For Better, For Worse
As she looked back Brenda knew that she'd married Dylan as a way of holding onto him. He'd proposed on a cold, rainy night as they ran back to their flat from the theatre she'd been working in. Dripping wet and shivering he'd taken her hands in his and asked her to marry him. He'd been in London for six months, Toni had been dead for just under seven. She'd said yes in a heartbeat, she'd been so happy to have Dylan back in her life that she was terrified of losing him. They'd got married in a small registry office, just the two of them with Brenda's agent and their next door neighbour for witnesses. It was miles away from the big white wedding Brenda had once fantasised about.
London, 1997
The first few months had been a whirlwind, like they were back in high school and caught up in a world made of just the two of them. Then real life had come crashing in, Dylan wasn't working and the money Brenda made from small theatre roles and waiting tables barely covered their bills. Brenda worked herself into the ground as Dylan sunk into depression, she'd known he'd started drinking again but was too scared to say anything, kidding herself that as long as he was drinking he wasn't doing harder drugs. Then he'd started stealing, it was so small she barely noticed it at first, just putting it down to her own forgetfulness. A few pounds from her purse, loose change from the dish they kept in the hall, but then it got bigger, her jewellery started to go missing and their friends, mostly struggling actors and musicians, started to complain that things were disappearing from their homes. Then she'd caught him in the act, they were at a party and she spotted Dylan going through coats and jackets looking for money. In that moment Brenda forced herself to look at her husband, her Dylan, through the eyes of a stranger and she'd realised the man that she was in love with wasn't there. That was when they'd started fighting and when she'd finally realised that he was using heroin. From that point onwards their marriage had been one long argument. Brenda couldn't make herself leave him, some days he'd be 'her Dylan' and she loved him more than anything in the world, she tried to get him into countless rehab programmes and 12-step plans but every time he slipped back she felt she was failing him. Then one day she'd got home from work and he'd been gone. She'd kept tabs on him through Brandon, tracking his slow but sure recovery, but her only contact with Dylan himself had been a letter from his lawyer requesting a divorce. Then Brandon told her that Dylan was marrying Kelly.
"I wanted to get in touch and clear the air between us we got divorced. I've felt so bad for so long." Dylan was ashamed of the man he used to be and he couldn't quite meet Brenda's eyes.
"Why didn't you?" Brenda had agreed to the divorce because she hadn't wanted to be tied to Dylan anymore.
"Because I was marrying Kelly, it would have felt too much like rubbing your face in it."
"I was surprised when I heard, I didn't think you'd ever get married again."
"Neither did I, it looks like I shouldn't have done, but my problems with Kelly are another story for another night." Dylan let out a long sigh.
"Not exactly marital bliss then?" Brenda couldn't help but smile.
"Bliss is pretty far from the state of my marriage. You know me and Kelly, its good for a while and then we start to drive each other mad." Dylan shrugged.
"So why did you marry her?"
"Because she helped me, because somehow, whatever happens I feel connected to her, she's been such a huge part of my history, of the good things in my life that I guess I wanted to hold onto her. We'd reached the point where it was get married or split up."
"It sounds like you married her for a lot of the reasons you married me." Brenda was hurt, she didn't expect to always be the number one woman in Dylan's life but she did hope that some things were just between them.
"It's not like that Bren, you were the first girl I ever fell in love with. You made me take control of my life when I had no one else in the world. I owe you everything Bren, without you I probably wouldn't be here today." Dylan meant it. He'd been a loner when he'd met Brenda and Brandon, a messed up sixteen year old with no one in the world to care about him and no one in the world that he cared about. Brenda and her family had helped him become a real person.
"Dylan?" Brenda looked up at him, feeling almost apprehensive, the air clearing had made her feel almost shy around him, as if they'd been too honest.
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever think about me?"
Dylan smiled, "Brenda Walsh, I think about you all the time." Dylan looked into her eyes and leaned closer to her.