Chapter Six: The Last Time

Severus didn't reply to any of Tonks's various letters, but the owl post never missed a day, dropping letter after letter on his desk. He sighed as a brown owl swooped down and dropped another one on his desk before taking off again. The animals no longer waited for his replies, but took off the moment their errand was complete. He was thankful that she had the decency to at least to make sure the letters came to him in his office instead of the Great Hall with the rest of the owl post at Hogwarts.

Sighing he grabbed the letter and was tempted to throw it into the fire without opening it, but hesitated. The letters were always filled with ramblings of her life, nothing too important yet nothing that particularly interested him either. But she never missed a day, making sure she kept in constant contact with him like she was afraid he'd forget her. He opened the letter and read it quickly:

i Dear Severus,


Hello! How are you doing? I haven't heard from you since the evening of the wedding, so please contact me.

Work is hectic. Years later we are still trying to round up the last of the Death Eaters. I'm actually in the middle of a case right now about a former Death Eater. Well, at least we think he's a former Death Eater, but we have no substantial proof to the allegations yet.

The office is hectic, of course, since it's never boring at the Ministry. There's always a new crime to add to the never-ending list.

I'd best be going. Please respond.

Thank you,

Tonks /i

Severus sighed and leaned back in his chair, getting more comfort. He wondered which Death Eater she was investigating. He knew of several that were still unidentified, and many that would never be punished for their crimes since they had flown so low under the radar during the war.

With a sigh, Severus pushed aside the thought of the free Death Eaters and tried to concentrate on his lesson plan for the third years.

After a month of not receiving replies to her numerous letters, Tonks showed up in his dungeon office one night. "Wotcher, Severus," she greeted with a grin. Her hair was bright pink once again, he noted right away.

"Hello. What do you want?" he asked curtly as he began grading essays that were sitting on his desk.

Instead of answering him, she walked into the room and sat heavily down on the chair across from the desk. "Why haven't you been replying to my letters?"

He didn't bother to look up. "Why would I?"

"Because it's polite," she shot back, crossing her arms around her chest. "Not that I expect you to be polite."

"Are you done?"

She groaned loudly. "Can't you even pretend to be polite? To like me?"

He glanced up, confused. "Who said I didn't?"

Surprised she hesitated before saying, "No one. You're just not… very nice."

Turning his attention back down to his task, he said, "To anyone. Trust me, Tonks, you're no one special."

"Ha ha," she laughed without humor. "What are you doing?"

He sighed, uninterested in small talk. "Grading essays."

"That sounds… interesting… Well, no, it actually sounds rather boring to be honest."

He looked back up at her, a smile tugging at his mouth. "They aren't interesting. Your job, on the other hand…"

"Are you fishing for information, Severus?" Tonks said with a grin.

"No."

"Oh. Well, I can't tell you anything anyway. It's classified."

"And I'm sure that makes you feel important."

She laughed.

He looked up at her, surprised. "What are you laughing at?"

"You, of course." Her patent grin was in place.

"Right." He felt her eyes boring into him when he turned his attention back onto the essays and an awkward silence fell over the room. After a moment, he said, "You can go now."

"I'm not done."

"What do you want?" he asked again.

"To see you… I guess. Merlin, do I have to have an alternative motive to come see you?" she asked, seeming slightly outraged.

"Yes."

"Well I don't! I just… You're my friend, damn it; I can visit you if I want to!"

"Shouldn't you need my permission for that?"

"No, of course not. I just can," she shot back angrily.

He looked back at her again, shocked by her adamant respond. "Why are you getting upset?"

"Because you're so… so damn infuriating!" she exclaimed, glaring at him.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

She rolled her eyes. "You would."

He raised his eyebrows, but wasn't detoured by her comeback. "I do."

She sighed and fidgeted in her seat, looking around his office. "Do you really like it down here? All alone?"

"I like my office. And as for the alone part… Well, there's nothing to complain about there. I'm not fond of people very much if you haven't noticed."

Giving him an incredulous look she asked, "Why do you have to be so odd, Severus?"

"What?"

"You seem to try to be odd and alone. What the hell are you afraid of? Actual friends or companionship?" she asked, her questions slightly probing as she tried to understand him or just tried to annoy him.

"I'm not trying to be anything whether it be odd or alone or otherwise. I just am. And I'm not afraid of companionship. I just tend to avoid it as much as I can. It's not something I trust readily," he said, leaning back in his chair again to look at her fully.

"Yes, you are, but you're worse than that: You're in denial," she accused. Her eyes met his unflinchingly.

"I'm not in denial. And anyway, what about you? You're running from the past as fast as you can yet denying the past as well," Snape asked her, throwing her own accusations back at her. "Who did you kill?" Snape surged on, hoping to catch her off guard.

Her reaction was instantaneous. Her face turned somber, her anger fading completely to be replaced by terror. Fear crossed her face suddenly and she sat unusually still.

Quickly, she jumped to her feet and stumbled toward the door instead of answering. She was unsteady as she leaned against the doorframe and looked back at Severus. "Write me back next time, okay?" Not waiting for a response, she hurried out of the office. Her loud footsteps pounding up the stairs as she ran and Severus sat in an uncomfortable silence.

---

Severus had trouble getting any of her visits out of his head. She was so complex. One moment she was happy and enthusiast, trying to engage him in a light-hearted conversation, and the next moment she was angry and accusing… And then the final change -- the change that intrigued him the most -- she was terrified. It was more than regular fear; it was as if she was afraid of not only her past, but of herself.

But she clearly wasn't afraid of him, he who was a proven murderer, spy, and traitor. She was offering her friendship to him and pressuring him, no, forcing him to accept it. He was tempted to accept it more eagerly, but kept her at a safe distance, waiting for him.

Tonks stopped by Hogwarts to see him once a month and continued her daily letters, closing each letter with a request for a reply. He indulged her occasionally with a quick note in reply once a week or so. He hated encouraging her, but knew she wouldn't stop and her visit would only increase if he ignored her completely. Her persistence intrigued him.

Once, she met him at Hogsmeade Village during the school's first trip. Insisting of spending the day with him in the Hogsmeade, she walked down the streets with him and had lunch with him at The Three Broomsticks. It was a quiet afternoon, and Severus found himself enjoying her company.

The pair received looks from the other patrons in the shops as they were seen together. While they were in Dervish and Banges, Tonks slipped her hand in his. He pulled his hand away at first, but noticed how soft and warm her hand actually was. She didn't look at him as she grabbed his hand again, tighter this time and tightened her fingers when he tried to pull away.

"You're stubborn," he muttered unhappily next to her.

"Yes, I am, so stop fighting me," she murmured, not looking at him.

He sighed and let her hold his hand. It seemed harmless, and he admitted only to himself the feeling of her hand in his wasn't entirely unwelcome.

The day after the trip to Hogsmeade, the daily letters stopped abruptly. In her last letter she had made no mention of not writing him anymore; she was actually upbeat in her letter, gushing about the new wand she had bought herself after her old wand snapped in two (she left out the details how that happened, but he was sure it had something to do with her being clumsy and falling down or something similar.).

He found himself waiting for her letters to show up, despite his claim for not wanting their corresponding in the first place.

"Where the hell is she?!"

The yell jarred Severus from his thoughts. Looking up, he saw an irate Remus Lupin standing at his door.

"Excuse me?" Severus inquired angrily.

"Where the hell is she?" he repeated angrily.

"Who are you talking about?" Severus yelled back. He did not like this werewolf showing up at his office and demanding anything from him. He didn't know who he was talking about but he didn't like it at all.

"Tonks! Where the hell is she?" Lupin stormed into the room uninvited and stopped short of the desk, glaring down at Severus.

"I have no idea where she is! Why did you come here looking for her?" Severus asked, angry by what the other man's accusations might be.

"You were seen with her a few days ago. Right before she went missing," Lupin exclaimed, his voice lower yet still angry.

"That doesn't mean I know where she is now," Severus retorted, returning the glare.

"You were the last one she was seen with. For Merlin's sake, you were… you were--"

"We were what?" he interjected, fury burning within him with the accusation that was clearing on Lupin's lips.

"We were holding hands and… God, from what I hear, it seemed she was having a grand time with you!"

"What?" Severus asked, surprised by his words. He had thought he was about to accuse him of hurting her, not of her having a good time in his company.

"She went missing that night. No one has seen her since! What have you done with her?!" he fumed again, slamming his hands down on the desk.

"For one thing, I do not know where she is. For another, get your hands off my desk. And lastly, get the hell out of my office!" Severus demanded from behind his desk.

With one last glare in Severus' direction, Lupin turned to leave. He hesitated at the door, stopping and turning back. "If you've hurt her, I swear to God…"

"Don't threaten me. I didn't do anything to her, and I'd never hurt her unlike some people. Now get out of my office and go home to your wife!"

Furious, Lupin left the office without another word.

"Bastard," Severus muttered. He tried to concentrate on the assignments he needed to grade, but his mind kept wandering to Tonks.

She was missing and apparently, there were no leads at all to finding her. She had been missing for a few days in fact, and this was the very first time he heard of her disappearance. He wondered how many people thought that he had something to do with her vanishing act, like Lupin, just because he was seen with her at Hogsmeade.

His mind drifted for a moment to the last thing she did before she left him the last time.

Tonks had leaned up and brushed her lips over his and when he only stared at her with shock especially when he had the urge to lengthen and deepen the kiss and tried to work up an expression of disgust, she had grinned at him. "Goodbye, Severus," she had whispered.

The words echoed around the dungeon and for a fleeting moment, Severus thought he could feel her lips brush over his once again.

"Damn it," he muttered standing up and heading to the Headmistress's office, "I have to find her."