It wasn't altogether a "new" experience, merely a weird one.

I never knew how to react to being inside of my twin.

His back was pressed against my bare chest as he sat in and on my lap, kept there by my arms. His impatient bouncing only hindered my attempts to gather my wits.

"Kaoru…move!" he panted, wriggling around my heightened sensitivity.

I rolled us forward to give me room to thrust into him, which I began to do.

"No…not like…this," Hikaru grunted. "I…can't see you."

"Just hold on," I ordered, slamming even further into him. His back arched, mouth open in a silent scream. I continued on, trying to ignore his protests.

The truth was, I didn't think I could take the look of pain/pleasure on his face knowing that I looked the same way under his own ministrations. I only wanted to have Hikaru in my mind, a task easier accomplished when facing his glistening back.

"Kaoru! Please!" my twin pleaded, exploding into orgasm shortly afterwards. I gave one last deep thrust, meeting my own climax in Hikaru's body. Collapsing to my side, I clutched him close to me, not parting our flesh.

"Kaoru?" he whispered, working to regulate his breathing. "Didn't you hear me?"

I rubbed a hand over the smooth contours of his chest, smiling as he shuddered at the touch. His fingers closed over mine to stifle the movement after a brief period.

"Kaoru, I'm serious. Did you hear me or not?"

"I did," I sighed, pulling slowly out of Hikaru so that he could roll over to face me. His breath caught at the movement.

"Then why didn't you let me turn over?"

"I don't know," I lied unblinkingly, grabbing his hands. "It was easier the other way."

"It's not about being easy," he murmured soberly, letting me caress his hands.

"Then what is it about?"

I couldn't help myself. Even if it might make him sad, I still needed to understand our unnatural communion of the flesh.

"To make each other happy!" he whispered passionately, eyes alight with inner fire. "To satisfy our desires and bring us closer, and…and…"

"And?"

"To express our love, Kaoru. Isn't that why you've…well, been with me?"

"Of course," I frowned, "but you did this with her, too."

"Oh, Kaoru. Are you still on about that?!" My brother propped himself up on his elbow, taking back his hands. His hair was disheveled and distracting as he spoke. "Haruhi and everything I've done with her…they're part of the past. You don't have to worry about her anymore. It's only you, now." His eyes made me a silent vow of affirmation of the truth in his words, and I smiled.

"I never doubted that, or you, Hikaru."

"Then why are you so—"

"I don't know," I interrupted, not wanting to know how the thought I was acting. "I'm just really unclear about this kind of thing. And I love you—so much—but you're really of no help for things like this."

"We can always talk about anything—anything—Kaoru."

"It's too embarrassing," I disagreed, shaking my head sadly. "I wouldn't be able to focus. It would only be frustrating for the both of us."

"It's frustrating enough when you try to take all of this on yourself and don't even let me know that you're hurt or confused or—"

"Shh!" I cut him off, putting my hand over his mouth. "Let's not talk about this stuff now. Let's just sleep. We can talk enough tomorrow; it'll be Sunday and we can just stay in and relax."

Hikaru smiled, removing my fingers from his face.

"It's a date."

Hikaru was already awake as I stirred drowsily, sprawled across his still-bare chest. It was warm in our bed against the oppressive Outside air. It was a knock at the door that had roused me, but Hikaru just rubbed my arm, telling me silently to ignore it. Surely the source of the knocking could come back later, when it didn't feel so good to not answer the intruder.

It was only at the sound of receding footsteps that Hikaru craned his neck to kiss my forehead lightly. I brushed the backs of my fingers over his torso, bringing a deep throaty chuckle from my brother. Neither of us felt any further inclination to move and decided to remain as we were until the knocking returned.

I rolled off of Hikaru reluctantly and made sure our nudity was covered before inviting the intrusion into our warm haven.

"Young masters, you have a visitor. I didn't want to wake you, but the young lady seemed very troubled. Shall I send her up?" the maid asked in a pleasant, if curious, voice.

"Give us fifteen minutes and then send her up," Hikaru answered easily, stifling a yawn. The girl bowed slightly and backed out of the room.

"There goes our day," I groaned, stretching and sitting up, only to be pulled back down by Hikaru. He grinned at me evilly.

"Don't think this lets you off the hook. I'll beat what's bothering you out of you if I have to."

I kissed him quickly before pulling my body from his.

"We have to prepare for our visitor, Hikaru," I reprimanded him playfully. "We can't greet her like this."

"Wonder who it is."

Ten minutes later, we were lounging in our loose clothes and robes and wondering if the room smelled funny after the secret occurrences of the night. It didn't matter, as the knocking returned again, followed by the entry of the maid and—

"Suki?! Why are you here? Is something wrong?"

"Oh, Kaoru!" she cried, flinging herself into my body, head colliding with my shoulder.

As I stumbled slightly from the impact, Hikaru cast me a suspicious and troubled look. I responded with one of utter bewilderment. I awkwardly patted the miserable girl on the back while trying to keep my disgust and confusion down.

"Suki, I think you should sit down."

I walked us carefully over to the large armchair in the corner of the room, almost the only place that Hikaru and I hadn't shared secret pastimes.

'I should rectify that grievous error soon…' I thought momentarily before being pulled back to the present by the wretched girl in my arms.

Hikaru stood to the side as I tried to calm Suki down to at least the point of intelligibility.

"He wants me to marry h-him!"

"Who? Suki, what are you talking about?"

"My dad wants me to m-marry my brother!" she wailed, burying her face in my robe's sleeve.

"Well, he's not actually your brother, right? I mean, you were adopted—"

"That doesn't m-matter!" Suki screeched. "We still g-grew up together and lived together, and I treated all of th-them as my family my whole l-life! I was just a stupid girl that they m-molded to marry stupid Soichiro."

"Suki, what can I do? I mean, why did you come here? I don't see how I can do anything to help you," I said softly, trying to make her see what she was doing. Hikaru shifted uncomfortably, both trying to support me and pretending to be somewhere else.

"W-well…I was kinda' hoping you could maybe let me stay here for a few days…"

"Suki…well, think about this. How do you think this would look to outsiders? Isn't there anywhere else you could try? A girl's house, maybe? Did you ask any of your girl friends?"

She laughed humorlessly.

"Well, the few 'friends' that I have rejected me outright. Apparently, they were only close to my wealth. They don't want to go against my father…or rather, his bank account. Trust me, you two: I wouldn't come here unless I had no better options. I would stay with Haruhi, but she's…um…well, she's poor; no offense, Hikaru."

"We're not together anymore," he said softly, not caring if she heard or not.

"Well, in any case, I've nowhere else to go, and I…well…" She trailed off, looking me dead in the eye. "Kaoru, I know that we've had our differences, but…" she hung her head, clenching her fists around the fabric of my robe, "please."

There was nothing else for her to say, and I looked to Hikaru. He looked away, suddenly very interested in the wallpaper.

I sighed.

"Let me and Hikaru talk about it for a moment. Wait out in the hall until we fetch you."

She nodded, climbing slowly from my lap and slowly making her way out to the door.

"Well?" I asked my twin after I couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Can she stay?"

"You want her to?!" He was incredulous.

"Why not? She needs to go somewhere."

"No! She just needs to grow up and face her future! Marrying her brother? There are worse things that could have happened, you know. What's so bad about marrying brothers?!"

"Hikaru, calm down. This isn't about us."

"No, I won't 'calm down!'" he scoffed, becoming more animated, pacing quickly around the room. "Kaoru, this is just you running away from your feelings!"

"…How did this turn into being about me?" I asked coolly.

"Kaoru, if she's in this house, we can't do anything. We can't let her here us, and she could be anywhere at anytime! We can't let her stay." He hissed the last part.

"Where else can she go then?" I inquired. "Will you let her stay if I agree to tell everyone about us? Then we wouldn't have to keep it a secret and we can let her stay here too." I stood up and walked to be next to my restless twin.

"You know why we can't do that, Kaoru; don't be ridiculous," Hikaru snapped, whirling and stopping abruptly.

"Hikaru, please. She's the one who helped me stay sane when you would hurt me," I whispered, looking away from his eyes so I wouldn't have to face the pain that always emerged when I brought that particular bit of our past up. I saw him flinch though, and that was enough for me to know that I had won this particular argument, though not at all by fair methods.

"…fine. She can stay. But this is it, understand? No fraternizing with that woman." His words were serious enough to jolt my attention back to his face. "She's the kind that'll steal your heart if you let her or not. I don't want you to be alone with her." His eyes were sad and cold. I wanted to take everything back, seeing and feeling the pain that he was projecting from those sad and bleary sockets.

Why couldn't I ever seem to get this right?

It was a solemn dinner.

Suki had her luggage delivered and was staying in the same wing as Hikaru and me.

By the time we had everything sorted out, it was dinnertime, and we had skipped lunch.

It was a very businesslike affair, and we ate efficiently, if quickly.

Not a word was spoken from both Hikaru and Suki who sat on either side of me. Feeling the sorrow and tension surrounding me, I too kept my tongue in check.

The meal was quickly resolved, and the three of us tramped upstairs to finish our homework for school the next day. Most of mine was already complete, however I still had a good half hour left of math, my least favorite subject.

Hikaru had barely started his own work and kept getting distracted by the oddments surrounding his workspace. I found him staring across the room at me more than once, but I did my best to ignore it.

I was soon finished with my math and I swept by Hikaru's desk, seeing how much he had done.

Hardly anything.

"Do you want me to do anything for you?" I asked softly. "You could copy mine."

"No, that's fine."

"I could do your geography," I offered.

"I said it's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'm damned positive, Kaoru!" he shouted, glaring up at me.

I took a step backwards, face an outward mirror of the shock I must have been feeling. Hikaru sighed, returning to his near-empty notebook.

I trudged back to my desk, looking upon it with disgust before leaving the room, shutting the door softly behind me. In the hall, I put my back to the wall and sank to the ground slowly, sighing regretfully.

If only I hadn't pulled such a low card to use on Hikaru…

Another sigh and I stood up, shoving my hands in the pockets of the jeans I had put on only a little while ago, and I walked slowly to the lounge in the wing, arriving only to find Suki already there, notebooks covering the coffee table in front of her. She was sitting on a soft white leather loveseat. I silently sat in the matching sofa across the table from her. She jumped as she noticed my presence.

"Oh! Kaoru…sorry, I just wasn't expecting…never mind," she stammered, gesturing at the clutter around her.

"Don't mind it. Need any help?"

"No, I'm almost done. Just a few more problems." She made a face. "Math."

"I know," I agreed with a laugh. "I just finished mine."

I had forgotten how much I had enjoyed her company.

And how much we had in common.

And what Hikaru had told me earlier that day.

"…Kaoru?"

"Yes Suki?"

"Will you spend the night with me?"

"…What do you mean?"

"Not like…sex or anything. I mean, I just…want to be with you tonight. Can I…can you sleep with me tonight?"

"I don't know," I frowned. "I don't think Hikaru would like that too much."

"Why not? I mean, what could he possibly have to say about it?"

"Well, he gets…possessive sometimes."

"Please? I don't want to be alone."

I caved. I always did. I couldn't help but want to save her…help her…

Love her?

No.

Never that.

But it was similar.

She was soon finished with her math. She packed away her notebooks and held out her hand to me.

I took it, following her resignedly to her temporary room.

She made me turn around as she undressed and threw on a loose and in no way sexy nightgown.

I pulled off my jeans and shirt and stood before her in my boxers and undershirt.

She regarded me carefully before wrapping her arms around my middle. I returned her embrace for her benefit alone, pulling the covers back on the bed.

As we climbed in together, I recalled Hikaru's words.

…his love.

…his hurt.

…his anger.

I decided that if he was already mad, I could still do all I could to help Suki, who actually did need me.

Hikaru would be fine for one night.

And Suki's tiny body was full of warmth. Her body filled all of the crevices of mine, and the body heat we shared was (while different completely from Hikaru's) pleasant. Her face in my chest and my arms around her made an impact on my dreams, I was sure, as I could never have even considered such dreams when I was with Hikaru.

I didn't remember any of it in the morning.