Memories and Reality
It was early when Keira opened her eyes. The spring sunlight penetrated the small window opposite her bed and gently warmed her. She didn't move for a minute, embracing what would quite possibly be the only moment of her day that possessed any serenity. Her blank mind, before the first thoughts flooded it, was one of her favourite times of the day. She liked the nothingness and the alien nature of having nothing to think about and no emotions. It made her feel light and free and reminded her that there were simplicities in life as well as the complications. Lawrence lay next to her, still snoring softly as she slipped out of the covers and went to shower in the bathroom.
The icy water slipped over her slender frame and refreshed her delicate skin. Every morning the same cold shower awoke her and she was used to it. There wasn't enough hot water for two and she was quite happy to be invigorated first thing in the morning. Besides, even if she didn't enjoy the experience she would never complain. Her father's words were imprinted in her mind.
Don't be making a fuss if there's nothing to make a fuss about. If you can't fix something yourself then there's no point imposing on others to do so for you. Better fix it without affecting others or carry on regardless. None of these tears. Tears have no purpose in the world and without purpose things are pointless.
She had been told so many times, from when she had grazed her knee as a toddler to failing her exams in school. Other people would see it as unusual, if they noticed at all, but for Keira it was as if she had grown into his words and made them natural to her. With her father long dead, she took pride in living as he would have wanted and honouring his advice.
She washed the shampoo from her brown, shoulder length hair and wrapped a towel around her, shivering. In the bedroom she could hear Lawrence waking. She put on her work clothes and went to greet him.
"Good morning Honey." His voice still sent a pleasant shiver down her spine as it had done when they first met.
"Thank you for looking after me last night. I was a bit drunk." He giggled before clutching his head as he became conscious of the hangover lingering from the effects of the night before. Keira recognised the appreciation she had been given but brushed it off as always.
"I'll make breakfast before I go. What would you like?"
"Bacon omelette? You're an angel. What would I do without you?" He kissed her on the cheek and tucked a piece of damp hair behind her ear lovingly.
Keira busied herself with making breakfast as she did everyday, making sure it was absolutely perfect before presenting it on the tray next to a glass of orange juice and two aspirin tablets. She left it on the table and went to look for a pair of elusive shoes which seemed to be doing a good job of hiding amongst the clutter. As she re-entered the bedroom Lawrence was pulling at his blonde hair, trying to get it to stick into shape. When he saw her he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her gently.
"Um, I, I haven't got time, have you seen my…" He pushed a pair of black shoes into her hand and broke into a cheesy grin.
"Have a nice day, I'll see you later," He kissed her again before she rushed out the door.
The café was busy as usual. Keira was soon absorbed with the work to be done. She liked it that way. Taking orders was all she knew and was all she ever would know. She had no real occupational aspirations in life like the driven business women seen on television and the London streets. She was content with a life that many people would do anything to get out of, because she accepted it and strived to look for the good in it.
Lunch break. The other girls headed outside for a cigarette. Keira didn't go with them. Someone had to look after the kitchen; after all it was lunch time in a café. Like so many people that had drifted in and out of her life she had never really bonded with them. It reminded her of her school days and the friends she never quite had. She couldn't say that she got bullied as such, it was just that no-one ever took any interest in her. She concluded that she was no fun and that it was better just to keep to her self. That's what she had done ever since. Even the odd boyfriend had only been a failed attempt to find someone who understood her. They never stuck around long enough. Like most teenage boys they were just looking for a "good time", something which she was not prepared to offer to someone who she didn't trust. Lawrence was her first and only because he was prepared to find out who she was.
She had met him in the café 3 years ago. He asked for her number every day when he came in and every day she refused. Every day for the best part of a year she refused until he asked her why. She couldn't produce a reasonable, understandable answer so he demanded for a chance. One date. And on that night she fell for him.
It was one of those perfect nights that you see in romantic films. She had thought to herself at the time how corny it all was and how she had never thought that finding a true love would ever be as perfect as that night. He had taken her out to dinner in a beautiful restaurant where she had eaten the most elegant meal and then they shared their first kiss by the river in the park. That kiss had been the single moment in her life when she believed she could give everything she had to someone and trust them with it. Other kisses throughout her past had been nice but, that night, their kiss connected them. He had been such a gentleman as well. He hadn't tried anything else on that night and she was grateful for it. She wanted to lose her virginity with grace.
The night that it happened was one of her favourite memories. It had been cold and foggy and they had had trouble getting to her small apartment let alone to the cinema where they were headed. They were laughing as they climbed the stairs and by the time she opened the front door she was submerged in that warm contentment she always felt in his presence. He followed her inside as always, but, where he usually politely waited in the kitchenette he followed her to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. She looked at him.
"Maybe, tonight, we could…"
She remembered the flutter she had from that. So many thoughts. Whether to say yes, whether to say no. What it would be like. Was she ready? What if he wasn't the right man.
"Yes," It was such a simple conclusion to a huge bundle of thoughts. He smiled.
"Are you sure?" Keira nodded. She was a little apprehensive of what she was doing but she knew it was right.
He laid her down next to him and kissed her lips gently. His tongue sliding over hers in a harmony that could not be replicated. His hands moved to her shirt and he started to undo the buttons. Her mouth was dry with anticipation. A moment of panic was whisked away by his fingers caressing her neck and he continued to peel away her clothing. He took off his top and jeans and lay down in his boxers. She touched his chest and back feeling every inch of his torso. He placed one hand on her face and ran the other up her thigh and over her hips up to her back. With the upmost ease her bra fell from her chest and he pulled her close, in an embrace. She slid off his boxers a little cautiously and he did the same to her knickers. She kissed his shoulders, light delicate kisses that ran all the way up his neck. He rolled on top on her and looked directly into her eyes as he pushed deep into her. She gasped. It hurt so much but the pain was blurred by the intenseness. She gripped his shoulder blades and wrapped herself around him. The closeness. She was so close to him. Their hands danced across each other, the beauty of the movement of his skin on hers. She felt wanted. She felt loved.