Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated this fic in a while...I got caught up with one-shots and such...And I'm not terribly impressed with this chapter. It's a tad on the boring and talkative side.
When Hitsugaya opened his eyes, he found himself staring at an orange-and-black blur. He blinked again, hard, trying to shake off the throbbing pain in the back of his head. It didn't work very well, and the pain was worse yet as he began to regain more conciousness. As his vision cleared, he found himself staring into a pair of worried chocolate-colored irises.
"Ichigo?" he whispered, looking up into the subsitute shinigami's face.
"Yeah," was the strawberry's reply as he gave his small hand a squeeze. "It's me, alright."
"Where are we?"
"Don't worry," Ichigo reassured him, stopping him when he tried to sit up. "Just relax, okay? You need to rest. We're in Urahara's shop right now. We...Well, I guess whe got out of Hueco Mundo safely enough. It's all thanks to Renji, actually, he asked Urahara to prepare a portal for us to cross through before-hand. You'll be fine, so lie back down. Please."
He realized that Ichigo was right; they were in Urahara's shop. He found that he had been placed on a futon on the tatami floor, which would explain why he was all nestled up in a pile of blankets. He supposed that Ichigo had somehow brought him back to the real world.
He winced, the pain registering itself back into its head.
"Toshiro, you alright?" Ichigo asked, the concern springing instantly back into his voice.
"I'm fine," Hitsugaya breathed, though he wasn't really. But he didn't intend on letting Ichigo know that.
"Taichou!"
Hitsugaya blinked, turning his head to see Matsumoto, who was standing next to Renji. "You're here, too?" he murmured.
"Yep," she answered, sitting down next to her captain. "Me, Ichigo-kun, and Renji. We all went."
"You didn't need to," he responded quietly. "You didn't have to go into all that trouble, just to..." his voice trailed off for a moment before he looked away. "And, Kusaka...he...?"
"I'm sorry, Toshiro," Ichigo muttered. "We couldn't do anything for him."
"I...I see." Hitsugaya bit his lip, a small pang stabbing viciously at his heart. Again. Kusaka had died because of him, again. "Thank you, anyway," he whispered, before closing his eyes and opening them again, as if this was just a bad dream that he needed to wake up from.
"Is there anything we can do for you, Hitsugaya-taichou?" inquired Renji, kneeling next to him.
"No, it's alright, there's nothing I need right now," the snow-haired boy answered. "You three must be exhausted from running around Hueco Mundo. Please rest as well, and...Oh, Matsumoto, you're wounded..."
"Ah...It's nothing," Matsumoto murmured sheepishly. Upon return to the real world and into Urahara's shop, she had bandaged herself up quite well - There were bandages wrapped around her head, arms, and chest. She had been a bit upset because she claimed it made her look like a mummy, but Urahara had assured her that she looked perfectly alright.
"What happened?" he inquired.
"Yeah, you never told us who you ended up fighting," Renji added.
Matsumoto shifted her position uncomfortably. There was a pregnant pause before, looking down in a manner that seemed somewhat ashamed. She finally answered, in a quiet voice, "If you insist on knowing..."
"Yes...?"
"It was Gin."
"You mean Ichimaru?" Hitsugaya asked.
"Yes, taichou."
"That bastard," he muttered, allowing himself to sink back into his pillows with a soft whimper of pain as he did so. "I'd kill him myself if I could..."
"That's harsh, taichou!"
"But I should."
"Don't worry about it, Toshiro," Ichigo added, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead. "All that matters is that you're alright...Thank goodness Aizen didn't hurt you as much as we thought he would have."
Renji shuddered. That sure brought back some rather...uncomfortable memories.
"You okay, man?" the strawberry inquired, glancing at Renji, who had just coughed awkwardly.
"Nah, it's nothing," the redhead answered hastily. "I'm fine."
At that moment, the room's door opened, and Urahara stepped in, dressed in green and black as usual, fan in his hand. "Ah, good to see you're doing well, Hitsugaya-taichou," the man called out cheerfully. "Feeling alright?"
"Could be better, but I'm fine."
"I see, I see. Well, there's someone here to see you, if you don't mind having another visitor right now."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. He came in from Soul Society."
Hitsugaya looked up again, this time, his aqua eyes meeting someone else's. This "someone" else had entered the room as well, walking in from behind Urahara. The boy's eyes widened ever-so-slightly as he whispered the title of his visitor aloud.
"S-Sotaichou..."
"I see you've awakened, Hitsugaya-taichou," Yamamoto answered in the usual gruff tone. "I heard from Urahara-san that you had been retrieved from Hueco Mundo by Abarai-fukutaichou, Matsumoto-fukutaichou, and Kurosaki Ichigo. I remember saying that it was forbidden of them to do such a thing."
"My apologies, sotaichou," Renji muttered, Matsumoto muttering in agreement. Ichigo, on the other hand, said nothing. Yamamoto raised an eyebrow, but other than that, did not bother to point out Ichigo's silence.
"Well, what's done is done," the elderly captain of the first division continued, "And since you are back, Hitsugaya-taichou...I'd like to ask you to return to Soul Society. I have reinstalled your captain position; we need all the manpower possible if we are to face Aizen, who will undoubtedly return eventually. I have your haori here, and I see you have already reclaimed your zanpaku-to, so I will give you a choice. You will either return to your former position, or you will live the rest of your life exiled in the real world. What will it be?"
There was a long and uncomfortable silence.
"I...I will return, sotaichou."
"Very well."
As Hitsugaya unsteadily rose to his feet, teetering dangerously, Ichigo instantly sprang to his side to support him, an arm shooting around his waist to prevent the fragile boy from toppling over. "Toshiro, think about it," he whispered. "You...You're in no condition to fight. You can't go back."
"What I do is none of your business," he responded coldly, pulling away from Ichigo. Slightly hurt and slightly ashamed, the strawberry looked away, catching Renji's eye for a moment. The redhead gave him a glance as well, as if to say, "It's alright. It's his decision, after all."
Hitsugaya approached the sotaichou, who, in turn, held out a folded garment. As he unfolded it, he realized that it was the tenth division haori. Uncertainly, he reached out, taking the haori. Yamamoto watched him expectantly, and so Hitsugaya hesitantly pulled the haori back on over his shoulders.
"Good," the sotaichou aproved. "Then you are to return with me to Soul Society immediately. I must brief the other captains on the current situation at hand...Abarai-fukutaichou and Matsumoto-fukutaichou, I'll ask you two to stay here in the real world and report if anything suspicious occurs. Now, Hitsugaya-taichou, come with me. We are to depart at once."
"Hold on a minute!" Ichigo snapped angrily. "Toshiro's still wounded, and you're just going to throw him back into Soul Society and expect him to fight!?"
"Ichigo, I have my duties as the juuban tai taichou," Hitsugaya responded plainly. "You have yours, too...And they do not include meddling in my business."
"But, Toshiro-"
"I'm ready to leave now, sotaichou," Hitsugaya muttered, turning away from Ichigo as he slung Hyorinmaru over his shoulder.
"Very well," Yamamoto replied, "The gate that Urahara-san set up is still in order. Come with me."
With a small nod, Hitsugaya followed Yamamoto out of the room, leaving Ichigo to stand there in stunned silence, looking at the floor in shame. He should have known this would happen all along; perhaps Renji had been right. Here, he had just risked his own life to save him, and he was just going to walk out on him like that?
"So, what's the deal?" Renji asked. "You're just going to let him leave?"
"There's nothing else I can do," Ichigo replied bitterly, his hand slowly curling into a fist.
"Idiot!" Renji snorted. "You're smart enough to know that there is something you can do...And you've got to do it now. It might be your only chance."
"I don't know what you're talking about," the strawberry huffed.
"Ichigo! Tell him!"
Ichigo blinked at these words, slowly realizing that Renji could be right - There was a possibility that this was his last chance. And he was just sitting back like an idiot and letting it pass him by. "I got it," he muttered, giving Renji an appreciatve look before hurrying out of the room after Hitsugaya and Yamamoto, just as the two were stepping into the gate back to Soul Society.
"Toshiro, wait."
Ichigo reached out and grabbed Hitsugaya by the wrist, stopping the boy in his tracks.
"What is it now, Ichigo?" Hitsugaya demanded, his voice rising in irritation. "I have to leave. You know I do."
"It's just that...that..." Ichigo faltered, unsure of himself. There was no way he was going to summon up the guts to say it. But yet, he had to. He had to find a way to somehow find the courage to tell the juuban tai taichou directly that ever since the first time he had seen him, he had been madly in love with him.
"Toshiro, I..."
"Yes...?"
"Hitsugaya-taichou!" Yamamoto snapped, "Don't waste anymore time! We can't afford for you to stall here."
"Hai, sotaichou," Hitsugaya answered. "I...I'm coming." He gently pulled his wrist away from Ichigo's grasp, and the strawberry looked up to meet his eyes - He saw plenty of things in those beautiful cerulean irises: uncertainty, guilt, and what looked like could possibly be regret?
"Toshiro," he blurted out frantically, stumbling clumsily over his words, "I...I love you."
His face burned hot with humiliation as he realized what he had just done. Maybe things would have been better off if he had just shut up and kept it to himself, and save himself from the suffocating embarassment that was gripping at his throat.
There was a long and extremely painful silence, before Hitsugaya finally spoke again.
"Kurosaki Ichigo...I wish that I could tell you I feel the same way as you do. But I can't. I just can't. I...I'm so sorry. I must have been such a burden to you this whole time."
"What do you mean?" Ichigo replied, his heart sinking further and further into the black depths of hopelessness. "I don't understand..."
"Loving you is something I simply can't do, even if I wanted to. I can't let it happen again...It's just that I don't want you to get hurt because of me, Ichigo. I mean, just look at where Kusaka ended up. It was all my fault, and I don't know what I'd do if I lose you, too."
"Toshiro, please. Don't tell me why you can't, tell me why you don't."
"You seem to misunderstand me," Hitsugaya answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I am truly grateful for everything that you've done for me. You've always been looking out for me, risking your life for me...And because of that, Ichigo, I'm afraid that, despite my efforts...I have learned to...to love you. But please understand that this is something that I had never wanted to happen. Like I said earlier, I don't want to see you hurt because of my selfishness, so I will do everything in my power to stop loving you, and I beg of you to stop loving me, as well."
"You..."
"Goodbye, Ichigo."
Before the strawberry could utter another word, both Hitsugaya and the sotaichou had disappeared.