Well... at least he looked a little better.

Roy looked down at Edward uncertainly, his eyes roaming over the shaved patches of his fur where wounds had been stitched and needles had been inserted to pump fluids and antibiotics into his suffering body. He was lying almost completely still on the animal physician's cold metal table, his eyes glazed and his tongue lolling out of his mouth. Maes was standing on the other side of the room, trying hard not to look as horrified as he actually was.

"He was being very uncooperative, so we had to sedate him," the young veterinarian in the room told Roy a little too cheerfully, "but he'll come around soon."

"I see." Roy said hollowly, "How is he?"

"Well, the poor thing is starved half to death..." she said, her lips pursed in a little pout as she stroked the side of Ed's neck lovingly, "And he's certainly been abused for a while. Where did you say you found him?"

"He was my uncle's dog," Roy lied easily, feeding her the story he had worked out yesterday, "I was visiting and saw how poorly he was treated so I took him. I think my uncle was glad to see him go."

"Some people have no heart..." she sighed, scratching behind Edward's ear. The chimera closed his hazy eyes briefly, but gave no other response. "But he should be fine in the long run. His only real injuries were the cuts on his head and some older tearing along his flank; he probably got into a fight with another dog. We just need to keep his stitches clean and put some meat on his bones and he'll be running around and chasing cats again in no time!"

Roy's stomach tightened sickly. "I'm sure he will be."

"He's such a good boy. Yes he is..." she went on, crooning down at Edward in a way that made Roy feel like hitting her. She shouldn't talk to Fullmetal like that, as if he's an imbecile. The boy was certainly more intelligent than she was. The stupid bitch.

Roy clenched his jaw and reined himself in, trying to let go of his sudden anger. She didn't know any better. She thought he was a dog... and Roy could hardly blame her for that. Roy was just tired and frustrated and deeply, deeply heartsick.

"What kind of dog did you say he was?" she asked curiously, pulling back Edward's lip to check the color of his gums. "Hm... still too pale..." she mumbled to herself.

"He's... a mix of things." Roy said, his own lips pulling back in a dark, sardonic grin. Behind him, Maes gave a small, unamused cough.

The vet raised her eyebrow, not getting the joke.

"Can... can we take him home now?" Maes asked quietly after a moment, finally daring to take a step forward so that he could place a hand on Ed's side. Roy felt bad for the man, but he had warned him on the car ride here about how much Ed had changed and how much he'd been neglected. Still, it really was hard to look at the way Ed's spine jutted out from beneath his skin and the way his large, vacant eyes recalled almost nothing of the child he had once been. Roy certainly couldn't blame the man for being shaken.

"Actually, I'd like to keep him a little longer..." the vet said, "at least until the sedative wears off."

"We'll take him now." Roy informed her quietly, his voice leaving no room for argument.

She pursed her lips again but then shrugged and grabbed a paper bag from the counter. The bag contained several bottles of pills and the vet explained to Roy what time of day to administer each one. He listened to her closely, making mental notes as she spoke. When she finished her listing, Maes took the bag and Roy carefully lifted Ed from the table, thanking her politely. Ed voiced a soft little whine but other than that, he didn't react much to being lifted. God, he was so light... he felt like a half-empty sack of bones covered in warm skin. Roy's stomach turned again, but he cleared his throat and ignored his internalized horror. He could not allow himself to get discouraged before he'd even begun. He could save Ed. He could fix this. He could make everything better.

He COULD.

Roy and Maes moved back out into the parking lot and Maes opened the door so that Roy could lay his burden on the awaiting seat.

"So... are we just going to take him back to your house, then?" Maes asked quietly when Roy closed the door. He sounded as if he was trying not to cry. Roy looked up at him sadly and nodded, moving to get into the passenger's seat wordlessly.

The drive back to Roy's house was mostly silent, punctuated only by gentle, sad whimpers coming from the back seat as Edward started to rouse himself from the drugs in his system. Every time he made a sound, Maes' hand's tightened on the steering wheel and he glanced at him furtively through the rearview mirror.

As they neared his street, Roy looked back and saw that Ed was trying to haul himself upright onto his wobbly legs, his heavy head swaying intoxicatedly.

"No. Stay down." Roy ordered him softly, turning in his seat to face him. Ed looked up at him stupidly for a few beats, then lowered himself back down on the seat. "Very good, Ed."

"Ver... very good." Ed repeated dazedly, eyeing Roy.

"Yes, that's right. Do you remember me?" Roy asked.

"...Yes."

"Excellent. Do you know my name?"

Edward paused, unsure. Maes was watching him through the rearview mirror, holding his breath as he waited for the kid to respond. But then Ed sagged and lowered his head down onto the seat, resting his chin on his paws.

"Name... Ed." he mumbled, knowing that it wasn't the right answer but feeling the need to give some kind of reply. "Ed... Ed, Ed."

Maes swallowed hard and returned his eyes to the road, looking ill. Roy could see that the man was beginning to understand the true consequences of Ed's transformation... and to see the hope in him start to flag was almost as gut-wrenching as hearing Ed's attempts at speech.

"It's okay, Edward. We can try again later." Roy assured him, turning back around in his seat and closing his eyes tightly for a moment, trying to fight off the headache that had been pulsing at his brow since yesterday.

At least Ed didn't seem any worse off than before. Roy fully believed that Ed knew who he was, but just could not remember his name. Since finding him yesterday, Roy had been constantly asking him questions, trying to ascertain how severely his mind had been handicapped. Asking about his name seemed a simple enough question to focus on, and so Roy had repeated that same question to Ed many times since yesterday. So far, he hadn't been able to come up with the answer. Fullmetal didn't seem to be able to recall any names other than "Ed" unless reminded, although once a person's name was said he would nod with recognition.

Ed's brain had become very limited in thought-process. He could answer simple yes/no questions, but very little else. Roy had asked him to add the numbers two and four and he hadn't been able to do it. He hadn't even understood what Roy wanted from him and so didn't say anything at all. That, more than anything, told Roy that the Ed he knew was gone... or at least trapped behind a thick wall of animal thoughts that left no room for anything else. Hoping that it might help him remember himself a little, Roy had tried to talk to him about Alphonse, but that had only made him whimper desperately and pace around in agitation, muttering, "Want Al, want Al, want Al... Al, Al, Ed, Al..." so Roy didn't bring it up again.

Maes pulled to a stop in front of Roy's house and the men got out. Roy opened the door to the back seat and Maes stooped to collect Ed in his arms, but the chimera growled a warning at him and the major drew back quickly.

"Let me." Roy said to him, bending down in front of the door, "Come on, Ed."

Ed hesitated, but then dragged himself over to Roy and allowed himself to be lifted out of the car.

"...Does he not know who I am?" Maes asked in dismay, shutting the car door.

"No, I'm sure he does," Roy hastened to assure him as they moved toward the front door of his house, "He said that he knew Breda, but still wouldn't let the man touch him. It's nothing against you. He's just taken a liking to me... probably because I'm the one who found him."

"He likes you?" Maes asked, a tiny, sad smile brushing his lips, "Wow. Further proof that there really is something wrong with him, huh...?"

"Tell me about it." Roy replied, not quite managing a laugh.

Ed craned his head to look up at Roy quizzically and gave his tail a vague wag.

Maes unlocked the front door with his own set of keys and the three of them went inside. Roy flipped on the lights with his elbow and carried Edward over to the couch, setting him down on the blue-grey cushions gently.

"Stay here, okay?" Roy said, kneeling beside the couch, "Try to go back to sleep."

Ed just stared at Roy groggily for a moment, but then he curled himself into a ball and closed his eyes obediently with a tired sigh. Roy raised his hand to pet him, but then he resisted; Ed was not a dog, no matter how much he looked like one and he should not be treated as such... Rot just had to keep reminding himself. He drew his hand back and dropped it to his side, clenching his fist as he got to his feet.

Maes was still looking down at Ed silently, his face tight with grief. Roy sighed and took his friend's arm, pulling him into the kitchen where they could talk away from Edward... not that he'd be able to understand most of what they said anyway...

"Do you see now, Maes?" Roy asked quietly, "Do you understand why I can't just leave him like this, even if it means killing him?"

"I... but..." Maes faltered, "...But he doesn't seem that bad off... Al would be able to take care of him..."

"Maes..."

"It's just like he's a little disabled, now..." the man continued, upset but keeping his voice low, "You can't kill just him for that! As long as he's happy, what would it matter if he stayed this way?"

Roy seated himself at the kitchen table and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. "It's not just that, though." he began after a moment, "If the only deciding factor was his lack of intelligence, then I would let him stay this way if I couldn't make him right again. But he's... he's in a lot of pain, Maes. For a chimera, it hurts just to be alive. You remember Tucker's talking chimera, don't you?"

"...Yes." came Maes' grudging reply. Roy opened his eyes and looked at him for a few beats, giving the man time to recall that poor beast, to replay her final words in his head: "I want to die."

"Ed's body has been twisted and transformed in ways that living things were never meant to be. His muscles and bones have been warped and contorted... can you even comprehend what that must feel like?"

"He seems okay right now..." Maes argued weakly.

"Only because he's high on tranquilizers." Roy said, waving a hand dismissively, "Do you really think that he'd be able to live any kind of life like that?"

"But... but maybe he'd be willing to tolerate the pain... automail hurts a lot and he's dealt with that for years..."

"He's not willing to tolerate it, though." Roy said quietly.

"How the hell do you know what he is or is not willing to do?"

Roy worked his jaw. "He tried to kill himself," he rasped after a long pause. He felt like it was an invasion of Ed's privacy to discuss this with Maes, but Roy was desperate for the man to understand why Ed might have to be terminated. "He would have bashed his brains out if I hadn't stopped him... that's why he has those cuts on his head."

Maes sank heavily into the chair across from Roy and rubbed his face.

"...Maybe he was just overwhelmed..." Maes tried, but Roy could see that his stoic optimism was slowly being beaten down by Roy's words, "Maybe it was an accident."

"He was overwhelmed, yes... but it was no accident." Roy exhaled and crossed his arms on the table, hunching forward a little, "He might not fully understand what has happened to him... but he knows that it hurts and he knows that it's... evil and that was enough to make him want to die."

"Evil" was the only word that Roy could think of to describe what had been done to Ed. It was like there was a dark halo surrounding the chimera that could be felt, but not seen. It was the chill that Roy had felt the entire time that he was down in the underground part of the lab... it was perverse and it was unforgivable and it clung to Edward's tormented body like a sickness. Maybe it was just because he was an alchemist that Roy could feel it so strongly, but he thought that some of his men could feel it, too. It was a bone-deep kind of... wrongness that tainted the air and turned the stomach, making one's instincts scream DANGER.

Years ago, when Tucker had brought his talking chimera into the council room to have his State certification renewed, just about every alchemist in there had started squirming uncomfortably; and that was way before anyone knew that the madman had used his wife to create the beast. That had been Roy's first encounter with a chimera and the vague horror that the poor thing instilled in him was enough to make him decide then and there to never delve into such arts. The feeling in that room then was sickening... like fear and sadness mixed with vertigo... but the dark sensations radiating from Ed were ten times more disturbing.

And the worst part was that Roy was almost positive that Ed could feel it as well. He, too, was an alchemist after all... at least, he used to be. What must that be like to feel this horrifying sin—this vile, repulsive, unspeakable darkness—to feel it and know it to be some kind of nameless evil and never be able to escape from it... because it lived within you? Roy gave a little shudder at the thought and went on in a dull hush:

"You probably will never fully understand this, Maes, because you've never dabbled in alchemy, but if I were in Ed's position, I wouldn't want to live, either... and every alchemist I know would probably say the same." Roy paused for a minute and pulled his arms closer to his chest, hugging himself, "I can't even fully describe to you how frightening it is to feel the waves of taboo radiating from Edward's changed body... it's like a nightmare. Ed has become his own nightmare, and I would not wish that on my greatest enemy."

Maes swallowed hard and stared down at the table silently.

"And this is why I can't leave him like this." Roy whispered, "Do you realize how cruel it would be to do that to him? And you just know that Alphonse would never be able to let him go... that's why I don't want him knowing about this."

"Do... do you think that you can really bring him back?" Maes rasped finally, his strained voice echoing slightly in the small kitchen.

"I don't know." Roy replied honestly, "I have a lot of research to do before I can say for sure, but I think I can."

"But why can't Al help with that? Why do we have to keep him in the dark?" Maes demanded softly. "Can't he be involved?"

Roy blinked. "Of course he can be involved, but do you know where he is? I certainly don't."

"But—"

"I think you misunderstand me, Maes." Roy interrupted, "I'm not opposed to getting Al's help on this. I would be overjoyed to have his help. He and Ed both have much more experience on this than I do and—though he lacks some of Ed's skill and ingenuity—he is still talented and has knowledge that I don't possess."

"But you said—"

"Unfortunately, I know for a fact that he and Ed know very little about chimeras. After the incident with the Tucker girl, Alphonse told me that Ed wanted to try and split her from the dog, but neither of them knew how. But I'm not discounting Al entirely... and when we finally track him down, I intend for him to aid me as much as possible. But if we can't change Ed back to the way he was, I just don't want him to be around for what I might have to do. That's all I'm saying..."

Roy trailed off, took a breath, and let it out again slowly. There. He'd said everything that he'd needed to say. If Maes still didn't agree with him, then he never would and the colonel would have to continue this grim assignment without his support. Even if Maes hated him for this...even if it meant losing the deepest friendship that he had ever known... Roy knew in his heart that putting Edward to sleep was the only human thing that he could do if all else failed.

Maes ran a hand through his hair, the pale light coming in from the front room glinting off his glasses and obscuring his eyes as he lowered his head in defeat.

"This is just... so unfair." he muttered, his voice thick.

"You're right: it's not fair..." Roy agreed quietly, "but do you understand where I'm coming from, now?'

Maes nodded and furtively wiped his eyes.

"But have a little faith, Maes." Roy said after a moment, trying to muster an encouraging smile, "I am a very skilled alchemist, you know. One of the best. Just because I've never done this before doesn't mean that I can't do it. I just need some time... and some luck."

"...And some modesty." Maes added, the faintest, saddest smirk that Roy had ever seen quirking the corner of his mouth.

"Modesty has never gotten me anywhere, Maes." Roy replied with a sniff and then yawned inelegantly, "Sleep, on the other hand, would do wonders for me."

"Good idea..." Maes nodded, "I can hang out with Ed for a bit while you're sleeping."

"No, go on home. I need you to head out to the lab early; I want that information as quickly as possible. Besides, the kid looks pretty drugged; he'll probably sleep through till morning. I don't think he'll need supervision tonight."

Maes leaned back in his chair and looked over his shoulder into the living room. From this angle Roy could just barely see the tawny mound of Edward's canine back, rising and falling with respiration. He shifted slightly and gave a tiny, inhuman moan in his sleep.

"...Right." Maes said softly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Roy's eyes snapped open and the broken fragments of his dream dissolved into vague pictures that tucked themselves snugly into the far-off reaches of his mind where all night visions go to be forgotten. The sky outside the window was dark and the pocket watch on the nightstand read a bleak 3:16 in the morning.

Ugh.

He closed his eyes and rolled over onto his side, wondering vaguely about what had awoken him. Maybe a sound from outside. Sometimes the squirrels in the oak tree beside the house decided that the early hours of the morning were the perfect time to bicker and scratch around on the roof. Roy sighed. He couldn't wait for winter when the damn things would hibernate and give him some peace for a month or two. He held his breath for a moment and listened, trying to hear them.

The sound that finally reached his ears, though, was decidedly not the sound of bristle-tailed rodents playing in the eaves. It was a soft, plaintive whimper that sent a shiver down Roy's spine. He opened his eyes once more to the dimness of the room and nearly fell out of bed as he caught sight of a pair of yellow eyes hovering beyond the edge of his mattress, watching him intently. Heart hammering and still half-asleep, it took him a whole three seconds to register what manner of creature had wandered into his bedroom at such an hour.

"Ed?" Roy queried groggily, pushing himself up onto one elbow so that he could look down on the chimera over the side of the bed, "Go back to sleep, kid."

Ed whined again and waved his tail slowly.

"What?" Roy yawned as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes lazily, "What's wrong? ...Are you cold?"

Ed gave no verbal reply but stood up on his hind legs, his front paws scrambling for purchase as he tried to pull himself up onto the bed. Roy watched him struggle for a few moments, then sighed. He threw off his nice, warm covers and got out of bed, then stumbled over the chimera and helped him up. Ed responded with something that was almost—but not quite—"Thank you!" and Roy gave a grunt of reply, collapsing back onto the bed and burrowing down into his still-warm blankets. Ed staggered over to him unsteadily on the springy mattress and settled himself down with a deep, exhausted sigh. He curled into a ball and buried his nose against Roy's side contentedly, closing his eyes.

Roy grimaced a little, more than half-tempted to push him away. It had been hard enough to get to sleep with the chimera's dark, ominous presence in his home, but lying so close to him now made Roy's skin crawl. Still, after all that the kid had been through over the past few months, he deserved a little comfort now and the colonel couldn't bring himself to move him. Instead he threw a corner of the blanket over Ed's curled form, closed his eyes, and tried to pretend that the boy next to him was not a gut-wrenching abomination... he was just a lonely, frightened child who wanted nothing more than the warmth of human contact.

...Roy never did get back to sleep that night.