't feel real.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru whispered, halfway through an American comedy. "It's dark in here and I'm bored."

I grinned, hoisting myself up to kiss the corner of his jaw. His body shifted to lay under mine, arms around me tightly instead of the loose embrace from a few seconds before. His mouth found mine easily, lips begging for company. I smirked into his teeth.

"Watch the movie, Hikaru," I ordered him, pulling away.

"You're so mean!" the boy grumbled.

It was odd. Even though Hikaru was a few seconds older than me, it had always seemed that he was years younger than me. He was only my older brother technically; I was far more mature than him.

"Please?" he asked, grip securing me to him. I fought against him playfully, but we both knew where this was headed.

It was only a matter of who would be on top.

"We should go back to our room," I told him before his teeth made extraordinary contact with my throat, disabling my voice box, not to mention my will to speak.

"No fun," he mumbled into my neck.

His grip slackened, and in less than a second, I was lying pinned beneath Hikaru as his hands worked their skilled magic on my waist.

"H-Hikaru!"

It was too much.

Too easy.

I was too overwhelmed too soon. My body shut down. I stopped squirming against his touch, pleading with my eyes, breathing too heavily.

I couldn't move, and Hikaru didn't notice…at first.

"Kaoru? What're you…" he trailed off, taking note of my vacant expression. "Kaoru?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"What's going on? Are you sick?"

"No."

"Then what?! You love me, right?"

"Yes."

"You like what we do together, right?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the matter?"

My brain was sluggish, unwilling to let me answer my twin. I just lay there, barely able to make out his face in the haze of my body's stubborn apathy.

"Kaoru?" He pulled me back on top of him, resting my head on his chest, the contours of his body aligning with mine. "Let's finish the movie," Hikaru said sadly, stroking my hair with a smooth, almost mechanic, motion, over…

And over…

And over…

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't. Don't do it, Kaoru," my brother begged weakly. "Don't apologize, just tell me what's wrong so we can fix it."

Again, I couldn't say anything. I just lay there, soaking in Hikaru's warmth, leaving him cold and empty.

But there was nothing I could give to him.

I was only the moon…

Wasn't I?

Hikaru enjoyed sex, as expected of a healthy adolescent male.

I, on the other hand, didn't care one way or the other.

Sex was pleasant, but not important.

I understood the basics of intercourse, like what went where and why, but I didn't understand sex with Hikaru.

Don't get me wrong, it was always incredible, but…

The purpose of sex is to make babies. Two boys can't make babies.

Was that why Hikaru said it was wrong?

That's what I figured out in class the day after the movie incident. It must have been this that my brain realized, forbidding my body to take part in such animalistic gratification.

'It is wrong,' became my mantra, sitting there in class.

Every time I wanted to look at Hikaru, 'It is wrong.'

Every time I wanted to kiss him, 'It is wrong.'

Every time I wanted to hold his hand, 'It is wrong.'

Every time I wanted Hikaru, 'It is wrong.'

When I looked down at the paper I was supposed to be taking geography notes on, I saw that mantra scrawled on every inch of the page. I hastily crumpled it into a little ball and dropped it into my bag, fishing out a fresh piece of paper. I could tell that both Hikaru and Haruhi were looking at me, but, 'It is wrong.'

"Pardon me, sensei," I said, interrupting his lecture. "I feel ill. May I go to the infirmary?"

"Do you need an escort?"

"No. I just need to go. Now."

"All right, then," he murmured, shaking his head.

I was out of the room before he even resumed the lecture…

Before Hikaru's eyes could find mine.

I just had nowhere to go.

No one to talk to.

Except…

"Kyouya!" I exclaimed, halting in the middle of the empty hall.

Hadn't he told me to come to someone else with my problems? Maybe he would know how to help.

I walked down to his classroom and knocked on the door.

"Excuse me, but I need Ootori Kyouya for Onomara-sensei. He's a bit mixed up," I lied easily, smiling my polite, innocent smile. Two seconds later, Kyouya and I were walking slowly away from the door, silence growing between us.

"What does he need help with?"

"Nothing; I need your…advice."

He sighed, glaring at me. "I'm not your personal counselor, Kaoru."

"I know, but there's no one else I can talk to about this."

"Not even Hikaru?" The young heir seemed curious.

"It's, well, about him. Us."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Something like that."

I stuck my hands in my pockets as we continued our leisurely stroll to nowhere in particular.

"Explain."

"I love Hikaru, but it's just going to take time to adjust. Hikaru doesn't seem to need that time, and I get all jumbled. But he's so…contradictory. He gets so hypocritical. He says it's wrong for us to be together, but…he doesn't have any trouble…erm…"

"Do you think it's wrong?"

"No!" I answered too automatically, remembering the mantra lying crumpled in my bag. "I mean, I…I try not to think about right or wrong.

"That's your problem, Kaoru. You need to talk this out with Hikaru—not me. Figure out what your relationship means, fix what you want fixed, or break it off. Hikaru can run back to Haruhi, and you won't have a problem anymore."

I stopped walking. The severity of his words struck me so forcefully, I could only focus on breathing.

"K-Kyouya…isn't that a bit…"

"A bit what?" he snapped, turning to face me. "Mean? Then don't ask for my advice!"

"Does it irritate you?"

"To be honest, yes." But Kyouya paused, regarding me carefully. "But…not as much as not knowing. You two are…intimate, then?"

"Yes. Is that...wrong?"

"Kaoru, honestly, what is right about the two of you? As long as you two aren't torturing each other anymore, I've no reason to be involved. Be…happy, okay?"

I smiled at him, fully ready to hug him until he died, but I didn't think that such gratitude would be well received.